Rude Awakening | Kyle Idleman | Full Service

Well, happy Sunday, Southeast family. If you are  new, you haven't met us before, my name is Derek.   This is Sarah. We're just a couple of people  on the online team here at Southeast Christian   Church. And if you have been waiting all week to  worship the Lord together and find encouragement   in his word, today is that day. That's right.  It's time. We're so glad y'all are here. Uh   Derek, by the way, happy Father's Day. Happy  Father's Day to all you dads out there. Derek,   what's your favorite part about being a dad?  Oh, you know, I think at least right now,   our kids are nine and seven. They enjoy spending  time with me. And so, I am soaking up as much as   I can before they become teenagers and go off and  do their own thing. That's sweet. I love that. I   love that. It's a good age, but they still want  to spend time with you. But again, happy Father's   Day to all you guys out there. And whether you're  a dad or a mom or just somebody watching for the   first time, we are so glad that you're here. But  more than that, we want to connect with you. We   want to know who you are. really easy way to do  that. Text that word connect to 733733. Myself,   Derek, any of our online team would love to ch to  talk with you this week. Absolutely. And for all   of you dads out there, uh we have an awesome  resource that uh we've been launching over   the port the portion of the last couple of weeks.  It's called uh made for this. It's a Father's Day   podcast just for you. And so Matt Reagan, who  you've heard preach before, been here online,   and several other fellas, a part of our church,  have created a three uh episode podcast for you to   be encouraged and equipped as a dad in this life  in 2026, where so many things are changing. We  

don't always know the right thing to do, but make  sure you watch it. It's on our YouTube channel,   Part of Southeast, and it's going to be a great  watch. Oh, for sure. Great resource for all you   dads out there. But it's Father's Day, Derek.  start of summer and we are in the middle of camp   season and so make sure you stick around after  service. I got a chance to head out to Country   Lake where we have a lot of our elementary and  middle school camps and got to talk with Bill,   one of our kids ministry leaders out at Country  Lake just about how the week is going and how   they're really equipping kids to be like studers  of the word. Um, and just how they're making this   new kids curriculum over the next couple of years  to just help kids be more equipped in their Bible   knowledge. And it's really cool. It's a great  conversation. You're going to want to hear it.   I love that and I love the emphasis that as a  church right now from in the main room going   through worship with Kyle and all of our  other pastors to our children's ministry,   we're going through scripture kind of book by  book and we're going to continue that today with   a brand new meant for good sermon series that Kyle  is going to be leading today. We're continuing on   in the book of Genesis. We're talking about Jacob.  Uh so Jacob who wrestled with God as we talked   about last week his son Joseph and now Joseph was  kind of his favorite son per se and how God worked   in Joseph's life even though Joseph brothers threw  him in a pit sold him into slavery and even with   that there's going to be a lot of encouragement  today for all the dads in the room and everyone   else this year. Oh yes, great message. And I've  loved the sermon titles of the this because   last week we had wrestling match and today is  rude awakening. I just think it's really fun.  

Make sure you grab your new sermon series  guide. It is red this time. So, make sure   you pick it up if you are in person at one of  our campuses. For online family, that link's   going to be in the chat. But we are ready for  worship and we will see you guys after service. Southeast. Let's sing to our good God today.  Let's lift up his name. Let's remember exactly   who he is. When we see God in his rightful  place, we see ourselves in our rightful place.   Let's sing. Our God has been faithful through  all generations. We all got a story to tell. Stories of rese got a story to tell. Come on now. Sing. Sing.  If he's been faithful, if he's been good, sing   hallelujah. Sing hallelujah. If he's been able,  no one else. Sing hallelujah. Sing hallelujah.

Sing hallelujah. Hallelujah. with their voice. Heard from my fatherful things that he's done. If he's been faithful, if he's been good. Come  on, sing. Sing hallelujah. Come on. Single. No one else. Come on. Sing single. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Oh, he is good.

Now for eternity is he is  good. Come on. His love history is good. Heat. Heat. Heat. I see. He has been faithful. He has been  good. Come on. Sing. Sing. Sing. He has been able. God. Come on.  Come on. Single. Oh, single.

Heat. Heat. Single single. We bless your name. We bless  your name. Say hallelujah. Everything changed. It's getting  harder to recognize the person I   was before I encountered Christ. I don't  walk like I used to. I don't talk like I   used to. I've been washed from the inside.  I've been washed from the inside. Hallelu.

Hallelu. know it was the fl could have  only been a blood. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. I know it was the blood could have only been there. I cannot explain. Nothing's more real  than this. In the presence of God. Oh,   when my heart experience, when my shame in  the wayside, when my sin met the most high,   I was washed from the inside. I was  washed from the inside. Hallelu.

Hallelu. I know it was the right. You've  only been alive. Hallelu. Hallelu. I know it was the blood. Could it only be Jesus only by your It's never about perfection. Striving  for acceptance. Let me tell you,   it's only by the blood. He's never  been about to serve me or earning.   It's a gift that's freely gi. Let me  tell you it's only by the blood to see   whether you want to be holy or rightous  purify. Let me tell you, it's onlybody worthy for just let me tell Sorry.

Hallelujah. Heat. Heat. When did I start to forget all of the great things you did? When did  I throw away faith for the impossible?

How did I start to believe you  weren't sufficient for me? Why   do I talk myself out of seeing miracles?  Come on, sing. You are more than able. We declare this truth. You are more than able. All we can ask or think he can  do. You are more than able. You are holy. Oh, who am I to deny what  the Lord can do? Who am I to deny you,   Lord? You're good. You're able. And I see all  that I have. Oh, I got my confidence back.   I promise to the one who does miracles.

