Fatherhood, Stress & Mental Health

So again back with some some good men So again back with some some good men here just open conversation just want to here just open conversation just want to here just open conversation just want to talk about a little bit of the silent talk about a little bit of the silent talk about a little bit of the silent war. So here's how I'm going to phrase war. So here's how I'm going to phrase war. So here's how I'm going to phrase it a little bit. Um it a little bit. Um it a little bit. Um dads kind of like we have this thing dads kind of like we have this thing dads kind of like we have this thing where we just you know, where we just you know, where we just you know, we've always got a million things we've always got a million things we've always got a million things rolling in the back in the back of our rolling in the back in the back of our rolling in the back in the back of our minds minds minds and it's a silent battle of what's and it's a silent battle of what's and it's a silent battle of what's what's playing in the scenes in our what's playing in the scenes in our what's playing in the scenes in our heart in our heads and our and our jobs heart in our heads and our and our jobs heart in our heads and our and our jobs and the stress and everything and and and the stress and everything and and and the stress and everything and and yet [music] we're we're still trying to yet [music] we're we're still trying to yet [music] we're we're still trying to be present with the kids and and trying be present with the kids and and trying be present with the kids and and trying to be a good dad and trying to be to be a good dad and trying to be to be a good dad and trying to be optimistic when it just feel it just optimistic when it just feel it just optimistic when it just feel it just feels like a lot of dynamics and you're feels like a lot of dynamics and you're feels like a lot of dynamics and you're getting squeezed and so most men when getting squeezed and so most men when getting squeezed and so most men when the battle comes the battle comes the battle comes exterior in the family with drama exterior in the family with drama exterior in the family with drama men get silent. men get silent. men get silent. And so I just want to talk about how And so I just want to talk about how And so I just want to talk about how what what are some what are some good what what are some what are some good what what are some what are some good healthy conversations to be had and what healthy conversations to be had and what healthy conversations to be had and what have you experienced of of just like how have you experienced of of just like how have you experienced of of just like how do I not just get quiet and start moving do I not just get quiet and start moving do I not just get quiet and start moving backwards, but how do what's what's the backwards, but how do what's what's the backwards, but how do what's what's the balance? When when to speak and when not balance? When when to speak and when not balance? When when to speak and when not to speak and when to have emotions and to speak and when to have emotions and to speak and when to have emotions and not have emotions and when to be not have emotions and when to be not have emotions and when to be vulnerable. Sometimes you're like, man, vulnerable. Sometimes you're like, man, vulnerable. Sometimes you're like, man, I want to be vulnerable, but then I also I want to be vulnerable, but then I also I want to be vulnerable, but then I also need to be strong and it is this need to be strong and it is this need to be strong and it is this internal thing always with the man like internal thing always with the man like internal thing always with the man like I want to be present I want to be too I want to be present I want to be too I want to be present I want to be too much, but at the same time and so I just much, but at the same time and so I just much, but at the same time and so I just want to talk about that silent want to talk about that silent want to talk about that silent processing that every man goes through processing that every man goes through processing that every man goes through in the back of his mind like man, in the back of his mind like man, in the back of his mind like man, this is a lot man and how do I process this is a lot man and how do I process this is a lot man and how do I process and when do I process this and when do I and when do I process this and when do I and when do I process this and when do I stay and be stay and be stay and be so so give me what you get whatever so so give me what you get whatever so so give me what you get whatever comes to your mind. Let's just have a comes to your mind. Let's just have a comes to your mind. Let's just have a good conversation about this.

good conversation about this. good conversation about this. >> Yeah, I I love how you framed the >> Yeah, I I love how you framed the >> Yeah, I I love how you framed the question question question and I love the nuance that you're adding and I love the nuance that you're adding and I love the nuance that you're adding to the question already. The way that I to the question already. The way that I to the question already. The way that I frame it or think through it is frame it or think through it is frame it or think through it is well, number one well, number one well, number one um um um if you are a dad that tends to be quiet, if you are a dad that tends to be quiet, if you are a dad that tends to be quiet, I want to say that that's okay. I want to say that that's okay. I want to say that that's okay. Can we nuance [clears throat] that? Can we nuance [clears throat] that? Can we nuance [clears throat] that? Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. But it's okay to be a dad that's quiet But it's okay to be a dad that's quiet But it's okay to be a dad that's quiet sometimes. sometimes. sometimes. I think a lot of dads do that, and I I think a lot of dads do that, and I I think a lot of dads do that, and I don't want to be the fifth person that don't want to be the fifth person that don't want to be the fifth person that comes to them and says, comes to them and says, comes to them and says, "You need to talk more." "You need to talk more." "You need to talk more." It It It >> [clears throat] >> [clears throat] >> [clears throat] >> We can nuance it. We don't want you to >> We can nuance it. We don't want you to >> We can nuance it. We don't want you to be completely withdrawn, absolutely, but be completely withdrawn, absolutely, but be completely withdrawn, absolutely, but I think it's okay to be quiet sometimes. I think it's okay to be quiet sometimes. I think it's okay to be quiet sometimes. And And I think it's connected to this And And I think it's connected to this And And I think it's connected to this wrestling that we have inside. wrestling that we have inside. wrestling that we have inside. I want to share about this, but if I I want to share about this, but if I I want to share about this, but if I share this with you share this with you share this with you and with you, I'm talking about my wife, and with you, I'm talking about my wife, and with you, I'm talking about my wife, I may put a weight on you that it's not I may put a weight on you that it's not I may put a weight on you that it's not for you to carry right now. And I for you to carry right now. And I for you to carry right now. And I understand that you want to see my understand that you want to see my understand that you want to see my emotions, emotions, emotions, but if I tell you this, and and by this but if I tell you this, and and by this but if I tell you this, and and by this I guess, you know, I don't want it to be I guess, you know, I don't want it to be I guess, you know, I don't want it to be misconstrued. I'm not trying to say we misconstrued. I'm not trying to say we misconstrued. I'm not trying to say we should hide stuff, should hide stuff, should hide stuff, but there is wisdom in not saying, "Hey, but there is wisdom in not saying, "Hey, but there is wisdom in not saying, "Hey, like, you know, there's really this like, you know, there's really this like, you know, there's really this really difficult thing happening at really difficult thing happening at really difficult thing happening at work." And now Now you're super anxious, work." And now Now you're super anxious, work." And now Now you're super anxious, and now I've dumped on you and now I've dumped on you and now I've dumped on you this intensity and this weight that is this intensity and this weight that is this intensity and this weight that is for me to carry. So, how do I navigate

