What's Holding You Back?

But what if you went back to when you But what if you went back to when you were 10 years old? were 10 years old? were 10 years old? Like when you were 10 years old, what Like when you were 10 years old, what Like when you were 10 years old, what was the dream? What did you want to be was the dream? What did you want to be was the dream? What did you want to be when you grew up? Like nobody ever says, when you grew up? Like nobody ever says, when you grew up? Like nobody ever says, "I want to be in middle management, "I want to be in middle management, "I want to be in middle management, drive a 2014 Camry with the check engine drive a 2014 Camry with the check engine drive a 2014 Camry with the check engine light that's been on since 2019." light that's been on since 2019." light that's been on since 2019." And I kind of feel bad using that as an And I kind of feel bad using that as an And I kind of feel bad using that as an example because with enough people, like example because with enough people, like example because with enough people, like I just that perfectly describes I just that perfectly describes I just that perfectly describes somebody. If that's you, I'm not saying there's If that's you, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with working in middle anything wrong with working in middle anything wrong with working in middle management, driving a 2014 Camry with a management, driving a 2014 Camry with a management, driving a 2014 Camry with a check engine light that's been on since check engine light that's been on since check engine light that's been on since 2019. 2019. 2019. I'm just saying I'm just saying I'm just saying that probably wasn't the dream. that probably wasn't the dream. that probably wasn't the dream. So when you're young, the dream is huge. So when you're young, the dream is huge. So when you're young, the dream is huge. You're going to be an NBA player or an You're going to be an NBA player or an You're going to be an NBA player or an astronaut or a ninja because kids don't astronaut or a ninja because kids don't astronaut or a ninja because kids don't dream small, but dream small, but dream small, but life comes around, life happens, and life comes around, life happens, and life comes around, life happens, and your dreams start experiencing some rude your dreams start experiencing some rude your dreams start experiencing some rude awakenings. awakenings. awakenings. Your rude awakening might have been like Your rude awakening might have been like Your rude awakening might have been like your parents' divorce, might have been your parents' divorce, might have been your parents' divorce, might have been an unexpected diagnosis, it might have an unexpected diagnosis, it might have an unexpected diagnosis, it might have been a relationship that fell apart or a been a relationship that fell apart or a been a relationship that fell apart or a job that was eliminated, or maybe it was job that was eliminated, or maybe it was job that was eliminated, or maybe it was a phone call that woke you up in the a phone call that woke you up in the a phone call that woke you up in the middle of the night.

middle of the night. middle of the night. Maybe for the dads on this Father's Day Maybe for the dads on this Father's Day Maybe for the dads on this Father's Day weekend, it was the moment you became a weekend, it was the moment you became a weekend, it was the moment you became a dad and you realized, "I am wildly dad and you realized, "I am wildly dad and you realized, "I am wildly unqualified." Like nobody handed you a unqualified." Like nobody handed you a unqualified." Like nobody handed you a manual. manual. manual. And you look at this brand new baby and And you look at this brand new baby and And you look at this brand new baby and you're I have no idea what I'm doing. you're I have no idea what I'm doing. you're I have no idea what I'm doing. My oldest daughter was actually born on My oldest daughter was actually born on My oldest daughter was actually born on Father's Day 28 years ago today. They Father's Day 28 years ago today. They Father's Day 28 years ago today. They hand us this baby, this tiny helpless hand us this baby, this tiny helpless hand us this baby, this tiny helpless human being, and they just say, "You can human being, and they just say, "You can human being, and they just say, "You can go home now. go home now. go home now. Like you're good to go." It's like they Like you're good to go." It's like they Like you're good to go." It's like they were handing me like a Crunchwrap were handing me like a Crunchwrap were handing me like a Crunchwrap Supreme at the Taco Bell drive-thru. Supreme at the Taco Bell drive-thru. Supreme at the Taco Bell drive-thru. Like no test, no certification, no Like no test, no certification, no Like no test, no certification, no supervised trial period. They just hand supervised trial period. They just hand supervised trial period. They just hand me a baby and let me leave with a with a me a baby and let me leave with a with a me a baby and let me leave with a with a person. And so I carry her out in her person. And so I carry her out in her person. And so I carry her out in her car seat out of the hospital to her 1991 car seat out of the hospital to her 1991 car seat out of the hospital to her 1991 Honda Civic to put her in that backseat Honda Civic to put her in that backseat Honda Civic to put her in that backseat and my wife's in the passenger seat. I and my wife's in the passenger seat. I and my wife's in the passenger seat. I open up the backseat and I look at this open up the backseat and I look at this open up the backseat and I look at this car seat. I've got no idea. And some of car seat. I've got no idea. And some of car seat. I've got no idea. And some of you're thinking just watch a YouTube you're thinking just watch a YouTube you're thinking just watch a YouTube video. video. video. Well, that wasn't a thing in 1998.

Well, that wasn't a thing in 1998. Well, that wasn't a thing in 1998. And so And so And so I'm sweating and I'm frustrated and I'm I'm sweating and I'm frustrated and I'm I'm sweating and I'm frustrated and I'm trying to wrestle this car seat into trying to wrestle this car seat into trying to wrestle this car seat into place, half in half out of the car, place, half in half out of the car, place, half in half out of the car, sleep deprived, and I start to lose it. sleep deprived, and I start to lose it. sleep deprived, and I start to lose it. My sweet baby girl is listening to her My sweet baby girl is listening to her My sweet baby girl is listening to her first Christian cuss words. first Christian cuss words. first Christian cuss words. It's my first task of fatherhood. I'm It's my first task of fatherhood. I'm It's my first task of fatherhood. I'm failing. I'm not even 30 ft out of the failing. I'm not even 30 ft out of the failing. I'm not even 30 ft out of the hospital and it's a rude awakening. hospital and it's a rude awakening. hospital and it's a rude awakening. And life is full of those moments. And life is full of those moments. And life is full of those moments. But what we're going to discover as we But what we're going to discover as we But what we're going to discover as we continue through Genesis, as we begin a continue through Genesis, as we begin a continue through Genesis, as we begin a series through the life of Joseph, is series through the life of Joseph, is series through the life of Joseph, is that even in those moments, even with that even in those moments, even with that even in those moments, even with those rude awakenings, God is with you those rude awakenings, God is with you those rude awakenings, God is with you and he's still working things together and he's still working things together and he's still working things together for good, even if you can't see it. for good, even if you can't see it. for good, even if you can't see it. This week, we're picking up in Genesis This week, we're picking up in Genesis This week, we're picking up in Genesis 37. 37. 37. We have been studying about the family We have been studying about the family We have been studying about the family that Joseph was born into and we've seen that Joseph was born into and we've seen that Joseph was born into and we've seen that his family of origin was a mess. that his family of origin was a mess. that his family of origin was a mess. His father Jacob had 12 sons from four His father Jacob had 12 sons from four His father Jacob had 12 sons from four different women, lots of drama. It was different women, lots of drama. It was different women, lots of drama. It was like the real housewives of Canaan like the real housewives of Canaan like the real housewives of Canaan around his home. And and around his home. And and around his home. And and before we would have begun this study before we would have begun this study before we would have begun this study through Genesis, you might have thought through Genesis, you might have thought through Genesis, you might have thought like the Bible is a book that tells like the Bible is a book that tells like the Bible is a book that tells stories of good people doing good things stories of good people doing good things stories of good people doing good things for God.