You are my Heat. Heat. Can you imagine with all of the faith in the room what  the Lord can do? What the Lord can do.   And he's going to have the way through. He's  going to move. He's going to move. Can you imagine

just let the way make it through? He's going  to move. This is my Anything is possible. Anything is possible. Anything is possible. And who am I to the  possible? Anything is possible. I believe anything   is possible. I'm singing to your situation.  Anything is possible for God. Who am I to possible? Anything is possible.  Anything is possible. Anything is   possible. Is possible. Anything  is possible. Who am I to the deny what the lighten what the can do?

He's going to do what only he can do. You are more than able. Oh, let us believe more and  more. You are more than able. More than I understand, Lord.  Yes, you are more than able. Oh, yes you are. You are more than able.  Who am I to deny what the Lord can do? You thank you Jesus. You are more than able.

Yes, you are. Oh Lord, you are more than able. When I don't believe, Lord,  for you are more than able. We find you in the darkest place. You are more  than able. Who am I to deny what the Lord can do? Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, God. Let our faith  arise, Father, in this place. Let us trust in you.   Trust in your power, Lord. Take off the uneasy  yoke, Lord, that this world wants to provide us   and place on us your easy yoke. Remind us  who you are, Lord. Remind us who you are,   where you've been, what you've done, and how  you've never left our side. Through generations,   we've seen others, Lord, but you've been  in our lives. It's a personal testimony,   Lord. We're standing here today because  of your faithfulness. Overwhelm us with   your goodness. Remind us who you are, Lord,  and let us worship you because you're worthy   of it all. Thank you, Lord. It's in your  name we pray. Amen. Y'all can grab a seat.

I think 10 years ago, I was still trying to  figure out myself. 10 years ago, my mindset   was chasing money. I I didn't really understand  one day I would have my own family. You know,   I was just just trying to figure out like how to  connect with my boys in the way they needed to be   connected with. Uh the 2016 me um was lost,  was broken, was confused, but I looked down   at my daughter Sage. What I saw in her eyes was  unconditional love with no strings attached. And   um she truly gave me a purpose and uh saved my  life. It was a time where uh we still had um uh   one child at home just trying to figure out like  who I was like you know you're trying to you're   19 at the time like didn't know who I was yet and  um you know what I what I was meant to do and who   I was meant to be. I don't know just it felt a  lot more chaotic cuz I still didn't know who I   was. I was still growing learning. You know work  was stressful at that time. I remember just the   anxiety of um of going through life going I can't  continue working like this. 2016 kind of started   a journey for a long period of time of being a  single dad and learning how hard that is to be a   single parent and what it's like to show up well  for your kids in that time even in a season of   brokenness and hardship. It was a lot of confusion  about who I was and who I was supposed to be and  

how I was going to contribute to this world.  If I could go back and tell myself anything,   I would say like allowing yourself to fail is  okay. Um, you just have to get back up and keep   moving. I think I would tell myself 10 years ago  like you don't know what's ahead. Like you don't   know how great of a wife you're going to meet  and how perfect you guys will be together. Um,   you don't know you're going to have twins. Like,  you're not going to know that's come in. It's   okay. Like, it's okay to let them fail. It's okay  to let them fall down. Enjoy it. Enjoy the time.   Enjoy the kids. Enjoy them at every age because it  goes fast. It goes really fast. I would say trust   the Lord. Um, it would have been to surrender. Um,  surrender to Christ. You just have to like show up   and be there for them and show them kind of you  living and growing and you accepting grace and   forgiveness and then they can see that and get  that from you as well. That this is temporary,   you know, that this this isn't going to last,  you know, and someday it's going to be over.

I think a dream that that God's given me that  hasn't been fulfilled is just all of them walking   with the Lord. The dream is to be able to baptize  my son uh one day. Just to see my boys grow into   the men that they're going to be. I want to see  them take steps to be disciple makers. I I just   want to see all three of my kiddos like just know  Jesus and live a life that's surrendered to him   in so many ways. To see each of my girls walking  with the Lord through their own established faith. Let's celebrate our dads. In fact, let's do this. If  I could just have every dad stand. If you're   a father in any kind of capacity, would  you just stand? I want to pray over you.   If you know one of these dads, um, put  a hand on them. Let me pray over them.

Father, I want to ask you to do something  right now that only you can do. Would you   give supernatural strength and courage and  conviction to these men who are standing? God,   I know some of them walked in here this morning  carrying things that nobody in this room knows   about. Maybe a marriage that's harder than they  let on or a child that they're losing ground with   and they don't know how to get it back. God, some  of them, I know, are just barely hanging on. Some   of them feel like Gideon and they feel completely  inadequate for what's in front of them. God,   they look at their family and they think, "I'm  the wrong man for this job. I don't have what   it takes." God, would you remind them that you  called Gideon and it wasn't because he was the   strongest. You called him and you became his  strength. Would you do that for these men? God,   some of them are like David. They know  what they've done and they carry shame   over failures that they can't undo. like  mistakes that they made as a husband,   as a father, as a man. And that shame has been  telling them that it disqualifies them. God,   would you remind them that you called David  not because he was perfect, but because he   kept pursuing. He kept coming back to you.  Let that be true of these men here today. God,   some of them are like Elijah. They are depleted  and tired and empty. Their calling is real,   but they just feel like they got nothing left to  give. God, would you remind them that when Elijah   collapsed under that tree and said, "I can't do it  anymore." You didn't rebuke him. You let him rest   and you fed him and you spoke courage into his  soul and then you send him back out. God, would  