for me to carry. So, how do I navigate for me to carry. So, how do I navigate that? The way that I navigate that is that? The way that I navigate that is that? The way that I navigate that is if I'm going to share it, I come with a if I'm going to share it, I come with a if I'm going to share it, I come with a solution. I don't come and say, solution. I don't come and say, solution. I don't come and say, "I'm dumping this on you. "I'm dumping this on you. "I'm dumping this on you. Now what?" I come and say, "I'm sharing Now what?" I come and say, "I'm sharing Now what?" I come and say, "I'm sharing this with you. I'm not dumping, this with you. I'm not dumping, this with you. I'm not dumping, and we're going to be okay. and we're going to be okay. and we're going to be okay. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. I have these plan or I have this I have these plan or I have this I have these plan or I have this situation coming. I'm hurting. I'm situation coming. I'm hurting. I'm situation coming. I'm hurting. I'm anxious. I'm sad, but we're going to be anxious. I'm sad, but we're going to be anxious. I'm sad, but we're going to be okay." In that way, okay." In that way, okay." In that way, I'm keeping the responsibility, and I'm I'm keeping the responsibility, and I'm I'm keeping the responsibility, and I'm not dumping it on you and asking you to not dumping it on you and asking you to not dumping it on you and asking you to carry a weight that is not for you to carry a weight that is not for you to carry a weight that is not for you to carry. In my mind, that that way carry. In my mind, that that way carry. In my mind, that that way you're sharing, you're letting others you're sharing, you're letting others you're sharing, you're letting others know, know, know, and at the same time you're not putting and at the same time you're not putting and at the same time you're not putting weight on them that is not for them to weight on them that is not for them to weight on them that is not for them to carry. And the other thing is that you carry. And the other thing is that you carry. And the other thing is that you have to be able to take that weight have to be able to take that weight have to be able to take that weight somewhere. And I think that a a key somewhere. And I think that a a key somewhere. And I think that a a key point is to have a community of people point is to have a community of people point is to have a community of people that you can go to and say, "Dude, I'm that you can go to and say, "Dude, I'm that you can go to and say, "Dude, I'm freaking out. You know, I don't know freaking out. You know, I don't know freaking out. You know, I don't know what to do here. I'm super anxious. I'm what to do here. I'm super anxious. I'm what to do here. I'm super anxious. I'm afraid. I'm nervous. I'm hurting." And afraid. I'm nervous. I'm hurting." And afraid. I'm nervous. I'm hurting." And to do that with God, too. You know, you to do that with God, too. You know, you to do that with God, too. You know, you have to be able to come to God and say, have to be able to come to God and say, have to be able to come to God and say, "I'm really anxious. I'm really sad."

"I'm really anxious. I'm really sad." "I'm really anxious. I'm really sad." But coming to your wife and dumping that But coming to your wife and dumping that But coming to your wife and dumping that on her or on your kids, on her or on your kids, on her or on your kids, I'm not convinced that it's the most I'm not convinced that it's the most I'm not convinced that it's the most loving, loving, loving, uh, responsible thing to do. But I'm uh, responsible thing to do. But I'm uh, responsible thing to do. But I'm open to pushback. You know, what do you open to pushback. You know, what do you open to pushback. You know, what do you guys think about that? guys think about that? guys think about that? >> I like man, um, [clears throat] when I'm >> I like man, um, [clears throat] when I'm >> I like man, um, [clears throat] when I'm quiet, it's cuz I'm I'm unsure. quiet, it's cuz I'm I'm unsure. quiet, it's cuz I'm I'm unsure. You know what I mean? I don't I really You know what I mean? I don't I really You know what I mean? I don't I really don't know, you know, and I feel like don't know, you know, and I feel like don't know, you know, and I feel like there's some kind of weight or pressure there's some kind of weight or pressure there's some kind of weight or pressure from somewhere that's my own work that I from somewhere that's my own work that I from somewhere that's my own work that I still do of like I don't you don't still do of like I don't you don't still do of like I don't you don't always have to have an answer. always have to have an answer. always have to have an answer. But I feel like there's a there's a big But I feel like there's a there's a big But I feel like there's a there's a big differentiation in my mind anyway differentiation in my mind anyway differentiation in my mind anyway between being quiet and being passive. between being quiet and being passive. between being quiet and being passive. You know what I mean? And and we feel You know what I mean? And and we feel You know what I mean? And and we feel like, okay, I'm not going to be passive. like, okay, I'm not going to be passive. like, okay, I'm not going to be passive. So it's like well I'm not passive, but So it's like well I'm not passive, but So it's like well I'm not passive, but the only thing you said is you got to be the only thing you said is you got to be the only thing you said is you got to be aggressive. You know what I mean? And aggressive. You know what I mean? And aggressive. You know what I mean? And it's like there's so many steps in it's like there's so many steps in it's like there's so many steps in between those things. You know what I between those things. You know what I between those things. You know what I mean? And mean? And mean? And I know for me I I can't help I know for me I I can't help I know for me I I can't help I can't give away what I don't have. I can't give away what I don't have. I can't give away what I don't have. And I can't help I can only help And I can't help I can only help And I can't help I can only help somebody out of the health that I somebody out of the health that I somebody out of the health that I possess. You know, because I just didn't possess. You know, because I just didn't possess. You know, because I just didn't grow up with any modeling of a dad grow up with any modeling of a dad grow up with any modeling of a dad saying, "I'm scared."

saying, "I'm scared." saying, "I'm scared." You know, or I'm insecure. I had a great You know, or I'm insecure. I had a great You know, or I'm insecure. I had a great old man. I love my pops. Just love him. old man. I love my pops. Just love him. old man. I love my pops. Just love him. But you know what I mean? The only But you know what I mean? The only But you know what I mean? The only emotion I really ever saw that it was emotion I really ever saw that it was emotion I really ever saw that it was okay for a man to display was anger. okay for a man to display was anger. okay for a man to display was anger. You know, it was I mean, I'm not saying You know, it was I mean, I'm not saying You know, it was I mean, I'm not saying he wasn't happy, but I don't remember he wasn't happy, but I don't remember he wasn't happy, but I don't remember like joyful happy joyful stuff. I never like joyful happy joyful stuff. I never like joyful happy joyful stuff. I never saw sadness. Never saw fear. saw sadness. Never saw fear. saw sadness. Never saw fear. You know what I mean? And so like it was You know what I mean? And so like it was You know what I mean? And so like it was like trying to learn that it was okay like trying to learn that it was okay like trying to learn that it was okay to have those things. You know what I to have those things. You know what I to have those things. You know what I mean? I don't need to get my fear sorted mean? I don't need to get my fear sorted mean? I don't need to get my fear sorted out. I have a bad way of wanting to out. I have a bad way of wanting to out. I have a bad way of wanting to share everything from a past tense. share everything from a past tense. share everything from a past tense. You know what I mean? Um, and don't want You know what I mean? Um, and don't want You know what I mean? Um, and don't want to I don't want to be passive, but I to I don't want to be passive, but I to I don't want to be passive, but I don't want to be aggressive either. You don't want to be aggressive either. You don't want to be aggressive either. You know what I mean? And so there is a know what I mean? And so there is a know what I mean? And so there is a there's a way Yeah, yeah, trying to find there's a way Yeah, yeah, trying to find there's a way Yeah, yeah, trying to find a a balance of like I'm filtering this a a balance of like I'm filtering this a a balance of like I'm filtering this through something and I'm still sharing through something and I'm still sharing through something and I'm still sharing those things. I'm still sharing those those things. I'm still sharing those those things. I'm still sharing those things, showing up authentically. You things, showing up authentically. You things, showing up authentically. You know what I mean? Um, not not asking know what I mean? Um, not not asking know what I mean? Um, not not asking you, you know, not asking my my child or you, you know, not asking my my child or you, you know, not asking my my child or anybody, you know, anybody else in my my anybody, you know, anybody else in my my anybody, you know, anybody else in my my home to to help me sort this stuff out. home to to help me sort this stuff out. home to to help me sort this stuff out. You know what I mean? But that that it's You know what I mean? But that that it's You know what I mean? But that that it's okay to feel fear.