for God. for God. But the stories we've been studying But the stories we've been studying But the stories we've been studying something different. It's a good God who something different. It's a good God who something different. It's a good God who does good things to a broken and messy does good things to a broken and messy does good things to a broken and messy people. people. people. And so in the middle of this And so in the middle of this And so in the middle of this dysfunctional family, God gives a dream dysfunctional family, God gives a dream dysfunctional family, God gives a dream to the 17-year-old boy named Joseph. to the 17-year-old boy named Joseph. to the 17-year-old boy named Joseph. Genesis 37 tells us actually had two Genesis 37 tells us actually had two Genesis 37 tells us actually had two dreams. The first dream, dreams. The first dream, dreams. The first dream, he and his brothers are out in a field he and his brothers are out in a field he and his brothers are out in a field binding sheaves of grain binding sheaves of grain binding sheaves of grain and Joseph's sheaf rises up while all and Joseph's sheaf rises up while all and Joseph's sheaf rises up while all his brothers' sheaves gather around and his brothers' sheaves gather around and his brothers' sheaves gather around and bow down. bow down. bow down. Second dream, Second dream, Second dream, the sun and the moon and 11 stars the sun and the moon and 11 stars the sun and the moon and 11 stars representing his brothers are all bowing representing his brothers are all bowing representing his brothers are all bowing down to Joseph. down to Joseph. down to Joseph. And so Joseph at age 17 decides best And so Joseph at age 17 decides best And so Joseph at age 17 decides best thing to do with these dreams is to tell thing to do with these dreams is to tell thing to do with these dreams is to tell my brothers about them bowing down. my brothers about them bowing down. my brothers about them bowing down. And that goes about as well as you might And that goes about as well as you might And that goes about as well as you might expect. Genesis 37 expect. Genesis 37 expect. Genesis 37 verse 5. Joseph had a dream and when he verse 5. Joseph had a dream and when he verse 5. Joseph had a dream and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him told it to his brothers, they hated him told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. There's a version of this story that There's a version of this story that makes Joseph the problem. And and makes Joseph the problem. And and makes Joseph the problem. And and clearly like he lacks some social clearly like he lacks some social clearly like he lacks some social awareness in this moment, but also God awareness in this moment, but also God awareness in this moment, but also God gave him the dream.

gave him the dream. gave him the dream. It was from God. It was from God. It was from God. And yet it disrupts his life and it And yet it disrupts his life and it And yet it disrupts his life and it creates strain in his relationships. creates strain in his relationships. creates strain in his relationships. I and I don't want you to miss that I and I don't want you to miss that I and I don't want you to miss that because sometimes the dream that God because sometimes the dream that God because sometimes the dream that God gives you can be hard for the people gives you can be hard for the people gives you can be hard for the people closest to you to see, hard for them to closest to you to see, hard for them to closest to you to see, hard for them to accept. accept. accept. But to really understand why this dream But to really understand why this dream But to really understand why this dream created such an explosion in his family, created such an explosion in his family, created such an explosion in his family, you have to understand that Joseph's you have to understand that Joseph's you have to understand that Joseph's father Jacob had already like lit that father Jacob had already like lit that father Jacob had already like lit that fuse long before. fuse long before. fuse long before. Look at verse 3 in our passage. Look at verse 3 in our passage. Look at verse 3 in our passage. It says now Israel, that's Jacob, that's It says now Israel, that's Jacob, that's It says now Israel, that's Jacob, that's Joseph's dad, he loved Joseph more than Joseph's dad, he loved Joseph more than Joseph's dad, he loved Joseph more than any of his other sons because he had any of his other sons because he had any of his other sons because he had been born to him in his old age. And he been born to him in his old age. And he been born to him in his old age. And he made an ornate robe for him. And when made an ornate robe for him. And when made an ornate robe for him. And when his brothers saw that their father loved his brothers saw that their father loved his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him more than any of them, they hated him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him and could not speak a kind word to him and could not speak a kind word to him. him. him. So we call this the coat of many colors, So we call this the coat of many colors, So we call this the coat of many colors, but more accurately it was this ornate but more accurately it was this ornate but more accurately it was this ornate long-sleeved robe, but it's specifically long-sleeved robe, but it's specifically long-sleeved robe, but it's specifically the kind of robe for people who don't do the kind of robe for people who don't do the kind of robe for people who don't do manual labor.

manual labor. manual labor. And so Jacob gave it to just one of his And so Jacob gave it to just one of his And so Jacob gave it to just one of his sons. sons. sons. And so the brothers are out in the And so the brothers are out in the And so the brothers are out in the fields doing manual labor, wearing work fields doing manual labor, wearing work fields doing manual labor, wearing work boots and Carhartts, and Joseph, he boots and Carhartts, and Joseph, he boots and Carhartts, and Joseph, he walks up in a Boss polo, a pair of Gucci walks up in a Boss polo, a pair of Gucci walks up in a Boss polo, a pair of Gucci shoes, and a belt that has like little shoes, and a belt that has like little shoes, and a belt that has like little whales on it. whales on it. whales on it. He's not just dressed for a different He's not just dressed for a different He's not just dressed for a different job. He's dressed for a different life. job. He's dressed for a different life. job. He's dressed for a different life. And Jacob, the father, seems completely And Jacob, the father, seems completely And Jacob, the father, seems completely oblivious. oblivious. oblivious. What makes this so hard to understand, What makes this so hard to understand, What makes this so hard to understand, Jacob, if you remember, he grew up in a Jacob, if you remember, he grew up in a Jacob, if you remember, he grew up in a home where his own father played home where his own father played home where his own father played favorites. So, Jacob knew exactly what favorites. So, Jacob knew exactly what favorites. So, Jacob knew exactly what it was like to be the overlooked son. it was like to be the overlooked son. it was like to be the overlooked son. Like, he grew up with that wound, and he Like, he grew up with that wound, and he Like, he grew up with that wound, and he must have thought, "I'm not going to do must have thought, "I'm not going to do must have thought, "I'm not going to do it that way. Like, when I have my own it that way. Like, when I have my own it that way. Like, when I have my own kids, I'm going to do it different." kids, I'm going to do it different." kids, I'm going to do it different." But, then he has his own sons, and he But, then he has his own sons, and he But, then he has his own sons, and he does the exact same thing. does the exact same thing. does the exact same thing. Why? Why? Why? Well, Well, Well, it was the only model that he'd ever it was the only model that he'd ever it was the only model that he'd ever seen. seen. seen. There's a term that researchers use for There's a term that researchers use for There's a term that researchers use for this, this, this, intergenerational transmission, meaning, intergenerational transmission, meaning, intergenerational transmission, meaning, unless there is a very intentional unless there is a very intentional unless there is a very intentional effort, we parent the way that we were effort, we parent the way that we were effort, we parent the way that we were parented, parented, parented, almost automatically, like almost almost automatically, like almost almost automatically, like almost unconsciously.

