What True Biblical Friendship Actually Looks Like | Dr. Tom Pace Preaching | 08.23.2026

Welcome to Saint Luke's United Methodist Welcome to Saint Luke's United Methodist Church in Houston. I'm Katie Montgomery Church in Houston. I'm Katie Montgomery Church in Houston. I'm Katie Montgomery Meers, the executive pastor. Whether Meers, the executive pastor. Whether Meers, the executive pastor. Whether you're in the car, at the gym, or you're in the car, at the gym, or you're in the car, at the gym, or settling in for a quiet moment, I hope settling in for a quiet moment, I hope settling in for a quiet moment, I hope that you will let this be your time to that you will let this be your time to that you will let this be your time to grow closer to God. As we continue our grow closer to God. As we continue our grow closer to God. As we continue our Faith Supplement series, we're going to Faith Supplement series, we're going to Faith Supplement series, we're going to be talking about friendship today. The be talking about friendship today. The be talking about friendship today. The importance of having good friends and importance of having good friends and importance of having good friends and the importance of being a good friend. the importance of being a good friend. the importance of being a good friend. I'm looking forward to learning and I'm looking forward to learning and I'm looking forward to learning and growing with you. growing with you. growing with you. >> Let's pray together. >> Let's pray together. >> Let's pray together. Oh God, open us up today. Open eyes that Oh God, open us up today. Open eyes that Oh God, open us up today. Open eyes that we might see and ears that we might hear we might see and ears that we might hear we might see and ears that we might hear your word in the midst of these words. your word in the midst of these words. your word in the midst of these words. Open our hearts, God, that we might feel Open our hearts, God, that we might feel Open our hearts, God, that we might feel that your word might fall in. that your word might fall in. that your word might fall in. And then, oh God, open our hands that we And then, oh God, open our hands that we And then, oh God, open our hands that we might give and serve and love. might give and serve and love. might give and serve and love. Amen. When I was in seminary, I had a a good When I was in seminary, I had a a good friend named Paul Ledbetter. friend named Paul Ledbetter. friend named Paul Ledbetter. Paul and Debbie were good friends with D Paul and Debbie were good friends with D Paul and Debbie were good friends with D and me. Um and me. Um and me. Um and there was another couple with whom and there was another couple with whom and there was another couple with whom we were friends as well. Um none of us we were friends as well. Um none of us we were friends as well. Um none of us had any children. We had any children. We had any children. We um um um the the the students, Paul and I, were the the the students, Paul and I, were the the the students, Paul and I, were in many classes together. We did study in many classes together. We did study in many classes together. We did study time together. We sat together and time together. We sat together and time together. We sat together and pondered the pondered the pondered the you know, how many angels could fit on you know, how many angels could fit on you know, how many angels could fit on the head of a pin. We All of those sorts the head of a pin. We All of those sorts the head of a pin. We All of those sorts of things in seminary. We really We were of things in seminary. We really We were of things in seminary. We really We were really good friends. Well, when we really good friends. Well, when we really good friends. Well, when we reached the end of our fourth year of reached the end of our fourth year of reached the end of our fourth year of seminary, as we were coming to that

seminary, as we were coming to that seminary, as we were coming to that time, a couple of things uh happened. time, a couple of things uh happened. time, a couple of things uh happened. One is we D and I began expecting our One is we D and I began expecting our One is we D and I began expecting our first child. And the other is that Paul first child. And the other is that Paul first child. And the other is that Paul decided that he didn't want to be in decided that he didn't want to be in decided that he didn't want to be in full-time ministry, but that he wanted full-time ministry, but that he wanted full-time ministry, but that he wanted to be an attorney and was going to go on to be an attorney and was going to go on to be an attorney and was going to go on to law school. to law school. to law school. And so, um we because there was a a a And so, um we because there was a a a And so, um we because there was a a a new child on the way, we decided we new child on the way, we decided we new child on the way, we decided we needed a will. And so, we got an needed a will. And so, we got an needed a will. And so, we got an attorney to help us make a will. and uh attorney to help us make a will. and uh attorney to help us make a will. and uh we chose Paul Ledbetter to be the we chose Paul Ledbetter to be the we chose Paul Ledbetter to be the executor of our will. He was going to be executor of our will. He was going to be executor of our will. He was going to be an attorney, he was a good friend, we an attorney, he was a good friend, we an attorney, he was a good friend, we didn't really have siblings that we felt didn't really have siblings that we felt didn't really have siblings that we felt like we could go to, so we said let's like we could go to, so we said let's like we could go to, so we said let's let's have Paul do it. let's have Paul do it. let's have Paul do it. >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> And >> And >> And so so so we graduate from seminary, we graduate from seminary, we graduate from seminary, I come to Houston, I come to Houston, I come to Houston, he goes to Austin to go to law school he goes to Austin to go to law school he goes to Austin to go to law school and we haven't spoken since. I I I say we lost touch. I I I say we lost touch. The truth is that that implies that The truth is that that implies that The truth is that that implies that something sort of happened to us. It was something sort of happened to us. It was something sort of happened to us. It was sort of accidental, but the truth it was sort of accidental, but the truth it was sort of accidental, but the truth it was it was negligence.