you do that for these men, especially if they're  running on empty, God, give these men courage.   God, give these men strength. Not the kind of  strength to hold it all together on their own,   but the strength to admit that they can't and  the strength to reach out to you. God, remind   them today that the greatest thing they can give  their families is not a perfect performance. It is   a surrendered life. A man who knows that he needs  you. A man who pursues you first. So Lord, on   this Father's Day weekend, call these men up. Call  them out. Call them forward. And God, if something   needs to shift in them today, then do that. Let  them walk out of here different than how they   came in. It's in the name of Jesus that we pray.  Amen. Amen. Thank you, men. You may be seated. In that video that we watched, it asks dad dads  to go back 10 years. But what if you went back to   when you were 10 years old? Like when you were 10  years old, what was the dream? What did you want   to be when you grew up? Like nobody ever says,  "I want to uh be in middle management, drive a   2014 Camry with the check engine light that's been  on since 2019." And I kind of feel bad using that   as an example because with enough people like I  just that perfectly describes somebody if that's   you. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with  working in middle management driving a 2014 Camry   with a check engine light that's been on since  2019. I'm just saying that probably wasn't the  

dream. So when you're young, the dream is huge.  you're going to be an NBA player or an astronaut   or a ninja because kids don't dream small. But  life comes around, life happens, and your dreams   start experiencing some rude awakenings. Your  rude awakening might have been like your parents'   divorce, might have been an unexpected diagnosis.  It might have been a relationship that fell apart   or a job that was eliminated. Or maybe it was a  phone call that woke you up in the middle of the   night. Maybe for the dads on this Father's Day  weekend. It was the moment you became a dad and   you realize I am wildly unqualified. Like nobody  handed you a manual and you look at this brand new   baby and you're I have no idea what I'm doing. My  oldest daughter was actually born on Father's Day   28 years ago today. They hand us this baby, this  tiny helpless human being, and they just say,   "You can go home now." Like, "You're good to go."  It's like they were handing me like a Crunch Wrap   Supreme at the Taco Bell drive-thru. Like no test,  no certification, no supervised trial period. Just   hand me a baby and let me leave with a with a  person. And so I carry her out in her car seat   out of the hospital to her 1991 Honda Civic to  put her in that uh back seat. And my wife's in   the passenger seat. I open up the back seat and  I look at this car seat. I've got no idea. And   some of you are thinking just uh watch a YouTube  video. Well, that wasn't a thing in 1998. And so  

I'm sweating and I'm frustrated and I'm trying  to wrestle this car seat into place. Half in,   half out of the car, sleepdeprived. And I start  to lose it. My sweet baby girl is listening to   her first Christian cuss words. It's my first task  at fatherhood. I'm failing. I'm not even 30 feet   out of the hospital. And it's a rude awakening.  And life is full of those moments. But what we're   going to discover as we continue through Genesis,  as we begin a series through the life of Joseph,   is that even in those moments, even with those  rude awakenings, God is with you and he's still   working things together for good. Even if he can't  see it, this week we're picking up in Genesis 37.   We have been studying about the family that Joseph  was born into, and we've seen that his family of   origin was a mess. His father Jacob had 12 sons  from four different women. Lots of drama. It was   like the real housewives of Canaan around his  home. And and before we would have begun this   study through Genesis, you might have thought like  the Bible is a book that tells stories of good   people doing good things for God. But the stories  we've been studying something different. It's a   good God who does good things through broken  and messy people. And so in the middle of this   dysfunctional family, God gives a dream to this  17-year-old boy named Joseph. Genesis 37 tells us   actually had two dreams. The first dream, he and  his brothers are out in a field binding sheav of   grain. And Joseph's sheath rises up while all  his brothers sheav gather around and bow down.  

second dream. The sun and the moon and 11 stars  representing his brothers are all bowing down   to Joseph. And so Joseph at age 17 decides, "Best  thing to do with these dreams to tell my brothers   about them bowing down." And that goes about as  well as you might expect. Genesis 37 verse 5,   Joseph had a dream and when he told the two  of his brothers, they hated him all the more.   There's a version of this story that makes Joseph  the problem and and clearly like he lacks some   social awareness in this moment, but also God  gave him the dream. It was from God. And yet   it disrupts his life and it creates strain in his  relationships. And I don't want you to miss that   because sometimes the dream that God gives you  can be hard for the people closest to you to see,   hard for them to accept. But to really  understand why this dream created such an   explosion in his family, you have to understand  that Joseph's father Jacob had already like lit   that fuse long before. Look at verse three in  our passage. It says, "Now Israel, that's Jacob,   that's Joseph's dad, he loved Joseph more than  any of his other sons because he had been born   to him in his old age. And he made an ornate  robe for him. And when his brothers saw that   their father loved him more than any of them, they  hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.   So we call this the coat of many colors, but more  accurately, it was this ornate long-sleeved robe,  

but specifically the kind of robe for people who  don't do manual labor. And so Jacob gave it to   just one of his sons. And so the brothers  are out in the fields doing manual labor   wearing work boots and car hearts. And Joseph, he  walks up in a boss polo, a pair of Gucci shoes,   and a belt that has like little whales on it. He's  not just dressed for a different job, he's dressed   for a different life. And Jacob the father seems  completely oblivious. What makes this so hard to   understand? Jacob, if you remember, he grew up in  a home where his own father played favorites. So,   Jacob knew exactly what it was like to be the  overlooked son. Like, he grew up with that wound.   And he must have thought, I'm not going to do  it that way. Like, when I have my own kids, I'm   going to do it different. But then he has his own  sons and he does the exact same thing. Why? Well,   it was the only model that he had ever seen.  There's a term that researchers use for this,   intergenerational transmission. Meaning,  unless there is a very intentional effort,   we parent the way that we were parented almost  automatically, like almost unconsciously. A study   by the University of Delaware tracked parenting  patterns across three generations and they found   that the way a parent responds to their child's  emotional needs is statistically predictable   based on how their own childhood went. That's  intergenerational transmission. In other words,  