unconsciously. unconsciously. A study by the University of Delaware A study by the University of Delaware A study by the University of Delaware tracked parenting patterns across three tracked parenting patterns across three tracked parenting patterns across three generations, and they found that the way generations, and they found that the way generations, and they found that the way a parent responds to their child's a parent responds to their child's a parent responds to their child's emotional needs is statistically emotional needs is statistically emotional needs is statistically predictable based on how their own predictable based on how their own predictable based on how their own childhood went. That's intergenerational childhood went. That's intergenerational childhood went. That's intergenerational transmission. transmission. transmission. In other words, if left alone, what your In other words, if left alone, what your In other words, if left alone, what your parents did has this powerful parents did has this powerful parents did has this powerful gravitational pull gravitational pull gravitational pull towards determining what you're going to towards determining what you're going to towards determining what you're going to do. do. do. And so, part of being a parent, part of And so, part of being a parent, part of And so, part of being a parent, part of being a person, being a person, being a person, is making decisions intentionally about is making decisions intentionally about is making decisions intentionally about what gets passed down. Every day, you're what gets passed down. Every day, you're what gets passed down. Every day, you're reinforcing a pattern or interrupting reinforcing a pattern or interrupting reinforcing a pattern or interrupting one. one. one. And that sounds simple enough, but And that sounds simple enough, but And that sounds simple enough, but breaking these strongholds, like breaking these strongholds, like breaking these strongholds, like breaking these patterns, especially breaking these patterns, especially breaking these patterns, especially parenting patterns, is really difficult. parenting patterns, is really difficult. parenting patterns, is really difficult. And so, you might start a family, and And so, you might start a family, and And so, you might start a family, and you say, "I'm not going to be like that. you say, "I'm not going to be like that. you say, "I'm not going to be like that. I'm going to do things different." I'm going to do things different." I'm going to do things different." But, But, But, when you're under stress, and under when you're under stress, and under when you're under stress, and under pressure, and you're tired, and you're pressure, and you're tired, and you're pressure, and you're tired, and you're overwhelmed, the default of your parents overwhelmed, the default of your parents overwhelmed, the default of your parents has a way of kicking in. Growing up, my has a way of kicking in. Growing up, my has a way of kicking in. Growing up, my dad had one consistent point of crisis.

dad had one consistent point of crisis. dad had one consistent point of crisis. It wasn't finances, and it wasn't It wasn't finances, and it wasn't It wasn't finances, and it wasn't marriage conflict. It was the drive-thru marriage conflict. It was the drive-thru marriage conflict. It was the drive-thru at a restaurant. I mean, it nearly broke at a restaurant. I mean, it nearly broke at a restaurant. I mean, it nearly broke him. him. him. The moment we'd pull into that The moment we'd pull into that The moment we'd pull into that drive-thru line, he'd break out in a drive-thru line, he'd break out in a drive-thru line, he'd break out in a cold sweat. cold sweat. cold sweat. He'd tell us repeatedly, like, "Be ready He'd tell us repeatedly, like, "Be ready He'd tell us repeatedly, like, "Be ready for your order. Be ready with your for your order. Be ready with your for your order. Be ready with your order." order." order." But, we pull up to the speaker, panic But, we pull up to the speaker, panic But, we pull up to the speaker, panic sets in, and my dad turns around, sets in, and my dad turns around, sets in, and my dad turns around, and he has the energy of a man diffusing and he has the energy of a man diffusing and he has the energy of a man diffusing a bomb, trying to get us to tell him our a bomb, trying to get us to tell him our a bomb, trying to get us to tell him our order. And once you order, that was it. order. And once you order, that was it. order. And once you order, that was it. Like, there was no changing it. It was Like, there was no changing it. It was Like, there was no changing it. It was set. And I watched this happen like 400 set. And I watched this happen like 400 set. And I watched this happen like 400 times growing up. And every single time times growing up. And every single time times growing up. And every single time I thought, "You know what? I'm never I thought, "You know what? I'm never I thought, "You know what? I'm never going to do that. going to do that. going to do that. When I have kids, the drive-thru is When I have kids, the drive-thru is When I have kids, the drive-thru is going to be a place of serenity, a place going to be a place of serenity, a place going to be a place of serenity, a place of peace, a place of joy and freedom. If of peace, a place of joy and freedom. If of peace, a place of joy and freedom. If you want to change your order, change you want to change your order, change you want to change your order, change your order. I'm going to be calm. I'm your order. I'm going to be calm. I'm your order. I'm going to be calm. I'm going to be the chill drive-thru dad going to be the chill drive-thru dad going to be the chill drive-thru dad that I never had." that I never had." that I never had." Fast forward. I got my own kids. We pull Fast forward. I got my own kids. We pull Fast forward. I got my own kids. We pull into a Chick-fil-A. They take your order into a Chick-fil-A. They take your order into a Chick-fil-A. They take your order in person, and I can feel the stress and in person, and I can feel the stress and in person, and I can feel the stress and the pressure building.

the pressure building. the pressure building. I roll down the window. The worker tells I roll down the window. The worker tells I roll down the window. The worker tells me I'm their pastor. Now I got to keep me I'm their pastor. Now I got to keep me I'm their pastor. Now I got to keep it together. it together. it together. >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> [laughter] >> I ask everyone for their order. My kids >> I ask everyone for their order. My kids >> I ask everyone for their order. My kids act like they've never eaten there act like they've never eaten there act like they've never eaten there before. before. before. I look at them trying to communicate I look at them trying to communicate I look at them trying to communicate with my expressions, like I'm yelling at with my expressions, like I'm yelling at with my expressions, like I'm yelling at them with my eyebrows, them with my eyebrows, them with my eyebrows, and they are unbothered. and they are unbothered. and they are unbothered. That is intergenerational transmission That is intergenerational transmission That is intergenerational transmission of drive-thru anxiety. Like, under of drive-thru anxiety. Like, under of drive-thru anxiety. Like, under pressure, under stress, pressure, under stress, pressure, under stress, when the car's running, and the when the car's running, and the when the car's running, and the speaker's waiting, and nobody seems to speaker's waiting, and nobody seems to speaker's waiting, and nobody seems to understand the urgency of the situation, understand the urgency of the situation, understand the urgency of the situation, uh the default kicks in. uh the default kicks in. uh the default kicks in. And I am guessing that Jacob And I am guessing that Jacob And I am guessing that Jacob just didn't mean to repeat the pattern. just didn't mean to repeat the pattern. just didn't mean to repeat the pattern. I feel sure, like he was I feel sure, like he was I feel sure, like he was well-intentioned as a dad. But the thing well-intentioned as a dad. But the thing well-intentioned as a dad. But the thing about parenting or any kind of leading about parenting or any kind of leading about parenting or any kind of leading is you can be sincere and well is you can be sincere and well is you can be sincere and well intentioned and still do a lot of damage intentioned and still do a lot of damage intentioned and still do a lot of damage and leave a lot of wounds. And so the and leave a lot of wounds. And so the and leave a lot of wounds. And so the question, the question isn't question, the question isn't question, the question isn't are you well intentioned? are you well intentioned? are you well intentioned? The question The question The question are you intentional? That's the are you intentional? That's the are you intentional? That's the question. question. question. And if I'm honest, I'll tell you like And if I'm honest, I'll tell you like And if I'm honest, I'll tell you like this is where I sometimes let myself off this is where I sometimes let myself off this is where I sometimes let myself off the hook as a dad and as a leader cuz I the hook as a dad and as a leader cuz I the hook as a dad and as a leader cuz I know my own intentions. And so I tend to know my own intentions. And so I tend to know my own intentions. And so I tend to grade myself grade myself grade myself based on good intentions. Like I give based on good intentions. Like I give based on good intentions. Like I give myself credit for good intentions.