it was negligence. it was negligence. Right? We neither one of us made the Right? We neither one of us made the Right? We neither one of us made the effort effort effort to stay in touch, to stay connected, to stay in touch, to stay connected, to stay in touch, to stay connected, to invest in friendship. to invest in friendship. to invest in friendship. Here's the funny part. Here's the funny part. Here's the funny part. It [snorts] wasn't until last year that It [snorts] wasn't until last year that It [snorts] wasn't until last year that we got a new will. So should anything have happened, you So should anything have happened, you know, 30 years later, Paul would have know, 30 years later, Paul would have know, 30 years later, Paul would have thought, "What? I am going to be the thought, "What? I am going to be the thought, "What? I am going to be the executor of I don't even know this guy executor of I don't even know this guy executor of I don't even know this guy anymore." anymore." anymore." I tell you here's here's what's even I tell you here's here's what's even I tell you here's here's what's even more fun. more fun. more fun. I don't know some of you know Hank and I don't know some of you know Hank and I don't know some of you know Hank and Katherine Coleman who are members here Katherine Coleman who are members here Katherine Coleman who are members here at St. Luke's and were members here, at St. Luke's and were members here, at St. Luke's and were members here, they've moved away and maybe they've now they've moved away and maybe they've now they've moved away and maybe they've now joined University United Methodist joined University United Methodist joined University United Methodist Church in in Austin and they joined a Church in in Austin and they joined a Church in in Austin and they joined a Sunday school class and who would be in Sunday school class and who would be in Sunday school class and who would be in that Sunday school class and become good that Sunday school class and become good that Sunday school class and become good friends with them but Paul and Debbie friends with them but Paul and Debbie friends with them but Paul and Debbie Ledbetter. And they were they sent us a Ledbetter. And they were they sent us a Ledbetter. And they were they sent us a picture along with John and Sue Farrell picture along with John and Sue Farrell picture along with John and Sue Farrell of them being together in Santa Fe and of them being together in Santa Fe and of them being together in Santa Fe and I was like, "So that's what he looks I was like, "So that's what he looks I was like, "So that's what he looks like now." I wondered.

like now." I wondered. like now." I wondered. It's an odd thing It's an odd thing It's an odd thing how that worked out. how that worked out. how that worked out. I I I think it's important for us to I I I think it's important for us to I I I think it's important for us to recognize and if you walk away with recognize and if you walk away with recognize and if you walk away with anything today, it's that friendships anything today, it's that friendships anything today, it's that friendships require work. require work. require work. They require investment. They require investment. They require investment. So, we are in America facing what is So, we are in America facing what is So, we are in America facing what is called a friendship recession. called a friendship recession. called a friendship recession. Let me give you some statistics. Let me give you some statistics. Let me give you some statistics. Uh the Survey Center on American Life Uh the Survey Center on American Life Uh the Survey Center on American Life did an exhaustive survey in 2021, and did an exhaustive survey in 2021, and did an exhaustive survey in 2021, and here's the data on the change from 1990 here's the data on the change from 1990 here's the data on the change from 1990 to 2021, over those 30 years. to 2021, over those 30 years. to 2021, over those 30 years. In 1990, 3% of Americans surveyed said In 1990, 3% of Americans surveyed said In 1990, 3% of Americans surveyed said they had no friends. they had no friends. they had no friends. In 2021, that number was 12%. In 2021, that number was 12%. In 2021, that number was 12%. The Survey Center did a smaller The Survey Center did a smaller The Survey Center did a smaller follow-up in 2014, uh 2024 rather, and follow-up in 2014, uh 2024 rather, and follow-up in 2014, uh 2024 rather, and that number had risen again to 17% of that number had risen again to 17% of that number had risen again to 17% of the people said they had no friends. the people said they had no friends. the people said they had no friends. Um the survey center uh in 1990, uh 4% Um the survey center uh in 1990, uh 4% Um the survey center uh in 1990, uh 4% said they had only one friend. In 2021, said they had only one friend. In 2021, said they had only one friend. In 2021, that number had nearly doubled to 7%. In that number had nearly doubled to 7%. In that number had nearly doubled to 7%. In 1990, 27% of people said they had three 1990, 27% of people said they had three 1990, 27% of people said they had three or fewer friends. By 2021, that number or fewer friends. By 2021, that number or fewer friends. By 2021, that number had risen to 49%.

had risen to 49%. had risen to 49%. Even at the top end of the scale, in Even at the top end of the scale, in Even at the top end of the scale, in 1990, 33% of Americans said they had 10 1990, 33% of Americans said they had 10 1990, 33% of Americans said they had 10 or more good friends. In 2021, that or more good friends. In 2021, that or more good friends. In 2021, that number had fallen to only 13%. number had fallen to only 13%. number had fallen to only 13%. The number of of friends that we have is The number of of friends that we have is The number of of friends that we have is declining. declining. declining. I I I you know, when we have these I I I you know, when we have these I I I you know, when we have these memorial services where lots of church memorial services where lots of church memorial services where lots of church people come together, it is this really people come together, it is this really people come together, it is this really ambivalent ambivalent feeling because on ambivalent ambivalent feeling because on ambivalent ambivalent feeling because on the one hand, it's really joyous to see the one hand, it's really joyous to see the one hand, it's really joyous to see all these people who have gathered to all these people who have gathered to all these people who have gathered to express their love for someone who's express their love for someone who's express their love for someone who's passed away. passed away. passed away. And on the other hand, people will say And on the other hand, people will say And on the other hand, people will say to me, to me, to me, "All my friends are dying. "All my friends are dying. "All my friends are dying. I don't have as many friends as I used I don't have as many friends as I used I don't have as many friends as I used to. to. to. And we've got to stop meeting like this. And we've got to stop meeting like this. And we've got to stop meeting like this. And And And that is the truth. We can feel that is the truth. We can feel that is the truth. We can feel incredibly lonely incredibly lonely incredibly lonely and feel like we don't have friends. and feel like we don't have friends. and feel like we don't have friends. So, we can go through all of the social So, we can go through all of the social So, we can go through all of the social reasons, you know, the internet and reasons, you know, the internet and reasons, you know, the internet and social media and all the stuff to make social media and all the stuff to make social media and all the stuff to make us think why that's the case, but I us think why that's the case, but I us think why that's the case, but I think it's more important to think about think it's more important to think about think it's more important to think about how we can address the issue.