if left alone, what your parents did has  this powerful gravitational pull towards   determining what you're going to do. And so  part of being a parent, part of being a person   is making decisions intentionally about what  gets passed down every day. You're reinforcing   a pattern or interrupting one. And that sounds  simple enough, but breaking these strongholds,   like breaking these patterns, especially parenting  patterns, it's really difficult. And so you might   start a family and you say, "I'm not going to  be like that. I'm going to do things different."   But when you're under stress and under pressure  and you're tired and you're overwhelmed,   the default of your parents has a way of kicking  in. Growing up, my dad had one consistent point   of crisis. Wasn't finances and it wasn't marriage  conflict. It was the drive-thru at a restaurant.   I mean, it nearly broke. The moment we'd pull  into that drive-thru line, he'd break out in   a cold sweat. He'd tell us repeatedly like, "Be  ready for your order. Be ready with your order.   But we pull up to the speaker, panic sets in.  My dad turns around and he has the energy of   a man diffusing a bomb trying to get us to tell  him our order. And once you order, that was it.   Like there was no changing it. It was sad. And  I watched this happen like 400 times growing up.   And every single time I thought, you know what?  I'm never going to do that. When I have kids,   the drive-thru is going to be a place of serenity,  a place of peace, the place of joy and freedom. If  

you want to change your order, change your order.  I'm going to be calm. I'm going to be the chill   drive-thru dad that I never had. Fast forward,  I got my own kids. We pull into a Chick-fil-A.   They take their order in person, and I can  feel the stress and the pressure building. I   roll down the window. The worker tells me I'm  their pastor. Now, I got to keep it together.   I ask everyone for their order. My kids act like  they've never eaten there before. I look at them   trying to communicate with my expressions like  I'm yelling at them with my eyebrows and they are   unbothered. That is intergenerational transmission  of drive-through anxiety. like under pressure,   under stress, when the car's running and  the speaker's waiting and nobody seems to   understand the urgency of the situation. Ah,  the default kicks in. And I am guessing that   Jacob just didn't mean to repeat the pattern.  I feel sure like he was well-intentioned as a   dad. But the thing about parenting or any kind of  leading is you can be sincere and well-intentioned   and still do a lot of damage and leave a lot  of wounds. And so the question the question   isn't are you well-intentioned. The question  are you intentional? That's the question. And   if I'm honest, I'll tell you like this is where I  sometimes let myself off the hook as a dad and as   a leader because I know my own intentions. And so  I tend to grade myself based on good intentions.   Like I give myself credit for good intentions. But  it's not about good intentions. It's about being  

intentional. Think about it like this. You go to  the doctor, you get some blood work done, and they   find out that your cholesterol is dangerously  high. And you're not surprised because it runs   in your family, intergenerational transmission.  Like, you've known for a long time that this could   be a problem, but this doctor's appointment,  it's a wakeup call. The doctor gives you this   um nutrition and exercise plan, and you walk out  that day with great intentions of eating right   and working out. But when you come back 4 months  later, the blood work doesn't care about your good   intentions. The results only reflect your actions.  See, good intentions without intentional change   change nothing. And so we keep pointing to our  good intentions as a as a scoreboard. But it's not   really a question of your good intentions. It's  a question of being intentional. Well, Joseph's   brothers are about 50 miles from home. They're  tending flocks near Sheckchum. And Jacob sends   Joseph to check on his brothers. The brothers see  him coming from a distance wearing his robe and   they say to each other, "Here comes the dreamer."  Verse 18 says that they conspired to kill him.   Not give him a wedgie, like not hold him down  till he spit in his face, but kill him. Reuben,   the oldest brother, barely talks them out of it.  And they end up throwing Joseph into this empty   pit. Genesis 37, starting in verse 23. So when  Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him   of his robe, that ornate robe that he was wearing.  And they took him and they threw him into the pit,  

into the sistern. That sistern was empty and  there was no water in it. And then verse 25 says,   "The brothers sat down to eat." So Joseph's in the  pit. He can hear the meeting lunch. He can hear   the conversation. He can hear the laughter. We're  told later in Genesis 42 that while Joseph was in   the pit, he was distressed and he was pleading  for his life, but his brothers ignored him. So,   he's begging and he's crying out and they sit  down for Uncrustables and Capri Suns. And then   like this caravan of Ishelite slave traders pass  through and Judah the brother has a business idea.   Why kill them? We just sell them into slavery. And  apparently like 20 pieces of silver was the golden   ra for a 17-year-old boy. The brothers cover up  what they had done by faking Joseph's death. They   slaughter a goat. They dip Joseph's coat in the  blood. They take it back to Jacob and they say   something terrible must have happened. And Jacob  the father tears his clothes and mourns the death   of his favorite son. And then Genesis 37 ends with  what feels like kind of this door getting slammed   shut on Joseph's dream. It just says, "Meanwan,  the Midionites sold Joseph in Egypt to Piper,   one of Pharaoh's officials, the captain of the  guard." And so here's what happens in one chapter.   He goes from favored son to foreign slave.  That is a rude awakening. His dream seems dead.  

Uh, do you remember the Etch a Sketch toy?  Little red plastic toy with the white knobs. Uh,   I guess they're still around. Like Joseph had  these pictures etched into his mind. Sun and   the moon and the stars, they're all bowing down to  him. But then it gets shaken up like he has this   picture that his life is going to be significant,  that he was going to be important in some way.   But then um it gets shaken. The whole thing seems  to disappear like it wasn't real, like it never   existed. And and some of you know what this feels  like. Like you had a picture of what your marriage   was going to look like etched in there. What kind  of father you were going to be, what your family   was going to feel like at Christmas, what your  adult kid relationship was going to be like. And   somewhere along the way, maybe through betrayal or  maybe through failure or maybe just a slow drift,   your picture got shut. Or maybe you shook it  yourself and now you find yourself in this pit.   It's a place you never thought you would be. Now,  his story doesn't end here. It just turns here.   I mean, he gets out of this literal pit when  he sold into slavery. But it would have been   really easy for him to just stay in that pit like  metaphorically. In fact, the Bible uses the word   pit as a metaphor, as a picture in several places.  You see this in the Psalms. Psalm 40:2 says,   "God lifted me out of the slimy pit." And so  I I want us to use pit that way for us here on  