myself credit for good intentions. myself credit for good intentions. But it's not about good intentions, it's But it's not about good intentions, it's But it's not about good intentions, it's about being intentional. about being intentional. about being intentional. Think about it like this. You go to the Think about it like this. You go to the Think about it like this. You go to the doctor, you get some blood work done doctor, you get some blood work done doctor, you get some blood work done and they find out that your cholesterol and they find out that your cholesterol and they find out that your cholesterol is dangerously high and you're not is dangerously high and you're not is dangerously high and you're not surprised because it runs in your surprised because it runs in your surprised because it runs in your family, intergenerational transmission. family, intergenerational transmission. family, intergenerational transmission. Like you've known for a long time that Like you've known for a long time that Like you've known for a long time that this could be a problem, but this this could be a problem, but this this could be a problem, but this doctor's appointment is a wake-up call. doctor's appointment is a wake-up call. doctor's appointment is a wake-up call. The doctor gives you this um nutrition The doctor gives you this um nutrition The doctor gives you this um nutrition and exercise plan and and you walk out and exercise plan and and you walk out and exercise plan and and you walk out that day with great intentions of eating that day with great intentions of eating that day with great intentions of eating right and working out. right and working out. right and working out. But when you come back 4 months later But when you come back 4 months later But when you come back 4 months later the blood work doesn't care about your the blood work doesn't care about your the blood work doesn't care about your good intentions. The results only good intentions. The results only good intentions. The results only reflect your actions. See, good reflect your actions. See, good reflect your actions. See, good intentions without intentional change intentions without intentional change intentions without intentional change change nothing. change nothing. change nothing. And so we keep pointing to our good And so we keep pointing to our good And so we keep pointing to our good intentions as a at the as a scoreboard, intentions as a at the as a scoreboard, intentions as a at the as a scoreboard, but it's not really a question of your but it's not really a question of your but it's not really a question of your good intentions. It's a question of good intentions. It's a question of good intentions. It's a question of being intentional. being intentional. being intentional. Well, Joseph's brothers are about 50 Well, Joseph's brothers are about 50 Well, Joseph's brothers are about 50 miles from home. They're tending flocks miles from home. They're tending flocks miles from home. They're tending flocks near Shechem and Jacob sends Joseph to near Shechem and Jacob sends Joseph to near Shechem and Jacob sends Joseph to check on his brothers. The brothers see check on his brothers. The brothers see check on his brothers. The brothers see him coming from a distance wearing his him coming from a distance wearing his him coming from a distance wearing his robe robe robe and they say to each other, "Here comes and they say to each other, "Here comes and they say to each other, "Here comes the dreamer."

the dreamer." the dreamer." Verse 18 says that they conspired to Verse 18 says that they conspired to Verse 18 says that they conspired to kill him. Not give him a wedgie, like kill him. Not give him a wedgie, like kill him. Not give him a wedgie, like not hold him down to like spit in his not hold him down to like spit in his not hold him down to like spit in his face, but kill him. face, but kill him. face, but kill him. Reuben, the oldest brother, barely talks Reuben, the oldest brother, barely talks Reuben, the oldest brother, barely talks them out of it and they end up throwing them out of it and they end up throwing them out of it and they end up throwing Joseph into this empty pit. Genesis 37, Joseph into this empty pit. Genesis 37, Joseph into this empty pit. Genesis 37, starting verse 23. starting verse 23. starting verse 23. So, when Joseph came to his brothers, So, when Joseph came to his brothers, So, when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe, that they stripped him of his robe, that they stripped him of his robe, that ornate robe that he was wearing. ornate robe that he was wearing. ornate robe that he was wearing. And they took him, and they threw him And they took him, and they threw him And they took him, and they threw him into the pit, into the cistern. That into the pit, into the cistern. That into the pit, into the cistern. That cistern was empty, and there was no cistern was empty, and there was no cistern was empty, and there was no water in it. water in it. water in it. And then verse 25 says, And then verse 25 says, And then verse 25 says, the brothers sat down to eat. the brothers sat down to eat. the brothers sat down to eat. So, Joseph's in the pit. He can hear So, Joseph's in the pit. He can hear So, Joseph's in the pit. He can hear them eating lunch. He can hear the them eating lunch. He can hear the them eating lunch. He can hear the conversation. He can hear the laughter. conversation. He can hear the laughter. conversation. He can hear the laughter. We're told later in Genesis 42 that We're told later in Genesis 42 that We're told later in Genesis 42 that while Joseph was in the pit, he was while Joseph was in the pit, he was while Joseph was in the pit, he was distressed, and he was pleading for his distressed, and he was pleading for his distressed, and he was pleading for his life, but his brothers ignored him. life, but his brothers ignored him. life, but his brothers ignored him. So, he's begging, and he's crying out, So, he's begging, and he's crying out, So, he's begging, and he's crying out, and they sit down for Uncrustables and and they sit down for Uncrustables and and they sit down for Uncrustables and Capri Suns. Capri Suns. Capri Suns. And then, like this caravan of And then, like this caravan of And then, like this caravan of Ishmaelite slave traders passed through, Ishmaelite slave traders passed through, Ishmaelite slave traders passed through, and Judah the brother has a business and Judah the brother has a business and Judah the brother has a business idea. Why kill him? Why not sell him idea. Why kill him? Why not sell him idea. Why kill him? Why not sell him into slavery?