how we can address the issue. how we can address the issue. And I thought we might look at this And I thought we might look at this And I thought we might look at this amazing, beautiful story of Jonathan and amazing, beautiful story of Jonathan and amazing, beautiful story of Jonathan and David David David in the Old Testament to maybe see what in the Old Testament to maybe see what in the Old Testament to maybe see what we can learn. we can learn. we can learn. >> [clears throat] >> [clears throat] >> [clears throat] >> Uh it's a wonderful story that spans >> Uh it's a wonderful story that spans >> Uh it's a wonderful story that spans many, many chapters and I wish I could many, many chapters and I wish I could many, many chapters and I wish I could just take you through in detail the just take you through in detail the just take you through in detail the whole thing, but let me give you a whole thing, but let me give you a whole thing, but let me give you a summary. summary. summary. Jonathan is King Saul's son. Jonathan is King Saul's son. Jonathan is King Saul's son. David was King Saul's armor-bearer. David was King Saul's armor-bearer. David was King Saul's armor-bearer. So, they are contemporaries. So, they are contemporaries. So, they are contemporaries. And they are both in the household of And they are both in the household of And they are both in the household of King Saul. King Saul. King Saul. Well, as you know the story, um Well, as you know the story, um Well, as you know the story, um David slays the David slays the David slays the the giant Goliath, right? And and the giant Goliath, right? And and the giant Goliath, right? And and Jonathan sees that and he is so Jonathan sees that and he is so Jonathan sees that and he is so impressed, so touched, so amazed and at impressed, so touched, so amazed and at impressed, so touched, so amazed and at David that he decides he wants to be David that he decides he wants to be David that he decides he wants to be David's friend. David's friend. David's friend. And he he goes to him and he says, "I I And he he goes to him and he says, "I I And he he goes to him and he says, "I I pledge my loyalty to you. I want to be pledge my loyalty to you. I want to be pledge my loyalty to you. I want to be your friend.

your friend. your friend. I I make a covenant to you, a promise to I I make a covenant to you, a promise to I I make a covenant to you, a promise to you that I'll be there for you." And you that I'll be there for you." And you that I'll be there for you." And it's it's a a a beautiful picture. it's it's a a a beautiful picture. it's it's a a a beautiful picture. Well, over time what happens is King Well, over time what happens is King Well, over time what happens is King David's star rises and the people begin David's star rises and the people begin David's star rises and the people begin to really follow him and and Saul's star to really follow him and and Saul's star to really follow him and and Saul's star begins to fall and Saul gets incredibly begins to fall and Saul gets incredibly begins to fall and Saul gets incredibly jealous and he decides he needs to kill jealous and he decides he needs to kill jealous and he decides he needs to kill David. And what happens, his son David. And what happens, his son David. And what happens, his son Jonathan intervenes for him. He steps in Jonathan intervenes for him. He steps in Jonathan intervenes for him. He steps in the way. One time Saul actually throws a the way. One time Saul actually throws a the way. One time Saul actually throws a spear at his own son because he's spear at his own son because he's spear at his own son because he's standing up for Jonathan. And then when standing up for Jonathan. And then when standing up for Jonathan. And then when it becomes clear that Jonathan is going it becomes clear that Jonathan is going it becomes clear that Jonathan is going to have to that David is going to have to have to that David is going to have to have to that David is going to have to leave the kingdom or he's going to be to leave the kingdom or he's going to be to leave the kingdom or he's going to be killed, killed, killed, Jonathan participates in in creating Jonathan participates in in creating Jonathan participates in in creating this ruse where he can get away for this ruse where he can get away for this ruse where he can get away for without being caught. without being caught. without being caught. Later on, Later on, Later on, over and over he he steps in the way of over and over he he steps in the way of over and over he he steps in the way of of Saul to keep him from killing David. of Saul to keep him from killing David. of Saul to keep him from killing David. Well, as we reach the end of 1 Samuel, as we reach the end of 1 Samuel, both Jonathan and Saul die in battle.

both Jonathan and Saul die in battle. both Jonathan and Saul die in battle. And there is this beautiful heartfelt And there is this beautiful heartfelt And there is this beautiful heartfelt song called the Lament of the Bow song called the Lament of the Bow song called the Lament of the Bow where David just expresses incredible where David just expresses incredible where David just expresses incredible heartbreak at the loss of Jonathan and heartbreak at the loss of Jonathan and heartbreak at the loss of Jonathan and in fact of Saul who was trying to kill in fact of Saul who was trying to kill in fact of Saul who was trying to kill him. him. him. That his heart is just broken. That his heart is just broken. That his heart is just broken. And there's one beautiful little And there's one beautiful little And there's one beautiful little epilogue to the story. And that is that epilogue to the story. And that is that epilogue to the story. And that is that a Jonathan had a son named Mephibosheth. a Jonathan had a son named Mephibosheth. a Jonathan had a son named Mephibosheth. I don't know who chooses that name, but I don't know who chooses that name, but I don't know who chooses that name, but you know, you know, you know, Honey, you want to how about Honey, you want to how about Honey, you want to how about Mephibosheth? Mephibosheth? Mephibosheth? So, So, So, had a son named Mephibosheth. The had a son named Mephibosheth. The had a son named Mephibosheth. The Mephibosheth when he was a child the his Mephibosheth when he was a child the his Mephibosheth when he was a child the his the nanny dropped him. And his legs were the nanny dropped him. And his legs were the nanny dropped him. And his legs were broken and he was disabled. broken and he was disabled. broken and he was disabled. And so after Jonathan dies, And so after Jonathan dies, And so after Jonathan dies, King David says King David says King David says that you will always sit on account of that you will always sit on account of that you will always sit on account of your father Jonathan, you will always your father Jonathan, you will always your father Jonathan, you will always have a place at my table.