this Father's Day weekend. I wanted to to use the  pit as a picture because Joseph gets out of that   physical pit, but I want us to talk about some  of the pits he could have stayed in because I   think it's some of the same pits a lot of men  find themselves in. There are three particular   pits I see dad get stuck in. Pit number one,  I'm going to call it the pit of disappointment.   The word disappointment is probably not a  strong enough word. Like despair is probably   more accurate. But I'm going to use disappointment  because I think a lot of men are more comfortable   with that. I mean, as a man, I don't want  to come across as dramatic or needy. So,   I'll just say I'm disappointed. We don't say  we're scared. We say we're a little stressed.   We don't say we're overwhelmed. We say, "Ah, it's  just a busy season." We don't say, "I'm really   struggling." We say, "I'm okay. We don't say we're  devastated, we say we're disappointed. Bnee Brown   in her research on shame and vulnerability found  that the primary shame trigger for men is what   she calls the perception of weakness. And do you  know what registers as weakness for men? Feeling   disappointed around family and around fatherhood.  And so men hide their disappointment because it   feels like weakness. They hide it from others, but  they hide it from themselves. and they get in this   pit and they refuse to admit it. Instead, they  reframe it or they rationalize it or they bury   it. And so that disappointment, that real feeling  they have just goes underground. It gets buried,   but it doesn't stay buried, comes out sideways.  Studies consistently show how it comes out  

sideways for men. Studies show that men are far  more likely to convert disappointment into two   things. Men are likely to convert disappointment  into anger or apathy. Into anger or apathy instead   of naming what it is. And so we say we're fine.  But the people closest to us are living with a   man who seems angry or checked out. And they don't  understand why because he doesn't understand why.   And you can only be, you know, disappointed if  you care about something deeply to begin with.   And so one of the ways that men tend to deal with  this pit of disappointment is they try to to care   less. They get apathetic. They get passive. They  get cynical because if I stop caring, then I can   protect myself from feeling disappointed. I won't  feel weak. And it's just hard to imagine the level   of disappointment Joseph felt when he's betrayed  by his own brothers. It would have been easy for   him to spend the rest of his life in that pit  feeling angry or apathetic. The question isn't   whether disappointment is real. The question is  what do you do with it? Pit number two, the pit of   self-pity. This is a pit where a man decides that  what happened to him is the most important thing   about him. The abuse he endured, the betrayal he  experienced, the rejection he felt, the unfair   circumstances he's had to deal with. And even  though he might technically be out of that pit,   he chooses to stay in it. He takes his wound and  he makes it the center of his identity. This is  

one of the ways that self-pity might show up in a  man's life is they um they become extraordinarily   sensitive, easily offended, hard to be around.  When self-pity becomes your operating system,   then everything becomes about you. He doesn't get  invited to the thing. He takes it personally. He   gets overlooked for the promotion. It's injustice.  His wife makes a passing comment about the lawn   and somehow it becomes evidence that she doesn't  respect him as a man. His adult child calls to   wish him a happy Father's Day. And his first  comment is this passive aggressive uh well,   it's nice to finally hear from you. And I'm  not saying that some of that isn't hard and   painful. I know it is. But what self-pity does is  it takes every negative experience and it runs it   through a negative filter that says, "This always  happens to me." And so this unintentional slight,   the forgotten birthday, the comment that  landed wrong, the friend that didn't check in,   the boss who didn't notice, self-pity collects  all of it like evidence. And that is an exhausting   way to live. And it is exhausting person to live  with. You cannot win with a man who is committed   to making his wound his identity because you'll  invite him and he'll find something wrong with   how you did it. You can celebrate him and  he'll minimize it. You can affirm him and   he'll just say it's about time. And this is one  of the most unattractive qualities in a man. Not  

like unattractive like a bad haircut. unattract  unattractive in the sense that people stop wanting   to be around this. Self-pity slowly empties a room  until you're the only one sitting in it and your   family starts avoiding you. If anyone had a right  to throw a pity party, it was Joseph. I mean,   we'll see. His bio biography reads like a country  music song. Like thrown in a pit by his brothers,   sold for the price of a used lawn mower, falsely  accused, wrongly imprisoned. Like if there was   ever a man who deserved to feel sorry for  himself, it was Joseph. But he doesn't do   it. I want to be careful with this because listen,  there is a real difference between self-pity and   vulnerably sharing something that's hard and  heavy that you're going through. Like sharing   a burden is courageous. It's biblical. Galatians  6:2 says, "Carry each other's burdens." So asking   for help is not weakness. sitting across from  a trusted friend and saying, "I'm not okay   and I need somebody to know that." That's not  self-pity. That's courage and that's wisdom.   Vulnerability says, "I am wounded." Self-pity  says, "I am my wound." Vulnerability says,   "I'm in pain and I need help." Self-pity says,  "I'm in pain and I'm staying here and I'm going   to blame as many people as I can." Vulnerability  moves towards healing. Self-pity stays in the pit.   So when you hear yourself asking why me, interrupt  it and replace it with what now? What now,  