into slavery? into slavery? And apparently, like 20 pieces of silver And apparently, like 20 pieces of silver And apparently, like 20 pieces of silver was the going rate for 17-year-old boy. was the going rate for 17-year-old boy. was the going rate for 17-year-old boy. The brothers cover up what they had done The brothers cover up what they had done The brothers cover up what they had done by faking Joseph's death. They slaughter by faking Joseph's death. They slaughter by faking Joseph's death. They slaughter a goat. They dip Joseph's coat in the a goat. They dip Joseph's coat in the a goat. They dip Joseph's coat in the blood. They take it back to Jacob. And blood. They take it back to Jacob. And blood. They take it back to Jacob. And they say something terrible must have they say something terrible must have they say something terrible must have happened. happened. happened. And Jacob the father tears his clothes And Jacob the father tears his clothes And Jacob the father tears his clothes and mourns the death of his favorite and mourns the death of his favorite and mourns the death of his favorite son. son. son. And then, Genesis 37 ends with what And then, Genesis 37 ends with what And then, Genesis 37 ends with what feels like kind of this door getting feels like kind of this door getting feels like kind of this door getting slammed shut on Joseph's dream. It just slammed shut on Joseph's dream. It just slammed shut on Joseph's dream. It just says, "Meanwhile, the Midianites sold says, "Meanwhile, the Midianites sold says, "Meanwhile, the Midianites sold Joseph in Egypt to Potiphar, Joseph in Egypt to Potiphar, Joseph in Egypt to Potiphar, one of Pharaoh's officials, the captain one of Pharaoh's officials, the captain one of Pharaoh's officials, the captain of the guard." of the guard." of the guard." And so, here's what happens. In one And so, here's what happens. In one And so, here's what happens. In one chapter, he goes from favored son to chapter, he goes from favored son to chapter, he goes from favored son to foreign slave. foreign slave. foreign slave. That is a rude awakening. That is a rude awakening. That is a rude awakening. His dream seems dead. His dream seems dead. His dream seems dead. Uh do you remember Uh do you remember Uh do you remember the Etch A Sketch toy? the Etch A Sketch toy? the Etch A Sketch toy? Little red plastic toy with the white Little red plastic toy with the white Little red plastic toy with the white knobs. knobs. knobs. Uh I guess they're still around. Like, Uh I guess they're still around. Like, Uh I guess they're still around. Like, Joseph had these Joseph had these Joseph had these pictures etched into his mind.

pictures etched into his mind. pictures etched into his mind. Sun and the moon and the stars, they're Sun and the moon and the stars, they're Sun and the moon and the stars, they're all bowing down to him, but then it gets all bowing down to him, but then it gets all bowing down to him, but then it gets shaken up. Like, he has this picture shaken up. Like, he has this picture shaken up. Like, he has this picture that his life is going to be that his life is going to be that his life is going to be significant, that he was going to be significant, that he was going to be significant, that he was going to be important in some way. important in some way. important in some way. But then, um, But then, um, But then, um, it gets shaken. it gets shaken. it gets shaken. The whole thing seems to disappear. The whole thing seems to disappear. The whole thing seems to disappear. Like, it wasn't real, like it never Like, it wasn't real, like it never Like, it wasn't real, like it never existed. existed. existed. And And some of you know what this feels And And some of you know what this feels And And some of you know what this feels like. Like, you had a picture of what like. Like, you had a picture of what like. Like, you had a picture of what your marriage was going to look like your marriage was going to look like your marriage was going to look like etched in there, what kind of father you etched in there, what kind of father you etched in there, what kind of father you were going to be, what your family was were going to be, what your family was were going to be, what your family was going to feel like at Christmas, what going to feel like at Christmas, what going to feel like at Christmas, what your adult kid relationship was going to your adult kid relationship was going to your adult kid relationship was going to be like. be like. be like. And somewhere along the way, And somewhere along the way, And somewhere along the way, maybe through betrayal, or maybe through maybe through betrayal, or maybe through maybe through betrayal, or maybe through failure, or maybe just a slow drift, failure, or maybe just a slow drift, failure, or maybe just a slow drift, your picture got shook. your picture got shook. your picture got shook. Or maybe you shook it yourself. Or maybe you shook it yourself. Or maybe you shook it yourself. And now you find yourself in this pit. And now you find yourself in this pit. And now you find yourself in this pit. It's a place you never thought you would It's a place you never thought you would It's a place you never thought you would be. Now, his story doesn't end here, it be. Now, his story doesn't end here, it be. Now, his story doesn't end here, it just turns here. just turns here. just turns here. I mean, he gets out of this literal pit I mean, he gets out of this literal pit I mean, he gets out of this literal pit when he's sold into slavery, but it when he's sold into slavery, but it when he's sold into slavery, but it would have been really easy for him to would have been really easy for him to would have been really easy for him to just stay in that pit. Like, just stay in that pit. Like, just stay in that pit. Like, metaphorically.

metaphorically. metaphorically. In fact, the Bible uses the word pit as In fact, the Bible uses the word pit as In fact, the Bible uses the word pit as a metaphor, as a picture in several a metaphor, as a picture in several a metaphor, as a picture in several places. You see this in the Psalms. places. You see this in the Psalms. places. You see this in the Psalms. Psalm 40:2 says, "God lifted me out of Psalm 40:2 says, "God lifted me out of Psalm 40:2 says, "God lifted me out of the slimy pit." the slimy pit." the slimy pit." And so, I I want us to use pit that way And so, I I want us to use pit that way And so, I I want us to use pit that way for us here. On this Father's Day for us here. On this Father's Day for us here. On this Father's Day weekend, I wanted to to use the pit as a weekend, I wanted to to use the pit as a weekend, I wanted to to use the pit as a picture. picture. picture. Because Joseph gets out of that physical Because Joseph gets out of that physical Because Joseph gets out of that physical pit, but I want us to talk about some of pit, but I want us to talk about some of pit, but I want us to talk about some of the pits he could have stayed in, cuz I the pits he could have stayed in, cuz I the pits he could have stayed in, cuz I think it's some of the same pits a lot think it's some of the same pits a lot think it's some of the same pits a lot of men find themselves in. There are of men find themselves in. There are of men find themselves in. There are three particular pits I see dad gets get three particular pits I see dad gets get three particular pits I see dad gets get stuck in. Pit number one. stuck in. Pit number one. stuck in. Pit number one. I'm going to call it the pit of I'm going to call it the pit of I'm going to call it the pit of disappointment. disappointment. disappointment. The word disappointment is probably not The word disappointment is probably not The word disappointment is probably not a strong enough word. Like, despair is a strong enough word. Like, despair is a strong enough word. Like, despair is probably more accurate. probably more accurate. probably more accurate. But I'm going to use disappointment, cuz But I'm going to use disappointment, cuz But I'm going to use disappointment, cuz I I I I I I a lot of men are more comfortable with a lot of men are more comfortable with a lot of men are more comfortable with that. that. that. I mean, as a man, I don't want to come I mean, as a man, I don't want to come I mean, as a man, I don't want to come across as dramatic or needy, so I'll across as dramatic or needy, so I'll across as dramatic or needy, so I'll just say I'm disappointed. just say I'm disappointed. just say I'm disappointed. We don't say we're scared. We don't say we're scared. We don't say we're scared. We say we're a little stressed. We don't We say we're a little stressed. We don't We say we're a little stressed. We don't say we're overwhelmed. We say, "Ah, it's say we're overwhelmed. We say, "Ah, it's say we're overwhelmed. We say, "Ah, it's just a busy season."