okay to feel fear. okay to feel fear. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> You know, I I had a time with my uh >> You know, I I had a time with my uh >> You know, I I had a time with my uh 11-year-old uh I was getting ready to 11-year-old uh I was getting ready to 11-year-old uh I was getting ready to speak at a a church thing at South Loop speak at a a church thing at South Loop speak at a a church thing at South Loop campus and um, I was like, man, I'm campus and um, I was like, man, I'm campus and um, I was like, man, I'm feeling really really insecure right feeling really really insecure right feeling really really insecure right now. And he was like, what does that now. And he was like, what does that now. And he was like, what does that what does that mean? what does that mean? what does that mean? And I'm like, well, it feels like my And I'm like, well, it feels like my And I'm like, well, it feels like my chest is really tight. My stomach is chest is really tight. My stomach is chest is really tight. My stomach is starting to, you know, like this and I I starting to, you know, like this and I I starting to, you know, like this and I I got to show up and talk and all these got to show up and talk and all these got to show up and talk and all these people are expecting me to have people are expecting me to have people are expecting me to have something to say. You know what I mean? something to say. You know what I mean? something to say. You know what I mean? And I'm nervous. I'm just really nervous And I'm nervous. I'm just really nervous And I'm nervous. I'm just really nervous about it. And he was like, that's how I about it. And he was like, that's how I about it. And he was like, that's how I feel too sometimes. Like when I go do feel too sometimes. Like when I go do feel too sometimes. Like when I go do this like it was to be able to relate in this like it was to be able to relate in this like it was to be able to relate in that moment is like it just a normal I that moment is like it just a normal I that moment is like it just a normal I like it's like, oh man, my my dad feels like it's like, oh man, my my dad feels like it's like, oh man, my my dad feels like that sometimes too. I'm not the like that sometimes too. I'm not the like that sometimes too. I'm not the only one or I'm not deficient. I'm not only one or I'm not deficient. I'm not only one or I'm not deficient. I'm not weak or I'm not less of a male because weak or I'm not less of a male because weak or I'm not less of a male because I've never seen that, you know, so I've never seen that, you know, so I've never seen that, you know, so >> Um, that's cool. >> Um, that's cool. >> Um, that's cool. Um, I definitely feel the sense of Um, I definitely feel the sense of Um, I definitely feel the sense of having the community of other men to having the community of other men to having the community of other men to really like lean into really like lean into really like lean into um, and kind of um, and kind of um, and kind of carry some of the heavier burdens or carry some of the heavier burdens or carry some of the heavier burdens or heavier weight. Um, and I've had some heavier weight. Um, and I've had some heavier weight. Um, and I've had some great just like close guys who kind of great just like close guys who kind of great just like close guys who kind of help draw some of that out of me. Um, I help draw some of that out of me. Um, I help draw some of that out of me. Um, I think sometimes my wife would prefer me think sometimes my wife would prefer me think sometimes my wife would prefer me to be more silent. Sometimes I'm to be more silent. Sometimes I'm to be more silent. Sometimes I'm definitely more like an emotive person.

definitely more like an emotive person. definitely more like an emotive person. Um, but at the same time I found like I Um, but at the same time I found like I Um, but at the same time I found like I found myself um, not always maybe found myself um, not always maybe found myself um, not always maybe communicating in the same way that she communicating in the same way that she communicating in the same way that she would prefer communication come through, would prefer communication come through, would prefer communication come through, right? So, um, it it it is an right? So, um, it it it is an right? So, um, it it it is an interesting dynamic. Um, but I just interesting dynamic. Um, but I just interesting dynamic. Um, but I just think in terms of like the weight of the think in terms of like the weight of the think in terms of like the weight of the things, the you know, the work and the things, the you know, the work and the things, the you know, the work and the you know, the kids' school and all their you know, the kids' school and all their you know, the kids' school and all their stuff and all you know, all these stuff and all you know, all these stuff and all you know, all these different things and then going down to different things and then going down to different things and then going down to like my own vulnerabilities and my own like my own vulnerabilities and my own like my own vulnerabilities and my own you know, struggles and things like you know, struggles and things like you know, struggles and things like that. Having a core group of dudes that that. Having a core group of dudes that that. Having a core group of dudes that I'm like, "Hey, I can come to you and I I'm like, "Hey, I can come to you and I I'm like, "Hey, I can come to you and I can like be super raw." can like be super raw." can like be super raw." Um has just been like Um has just been like Um has just been like probably a common thread and like a probably a common thread and like a probably a common thread and like a life-giving thing that I didn't have life-giving thing that I didn't have life-giving thing that I didn't have early on. It wasn't something that early on. It wasn't something that early on. It wasn't something that necessarily was like modeled. I love necessarily was like modeled. I love necessarily was like modeled. I love like I love the idea of like breaking like I love the idea of like breaking like I love the idea of like breaking cycles with our kids about how we can cycles with our kids about how we can cycles with our kids about how we can communicate to each other and we can be communicate to each other and we can be communicate to each other and we can be as vulnerable with them as we can be as vulnerable with them as we can be as vulnerable with them as we can be with especially like with especially like with especially like dads and boys. I think it's awesome just dads and boys. I think it's awesome just dads and boys. I think it's awesome just to show show young men like, "Hey, this to show show young men like, "Hey, this to show show young men like, "Hey, this is what This is what we can talk about is what This is what we can talk about is what This is what we can talk about and we can like express our emotions and and we can like express our emotions and and we can like express our emotions and our feelings very openly." our feelings very openly." our feelings very openly." Um and so I think other guys like either Um and so I think other guys like either Um and so I think other guys like either drawing that out of me or me drawing out drawing that out of me or me drawing out drawing that out of me or me drawing out of them has just been a really powerful of them has just been a really powerful of them has just been a really powerful thing. Um thing. Um thing. Um and just life-giving from that cycle.

and just life-giving from that cycle. and just life-giving from that cycle. So. So. So. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah, it's so I >> Yeah, it's so I >> Yeah, it's so I I'm going to hate to echo what's been I'm going to hate to echo what's been I'm going to hate to echo what's been said, but but I'm really finding now said, but but I'm really finding now said, but but I'm really finding now a group of brothers that I can a group of brothers that I can a group of brothers that I can uh uh uh that I can really you know, identify that I can really you know, identify that I can really you know, identify with and and just bounce things off of. with and and just bounce things off of. with and and just bounce things off of. Uh Uh Uh I'm a processor. So I'm a processor. So I'm a processor. So it takes me time. I'll take something it takes me time. I'll take something it takes me time. I'll take something and just chew on it and and think about and just chew on it and and think about and just chew on it and and think about it and pray about it and and then um it and pray about it and and then um it and pray about it and and then um that's just how I've just kind of built. that's just how I've just kind of built. that's just how I've just kind of built. Uh that's been good and that's been bad Uh that's been good and that's been bad Uh that's been good and that's been bad because a lot of times, you know, my because a lot of times, you know, my because a lot of times, you know, my wife will see me going through something wife will see me going through something wife will see me going through something and uh but now I'm a lot more open to and uh but now I'm a lot more open to and uh but now I'm a lot more open to also you know, bring that out and say, also you know, bring that out and say, also you know, bring that out and say, you know, "Hey." Cuz I was she's a you know, "Hey." Cuz I was she's a you know, "Hey." Cuz I was she's a praying she's a my wife prays a lot. praying she's a my wife prays a lot. praying she's a my wife prays a lot. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And uh and and she wants to be part of >> And uh and and she wants to be part of >> And uh and and she wants to be part of those part of those seasons and she's if those part of those seasons and she's if those part of those seasons and she's if she sees something's kind of weighing me she sees something's kind of weighing me she sees something's kind of weighing me down, instead of trying to you know, down, instead of trying to you know, down, instead of trying to you know, take that burden all myself, you know, take that burden all myself, you know, take that burden all myself, you know, she'll step in and and do that. And if I she'll step in and and do that. And if I she'll step in and and do that. And if I don't, she almost feels like, you know, don't, she almost feels like, you know, don't, she almost feels like, you know, we why am I here? And so so yeah, so so we why am I here? And so so yeah, so so we why am I here? And so so yeah, so so I was going through a lot through that I was going through a lot through that I was going through a lot through that so through other brothers and and so through other brothers and and so through other brothers and and through my wife and it's it's just been through my wife and it's it's just been through my wife and it's it's just been a really strong connection. It's helped a really strong connection. It's helped a really strong connection. It's helped me to to be better at me to to be better at me to to be better at I've always said been a person, you I've always said been a person, you I've always said been a person, you know, know, know, here's the problem or task in front of here's the problem or task in front of here's the problem or task in front of you, it's my job to get it done. It's my you, it's my job to get it done. It's my you, it's my job to get it done. It's my job to solve it. It's my job to,