Lord? To keep you moving forward. One more pit.  Pit number three. The pit of bitterness. Joseph's   brothers didn't just hurt him. Like they gave him  enough material for a lifetime of bitterness. He   had names and faces. He had a detailed memory  of the exact moment each one of them had turned   on him. and he could have spent the rest of  his life just replaying that tape. But here's   the thing about replaying that tape is every  time you watch it, they're hurting you again.   But Joseph could have done it, he he could have  spent his life keeping track of the debt he was   owed and every day adding interest to it. Hebrews  12:15 warns us. It says, "See to it that no one   falls short of the grace of God. no one misses  the grace of God and that no bitter root grows   up to cause trouble and defile many. The Hebrew  writer here uses agricultural language of a root   because a root doesn't stay contained. A root  spreads and then one day things start dying that   you didn't expect to die. The word defile here  in the original language means to contaminate,   to corrupt, to stain something that was previously  clean. And man, the pit of bitterness will pull   the people you love into it with you. You don't  get to be bitter in isolation. It doesn't stay in   you. It gets into everything you touch. It follows  you into every room you walk in. Hebrews says it   contaminates. Little contamination can do a lot  of damage, right? Like one drop of poison in a  

glass of clean water can make the whole glass  undrinkable. And this is what bitterness does   in a family system. Like your bitterness is not  just your own business. It's like you might think   I'm keeping it contained, but it is always  contaminating. Research shows what anyone who   grew up in a home with an angry dad already knows  that chronic anger in the home. It functions like   secondhand smoke. Like the family breathes it in  every day. Like they can feel that something is   wrong, but they kind of get used to it, but it's  doing all kinds of damage. The root of bitterness,   it's like cancer and it spreads through your  home and your wife feels it and your kids absorb   it and your grandkids will inherit it unless  you break free from it. In the weeks ahead,   we're going to see how Joseph does that, how he  chooses forgiveness over bitterness, and how that   choice doesn't just set his brothers free, but it  sets him free, too. Um, I've described three pits   here and I'll just tell you like that list didn't  come from research. It didn't come from interviews   with other dads or a book I read on fatherhood.  Like that list came from my own life. I became a   father on Father's Day 1998, 28 years ago today.  And um, and those are the pits that I have found   myself in. And the longer you're in a pit, the  more normal it just starts to feel. But men,   just hear me clearly on this. Like these pits are  not just personal struggles. They are spiritual  

strongholds that Jesus has died to set you  free from. And God has called you out of that   pit. He has placed you in a family, a specific,  imperfect, complicated, dysfunctional, you know,   sometimes exhausting family. And that family  needs what only you can give. Yeah. So, I just   want to end my message by being really clear  and speaking some courage over our men today.   Men, first can I tell you that you were  designed to be a provider? Not just financially,   uh, spiritually, emotionally, the type of provider  that when their kids walk into a room, they feel   secure. Like a man whose kids know that whatever  happens out there, we're going to be okay in here.   And you were designed to be a protector, not just  physically, but a protector of the atmosphere of   your home, a protector of the spiritual health  of your family, a protector of your children's   hearts and minds that you stand at the gate and  you look at what's pouring into your kids' eyes   and their hearts, and you just declare with holy  authority, not on my watch, not not in my house,   not my my not my children. And man, you were  designed to be a prophet. like not in the sense   of predicting the future, but in the biblical  sense of somebody who speaks the truth of God into   the lives of people around him. And your family  needs this from you desperately. Like your kids   are being told a thousand things every day about  who they are by their peers, by social media, by   the culture, by their own insecurities. And most  of what they're being told is a lie. And they need  

your voice speaking truth over them. You don't  get to stay quiet and call it your personality.   You don't get to stay passive and call it being a  chill dad. Like, somebody's going to tell your son   who he is. Somebody's going to tell your daughter  what she's worth. And dad, that is your job.   That was never supposed to be outsourced. Like,  research consistently shows that a father's words,   positive or negative, carry disproportionate  weight in the identity formation of his children.   Like more than peers, more than teachers, more  than coaches, you are the profit of your home.   So get out of the pit and start prophesying God's  truth over them. Tell them they are fearfully and   wonderfully made. They are called by name that  they belong to Jesus. Speak that over their   life. And men, you were designed to be a prayer.  Honored your niece for your family. Your kids know   that you're going to go to God for them. Your wife  knows that when everything else feels uncertain,   you've already gone to the father. There is  nothing more powerful than you can do for your   family than to pray for them. And men, you were  designed to be a pursuer. The one who goes first,   the one who loves first, the one who forgives  first, the one who sacrifices first, the one   who humbles himself first. And pursuers are  present. Eyes up, phones down, fully there. So,   provider, protector, prophet, prayer, and  pursuer. That's what you were made for.   But here's what I want you to know about the  God who's called you to that. He doesn't just  

ask this of you. He models it for you like as  your heavenly father. Like maybe you never had   a father do this for you. Like you don't know  how to do it. It wasn't passed down to you. God   is this kind of father for you. He is the ultimate  provider. Gives you everything you need. The Bible   says his grace is always enough. He's the ultimate  protector. He doesn't slumber nor does he sleep.   He's always with you. He never leaves you and  never forsakes you. He is the ultimate prophet.   He has spoken your name. He has called you his  own. He tells you the truth about you and about   life. He is the ultimate pursuer. He is Emmanuel,  the God with us who came from heaven to earth. And   he through the Holy Spirit is the ultimate prayer.  Romans 8:34 says that he sits at the right hand of   the throne in heaven interceding for you. There's  one phrase that appears again and again in this   story. It's kind of like a drum beat underneath  all the chaos of the pain and the setbacks. Like   every time there's a rude awakening, every time  the bottom falls out, like every time the dream   looks dead, we see this phrase showing up like  four different times we read it. And I want you   to hear this not just as a historical observation  about this boy in Egypt. I want you to hear it as   a promise for your life. Here it is. The Lord  was with Joseph. The Lord was with Joseph.