just a busy season." just a busy season." We don't say I'm really struggling. We We don't say I'm really struggling. We We don't say I'm really struggling. We say, "I'm okay." say, "I'm okay." say, "I'm okay." We don't say we're devastated. We say We don't say we're devastated. We say We don't say we're devastated. We say we're disappointed. we're disappointed. we're disappointed. Brené Brown in her research on shame and Brené Brown in her research on shame and Brené Brown in her research on shame and vulnerability found that the primary vulnerability found that the primary vulnerability found that the primary shame trigger for men is what she calls shame trigger for men is what she calls shame trigger for men is what she calls the perception of weakness. the perception of weakness. the perception of weakness. And do you know what registers as And do you know what registers as And do you know what registers as weakness for men? weakness for men? weakness for men? Feeling disappointed Feeling disappointed Feeling disappointed around family and around fatherhood. around family and around fatherhood. around family and around fatherhood. And so men hide their disappointment cuz And so men hide their disappointment cuz And so men hide their disappointment cuz it feels like weakness. They hide it it feels like weakness. They hide it it feels like weakness. They hide it from others, but they hide it from from others, but they hide it from from others, but they hide it from themselves, and they get in this pit, themselves, and they get in this pit, themselves, and they get in this pit, and they refuse to admit it. Instead, and they refuse to admit it. Instead, and they refuse to admit it. Instead, they reframe it, or they rationalize it, they reframe it, or they rationalize it, they reframe it, or they rationalize it, or they bury it. or they bury it. or they bury it. And so that disappointment, that real And so that disappointment, that real And so that disappointment, that real feeling they have just goes underground. feeling they have just goes underground. feeling they have just goes underground. It gets buried, but it doesn't stay It gets buried, but it doesn't stay It gets buried, but it doesn't stay buried. buried. buried. Comes out sideways. Comes out sideways. Comes out sideways. Studies consistently show how it comes Studies consistently show how it comes Studies consistently show how it comes out sideways for men. Studies show that out sideways for men. Studies show that out sideways for men. Studies show that men are far more likely to convert men are far more likely to convert men are far more likely to convert disappointment into two things. disappointment into two things. disappointment into two things. Men are likely to convert disappointment Men are likely to convert disappointment Men are likely to convert disappointment into anger or apathy.

into anger or apathy. into anger or apathy. Into anger or apathy. Into anger or apathy. Into anger or apathy. Instead of naming what it is, Instead of naming what it is, Instead of naming what it is, and so we say we're fine. and so we say we're fine. and so we say we're fine. But the people closest to us are living But the people closest to us are living But the people closest to us are living with a man who seems angry or checked with a man who seems angry or checked with a man who seems angry or checked out, out, out, and they don't understand why because he and they don't understand why because he and they don't understand why because he doesn't understand why. doesn't understand why. doesn't understand why. And you can only be, you know, And you can only be, you know, And you can only be, you know, disappointed if you care about something disappointed if you care about something disappointed if you care about something deeply to begin with. And so one of the deeply to begin with. And so one of the deeply to begin with. And so one of the ways that men tend to deal with this pit ways that men tend to deal with this pit ways that men tend to deal with this pit of disappointment is they try to to care of disappointment is they try to to care of disappointment is they try to to care less. They get apathetic. They get less. They get apathetic. They get less. They get apathetic. They get passive. They get cynical. Because if I passive. They get cynical. Because if I passive. They get cynical. Because if I stop caring, then I can protect myself stop caring, then I can protect myself stop caring, then I can protect myself from feeling disappointed. I I won't from feeling disappointed. I I won't from feeling disappointed. I I won't feel weak. feel weak. feel weak. And it's just hard to imagine the level And it's just hard to imagine the level And it's just hard to imagine the level of disappointment Joseph felt when he's of disappointment Joseph felt when he's of disappointment Joseph felt when he's betrayed by his own brothers. It would betrayed by his own brothers. It would betrayed by his own brothers. It would have been easy have been easy have been easy for him to spend the rest of his life in for him to spend the rest of his life in for him to spend the rest of his life in that pit feeling angry or apathetic. that pit feeling angry or apathetic. that pit feeling angry or apathetic. The question isn't whether The question isn't whether The question isn't whether disappointment is real. The question is, disappointment is real. The question is, disappointment is real. The question is, what do you do with it? what do you do with it? what do you do with it? Pit number two. Pit number two. Pit number two. The pit of self-pity. The pit of self-pity. The pit of self-pity. This is a pit where a man decides that This is a pit where a man decides that This is a pit where a man decides that what happened to him is the most what happened to him is the most what happened to him is the most important thing about him.

important thing about him. important thing about him. The abuse he endured, the betrayal he The abuse he endured, the betrayal he The abuse he endured, the betrayal he experienced, the rejection he felt, the experienced, the rejection he felt, the experienced, the rejection he felt, the unfair circumstances he's had to deal unfair circumstances he's had to deal unfair circumstances he's had to deal with. with. with. And even though he might technically be And even though he might technically be And even though he might technically be out of that pit, he chooses to stay in out of that pit, he chooses to stay in out of that pit, he chooses to stay in it. He takes his wound and he makes it it. He takes his wound and he makes it it. He takes his wound and he makes it the center of his identity. the center of his identity. the center of his identity. This is one of the ways that self-pity This is one of the ways that self-pity This is one of the ways that self-pity might show up in a man's life is they um might show up in a man's life is they um might show up in a man's life is they um they become extraordinarily sensitive, they become extraordinarily sensitive, they become extraordinarily sensitive, easily offended, hard to be around. easily offended, hard to be around. easily offended, hard to be around. When self-pity becomes your operating When self-pity becomes your operating When self-pity becomes your operating system, system, system, then everything becomes about you. then everything becomes about you. then everything becomes about you. He doesn't get invited to the thing, he He doesn't get invited to the thing, he He doesn't get invited to the thing, he takes it personally. takes it personally. takes it personally. He gets overlooked for the promotion, He gets overlooked for the promotion, He gets overlooked for the promotion, it's injustice. His wife makes a passing it's injustice. His wife makes a passing it's injustice. His wife makes a passing comment about the lawn and somehow it comment about the lawn and somehow it comment about the lawn and somehow it becomes evidence that she doesn't becomes evidence that she doesn't becomes evidence that she doesn't respect him as a man. His adult child respect him as a man. His adult child respect him as a man. His adult child calls to wish him a happy Father's Day calls to wish him a happy Father's Day calls to wish him a happy Father's Day and his first comment is this and his first comment is this and his first comment is this passive-aggressive passive-aggressive passive-aggressive uh well, it's nice to finally hear from uh well, it's nice to finally hear from uh well, it's nice to finally hear from you. you. you. And I'm not saying that some of that And I'm not saying that some of that And I'm not saying that some of that isn't hard and painful. I know it is. isn't hard and painful. I know it is. isn't hard and painful. I know it is. But what self-pity does is it takes But what self-pity does is it takes But what self-pity does is it takes every negative experience and it runs it every negative experience and it runs it every negative experience and it runs it through a negative filter that says, through a negative filter that says, through a negative filter that says, "This always happens to me."