have a place at my table. have a place at my table. And I restored you all of the land that And I restored you all of the land that And I restored you all of the land that was your father your grandfather Saul's. was your father your grandfather Saul's. was your father your grandfather Saul's. It all belongs to you and you will It all belongs to you and you will It all belongs to you and you will always be a part of my household. It's always be a part of my household. It's always be a part of my household. It's just a beautiful story. just a beautiful story. just a beautiful story. So, what can we learn from this about So, what can we learn from this about So, what can we learn from this about our own lives? And I really just want to our own lives? And I really just want to our own lives? And I really just want to lift up two things. lift up two things. lift up two things. And here's the first one. And here's the first one. And here's the first one. The first one is is that um The first one is is that um The first one is is that um if you want to to have a friend, if you if you want to to have a friend, if you if you want to to have a friend, if you want to make a friend, you have to take want to make a friend, you have to take want to make a friend, you have to take the initiative. the initiative. the initiative. You have to to step out there to uh to You have to to step out there to uh to You have to to step out there to uh to make that friend. make that friend. make that friend. I I want you to see where this started. I I want you to see where this started. I I want you to see where this started. It wasn't that David decided he wanted It wasn't that David decided he wanted It wasn't that David decided he wanted to be friends with Jonathan. It's that to be friends with Jonathan. It's that to be friends with Jonathan. It's that Jonathan decided he wanted to be friends Jonathan decided he wanted to be friends Jonathan decided he wanted to be friends with David. And he reached out. He He with David. And he reached out. He He with David. And he reached out. He He pursued him, right? It I want you to pursued him, right? It I want you to pursued him, right? It I want you to note who the actor who the the actor is note who the actor who the the actor is note who the actor who the the actor is in this in the scripture. Jonathan loved in this in the scripture. Jonathan loved in this in the scripture. Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Jonathan made a him as his own soul. Jonathan made a him as his own soul. Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him covenant with David because he loved him covenant with David because he loved him as his own soul. He was the one who who as his own soul. He was the one who who as his own soul. He was the one who who who reached out. Now, here's what who reached out. Now, here's what who reached out. Now, here's what happens. Sometimes we think to happens. Sometimes we think to happens. Sometimes we think to ourselves, ourselves, ourselves, >> [sighs] >> [sighs] >> [sighs] >> "I don't know. I don't really need any >> "I don't know. I don't really need any >> "I don't know. I don't really need any new friends. I'm satisfied with my new friends. I'm satisfied with my new friends. I'm satisfied with my friendships. I've got good friends. I friendships. I've got good friends. I friendships. I've got good friends. I don't need any more."

don't need any more." don't need any more." The These are the ones I've got. Here The These are the ones I've got. Here The These are the ones I've got. Here Here's the problem with that. Here's the problem with that. Here's the problem with that. Um well, for one, Um well, for one, Um well, for one, there's going to be a point at which there's going to be a point at which there's going to be a point at which those friends may begin to die. those friends may begin to die. those friends may begin to die. But more than that, it's like your life But more than that, it's like your life But more than that, it's like your life can become this sort of stagnant pond can become this sort of stagnant pond can become this sort of stagnant pond that really there's no nothing new that really there's no nothing new that really there's no nothing new flowing into it. There's no new people flowing into it. There's no new people flowing into it. There's no new people that are going to be bringing life to that are going to be bringing life to that are going to be bringing life to it. Instead, you've just got that same it. Instead, you've just got that same it. Instead, you've just got that same existing group of friends and and I'm existing group of friends and and I'm existing group of friends and and I'm satisfied with those, you think. satisfied with those, you think. satisfied with those, you think. Uh but Uh but Uh but that's not what God intends. If we're that's not what God intends. If we're that's not what God intends. If we're not growing, we're dying. not growing, we're dying. not growing, we're dying. Right? So, Right? So, Right? So, or maybe that you're a person who really or maybe that you're a person who really or maybe that you're a person who really isn't satisfied with your friendships. isn't satisfied with your friendships. isn't satisfied with your friendships. And you think to yourself, "I'm not And you think to yourself, "I'm not And you think to yourself, "I'm not satisfied with my friendships." But you satisfied with my friendships." But you satisfied with my friendships." But you know, inertia just takes over and you know, inertia just takes over and you know, inertia just takes over and you just keep doing the same thing that just keep doing the same thing that just keep doing the same thing that you've always done. And you just keep you've always done. And you just keep you've always done. And you just keep You know, you never that decision to You know, you never that decision to You know, you never that decision to reach out to anybody new to build that reach out to anybody new to build that reach out to anybody new to build that friendship, to invest in that.

