How Jesus Changed My Life

I had tried to drown myself and I think I had tried to drown myself and I think that's when I like felt that I was too that's when I like felt that I was too that's when I like felt that I was too far gone. My name is Caitlin Dealman. I'm in 12th My name is Caitlin Dealman. I'm in 12th grade and I go to Crestwood. I I had a grade and I go to Crestwood. I I had a grade and I go to Crestwood. I I had a lot of doubts if the church was real, if lot of doubts if the church was real, if lot of doubts if the church was real, if God was real and I would see my [music] God was real and I would see my [music] God was real and I would see my [music] friends at church playing their hands up friends at church playing their hands up friends at church playing their hands up and I was confused on why like I I never and I was confused on why like I I never and I was confused on why like I I never got it and I would get upset [music] at got it and I would get upset [music] at got it and I would get upset [music] at myself to the point where I just I just myself to the point where I just I just myself to the point where I just I just gave up. gave up. gave up. My first drink was at a New Year's My first drink was at a New Year's My first drink was at a New Year's party. party. party. I saw everyone else doing it and I I saw everyone else doing it and I I saw everyone else doing it and I thought it would be fun and thought it would be fun and thought it would be fun and I had a drink and then I had another I had a drink and then I had another I had a drink and then I had another drink and then I couldn't put it down. drink and then I couldn't put it down. drink and then I couldn't put it down. Drinking made me feel Drinking made me feel Drinking made me feel fine in the moment. [music] I didn't fine in the moment. [music] I didn't fine in the moment. [music] I didn't have as much to think about have as much to think about have as much to think about and I knew I wouldn't remember half of and I knew I wouldn't remember half of and I knew I wouldn't remember half of it in the morning anyways. I think I was it in the morning anyways. I think I was it in the morning anyways. I think I was so deep in shame that I didn't think so deep in shame that I didn't think so deep in shame that I didn't think anyone cared about me and [music] I I anyone cared about me and [music] I I anyone cared about me and [music] I I started isolating myself and and I started isolating myself and and I started isolating myself and and I pushed the people who would bring me to pushed the people who would bring me to pushed the people who would bring me to church [music] like away.

church [music] like away. church [music] like away. It was Chloe. She's She was in my It was Chloe. She's She was in my It was Chloe. She's She was in my English class and [music] I was a new English class and [music] I was a new English class and [music] I was a new student at my high school and student at my high school and student at my high school and I had never spoke to her before and she I had never spoke to her before and she I had never spoke to her before and she came up to [music] me and was just like came up to [music] me and was just like came up to [music] me and was just like you should come to camp and she told me you should come to camp and she told me you should come to camp and she told me about it and I was like okay about it and I was like okay about it and I was like okay >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> and she invited me to one night and I >> and she invited me to one night and I >> and she invited me to one night and I went and I met everybody. I was like went and I met everybody. I was like went and I met everybody. I was like okay and then okay and then okay and then she got me to camp. It was a week before [music] camp and It was a week before [music] camp and I remember we had went on this huge I remember we had went on this huge I remember we had went on this huge journey to find alcohol and to get journey to find alcohol and to get journey to find alcohol and to get someone to get it for us and I just kept someone to get it for us and I just kept someone to get it for us and I just kept sipping out of a bottle. I kept stealing sipping out of a bottle. I kept stealing sipping out of a bottle. I kept stealing people's drinks. I was getting stuff people's drinks. I was getting stuff people's drinks. I was getting stuff taken from me. I was getting upset. taken from me. I was getting upset. taken from me. I was getting upset. And then we were swimming. And then we were swimming. And then we were swimming. >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> And the entire night I talked about how >> And the entire night I talked about how >> And the entire night I talked about how much I didn't want to be alive. much I didn't want to be alive. much I didn't want to be alive. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] And And And I had tried to drown myself. I had tried to drown myself. I had tried to drown myself. When I heard that in the morning and When I heard that in the morning and When I heard that in the morning and just had everybody's like staring at me just had everybody's like staring at me just had everybody's like staring at me at 6:00 a.m. telling me that they were at 6:00 a.m. telling me that they were at 6:00 a.m. telling me that they were concerned.

concerned. concerned. >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> Like I I and I I didn't [music] care. And I think and I I didn't [music] care. And I think and I I didn't [music] care. And I think that's when I like felt that I was too that's when I like felt that I was too that's when I like felt that I was too far gone. >> There was a moment when I was getting >> There was a moment when I was getting ready for ready for ready for worship on Tuesday night with my friend worship on Tuesday night with my friend worship on Tuesday night with my friend and I had told her about a worship song and I had told her about a worship song and I had told her about a worship song that that that my mom used to play in the car and it my mom used to play in the car and it my mom used to play in the car and it was greater you Lord. was greater you Lord. was greater you Lord. And there was a moment of worship when And there was a moment of worship when And there was a moment of worship when like everything went dark. like everything went dark. like everything went dark. And the bridge of that song started And the bridge of that song started And the bridge of that song started playing. playing. playing. And [music] I just remember like my And [music] I just remember like my And [music] I just remember like my friend grabbing me and saying you're friend grabbing me and saying you're friend grabbing me and saying you're supposed to be here. Like this is for supposed to be here. Like this is for supposed to be here. Like this is for you. you. you. And And And I I was just so in awe. Like I was in I I was just so in awe. Like I was in I I was just so in awe. Like I was in shock. Wednesday night shock. Wednesday night shock. Wednesday night I remember there being two cloths. One I remember there being two cloths. One I remember there being two cloths. One of them was orange and one of them was of them was orange and one of them was of them was orange and one of them was white.