job to solve it. It's my job to, job to solve it. It's my job to, you know, come up with the plan on how you know, come up with the plan on how you know, come up with the plan on how to move from point A, B and C but no it to move from point A, B and C but no it to move from point A, B and C but no it it should be that way and so I've I it should be that way and so I've I it should be that way and so I've I continue to sort of grow through that continue to sort of grow through that continue to sort of grow through that and and and and as I process things and as I begin and as I process things and as I begin and as I process things and as I begin to open and make myself more vulnerable to open and make myself more vulnerable to open and make myself more vulnerable to people that I'm close to, it's really to people that I'm close to, it's really to people that I'm close to, it's really helped me to grow as a father and as a helped me to grow as a father and as a helped me to grow as a father and as a man and a husband through it all. man and a husband through it all. man and a husband through it all. >> That's cool. >> That's cool. >> That's cool. Yeah, I think I think it's interesting, Yeah, I think I think it's interesting, Yeah, I think I think it's interesting, you know, even even within this you know, even even within this you know, even even within this discussion here we have why, you know, discussion here we have why, you know, discussion here we have why, you know, totally different kinds of dads which is totally different kinds of dads which is totally different kinds of dads which is the deal. And then I I think that's why the deal. And then I I think that's why the deal. And then I I think that's why it's it's it's it's a little it's a little it's a little almost dangerous to kind of say this one almost dangerous to kind of say this one almost dangerous to kind of say this one way is the way to do it. way is the way to do it. way is the way to do it. And on top of that, y'all have different And on top of that, y'all have different And on top of that, y'all have different wives, too. I guarantee if I lined all wives, too. I guarantee if I lined all wives, too. I guarantee if I lined all your wives up, you know, I know most of your wives up, you know, I know most of your wives up, you know, I know most of them, they're not the same people. And them, they're not the same people. And them, they're not the same people. And that's our world and I think in that that's our world and I think in that that's our world and I think in that world then you got to go, oh, so there's world then you got to go, oh, so there's world then you got to go, oh, so there's not a clear-cut not a clear-cut not a clear-cut A to B thing here. This is a journey.

A to B thing here. This is a journey. A to B thing here. This is a journey. So this is a journey, So this is a journey, So this is a journey, then what do I got to figure out along then what do I got to figure out along then what do I got to figure out along the way and recognize I'm going to mess the way and recognize I'm going to mess the way and recognize I'm going to mess it up a little bit on the way. Number it up a little bit on the way. Number it up a little bit on the way. Number one, I got to figure out who can I share one, I got to figure out who can I share one, I got to figure out who can I share what with? I think that's a man's what with? I think that's a man's what with? I think that's a man's conversation. Who can I share what with? conversation. Who can I share what with? conversation. Who can I share what with? What can I share with my four-year-old What can I share with my four-year-old What can I share with my four-year-old that I can't share with my that I can't share with my that I can't share with my eight-year-old or what my eight-year-old eight-year-old or what my eight-year-old eight-year-old or what my eight-year-old I can't share with my What can I share I can't share with my What can I share I can't share with my What can I share with my 16-year-old that I can't share with my 16-year-old that I can't share with my 16-year-old that I can't share with my 12-year-old? What can I share with my 12-year-old? What can I share with my 12-year-old? What can I share with my 23-year-old that I can't And with my 23-year-old that I can't And with my 23-year-old that I can't And when you start just asking or which what when you start just asking or which what when you start just asking or which what is what am I sharing that's actually is what am I sharing that's actually is what am I sharing that's actually beneficial so that that they know that beneficial so that that they know that beneficial so that that they know that their dad is engaged and involved. their dad is engaged and involved. their dad is engaged and involved. But not No 4-year-old needs to hear But not No 4-year-old needs to hear But not No 4-year-old needs to hear what's going on at work, you know? what's going on at work, you know? what's going on at work, you know? >> Right. >> Right. >> Right. >> But a 4-year-old can, you know, they're >> But a 4-year-old can, you know, they're >> But a 4-year-old can, you know, they're like, "Hey Daddy, you know, you okay?" like, "Hey Daddy, you know, you okay?" like, "Hey Daddy, you know, you okay?" And they notice. A 4-year-old you can And they notice. A 4-year-old you can And they notice. A 4-year-old you can say, "You know what? I've had kind of a say, "You know what? I've had kind of a say, "You know what? I've had kind of a bad day. Can you pray for me today?" bad day. Can you pray for me today?" bad day. Can you pray for me today?" They can do that. But when you vomit on They can do that. But when you vomit on They can do that. But when you vomit on a, you know, a you you Some people put a, you know, a you you Some people put a, you know, a you you Some people put so much weight on little ones, you know? so much weight on little ones, you know? so much weight on little ones, you know? Like, "Hey man, don't do that. You're Like, "Hey man, don't do that. You're Like, "Hey man, don't do that. You're oversharing." Wives are the same way. oversharing." Wives are the same way. oversharing." Wives are the same way. >> [clears throat] >> [clears throat] >> [clears throat] >> Sometimes you you know, depend on your >> Sometimes you you know, depend on your >> Sometimes you you know, depend on your wife. Some wives love being in it and wife. Some wives love being in it and wife. Some wives love being in it and they're prayer warriors and they're they're prayer warriors and they're they're prayer warriors and they're like, "Give it to me." And it you can like, "Give it to me." And it you can like, "Give it to me." And it you can you can tell it doesn't sit on their you can tell it doesn't sit on their you can tell it doesn't sit on their souls and weigh them down.

souls and weigh them down. souls and weigh them down. And then some of you can't. And you're And then some of you can't. And you're And then some of you can't. And you're like, "Well, like, "Well, like, "Well, then be careful. That's your girl, man. then be careful. That's your girl, man. then be careful. That's your girl, man. Yeah, you got to be careful what you Yeah, you got to be careful what you Yeah, you got to be careful what you put." And And that's why [clears throat] put." And And that's why [clears throat] put." And And that's why [clears throat] you can't just have just her. You got to you can't just have just her. You got to you can't just have just her. You got to have a group of people. And I'm sitting have a group of people. And I'm sitting have a group of people. And I'm sitting here sitting around this group of people here sitting around this group of people here sitting around this group of people and I'm like, "This is a great and I'm like, "This is a great and I'm like, "This is a great um this These are the kinds of men every um this These are the kinds of men every um this These are the kinds of men every man needs in their life. Cuz most men man needs in their life. Cuz most men man needs in their life. Cuz most men barely have one. barely have one. barely have one. >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> Let alone two, three, four. To be able >> Let alone two, three, four. To be able >> Let alone two, three, four. To be able to be like, "Oh, so how do you do that to be like, "Oh, so how do you do that to be like, "Oh, so how do you do that then? Oh, so you're then? Oh, so you're then? Oh, so you're so you're look you know, you're you're a so you're look you know, you're you're a so you're look you know, you're you're a processor out loud and you internalize processor out loud and you internalize processor out loud and you internalize and you know, you've and you know, you've and you know, you've you know, that was your dad's thing. Oh, you know, that was your dad's thing. Oh, you know, that was your dad's thing. Oh, my dad was Oh, my dad was like that. my dad was Oh, my dad was like that. my dad was Oh, my dad was like that. Man, I'm kind of like that." And then Man, I'm kind of like that." And then Man, I'm kind of like that." And then when you have enough of them where when you have enough of them where when you have enough of them where you're asking questions that matter you're asking questions that matter you're asking questions that matter instead of And this is the man thing I I instead of And this is the man thing I I instead of And this is the man thing I I feel like. feel like. feel like. Um don't talk about Kentucky or Um don't talk about Kentucky or Um don't talk about Kentucky or Louisville basketball Louisville basketball Louisville basketball every conversation you have. Say hey, every conversation you have. Say hey, every conversation you have. Say hey, tell me about your kids, man. Tell me tell me about your kids, man. Tell me tell me about your kids, man. Tell me What do you Tell Give me a parenting What do you Tell Give me a parenting What do you Tell Give me a parenting thing that was hard for you. Tell Tell thing that was hard for you. Tell Tell thing that was hard for you. Tell Tell me Tell me about your wife. Tell me What me Tell me about your wife. Tell me What me Tell me about your wife. Tell me What What Give me some stuff. And we always What Give me some stuff. And we always What Give me some stuff. And we always want to ask the nice things. Like, "Give want to ask the nice things. Like, "Give want to ask the nice things. Like, "Give me some stuff that's hard for you."