friendship, to invest in that. friendship, to invest in that. Right? You never you you or it may be Right? You never you you or it may be Right? You never you you or it may be that you're a person who's just like, that you're a person who's just like, that you're a person who's just like, "I'm afraid to take the risk. "I'm afraid to take the risk. "I'm afraid to take the risk. I may be rejected. I may be rejected. I may be rejected. I don't want to to reach out for new I don't want to to reach out for new I don't want to to reach out for new friendship because, you know, they may friendship because, you know, they may friendship because, you know, they may turn away from me." turn away from me." turn away from me." Or or it may be that you're just one of Or or it may be that you're just one of Or or it may be that you're just one of those self-sufficient people who says, those self-sufficient people who says, those self-sufficient people who says, "I don't need any friends. I can do this "I don't need any friends. I can do this "I don't need any friends. I can do this all on my own." all on my own." all on my own." Sad for you. Sad for you. Sad for you. I hope not. I hope not. I hope not. Here Here's what Here Here's what Here Here's what I would encourage you to think about. I would encourage you to think about. I would encourage you to think about. What can I do to reach out? What can I do to reach out? What can I do to reach out? Right? What can I do to Right? What can I do to Right? What can I do to to to build that relationship? How can I to to build that relationship? How can I to to build that relationship? How can I take a risk? take a risk? take a risk? A woman named Anna Goldfarb wrote a book A woman named Anna Goldfarb wrote a book A woman named Anna Goldfarb wrote a book called Modern Friendship, which is so called Modern Friendship, which is so called Modern Friendship, which is so interesting because it has all sorts of interesting because it has all sorts of interesting because it has all sorts of sort of neat little things that you you sort of neat little things that you you sort of neat little things that you you wouldn't think about. They're not wouldn't think about. They're not wouldn't think about. They're not theoretical, they're practical. Like, theoretical, they're practical. Like, theoretical, they're practical. Like, "How do I return a text message? Or what "How do I return a text message? Or what "How do I return a text message? Or what happens if I don't want to return the happens if I don't want to return the happens if I don't want to return the text message? And how do I practice text message? And how do I practice text message? And how do I practice those kinds of things in modern those kinds of things in modern those kinds of things in modern friendship?" But she has this one great friendship?" But she has this one great friendship?" But she has this one great chapter that she calls six hard truths chapter that she calls six hard truths chapter that she calls six hard truths about friendship, and I just want to about friendship, and I just want to about friendship, and I just want to share two of them. Truth one, friends share two of them. Truth one, friends share two of them. Truth one, friends will disappoint us.

will disappoint us. will disappoint us. You got to take the risk. You got to take the risk. You got to take the risk. It is going to you got you are going to It is going to you got you are going to It is going to you got you are going to have some pain. have some pain. have some pain. Here's [clears throat] truth four. You Here's [clears throat] truth four. You Here's [clears throat] truth four. You have to be okay with some occasional have to be okay with some occasional have to be okay with some occasional rejection. rejection. rejection. We have to be willing to offer some We have to be willing to offer some We have to be willing to offer some grace. grace. grace. We have to be willing to step out and We have to be willing to step out and We have to be willing to step out and put ourselves at risk put ourselves at risk put ourselves at risk to be to be able to to make those to be to be able to to make those to be to be able to to make those friends. John Gottman is perhaps the friends. John Gottman is perhaps the friends. John Gottman is perhaps the the foremost expert on marriage. So, the foremost expert on marriage. So, the foremost expert on marriage. So, he's written 40 books about marriage. he's written 40 books about marriage. he's written 40 books about marriage. He's you know, just you know, just kind of the um kind of the um kind of the um the main one that if you want to learn the main one that if you want to learn the main one that if you want to learn about marriage counseling and other about marriage counseling and other about marriage counseling and other things. Well, he also ventures in some things. Well, he also ventures in some things. Well, he also ventures in some of his books into friendship. And he has of his books into friendship. And he has of his books into friendship. And he has this wonderful concept that I think is this wonderful concept that I think is this wonderful concept that I think is really helpful called bids. He says, really helpful called bids. He says, really helpful called bids. He says, "Place a bid." [clears throat] "Place a bid." [clears throat] "Place a bid." [clears throat] And a bid or offer a bid. And a bid is And a bid or offer a bid. And a bid is And a bid or offer a bid. And a bid is anything you do that will invite someone anything you do that will invite someone anything you do that will invite someone to draw closer to you. Or that you're to draw closer to you. Or that you're to draw closer to you. Or that you're you're offering something. So, it can be you're offering something. So, it can be you're offering something. So, it can be something as small uh it for example, in something as small uh it for example, in something as small uh it for example, in marriage or a friendship of saying, marriage or a friendship of saying, marriage or a friendship of saying, "Um can I get you a glass of water?"

"Um can I get you a glass of water?" "Um can I get you a glass of water?" How simple is that? How simple is that? How simple is that? Can I take your plate for you? Can I take your plate for you? Can I take your plate for you? As a way of just saying, "I'm offering, As a way of just saying, "I'm offering, As a way of just saying, "I'm offering, you know, to just this little you know, to just this little you know, to just this little uh uh uh this little invitation this little invitation this little invitation to let you know that I care about you to let you know that I care about you to let you know that I care about you and and want to be a bit closer." and and want to be a bit closer." and and want to be a bit closer." It it it it can be um asking for It it it it can be um asking for It it it it can be um asking for someone's advice. "What do you think of someone's advice. "What do you think of someone's advice. "What do you think of this wallpaper?" this wallpaper?" this wallpaper?" Right? So, you what you're doing is Right? So, you what you're doing is Right? So, you what you're doing is saying, "Your opinion matters to me." saying, "Your opinion matters to me." saying, "Your opinion matters to me." Now, that's a bid. They may or may not Now, that's a bid. They may or may not Now, that's a bid. They may or may not accept it. accept it. accept it. And they may say, "I don't know I don't And they may say, "I don't know I don't And they may say, "I don't know I don't really care about wallpaper." Well, really care about wallpaper." Well, really care about wallpaper." Well, okay. And you you know, okay. And you you know, okay. And you you know, that was a bid that was not accepted, that was a bid that was not accepted, that was a bid that was not accepted, but you placed the bid. And then as you but you placed the bid. And then as you but you placed the bid. And then as you get sort of what what he calls higher get sort of what what he calls higher get sort of what what he calls higher value bids are things like, value bids are things like, value bids are things like, "Can I talk to you about my marriage? "Can I talk to you about my marriage? "Can I talk to you about my marriage? I'm really struggling." I'm really struggling." I'm really struggling." After you've tried those lower bids, After you've tried those lower bids, After you've tried those lower bids, then you realize maybe it's okay for me then you realize maybe it's okay for me then you realize maybe it's okay for me to bid a little deeper. to bid a little deeper. to bid a little deeper. And start to build that.