"This always happens to me." "This always happens to me." And so this unintentional slight, the And so this unintentional slight, the And so this unintentional slight, the forgotten birthday, the comment that forgotten birthday, the comment that forgotten birthday, the comment that landed wrong, the friend that didn't landed wrong, the friend that didn't landed wrong, the friend that didn't check in, the boss who didn't notice, check in, the boss who didn't notice, check in, the boss who didn't notice, self-pity collects all of it like self-pity collects all of it like self-pity collects all of it like evidence. evidence. evidence. And that is an exhausting way to live. And that is an exhausting way to live. And that is an exhausting way to live. And it is an exhausting person to live And it is an exhausting person to live And it is an exhausting person to live with. with. with. You cannot win with a man who is You cannot win with a man who is You cannot win with a man who is committed to making his wound his committed to making his wound his committed to making his wound his identity. identity. identity. Cuz you'll invite him Cuz you'll invite him Cuz you'll invite him and he'll find something wrong with how and he'll find something wrong with how and he'll find something wrong with how you did it. You can celebrate him and you did it. You can celebrate him and you did it. You can celebrate him and he'll minimize it. You can affirm him he'll minimize it. You can affirm him he'll minimize it. You can affirm him and he'll just say it's about time. and he'll just say it's about time. and he'll just say it's about time. And this is one of the most unattractive And this is one of the most unattractive And this is one of the most unattractive qualities in a man. Not like qualities in a man. Not like qualities in a man. Not like unattractive like a bad haircut. Unat- unattractive like a bad haircut. Unat- unattractive like a bad haircut. Unat- unattractive in the sense that people unattractive in the sense that people unattractive in the sense that people stop wanting to be around them. stop wanting to be around them. stop wanting to be around them. Self-pity slowly empties a room until Self-pity slowly empties a room until Self-pity slowly empties a room until you're the only one sitting in it. you're the only one sitting in it. you're the only one sitting in it. And your family starts avoiding you. And your family starts avoiding you. And your family starts avoiding you. If anyone had a right to throw a pity If anyone had a right to throw a pity If anyone had a right to throw a pity party, it was Joseph. I mean, we'll see. party, it was Joseph. I mean, we'll see. party, it was Joseph. I mean, we'll see. His biography reads like a country music His biography reads like a country music His biography reads like a country music song. Like thrown in a pit by his song. Like thrown in a pit by his song. Like thrown in a pit by his brothers, sold for the price of a used brothers, sold for the price of a used brothers, sold for the price of a used lawn mower, falsely accused, wrongly lawn mower, falsely accused, wrongly lawn mower, falsely accused, wrongly imprisoned. Like if there was ever a man imprisoned. Like if there was ever a man imprisoned. Like if there was ever a man who deserved to feel sorry for himself, who deserved to feel sorry for himself, who deserved to feel sorry for himself, it was Joseph. But he didn't do it.

it was Joseph. But he didn't do it. it was Joseph. But he didn't do it. I want to be careful with this. I want to be careful with this. I want to be careful with this. Because listen, there is a real Because listen, there is a real Because listen, there is a real difference between self-pity and difference between self-pity and difference between self-pity and vulnerably sharing something that's hard vulnerably sharing something that's hard vulnerably sharing something that's hard and heavy that you're going through. and heavy that you're going through. and heavy that you're going through. Like sharing a burden is courageous. Like sharing a burden is courageous. Like sharing a burden is courageous. It's biblical. Galatians 6:2 says, It's biblical. Galatians 6:2 says, It's biblical. Galatians 6:2 says, "Carry each other's burdens." "Carry each other's burdens." "Carry each other's burdens." So asking for help is not weakness. So asking for help is not weakness. So asking for help is not weakness. Sitting across from a trusted friend and Sitting across from a trusted friend and Sitting across from a trusted friend and saying, "I'm not okay and I need saying, "I'm not okay and I need saying, "I'm not okay and I need somebody to know that." That's not somebody to know that." That's not somebody to know that." That's not self-pity. That's courage and that's self-pity. That's courage and that's self-pity. That's courage and that's wisdom. wisdom. wisdom. Vulnerability says, "I am wounded." Vulnerability says, "I am wounded." Vulnerability says, "I am wounded." Self-pity says, "I am my wound." Self-pity says, "I am my wound." Self-pity says, "I am my wound." Vulnerability says, "I'm in pain and I Vulnerability says, "I'm in pain and I Vulnerability says, "I'm in pain and I need help." need help." need help." Self-pity says, "I'm in pain and I'm Self-pity says, "I'm in pain and I'm Self-pity says, "I'm in pain and I'm staying here and I'm going to blame as staying here and I'm going to blame as staying here and I'm going to blame as many people as I can." many people as I can." many people as I can." Vulnerability moves towards healing. Vulnerability moves towards healing. Vulnerability moves towards healing. Self-pity stays in the pit. Self-pity stays in the pit. Self-pity stays in the pit. So when you hear yourself asking, "Why So when you hear yourself asking, "Why So when you hear yourself asking, "Why me?" me?" me?" interrupt it and replace it with what interrupt it and replace it with what interrupt it and replace it with what now? What now, Lord?" now? What now, Lord?" now? What now, Lord?" It's to keep you moving forward. It's to keep you moving forward. It's to keep you moving forward. One more pit.

One more pit. One more pit. Pit number three. The pit of bitterness. The pit of bitterness. Joseph's brothers didn't just hurt him. Joseph's brothers didn't just hurt him. Joseph's brothers didn't just hurt him. Like they gave him enough material for a Like they gave him enough material for a Like they gave him enough material for a lifetime of bitterness. He had names and lifetime of bitterness. He had names and lifetime of bitterness. He had names and faces. He had a detailed memory of the faces. He had a detailed memory of the faces. He had a detailed memory of the exact moment each one of them had turned exact moment each one of them had turned exact moment each one of them had turned on him. on him. on him. And he could have spent the rest of his And he could have spent the rest of his And he could have spent the rest of his life just replaying that tape. But life just replaying that tape. But life just replaying that tape. But here's the thing about replaying that here's the thing about replaying that here's the thing about replaying that tape is every time you watch it, they're tape is every time you watch it, they're tape is every time you watch it, they're hurting you again. hurting you again. hurting you again. But Joseph could have done it. He could But Joseph could have done it. He could But Joseph could have done it. He could have spent his life keeping track of the have spent his life keeping track of the have spent his life keeping track of the debt he was owed and every day adding debt he was owed and every day adding debt he was owed and every day adding interest to it. interest to it. interest to it. Hebrews 12:15 warns us. It says, "See to Hebrews 12:15 warns us. It says, "See to Hebrews 12:15 warns us. It says, "See to it that no one falls short of the grace it that no one falls short of the grace it that no one falls short of the grace of God. No one misses the grace of God. of God. No one misses the grace of God. of God. No one misses the grace of God. And that no bitter root grows up to And that no bitter root grows up to And that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." cause trouble and defile many." cause trouble and defile many." The Hebrew writer here uses agricultural The Hebrew writer here uses agricultural The Hebrew writer here uses agricultural language of a root language of a root language of a root because a root doesn't stay contained. A because a root doesn't stay contained. A because a root doesn't stay contained. A root spreads and then one day things root spreads and then one day things root spreads and then one day things start dying that you didn't expect to start dying that you didn't expect to start dying that you didn't expect to die.