Not uh the Lord appeared to Joseph in the pit  and explained everything. Not the Lord gave   Joseph a map and a timeline and said, "Here's  how it's all going to work out in the end."   Not the Lord waited until Joseph climbed out of  the pit on his own and then he helped him. No,   the Lord was with Joseph. And this is what marks  the fatherhood of God. It is presence. It's   presence. That means men, you don't have to do  this alone. Like Joseph didn't get out of the pit   on his own. The Lord was with him. And so the same  is true for you. The message here today isn't,   hey, pull yourself out of the pit. You can do it.  Be a man. No. The message is you're going to find   yourself in a pit, but the Lord is with you and  he has the power to pull you out of that pit. And   so the invitation is to start right where you're  at. I know that some of you have listened to this   message and instead of it being encouraging to  you, instead of it speaking courage over you,   it's felt discouraging because you can't go back  10 years. you can't hit rewind. But this is the   beautiful thing about God's redemptive will is  it will meet you right where you're at. And just   as we've seen in story after story in the Old  Testament, God specializes in taking situations   that are broken and busted and doing something  beautiful. And it's not too late for you to   experience that in your life. I I know I'm talking  to some men here, some fathers that feel like I I  

miss my chance to be the prophet. I miss my chance  to be the prayer. like I missed my chance to be   the pursuer. No, you haven't. You haven't. Like,  you can still do that. In fact, there's something   really beautiful about a man in a different season  of life humbling himself and saying to his kids,   "I'm sorry for not doing it this way, but going  forward, I' I'd like to do this." Going going   forward, I I want to be more intentional. Like,  I hope you'll trust my good intentions. I I   meant well, but I wasn't as intentional as I could  have been or should have been. But going forward,   I I want to be this. I can promise you like that  feels like weakness to you. It's not. I I promise   you, your wife, your kids, your adult children  will respect that humility. They will see it   as courage. So, if you're in the pit, don't stay  there. And don't convince yourself that it's your   job to get yourself out. And this is my tendency  as a man if I find myself in a pit to be like,   "Okay, I don't want anybody to know I'm in  a pit, so I'm going to get myself out." Then   I'll talk about it, you know, in hindsight and  be like, "Oh, I remember when I was in the pit."

I just want to challenge you to humble yourself.  Ask for God's help. Ask for the help of some   people around you, but don't stay in the pit.  Let me pray. God, I thank you for your grace that   meets us right where we are. I thank you for your  strength that's made perfect in our weakness. God,   I thank you that you have set for us an example of  what fatherhood looks like. God, I thank you that   you are the God who breaks strongholds. I thank  you for you are the God that that breaks patterns.   I thank you, God, that what was passed down to us,  we don't have to pass down to the next generation.   Thank you, Jesus, that you make things new. It's  what you do. It's what we celebrate every time   somebody is baptized is a new beginning and  a fresh start and a new life. And so, God,   would you let us have faith in the story that  you're still writing, that you can still work all   things together for good. And help us to humble  ourselves so we can be in a position to receive   that. It's in Jesus name. Amen. We're going to  take communion here together. And um and as we do,   I want you to think about Joseph being a what is  called a type of Christ. We see this throughout   the Old Testament. The different characters give  us a a reflection of Jesus. Like not a perfect   picture, not even close really, but but there's  this narrative that we just see unfold again and   again and again and then gets fulfilled in Jesus.  So think about Joseph. Like Joseph was a beloved   son. He was sent by his fathers but then rejected  by his brothers. He was stripped of his robe. He   was sold for silver. He suffered unjustly. He was  falsely accused. And eventually he saves those who  

rejected him. He's a type of Christ. And so in  our own stories, like let's reflect on on Jesus,   what he's done for us. So that where we are in  our story doesn't have to be the end of the story.   That by putting our trust in him that he can  write a new story. Let's take communion together. You He moving in our midst. I worship you.  I worship you. You are here working in this  

place. I worship you. I worship you. You are  maker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in   the darkness. My God, that is who you are. You  are way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper,   light in the darkness. My God, that is who  you are. You are here touching every heart. Feeling every heart you are here.

Yeah. Heat. is my God. God is the way maker. Heat. Heat. You are who you are.

You never change. Faithful forever. My God. Even when I don't see it, you're  working. Even when I don't feel it,   you're working. You never stop. You  never stop working. You never stop.   You never stop working. You don't see  it. Come on. Come on. Declare. Come on.   Declare in faith. This is for somebody  in the room today. It's for somebody's   family. This is for somebody's friends.  Our God is faithful in us working. Come on. I don't see we all for me. Yeah.

Heat. Yeah. Heat. Heat. Oh, God is who you are. It is who you are.

I exalt all thee. I exalt thee. I exalt thee, oh Lord. You sing. I exalt. Yes, I exalt thee. I exalt thee, oh Lord. Yes, I exalt thee. I exalt thee.

I exalt thee, oh Lord. Just one more  time. We sing. I exalt thee. I exalt thee. Oh. When I think of the father sending us his son so   we could all inherit the riches  of his love. I can't help but all I think of the power held within his hand.  Impossible is none according to his plans.  

Oh, I can't help but exalt him. No, I  can't help but exalt him. out to him.   is able to do so much more than we Glory to the bride in Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Glory to  him. All power. All glory to of the cross. I will set us free from hell to  heaven for all eternity. All I can do but exalt.

It'll be a holy moment when we walk through stars.   They will be behind us until there  will be no more. Oh, I can't help but lay my cross down before you say Heat. Heat. Heat. Forever and ever. Glory to  him. All power, all glory to me, church. What a good father he is.

When you sing, how deep, how high,  the love of the father, how strong,   how wide, the arms of the sea. I sing in all. I can't help. Let's go. Come on. Heat. Heat. Heat. Heat. Heat. Heat. Heat. Heat. Heat. Heat.