me some stuff that's hard for you." me some stuff that's hard for you." You know, what what's hard for you? You You know, what what's hard for you? You You know, what what's hard for you? You know, what what's what's hard for you know, what what's what's hard for you know, what what's what's hard for you with your wife? When you do that, when with your wife? When you do that, when with your wife? When you do that, when you ask good questions, you get real you ask good questions, you get real you ask good questions, you get real things. And when you get real things, things. And when you get real things, things. And when you get real things, you see godly men trying to do it, it you see godly men trying to do it, it you see godly men trying to do it, it feels like you take steps forward. So, feels like you take steps forward. So, feels like you take steps forward. So, What What do you Why What is the um Give What What do you Why What is the um Give What What do you Why What is the um Give me the just briefly me the just briefly me the just briefly what was the hardest uh, season what was the hardest uh, season what was the hardest uh, season of carrying something heavy in your life of carrying something heavy in your life of carrying something heavy in your life with your family. Just just describe it with your family. Just just describe it with your family. Just just describe it real quick for me. You don't have to go real quick for me. You don't have to go real quick for me. You don't have to go through the whole thing cuz it it take through the whole thing cuz it it take through the whole thing cuz it it take too long. But give me give me a weight too long. But give me give me a weight too long. But give me give me a weight that you're like, "Oh man, that was a that you're like, "Oh man, that was a that you're like, "Oh man, that was a big one." big one." big one." >> Mhm. I would say for me, I would say for me, um, um, um, our youngest daughter suffers from our youngest daughter suffers from our youngest daughter suffers from severe depression. severe depression. severe depression. And uh, for me just growing up, it's And uh, for me just growing up, it's And uh, for me just growing up, it's always and just through playing sports always and just through playing sports always and just through playing sports and just the air I grew up in, it's and just the air I grew up in, it's and just the air I grew up in, it's like, "Hey, you need to just suck it up. like, "Hey, you need to just suck it up. like, "Hey, you need to just suck it up. You need to move on and get past this." You need to move on and get past this." You need to move on and get past this." >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> And that's not how that works.

>> And that's not how that works. >> And that's not how that works. And so, I was, you know, it is one of And so, I was, you know, it is one of And so, I was, you know, it is one of the areas that within our marriage with the areas that within our marriage with the areas that within our marriage with my wife and I that we're constantly, my wife and I that we're constantly, my wife and I that we're constantly, even today, are still on our knees even today, are still on our knees even today, are still on our knees praying. praying. praying. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Uh, but we are seeing some fruit come >> Uh, but we are seeing some fruit come >> Uh, but we are seeing some fruit come be, be, be, you know, you know, you know, >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> come before that. We've seen some >> come before that. We've seen some >> come before that. We've seen some breakthrough actually happen breakthrough actually happen breakthrough actually happen happening through my daughter, but for happening through my daughter, but for happening through my daughter, but for us, it's something that we we continue us, it's something that we we continue us, it's something that we we continue to trust God, and we see God working to trust God, and we see God working to trust God, and we see God working behind the scenes, even though, you behind the scenes, even though, you behind the scenes, even though, you know, we want the outcome to be, "Hey, know, we want the outcome to be, "Hey, know, we want the outcome to be, "Hey, that's gone." that's gone." that's gone." >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> But it's not. But it's it's drawn both >> But it's not. But it's it's drawn both >> But it's not. But it's it's drawn both of us to our knees, and it has helped me of us to our knees, and it has helped me of us to our knees, and it has helped me as a man, and a husband, and a father as a man, and a husband, and a father as a man, and a husband, and a father really just uh, um, really just uh, um, really just uh, um, I've just grown a lot from that. I've just grown a lot from that. I've just grown a lot from that. So, I would say for me, it's So, I would say for me, it's So, I would say for me, it's >> Yeah, um, >> Yeah, um, >> Yeah, um, so, mine would be we were it was early so, mine would be we were it was early so, mine would be we were it was early in our marriage. We'd been married 5 in our marriage. We'd been married 5 in our marriage. We'd been married 5 years. years. years. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> And um, I was at this awesome like >> And um, I was at this awesome like >> And um, I was at this awesome like startup software company that I thought startup software company that I thought startup software company that I thought was like the coolest thing in the world. was like the coolest thing in the world. was like the coolest thing in the world. I loved every part of it.

I loved every part of it. I loved every part of it. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Um, we have Lori was just pregnant with >> Um, we have Lori was just pregnant with >> Um, we have Lori was just pregnant with our first, and we just decided we were our first, and we just decided we were our first, and we just decided we were going to like make the splurge and buy going to like make the splurge and buy going to like make the splurge and buy our forever home, and I got laid off our forever home, and I got laid off our forever home, and I got laid off from this job. And it was it crushed me from this job. And it was it crushed me from this job. And it was it crushed me Um, like it was super like Um, like it was super like Um, like it was super like I felt like a failure like to my own I felt like a failure like to my own I felt like a failure like to my own parents. I felt like a failure to her. I parents. I felt like a failure to her. I parents. I felt like a failure to her. I just it was like super emasculating cuz just it was like super emasculating cuz just it was like super emasculating cuz I also didn't see it coming and it was I also didn't see it coming and it was I also didn't see it coming and it was just this really really just this really really just this really really wild scenario and wild scenario and wild scenario and it was just a I was a wild time to like it was just a I was a wild time to like it was just a I was a wild time to like navigate it and the weird thing is it navigate it and the weird thing is it navigate it and the weird thing is it kind of brought me to complete surrender kind of brought me to complete surrender kind of brought me to complete surrender of just saying like I don't have of just saying like I don't have of just saying like I don't have anything anything anything >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> in control >> in control >> in control and you know that whole season it was and you know that whole season it was and you know that whole season it was about a you know a four-month five-month about a you know a four-month five-month about a you know a four-month five-month season of being unemployed and like season of being unemployed and like season of being unemployed and like going to an unemployment office and going to an unemployment office and going to an unemployment office and being like I don't know if I want to do being like I don't know if I want to do being like I don't know if I want to do this and like all those things. this and like all those things. this and like all those things. It was just a really wild time with all It was just a really wild time with all It was just a really wild time with all those other things stacked on top but those other things stacked on top but those other things stacked on top but I think the awesome thing is even in the I think the awesome thing is even in the I think the awesome thing is even in the moment moment moment it was crazy like hitting that like it was crazy like hitting that like it was crazy like hitting that like really wasn't rock bottom but what really wasn't rock bottom but what really wasn't rock bottom but what really felt like probably one of the really felt like probably one of the really felt like probably one of the lowest heaviest times is just like the lowest heaviest times is just like the lowest heaviest times is just like the foundation of like my peace and my core foundation of like my peace and my core foundation of like my peace and my core is in Christ alone.