And start to build that. And start to build that. But here's the truth. We have to take But here's the truth. We have to take But here's the truth. We have to take the initiative. the initiative. the initiative. We have to take the step and reach out We have to take the step and reach out We have to take the step and reach out because it's not going to come to us. because it's not going to come to us. because it's not going to come to us. It's not going to come to us. It's not going to come to us. It's not going to come to us. All right, here's the second thing I All right, here's the second thing I All right, here's the second thing I hope we see. hope we see. hope we see. David or or excuse me, Jonathan focuses David or or excuse me, Jonathan focuses David or or excuse me, Jonathan focuses on being a friend, not having a friend. on being a friend, not having a friend. on being a friend, not having a friend. He's interested in how he is acting as a He's interested in how he is acting as a He's interested in how he is acting as a friend. friend. friend. He's reaching out to them over and over He's reaching out to them over and over He's reaching out to them over and over again. again. again. Right? In when Right? In when Right? In when David is trying to figure out how he's David is trying to figure out how he's David is trying to figure out how he's going to get away from King Saul when he going to get away from King Saul when he going to get away from King Saul when he is maybe going to kill him, Jonathan is maybe going to kill him, Jonathan is maybe going to kill him, Jonathan says to him this says to him this says to him this He says, He says, He says, "What do you want me to do? Whatever you "What do you want me to do? Whatever you "What do you want me to do? Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it for you." want me to do, I'll do it for you." want me to do, I'll do it for you." As they're trying to figure out this As they're trying to figure out this As they're trying to figure out this ruse to get him away, he's saying, "I'm ruse to get him away, he's saying, "I'm ruse to get him away, he's saying, "I'm I'm in. I'm with you." And then they I'm in. I'm with you." And then they I'm in. I'm with you." And then they renew their covenant together. renew their covenant together. renew their covenant together. Uh later on um Uh later on um Uh later on um uh uh uh David is being chased by Saul and and David is being chased by Saul and and David is being chased by Saul and and Saul is wanting to kill him and he's Saul is wanting to kill him and he's Saul is wanting to kill him and he's feeling like feeling like feeling like like maybe he's in trouble and he's out like maybe he's in trouble and he's out like maybe he's in trouble and he's out in the wilderness of Horesh and uh in the wilderness of Horesh and uh in the wilderness of Horesh and uh we have this we have this we have this this scene in which he it's uh Saul's this scene in which he it's uh Saul's this scene in which he it's uh Saul's son Jonathan set out. Notice the son Jonathan set out. Notice the son Jonathan set out. Notice the initiative there. He set out and came to initiative there. He set out and came to initiative there. He set out and came to David at Horesh and there he David at Horesh and there he David at Horesh and there he strengthened his hand through the Lord.

strengthened his hand through the Lord. strengthened his hand through the Lord. "I came just to encourage you. Just to "I came just to encourage you. Just to "I came just to encourage you. Just to lift you up. Just to just to be your lift you up. Just to just to be your lift you up. Just to just to be your friend. I'm not asking for anything in friend. I'm not asking for anything in friend. I'm not asking for anything in response. response. response. I'm just wanting to be your friend." I'm just wanting to be your friend." I'm just wanting to be your friend." Uh that's such a Uh that's such a Uh that's such a uh uh uh to put your own life at risk over and to put your own life at risk over and to put your own life at risk over and over. Here's one of the problems. over. Here's one of the problems. over. Here's one of the problems. When we really find ourselves beginning When we really find ourselves beginning When we really find ourselves beginning to feel lonely, to feel lonely, to feel lonely, we begin to be more self-involved. we begin to be more self-involved. we begin to be more self-involved. More sort of worried about ourselves. More sort of worried about ourselves. More sort of worried about ourselves. And we we begin to sort of And we we begin to sort of And we we begin to sort of um close in in that way because the the um close in in that way because the the um close in in that way because the the pain is there. pain is there. pain is there. And um And um And um uh there's a uh there's a uh there's a uh uh uh a woman who wrote a book called The a woman who wrote a book called The a woman who wrote a book called The Lonely City and she says this she says Lonely City and she says this she says Lonely City and she says this she says loneliness is accretive. I think this is loneliness is accretive. I think this is loneliness is accretive. I think this is a a a powerful image. Loneliness is accretive. powerful image. Loneliness is accretive. powerful image. Loneliness is accretive. It's like a moss that grows on you and It's like a moss that grows on you and It's like a moss that grows on you and the more it grows the more isolated you the more it grows the more isolated you the more it grows the more isolated you become and more difficult it is to break become and more difficult it is to break become and more difficult it is to break through that loneliness.

through that loneliness. through that loneliness. So I don't want you to hear that when So I don't want you to hear that when So I don't want you to hear that when we're struggling with loneliness we we're struggling with loneliness we we're struggling with loneliness we shouldn't reach out and ask for help for shouldn't reach out and ask for help for shouldn't reach out and ask for help for ourselves. That we we shouldn't be ourselves. That we we shouldn't be ourselves. That we we shouldn't be willing to say gosh I'm lonely I need willing to say gosh I'm lonely I need willing to say gosh I'm lonely I need some help. Please. But but part of the some help. Please. But but part of the some help. Please. But but part of the shift that we need to make is the shift shift that we need to make is the shift shift that we need to make is the shift from thinking from thinking from thinking how can I get a friend? How can I have a how can I get a friend? How can I have a how can I get a friend? How can I have a friend? To how can I be a friend? How friend? To how can I be a friend? How friend? To how can I be a friend? How can I be a friend to you? To to to be can I be a friend to you? To to to be can I be a friend to you? To to to be focused on others. focused on others. focused on others. I want you to to listen again to what I want you to to listen again to what I want you to to listen again to what what um John says in the Gospel of John what um John says in the Gospel of John what um John says in the Gospel of John as he's on his way to the cross and he as he's on his way to the cross and he as he's on his way to the cross and he looks at his disciples. looks at his disciples. looks at his disciples. And and he says this this is my And and he says this this is my And and he says this this is my commandment that you love one another. commandment that you love one another. commandment that you love one another. How are you supposed to love one How are you supposed to love one How are you supposed to love one another? As I have loved you. another? As I have loved you. another? As I have loved you. Okay, well how has Jesus loved us? Well, Okay, well how has Jesus loved us? Well, Okay, well how has Jesus loved us? Well, he says he says he says I have called you friends. I have called you friends. I have called you friends. I don't call you servants anymore. I I don't call you servants anymore. I I don't call you servants anymore. I have called you friends. have called you friends. have called you friends. This is my command you are my friends if This is my command you are my friends if This is my command you are my friends if you do what I command you. What what did you do what I command you. What what did you do what I command you. What what did I just command you to do? That you love I just command you to do? That you love I just command you to do? That you love one another the same way I loved you.