Yeah. Heat. Yeah. Heat. Hey online family, we are so glad that you  chose to worship with us today, especially   on this Father's Day. What an awesome day of  worship. It was awesome. My name is Sarah. I   am part of the SE online team. And this is Derek.  He's also part of our team as well. And you know,   Derek, one of the things that has been so cool  today, not only because it's been Father's Day,   but our greeters who serve on our parking lot team  actually came to us in between services and said,   "Hey, we have had so many people actually come and  say, "Hey, I've been watching online. I'm here for   the first time." Which is amazing. It's so cool  to hear that. Yes. And one of the people that came   and said hi to us, Luke from Massachusetts,  thanks for coming. Yeah. He was like, "Hey,   I'm here from Massachusetts. It's been my second  time here." here and we're like, dude, thanks for   coming. Also, a long drive to get here for you,  Luke. Shout out online family in Massachusetts. We   see you. We're glad that you're here. Absolutely.  You know, it just reminds me that this is more   than a video and just a broadcast every Sunday. It  really is a community of people and we want to get  

to know you wherever you are. Uh so, make sure  you text connect to 733733 because it really is   the best way to just get connected to our team.  we want to get to know you, but also that's the   best way to get more information about all of our  campuses in case you want to attend in person.   It is y'all. And it is also camp season here at  Southeast. And Sarah got to catch up at SC Kids   Camp this past week with Bill Brat, our Crestwood  children's ministry leader. Well, hey everybody.   We are here at Country Lake Christian Retreat on a  beautiful day of camp. I don't think you could ask   for a better day to be out at Country Lake. Uh we  are right in the middle of kids camp here. We're   on actually week two of three. Because we have so  many different campuses, we actually split camp up   into three different weeks. So all of our campers  can come to camp, but I've got Bill with me. So   he is the Southeast Kids ministry leader at our  Crestwood campus. And so Bill, I know you've had   an awesome couple of days so far. Can you share  with our online family what kids camp theme is?   what campers have been learning about Jesus this  week. Absolutely. So, this week at Southeast Kids   Camp, kids are discovering that God is the author  of all things. Uh he's the author of salvation,   of truth, and joy. He's the author of this great  big story that's in the Bible that kids can also   find their place in his story. I love that because  we actually last Sunday got to talk with Lauren,   one of the other kids ministry leaders who's  at our Nelson count county campus and she   talked about this new curriculum that you guys  are starting at all of our different campuses  

about actually walking through the Bible. And so I  love that camp is connecting those two. Yeah, it's   a beautiful connection is to really help build a  foundation in the hearts of our children. Yeah,   absolutely. I love that they're getting what I  call big Bible knowledge over the course of their   time here in our kids ministry. Uh, but we also  love one at a time stories here at Southeast. And   so, can you share, you know, a story you've  heard in the last couple of days and maybe   kids encountering God for the first time? Just a  really sweet story of a camper. Sure. So, we had   one little girl who is at camp right now and her  mom gave her her mom's Bible to bring to camp. Um,   but she wasn't allowed to write in it or take  notes because it was mom's Bible. But today, one   of our leaders gave her her first very own Bible.  And she was just so excited. That's so awesome.   have her own Bible that she could highlight,  take notes in, and underline and connect   with God through his word. I love that. What a  sweet story. And just how we're talking about,   you know, the story of the Bible, not only here,  but with this new curriculum curriculum you guys   are walking through, she's going to be able to  take notes and highlight different stories. I   love that. That is so sweet. And we know that life  change happens at camp. You know, we say this all   the time at Southeast. It's just such a big part  of what we do, but camp is only one week out of   the year. And so we know so much disciplehip  actually happens at home. And so how can we   encourage parents or even grandparents to continue  just discipling campers from what they've learned   this week? Sure. So campers themselves if they're  here, they'll be sent home with a really simple   at home resource that they they can go through  with their families at home. But beyond that,  

Southeast Kids has amazing resources. Any family  can access them just by texting at home to 733733.   that'll open your family up to all kinds  of ways that you can partner with the work   of God in the heart of your children. That's  such a great resource. I love that, you know,   any family can access those. Um, but I just love  the work that you guys are doing here in our kids   ministry. And I love that Southeast is just so  invested in the lives of the next generation. Well, shout out Bill Ratray and his team at the  Crestwood campus. I know that he and his team take   care and disciple my two kids that go there each  weekend. And I love the impact that camps have on   our students. I was telling Sarah just a little  bit ago that our son Lucas, my son Lucas was   coming home this past week from three days being  at camp. And uh we were driving in the car and he   wanted me to put on a specific worship song that  they had sung at camp. And as a dad, like what   that did for my heart in that moment knowing that  our children's ministry is encouraging worship   and following the Lord. I just love it. One of the  coolest things. That's really cool. You know what   better encouragement on Father's Day that, hey, my  kid is growing up in the word and Southeast is a   big part of that. I'm so excited for a lot of our  kids to just go through this curriculum over the   next three years and just grow in their big Bible  knowledge as I said in the video. But you know,   online family, you're a part of that, too. Because  really, across a lot of our different ministries,   we are really being intentional about studying  scripture, not only in our kids ministry,   but also through our sermons that we've done over  the past few months with going through the book of  

Genesis. So, we decided, hey, we're going to do  that, too. We're going to grow in our knowledge   of scripture. And so, we have a new study called  From Eden to Eternity, where over seven weeks,   we try to pack in all of the stories in scripture  from Genesis to Revelation. And so we know that   sometimes when you study scripture, it can feel a  bit disjointed when you're thinking, how do these   all these stories fit together? But it really  is one continual story of God's redemption for   us. So if you text Essie online to 733733, you're  going to get a link to our YouTube channel. Those   episodes are dropping each week there. And there's  also some resources there as well if you want to   study along with us over the next seven weeks. No  doubt. And no matter where you get your podcast   from, Spotify, Apple Music, whatever, make sure  that you look up Southeast Online Bible Studies.   You can find this Eden to Eternity one, listen to  it in the car on the way to work, and we hope that   it blesses you in your relationship with Christ  and in your knowledge of his word. Uh y'all,   but we're so grateful that you decided to join us  today for Father's Day. And the encouragement we   want to leave you with at home, no matter where  you're at, is that just like Joseph, God is with   you, God is with you wherever you go. And we're so  grateful that you decided to come here and worship   with us today. y'all for Sarah, myself, our  production crew, everybody in the control room,   and here at Southeast, we love you. We're  grateful for you, and we'll see you next time.