is in Christ alone. is in Christ alone. I remember even how I handled the I remember even how I handled the I remember even how I handled the conversations with the employer and all conversations with the employer and all conversations with the employer and all this stuff. They're like we don't this stuff. They're like we don't this stuff. They're like we don't understand like everyone else is doing understand like everyone else is doing understand like everyone else is doing lawsuits. You're you're just moving on lawsuits. You're you're just moving on lawsuits. You're you're just moving on you know and like this and so I felt a you know and like this and so I felt a you know and like this and so I felt a peace but I also felt a lot of like peace but I also felt a lot of like peace but I also felt a lot of like little whispers of failure kind of all little whispers of failure kind of all little whispers of failure kind of all around me and kind of you know around me and kind of you know around me and kind of you know surrounding me in that surrounding me in that surrounding me in that and the wild thing is I look back even and the wild thing is I look back even and the wild thing is I look back even really really quickly after that really really quickly after that really really quickly after that you know a year two into it I'd look at you know a year two into it I'd look at you know a year two into it I'd look at what God broke me of was like being in what God broke me of was like being in what God broke me of was like being in love with a job that was at my identity love with a job that was at my identity love with a job that was at my identity and was all these things. I never I've and was all these things. I never I've and was all these things. I never I've never had that struggle since then you never had that struggle since then you never had that struggle since then you know and and breaking me of like a know and and breaking me of like a know and and breaking me of like a travel cycle and all these other things travel cycle and all these other things travel cycle and all these other things it really shifted me early in saying it really shifted me early in saying it really shifted me early in saying like hey like hey like hey I'm God's number one here and this is I'm God's number one here and this is I'm God's number one here and this is where your foundation is and then your where your foundation is and then your where your foundation is and then your house is going to be built upon it and house is going to be built upon it and house is going to be built upon it and like it was it was a wild and what a like it was it was a wild and what a like it was it was a wild and what a blessing of an experience to go through blessing of an experience to go through blessing of an experience to go through that time even though it like felt that time even though it like felt that time even though it like felt absolutely insane in the moment so but Yeah, Yeah, there was a season. We moved to a new there was a season. We moved to a new there was a season. We moved to a new house and this new house had a bunch of house and this new house had a bunch of house and this new house had a bunch of issues that led us to have some legal issues that led us to have some legal issues that led us to have some legal difficulties and difficulties and difficulties and not not not not not not a few months before I had transitioned a few months before I had transitioned a few months before I had transitioned from one job to to this new one and from one job to to this new one and from one job to to this new one and things were just complicated and things were just complicated and things were just complicated and finances were difficult and finances were difficult and finances were difficult and so I am a very emotional person and so I am a very emotional person and so I am a very emotional person and you know, I can I can be

you know, I can I can be you know, I can I can be anxious and I can be anxious and I can be anxious and I can be angry and I can be joyful but I wear my angry and I can be joyful but I wear my angry and I can be joyful but I wear my generally speaking my emotions on my generally speaking my emotions on my generally speaking my emotions on my sleeve maybe maybe not everybody agrees sleeve maybe maybe not everybody agrees sleeve maybe maybe not everybody agrees with that but but I sort of do I feel with that but but I sort of do I feel with that but but I sort of do I feel deeply and so in those times I felt deeply and so in those times I felt deeply and so in those times I felt often times that my job was not to come often times that my job was not to come often times that my job was not to come to my wife to you know, I guess I'm to my wife to you know, I guess I'm to my wife to you know, I guess I'm repeating myself not not to not to ask repeating myself not not to not to ask repeating myself not not to not to ask her her her the way that I put it is the way that I put it is the way that I put it is like almost transferring responsibility like almost transferring responsibility like almost transferring responsibility from me to her. from me to her. from me to her. I didn't want to do that. Um I didn't want to do that. Um I didn't want to do that. Um I felt that that was not okay and that I felt that that was not okay and that I felt that that was not okay and that felt to come and share with her but only felt to come and share with her but only felt to come and share with her but only from a from a place of I'm still from a from a place of I'm still from a from a place of I'm still responsible for this and I'm not responsible for this and I'm not responsible for this and I'm not shipping things to you. shipping things to you. shipping things to you. So I guess that's what I was trying to So I guess that's what I was trying to So I guess that's what I was trying to communicate and that's how it played out communicate and that's how it played out communicate and that's how it played out in my personal story. If I'm going to in my personal story. If I'm going to in my personal story. If I'm going to come come come I'm not going to come to ship I'm not going to come to ship I'm not going to come to ship responsibility to you. I'm going to come responsibility to you. I'm going to come responsibility to you. I'm going to come and share with you because you're my and share with you because you're my and share with you because you're my partner because I love you because partner because I love you because partner because I love you because you're helping me because we're doing you're helping me because we're doing you're helping me because we're doing this together etc. etc. But not because this together etc. etc. But not because this together etc. etc. But not because I'm transferring I'm transferring I'm transferring responsibility from me to you. I don't responsibility from me to you. I don't responsibility from me to you. I don't know if that answers the question but know if that answers the question but know if that answers the question but but two two key things or two key but two two key things or two key but two two key things or two key practices were for me to acknowledge out practices were for me to acknowledge out practices were for me to acknowledge out loud and without any sort of ambiguities loud and without any sort of ambiguities loud and without any sort of ambiguities to say, "Yes, I am anxious and I am to say, "Yes, I am anxious and I am to say, "Yes, I am anxious and I am sad."

sad." sad." There is nothing around it. I'm not There is nothing around it. I'm not There is nothing around it. I'm not hiding that. There is no We're going to hiding that. There is no We're going to hiding that. There is no We're going to be okay. I'm trusting God. I'm praying. be okay. I'm trusting God. I'm praying. be okay. I'm trusting God. I'm praying. We're going to figure things out. But, We're going to figure things out. But, We're going to figure things out. But, make no mistake. I'm anxious and I'm sad make no mistake. I'm anxious and I'm sad make no mistake. I'm anxious and I'm sad and I'm you know, I'm and I'm you know, I'm and I'm you know, I'm This is difficult. You know, I'm not This is difficult. You know, I'm not This is difficult. You know, I'm not hiding this from you. Um hiding this from you. Um hiding this from you. Um and I found that being able to share and I found that being able to share and I found that being able to share that and to say it out loud, not just to that and to say it out loud, not just to that and to say it out loud, not just to my wife, but to other friends uh and my wife, but to other friends uh and my wife, but to other friends uh and people help me process things and help people help me process things and help people help me process things and help me me me move through things in a less alone way move through things in a less alone way move through things in a less alone way and in a healthier way. and in a healthier way. and in a healthier way. So, I think So, I think So, I think >> Yeah, it's good. >> Yeah, it's good. >> Yeah, it's good. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's good. >> It's good. >> It's good. >> Yeah. Um >> Yeah. Um >> Yeah. Um I'm [clears throat] a person in I'm [clears throat] a person in I'm [clears throat] a person in long-term recovery. Uh I've been sober long-term recovery. Uh I've been sober long-term recovery. Uh I've been sober for about 5 and 1/2 years now and for about 5 and 1/2 years now and for about 5 and 1/2 years now and that that process was definitely the that that process was definitely the that that process was definitely the darkest and hardest times. My I had high darkest and hardest times. My I had high darkest and hardest times. My I had high school-age children down to a school-age children down to a school-age children down to a kindergartner um when when I got to go kindergartner um when when I got to go kindergartner um when when I got to go to treatment and um to treatment and um to treatment and um that was that was that was that was that was that was I really appreciated your your I really appreciated your your I really appreciated your your vulnerability in sharing, you know, felt vulnerability in sharing, you know, felt vulnerability in sharing, you know, felt the like using words like emasculated the like using words like emasculated the like using words like emasculated and stuff like that because um you know, and stuff like that because um you know, and stuff like that because um you know, when you're when you're when you're trying to parent, trying to be a husband trying to parent, trying to be a husband trying to parent, trying to be a husband and and just you know, and just blown up and and just you know, and just blown up and and just you know, and just blown up inside. You know, I was just blown up inside. You know, I was just blown up inside. You know, I was just blown up inside and something I felt like always inside and something I felt like always inside and something I felt like always had to have control over had got had to have control over had got had to have control over had got completely out of control and um I just completely out of control and um I just completely out of control and um I just didn't know what to do. You know, and didn't know what to do. You know, and didn't know what to do. You know, and gosh, man, the way God met me when I was gosh, man, the way God met me when I was gosh, man, the way God met me when I was willing from the depth of my soul to willing from the depth of my soul to willing from the depth of my soul to say, "I don't know what to do."