white. white. And I remember like someone having And I remember like someone having And I remember like someone having [music] an orange one for me to get [music] an orange one for me to get [music] an orange one for me to get recommitted. recommitted. recommitted. When I saw that there was one for me, I When I saw that there was one for me, I When I saw that there was one for me, I fully panicked. I remember I ended up on fully panicked. I remember I ended up on fully panicked. I remember I ended up on the floor. the floor. the floor. And I [music] just cried. And I [music] just cried. And I [music] just cried. There was something holding me back and There was something holding me back and There was something holding me back and I was just like [music] I can't I can't I was just like [music] I can't I can't I was just like [music] I can't I can't do it. I can't I can't recommit. do it. I can't I can't recommit. do it. I can't I can't recommit. And I remember being on the floor and And I remember being on the floor and And I remember being on the floor and all I could say was no. [music] all I could say was no. [music] all I could say was no. [music] I was like what if this is in my head? I was like what if this is in my head? I was like what if this is in my head? Like I just went to this for one week, Like I just went to this for one week, Like I just went to this for one week, how can my whole life be changed? And I how can my whole life be changed? And I how can my whole life be changed? And I wrestled with what people [music] would wrestled with what people [music] would wrestled with what people [music] would think of me like if I was making this think of me like if I was making this think of me like if I was making this decision decision decision you know, for the fun [music] of it and you know, for the fun [music] of it and you know, for the fun [music] of it and I kept like asking people like what is I kept like asking people like what is I kept like asking people like what is it like to get baptized? Like what does it like to get baptized? Like what does it like to get baptized? Like what does it mean? I remember asking a man at it mean? I remember asking a man at it mean? I remember asking a man at church church church if you could still get baptized if you if you could still get baptized if you if you could still get baptized if you were sprinkled as a baby and he was like were sprinkled as a baby and he was like were sprinkled as a baby and he was like well, of [music] course. well, of [music] course. well, of [music] course. And And And I think I was like yeah, like I need to I think I was like yeah, like I need to I think I was like yeah, like I need to get baptized.

The day I got baptized, I The day I got baptized, I was really nervous to just like feel was really nervous to just like feel was really nervous to just like feel [music] [music] [music] like everything people had been like everything people had been like everything people had been explaining to me about like everything explaining to me about like everything explaining to me about like everything being left in the water. When I came out being left in the water. When I came out being left in the water. When I came out of the water, I the first person I of the water, I the first person I of the water, I the first person I hugged was my best friend Abby. hugged was my best friend Abby. hugged was my best friend Abby. Uh she was the friend who was trying Uh she was the friend who was trying Uh she was the friend who was trying [music] to get me to church since I was [music] to get me to church since I was [music] to get me to church since I was in kindergarten. I was just feeling so in kindergarten. I was just feeling so in kindergarten. I was just feeling so thankful [music] thankful [music] thankful [music] that God had brought her in my life the that God had brought her in my life the that God had brought her in my life the whole time. Like she had been there the whole time. Like she had been there the whole time. Like she had been there the whole time praying for me. whole time praying for me. whole time praying for me. And I remember after I got baptized, she And I remember after I got baptized, she And I remember after I got baptized, she [music] told me that she had notebooks [music] told me that she had notebooks [music] told me that she had notebooks full of prayers for me ever since she full of prayers for me ever since she full of prayers for me ever since she could write. could write. could write. And And And >> [music] >> [music] >> [music] >> I think that was the moment where I I >> I think that was the moment where I I >> I think that was the moment where I I knew that like I was never alone. Like knew that like I was never alone. Like knew that like I was never alone. Like he had never stopped. Getting rid of this the drinking was a Getting rid of this the drinking was a big thing to get over and the friends big thing to get over and the friends big thing to get over and the friends that I had hung out with and like had that I had hung out with and like had that I had hung out with and like had drank with. But looking back, there was drank with. But looking back, there was drank with. But looking back, there was nothing fruitful. Like I I wasn't nothing fruitful. Like I I wasn't nothing fruitful. Like I I wasn't gaining anything.

gaining anything. gaining anything. If anybody was at camp um If anybody was at camp um If anybody was at camp um and felt they were unworthy [music] and felt they were unworthy [music] and felt they were unworthy [music] and just didn't have that feeling of and just didn't have that feeling of and just didn't have that feeling of belonging, I think. I think I would just want to tell them I think I would just want to tell them there there there there is a God who loves there is a God who loves there is a God who loves >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> and he loves you no matter what. And he loves you no matter what you And he loves you no matter what you think of yourself and think of yourself and think of yourself and I think that if people were I think that if people were I think that if people were on the verge, I think just by hanging on on the verge, I think just by hanging on on the verge, I think just by hanging on and getting through a hard season and and getting through a hard season and and getting through a hard season and getting out of a tough head space, I I think that there's so much so much out I think that there's so much so much out there for you and I think that there for you and I think that there for you and I think that everyone's here for a reason. Me before I met Jesus was lost. Me before I met Jesus was lost. >> And who are you today? Who's in front of >> And who are you today? Who's in front of >> And who are you today? Who's in front of us today?