one another the same way I loved you. one another the same way I loved you. And how do I do that? No greater love And how do I do that? No greater love And how do I do that? No greater love has has has has has has anyone except to lay down one's life for anyone except to lay down one's life for anyone except to lay down one's life for one's friends. one's friends. one's friends. To give ourselves away to to pour To give ourselves away to to pour To give ourselves away to to pour ourselves out into those friendships. To ourselves out into those friendships. To ourselves out into those friendships. To be focused on giving a be focused on giving a be focused on giving a on being a friend instead of having one. on being a friend instead of having one. on being a friend instead of having one. In 2019 Suzanne Degges-White, a In 2019 Suzanne Degges-White, a In 2019 Suzanne Degges-White, a professor at Northern Illinois professor at Northern Illinois professor at Northern Illinois University, did a University, did a University, did a interviewed 422 women interviewed 422 women interviewed 422 women between the ages of 31 and 77 between the ages of 31 and 77 between the ages of 31 and 77 and examined how their friendships and examined how their friendships and examined how their friendships influence life satisfaction. influence life satisfaction. influence life satisfaction. They found there were three main factors They found there were three main factors They found there were three main factors that were predictive of life that were predictive of life that were predictive of life satisfaction in midlife women. First of all, I thought it was First of all, I thought it was interesting that 77 was midlife women. interesting that 77 was midlife women. interesting that 77 was midlife women. So, So, So, it gives all of us nearing that age it gives all of us nearing that age it gives all of us nearing that age hope. hope. hope. 144 is exactly half of that but twice 144 is exactly half of that but twice 144 is exactly half of that but twice that. that. that. So, um So, um So, um >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> one, here's here these are the factors >> one, here's here these are the factors >> one, here's here these are the factors that are predictive of life that are predictive of life that are predictive of life satisfaction. One, feeling younger than satisfaction. One, feeling younger than satisfaction. One, feeling younger than your chronological age.

Two, Two, enjoying a sense of belonging, enjoying a sense of belonging, enjoying a sense of belonging, and three, being someone's best friend. and three, being someone's best friend. and three, being someone's best friend. Here's what she says, "Having a best Here's what she says, "Having a best Here's what she says, "Having a best friend doesn't contribute to life friend doesn't contribute to life friend doesn't contribute to life satisfaction, but being someone's best satisfaction, but being someone's best satisfaction, but being someone's best friend does." friend does." friend does." Huh. Huh. Huh. Focus on being someone else's friend. So, um sometimes I have this amazing So, um sometimes I have this amazing sort of God thing that happens, a sort of God thing that happens, a sort of God thing that happens, a coincidence, God a God wink. And it coincidence, God a God wink. And it coincidence, God a God wink. And it happened to me this week. So, I'm happened to me this week. So, I'm happened to me this week. So, I'm studying and trying to learn as much as studying and trying to learn as much as studying and trying to learn as much as I can, remember the whole story of I can, remember the whole story of I can, remember the whole story of Jonathan and all of that, and I'm Jonathan and all of that, and I'm Jonathan and all of that, and I'm reading my morning Wall Street Journal, reading my morning Wall Street Journal, reading my morning Wall Street Journal, and there's this article that's called and there's this article that's called and there's this article that's called The Life of Jonathan. I was like, "Okay, The Life of Jonathan. I was like, "Okay, The Life of Jonathan. I was like, "Okay, thank you, God, uh for sending me an thank you, God, uh for sending me an thank you, God, uh for sending me an article. You know, we're always article. You know, we're always article. You know, we're always scrapping for something to add." And I scrapping for something to add." And I scrapping for something to add." And I began to read it. It's not about the began to read it. It's not about the began to read it. It's not about the biblical Jonathan. It's about a man biblical Jonathan. It's about a man biblical Jonathan. It's about a man named Jonathan. It's written by his named Jonathan. It's written by his named Jonathan. It's written by his brother, a man named Jonathan who died brother, a man named Jonathan who died brother, a man named Jonathan who died at age 50. at age 50. at age 50. And how all of these people came to his And how all of these people came to his And how all of these people came to his memorial service. And they just filled memorial service. And they just filled memorial service. And they just filled up the place, and he's reflecting on on up the place, and he's reflecting on on up the place, and he's reflecting on on his brother's life his brother's life his brother's life and why so many people had come.