say, "I don't know what to do." say, "I don't know what to do." is when stuff started changing. You know is when stuff started changing. You know is when stuff started changing. You know what I mean? And uh what I mean? And uh what I mean? And uh you know, uh you know, uh you know, uh trying to own you know, extreme trying to own you know, extreme trying to own you know, extreme ownership is a really big deal. You know ownership is a really big deal. You know ownership is a really big deal. You know what I mean? Like uh I feel big, too. what I mean? Like uh I feel big, too. what I mean? Like uh I feel big, too. You know what I mean? And I can't I You know what I mean? And I can't I You know what I mean? And I can't I can't expect you know, somebody else to can't expect you know, somebody else to can't expect you know, somebody else to It's not my wife's responsibility to It's not my wife's responsibility to It's not my wife's responsibility to regulate my emotions. regulate my emotions. regulate my emotions. You know what I mean? And it's not her You know what I mean? And it's not her You know what I mean? And it's not her job to do that. Like it's not It's not job to do that. Like it's not It's not job to do that. Like it's not It's not healthy for me to hide them, but I It's healthy for me to hide them, but I It's healthy for me to hide them, but I It's not her job to help me regulate those. not her job to help me regulate those. not her job to help me regulate those. That's my job. You know what I mean? And That's my job. You know what I mean? And That's my job. You know what I mean? And it's not my kids' job to figure out what it's not my kids' job to figure out what it's not my kids' job to figure out what it's like to be a 15-year-old with a dad it's like to be a 15-year-old with a dad it's like to be a 15-year-old with a dad in rehab. in rehab. in rehab. You know what I mean? And You know what I mean? And You know what I mean? And And that's my That's my job. You know, And that's my That's my job. You know, And that's my That's my job. You know, and so and so and so Man, the the the Man, the the the Man, the the the Coming back to that, like it literally Coming back to that, like it literally Coming back to that, like it literally that's what it's been like every day that's what it's been like every day that's what it's been like every day since since that day I got that I last since since that day I got that I last since since that day I got that I last time I used was like I just I can't. God time I used was like I just I can't. God time I used was like I just I can't. God can. can. can. And I think I'll let him, you know?

And I think I'll let him, you know? And I think I'll let him, you know? And um And um And um not being able to see how this was going not being able to see how this was going not being able to see how this was going to turn out You know what I mean? Not to turn out You know what I mean? Not to turn out You know what I mean? Not knowing how it was going to turn out. Um knowing how it was going to turn out. Um knowing how it was going to turn out. Um hey man, God me meets in that and in hey man, God me meets in that and in hey man, God me meets in that and in that that that scripture of he's able to that that that scripture of he's able to that that that scripture of he's able to do immeasurably more than you could ask do immeasurably more than you could ask do immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine. or imagine. or imagine. Like man, when you hit that spot, Like man, when you hit that spot, Like man, when you hit that spot, whether it's cuz you lost a job, but you whether it's cuz you lost a job, but you whether it's cuz you lost a job, but you know what I mean? Or money's tight or know what I mean? Or money's tight or know what I mean? Or money's tight or this this this things you can't control when the health things you can't control when the health things you can't control when the health things are like you have an addiction things are like you have an addiction things are like you have an addiction that's just didn't know you were going that's just didn't know you were going that's just didn't know you were going to end up here, but this is where you're to end up here, but this is where you're to end up here, but this is where you're at. When you get to that point at. When you get to that point at. When you get to that point and you're like, "God, I don't know what and you're like, "God, I don't know what and you're like, "God, I don't know what to do." to do." to do." Man, it's like he floods and into it and Man, it's like he floods and into it and Man, it's like he floods and into it and fills the gaps. fills the gaps. fills the gaps. And does stuff that just like And does stuff that just like And does stuff that just like it's better like it's better than now it's better like it's better than now it's better like it's better than now that I could ever imagine. You know what that I could ever imagine. You know what that I could ever imagine. You know what I mean? And And it's you know, that the I mean? And And it's you know, that the I mean? And And it's you know, that the verse I lock into is that, you know, my verse I lock into is that, you know, my verse I lock into is that, you know, my power is made perfect in weakness, you power is made perfect in weakness, you power is made perfect in weakness, you know? And it's like, "Wait a minute, know? And it's like, "Wait a minute, know? And it's like, "Wait a minute, God, if you're all powerful God, if you're all powerful God, if you're all powerful and it's made more powerful, does that and it's made more powerful, does that and it's made more powerful, does that mean your power is lacking?" And it's mean your power is lacking?" And it's mean your power is lacking?" And it's really I love that because it's not It's really I love that because it's not It's really I love that because it's not It's not that it's more powerful, but it's not that it's more powerful, but it's not that it's more powerful, but it's made most visible.

made most visible. made most visible. It's made most visible, you know? It's made most visible, you know? It's made most visible, you know? It doesn't feel really good. My ego It doesn't feel really good. My ego It doesn't feel really good. My ego hates it. hates it. hates it. My ego I think my ego is made of that My ego I think my ego is made of that My ego I think my ego is made of that stuff they put in Wolverine, bro. stuff they put in Wolverine, bro. stuff they put in Wolverine, bro. >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> You know what I mean? I beat that thing >> You know what I mean? I beat that thing >> You know what I mean? I beat that thing down and the next morning I get up and down and the next morning I get up and down and the next morning I get up and he's back, you know, ready to go, claws he's back, you know, ready to go, claws he's back, you know, ready to go, claws out, you know, and my ego doesn't like out, you know, and my ego doesn't like out, you know, and my ego doesn't like that, you know, but man, when I start in that, you know, but man, when I start in that, you know, but man, when I start in that state, in that place of God, I that state, in that place of God, I that state, in that place of God, I don't know. don't know. don't know. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I just need you know, he he he invades >> I just need you know, he he he invades >> I just need you know, he he he invades it. That's That's all I know. it. That's That's all I know. it. That's That's all I know. >> It's awesome. >> It's awesome. >> It's awesome. >> Yeah, we we probably, you know, kind of >> Yeah, we we probably, you know, kind of >> Yeah, we we probably, you know, kind of the the the you know, almost to wrap it. It's funny you know, almost to wrap it. It's funny you know, almost to wrap it. It's funny cuz and I bet I could probably get more cuz and I bet I could probably get more cuz and I bet I could probably get more from you all, too, cuz I'm I'm sitting from you all, too, cuz I'm I'm sitting from you all, too, cuz I'm I'm sitting here with with my own life, you know, here with with my own life, you know, here with with my own life, you know, we've we've we've had a couple kids who we've we've we've had a couple kids who we've we've we've had a couple kids who had had had you know, tragic accidents that could you know, tragic accidents that could you know, tragic accidents that could have went this way and by the grace of have went this way and by the grace of have went this way and by the grace of God it went this way. We've God it went this way. We've God it went this way. We've you know, we've had I remember when my you know, we've had I remember when my you know, we've had I remember when my my wife went through my wife went through my wife went through you know, you know, you know, right after one of the right after one of the right after one of the you know, postpartum right after our you know, postpartum right after our you know, postpartum right after our third kid, she just third kid, she just third kid, she just just came out of the blue and we've had just came out of the blue and we've had just came out of the blue and we've had finance and we've had hard family finance and we've had hard family finance and we've had hard family things. We've had things. We've had things. We've had But when those things happen it it I I But when those things happen it it I I But when those things happen it it I I do think again, this is this is a great do think again, this is this is a great do think again, this is this is a great example of sometimes it's things you example of sometimes it's things you example of sometimes it's things you can't control within your family, within can't control within your family, within can't control within your family, within your job, within you know, finances and your job, within you know, finances and your job, within you know, finances and the and you know, old wounds from the the and you know, old wounds from the the and you know, old wounds from the past that have taken root in different past that have taken root in different past that have taken root in different areas and and I would almost say like areas and and I would almost say like areas and and I would almost say like you know, every man's got his stuff.