and why so many people had come. and why so many people had come. And let me read to you cuz I was really And let me read to you cuz I was really And let me read to you cuz I was really touched. touched. touched. People interrupted their lives. People interrupted their lives. People interrupted their lives. They canceled meetings, changed plans, They canceled meetings, changed plans, They canceled meetings, changed plans, drove hours for visits that lasted only drove hours for visits that lasted only drove hours for visits that lasted only minutes. Some boarded airplanes. One was minutes. Some boarded airplanes. One was minutes. Some boarded airplanes. One was a New York rabbi. When he learned that a New York rabbi. When he learned that a New York rabbi. When he learned that Jonathan had died, he dropped Jonathan had died, he dropped Jonathan had died, he dropped everything, flew to Israel, visited our everything, flew to Israel, visited our everything, flew to Israel, visited our family, and went straight home. A round family, and went straight home. A round family, and went straight home. A round trip across the Atlantic simply to be trip across the Atlantic simply to be trip across the Atlantic simply to be present. present. present. When I heard what he had done, I asked When I heard what he had done, I asked When I heard what he had done, I asked one of his colleagues, one of his colleagues, one of his colleagues, "Who would do such a thing?" "Who would do such a thing?" "Who would do such a thing?" He answered immediately, He answered immediately, He answered immediately, "Your brother would." "Your brother would." "Your brother would." Jonathan had spent his life doing that. Jonathan had spent his life doing that. Jonathan had spent his life doing that. Interrupting his plans for other Interrupting his plans for other Interrupting his plans for other people's lives. people's lives. people's lives. He celebrated their occasions and He celebrated their occasions and He celebrated their occasions and appeared during their painful ones. appeared during their painful ones. appeared during their painful ones. He called to check in, He called to check in, He called to check in, remembered birthdays, made people feel remembered birthdays, made people feel remembered birthdays, made people feel like they mattered. like they mattered. like they mattered. The people filling the morning house The people filling the morning house The people filling the morning house weren't merely responding to Jonathan's weren't merely responding to Jonathan's weren't merely responding to Jonathan's death, they were responding to death, they were responding to death, they were responding to Jonathan's life.

Jonathan's life. Jonathan's life. A few weeks later, my wife put it A few weeks later, my wife put it A few weeks later, my wife put it succinctly, succinctly, succinctly, "To have a village, you have to be a "To have a village, you have to be a "To have a village, you have to be a villager." villager." villager." You have to invest. You have to give You have to invest. You have to give You have to invest. You have to give yourself away. You have to interrupt yourself away. You have to interrupt yourself away. You have to interrupt your life. My sister, My sister, uh my older sister, passed away, um many uh my older sister, passed away, um many uh my older sister, passed away, um many years ago. years ago. years ago. She did her, um she was an expert in She did her, um she was an expert in She did her, um she was an expert in children's literature. children's literature. children's literature. And when I spoke at her funeral, um And when I spoke at her funeral, um And when I spoke at her funeral, um she had written in her doctoral she had written in her doctoral she had written in her doctoral dissertation about, um dissertation about, um dissertation about, um Charlotte's Web, the book Charlotte's Charlotte's Web, the book Charlotte's Charlotte's Web, the book Charlotte's Web. Web. Web. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. And I was so touched by one of the And I was so touched by one of the And I was so touched by one of the quotes from the book that she lifted up. quotes from the book that she lifted up. quotes from the book that she lifted up. If you remember the story, if If you remember the story, if If you remember the story, if Wilbur the pig is going to be perhaps Wilbur the pig is going to be perhaps Wilbur the pig is going to be perhaps going to be slaughtered and Charlotte going to be slaughtered and Charlotte going to be slaughtered and Charlotte weaves a web putting words in the web weaves a web putting words in the web weaves a web putting words in the web about what a special guy, a special pig about what a special guy, a special pig about what a special guy, a special pig he is and he's an extraordinary pig, not he is and he's an extraordinary pig, not he is and he's an extraordinary pig, not a regular pig, an extraordinary pig and a regular pig, an extraordinary pig and a regular pig, an extraordinary pig and that he shouldn't ever be, you know, that he shouldn't ever be, you know, that he shouldn't ever be, you know, taken taken taken to the to the slaughterhouse and um to the to the slaughterhouse and um to the to the slaughterhouse and um and she she uses the last ounce of her and she she uses the last ounce of her and she she uses the last ounce of her own life own life own life to the weave that web.

to the weave that web. to the weave that web. Here's here's what it says in the book. Wilbur asks, "Why did you do all this Wilbur asks, "Why did you do all this for me? I don't deserve it. I've never for me? I don't deserve it. I've never for me? I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you." done anything for you." done anything for you." Charlotte replies, "You have been my Charlotte replies, "You have been my Charlotte replies, "You have been my friend. friend. friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. That in itself is a tremendous thing. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked I wove my webs for you because I liked I wove my webs for you because I liked you. you. you. After all, what's a life anyway? We're After all, what's a life anyway? We're After all, what's a life anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A born, we live a little while, we die. A born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something spider's life can't help being something spider's life can't help being something of a mess with all this trapping and of a mess with all this trapping and of a mess with all this trapping and eating flies. eating flies. eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to By helping you, perhaps I was trying to By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. lift up my life a trifle. lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand Heaven knows anyone's life can stand Heaven knows anyone's life can stand stand a little of that." Yes, heaven knows that for sure. Yes, heaven knows that for sure. We can choose to make friends We can choose to make friends We can choose to make friends and then to be a friend, to give and then to be a friend, to give and then to be a friend, to give ourselves away, interrupt our lives for ourselves away, interrupt our lives for ourselves away, interrupt our lives for others. others. others. That's what Jesus did for us.

I thank you for the people who have been I thank you for the people who have been friends to us, friends to us, friends to us, friends to me, friends to me, friends to me, who interrupted their life for me. who interrupted their life for me. who interrupted their life for me. God, speak into my heart. Speak into God, speak into my heart. Speak into God, speak into my heart. Speak into each heart in this room each heart in this room each heart in this room that we might that we might that we might take the initiative to make new friends take the initiative to make new friends take the initiative to make new friends and to and to and to choose to be a friend to others. choose to be a friend to others. choose to be a friend to others. We pray in Christ's name. We pray in Christ's name. We pray in Christ's name. Amen.