you know, every man's got his stuff. you know, every man's got his stuff. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You know, we've always got we've all got >> You know, we've always got we've all got >> You know, we've always got we've all got challenges and we all have things that challenges and we all have things that challenges and we all have things that that would that would that would push us to be quiet and and pull back. push us to be quiet and and pull back. push us to be quiet and and pull back. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> But but any man who's in that spot, I >> But but any man who's in that spot, I >> But but any man who's in that spot, I think you know, whether it's on your think you know, whether it's on your think you know, whether it's on your knees with your wife for letting him knees with your wife for letting him knees with your wife for letting him speak identity or or saying just two speak identity or or saying just two speak identity or or saying just two words. Even if you don't want to say I'm words. Even if you don't want to say I'm words. Even if you don't want to say I'm sad, what would you say? I'm sad and sad, what would you say? I'm sad and sad, what would you say? I'm sad and like say like say like say >> I'm anxious. >> I'm anxious. >> I'm anxious. >> I'm anxious and and and it's and that's >> I'm anxious and and and it's and that's >> I'm anxious and and and it's and that's at least clear or but I think I think at least clear or but I think I think at least clear or but I think I think what you got to all of us need to go to what you got to all of us need to go to what you got to all of us need to go to the Lord. the Lord. the Lord. >> Mhm. [clears throat] >> Mhm. [clears throat] >> Mhm. [clears throat] >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> And we talk to him first >> And we talk to him first >> And we talk to him first and just say, "Hey, I don't know what and just say, "Hey, I don't know what and just say, "Hey, I don't know what I'm doing I'm doing I'm doing and I need you." and I need you." and I need you." And I'm feeling real quiet right now and And I'm feeling real quiet right now and And I'm feeling real quiet right now and like when you said, "When I'm quiet, I'm like when you said, "When I'm quiet, I'm like when you said, "When I'm quiet, I'm processing." processing." processing." >> Yeah, [laughter] >> Yeah, [laughter] >> Yeah, [laughter] >> I'm also processing. >> I'm also processing. >> I'm also processing. >> a lot. And And we are processing, but >> a lot. And And we are processing, but >> a lot. And And we are processing, but God, I'm just going to invite you in God, I'm just going to invite you in God, I'm just going to invite you in this processing. this processing. this processing. And um and I need you and I trust you. And um and I need you and I trust you. And um and I need you and I trust you. And then And then also, again, can't And then And then also, again, can't And then And then also, again, can't can't overemphasize, get other men in can't overemphasize, get other men in can't overemphasize, get other men in your life. And so, you know, you didn't your life. And so, you know, you didn't your life. And so, you know, you didn't just say that to your wife, you also just say that to your wife, you also just say that to your wife, you also said it You said You know, you said, "I said it You said You know, you said, "I said it You said You know, you said, "I got to grab some guys. I got to In In got to grab some guys. I got to In In got to grab some guys. I got to In In Hey, I got you and I'm with you." And Hey, I got you and I'm with you." And Hey, I got you and I'm with you." And not people are going to beat you down not people are going to beat you down not people are going to beat you down because you messed up. Yes, you did and because you messed up. Yes, you did and because you messed up. Yes, you did and yes, we're going to get you back up, but yes, we're going to get you back up, but yes, we're going to get you back up, but I'm with you, man. You got this. I I'm with you, man. You got this. I I'm with you, man. You got this. I believe in you. And um and and what what believe in you. And um and and what what believe in you. And um and and what what a gift it is to have a godly community.

a gift it is to have a godly community. a gift it is to have a godly community. And if you don't have one, you need one. And if you don't have one, you need one. And if you don't have one, you need one. And so, you're like, "When do you And so, you're like, "When do you And so, you're like, "When do you start?" Today. Like, you figure it out start?" Today. Like, you figure it out start?" Today. Like, you figure it out today. You figure it out um because you today. You figure it out um because you today. You figure it out um because you just can't keep carrying the weight on just can't keep carrying the weight on just can't keep carrying the weight on your shoulders. your shoulders. your shoulders. Um you you got to you got to speak up, Um you you got to you got to speak up, Um you you got to you got to speak up, speak to God, and speak to others, and speak to God, and speak to others, and speak to God, and speak to others, and and let let the let the Lord do what and let let the let the Lord do what and let let the let the Lord do what only the Lord does. And he does, man. I only the Lord does. And he does, man. I only the Lord does. And he does, man. I mean, the things he's done in our our mean, the things he's done in our our mean, the things he's done in our our lives are wild. Um and [music] it's just lives are wild. Um and [music] it's just lives are wild. Um and [music] it's just his grace and his power. So, so our his grace and his power. So, so our his grace and his power. So, so our prayer for you is that you would find prayer for you is that you would find prayer for you is that you would find the exact same thing that the exact same thing that the exact same thing that if you feel yourself quiet or if you've if you feel yourself quiet or if you've if you feel yourself quiet or if you've been quiet for a long time or if you're been quiet for a long time or if you're been quiet for a long time or if you're carrying a weight that nobody else knows carrying a weight that nobody else knows carrying a weight that nobody else knows you carry and it's got you questioning you carry and it's got you questioning you carry and it's got you questioning life or being in life life or being in life life or being in life or it's got you, you know, [music] uh or it's got you, you know, [music] uh or it's got you, you know, [music] uh just want you know, you're valuable. Uh just want you know, you're valuable. Uh just want you know, you're valuable. Uh you got this. Lord, you you have no clue you got this. Lord, you you have no clue you got this. Lord, you you have no clue what the Lord [music] could do through what the Lord [music] could do through what the Lord [music] could do through you just coming to him and coming to you you just coming to him and coming to you you just coming to him and coming to you through other people. Um through other people. Um through other people. Um God can do anything. We've seen We've God can do anything. We've seen We've God can do anything. We've seen We've seen him do the most miraculous. That's seen him do the most miraculous. That's seen him do the most miraculous. That's one of the best things about being a one of the best things about being a one of the best things about being a Christian. Christian. Christian. We see him do stuff, you know. We see We see him do stuff, you know. We see We see him do stuff, you know. We see him do stuff all the time that you're him do stuff all the time that you're him do stuff all the time that you're like, "What in the world, man? That is like, "What in the world, man? That is like, "What in the world, man? That is wild. Only he does that."

wild. Only he does that." wild. Only he does that." Um but that's what happens when we speak Um but that's what happens when we speak Um but that's what happens when we speak to him, we start speaking to others. So, to him, we start speaking to others. So, to him, we start speaking to others. So, we're praying that that will happen for we're praying that that will happen for we're praying that that will happen for you, too. So, great conversation. Love you, too. So, great conversation. Love you, too. So, great conversation. Love it. >> Had a great job summing all that up. >> Had a great job summing all that up. That was fire, bro. That was fire, bro. That was fire, bro. >> Well, you brought it all the things he >> Well, you brought it all the things he >> Well, you brought it all the things he got was good. I'm going to make sure that we're not on I'm going to make sure that we're not on a tape.