die. die. The word defile here in the original The word defile here in the original The word defile here in the original language means to contaminate, to language means to contaminate, to language means to contaminate, to corrupt, to stain something that was corrupt, to stain something that was corrupt, to stain something that was previously clean. previously clean. previously clean. And man, the pit of bitterness will pull And man, the pit of bitterness will pull And man, the pit of bitterness will pull the people you love into it with you. the people you love into it with you. the people you love into it with you. You don't get to be bitter in isolation. You don't get to be bitter in isolation. You don't get to be bitter in isolation. It doesn't stay in you. It gets into It doesn't stay in you. It gets into It doesn't stay in you. It gets into everything you touch. It follows you everything you touch. It follows you everything you touch. It follows you into every room you walk in. into every room you walk in. into every room you walk in. Hebrews says it contaminates. Hebrews says it contaminates. Hebrews says it contaminates. Little contamination can do a lot of Little contamination can do a lot of Little contamination can do a lot of damage, right? Like one drop of poison damage, right? Like one drop of poison damage, right? Like one drop of poison in a glass of clean water can make the in a glass of clean water can make the in a glass of clean water can make the whole glass undrinkable. And this is whole glass undrinkable. And this is whole glass undrinkable. And this is what bitterness does in a family system. what bitterness does in a family system. what bitterness does in a family system. Like your bitterness is not just your Like your bitterness is not just your Like your bitterness is not just your own business. Like you might think, "I'm own business. Like you might think, "I'm own business. Like you might think, "I'm keeping it contained." But it is always keeping it contained." But it is always keeping it contained." But it is always contaminating. contaminating. contaminating. Research shows what anyone who grew up Research shows what anyone who grew up Research shows what anyone who grew up in a home with an angry dad already in a home with an angry dad already in a home with an angry dad already knows, that chronic anger in the home it knows, that chronic anger in the home it knows, that chronic anger in the home it functions like secondhand smoke. Like functions like secondhand smoke. Like functions like secondhand smoke. Like the family breathes it in every day. the family breathes it in every day. the family breathes it in every day. Like they can feel that something is Like they can feel that something is Like they can feel that something is wrong, but they kind of get used to it, wrong, but they kind of get used to it, wrong, but they kind of get used to it, but it's doing all kinds of damage. The but it's doing all kinds of damage. The but it's doing all kinds of damage. The root of bitterness root of bitterness root of bitterness it's like cancer, it's like cancer, it's like cancer, and it spreads through your home, and and it spreads through your home, and and it spreads through your home, and your wife feels it, and your kids absorb your wife feels it, and your kids absorb your wife feels it, and your kids absorb it, and your grandkids will inherit it it, and your grandkids will inherit it it, and your grandkids will inherit it unless you break free from it.

unless you break free from it. unless you break free from it. In the weeks ahead, we're going to see In the weeks ahead, we're going to see In the weeks ahead, we're going to see how Joseph does that, how he chooses how Joseph does that, how he chooses how Joseph does that, how he chooses forgiveness over bitterness, and how forgiveness over bitterness, and how forgiveness over bitterness, and how that choice doesn't just set his that choice doesn't just set his that choice doesn't just set his brothers free, but it sets him free, brothers free, but it sets him free, brothers free, but it sets him free, too. too. too. Um I've described three pits here. Um I've described three pits here. Um I've described three pits here. And I'll just tell you, And I'll just tell you, And I'll just tell you, like that list didn't come from like that list didn't come from like that list didn't come from research. research. research. It didn't come from interviews with It didn't come from interviews with It didn't come from interviews with other dads or a book I read on other dads or a book I read on other dads or a book I read on fatherhood. Like that list came from my fatherhood. Like that list came from my fatherhood. Like that list came from my own life. I became a father on Father's own life. I became a father on Father's own life. I became a father on Father's Day, 1998, Day, 1998, Day, 1998, 28 years ago today. And um 28 years ago today. And um 28 years ago today. And um and those are the pits that I have found and those are the pits that I have found and those are the pits that I have found myself in. And the longer you're in a myself in. And the longer you're in a myself in. And the longer you're in a pit, the more normal it just starts to pit, the more normal it just starts to pit, the more normal it just starts to feel. But men, just hear me clearly on feel. But men, just hear me clearly on feel. But men, just hear me clearly on this. this. this. Like these pits are not just personal Like these pits are not just personal Like these pits are not just personal struggles. They are spiritual struggles. They are spiritual struggles. They are spiritual strongholds that Jesus has died to set strongholds that Jesus has died to set strongholds that Jesus has died to set you free from, and God has called you you free from, and God has called you you free from, and God has called you out of that pit. He has placed you in a out of that pit. He has placed you in a out of that pit. He has placed you in a family, a specific, imperfect, family, a specific, imperfect, family, a specific, imperfect, complicated, dysfunctional, you know, complicated, dysfunctional, you know, complicated, dysfunctional, you know, sometimes exhausting family, and that sometimes exhausting family, and that sometimes exhausting family, and that family needs what only you can give.

family needs what only you can give. family needs what only you can give. So, I just want to end my message by So, I just want to end my message by So, I just want to end my message by being really clear and speaking some being really clear and speaking some being really clear and speaking some courage over our men today. Men, first, courage over our men today. Men, first, courage over our men today. Men, first, can I tell you that you were designed to can I tell you that you were designed to can I tell you that you were designed to be a provider? be a provider? be a provider? Not just financially. Uh spiritually, Not just financially. Uh spiritually, Not just financially. Uh spiritually, emotionally, the type of provider that emotionally, the type of provider that emotionally, the type of provider that when their kids walk into a room, they when their kids walk into a room, they when their kids walk into a room, they feel secure. Like a man whose kids know feel secure. Like a man whose kids know feel secure. Like a man whose kids know that whatever happens out there, we're that whatever happens out there, we're that whatever happens out there, we're going to be okay in here. going to be okay in here. going to be okay in here. And you were designed to be a protector. And you were designed to be a protector. And you were designed to be a protector. Not just physically, Not just physically, Not just physically, but a protector of the atmosphere of but a protector of the atmosphere of but a protector of the atmosphere of your home, your home, your home, a protector of the spiritual health of a protector of the spiritual health of a protector of the spiritual health of your family, a protector of your your family, a protector of your your family, a protector of your children's hearts and minds, that you children's hearts and minds, that you children's hearts and minds, that you stand at the gate and you look at what's stand at the gate and you look at what's stand at the gate and you look at what's pouring into your kids pouring into your kids pouring into your kids eyes and their hearts and you just eyes and their hearts and you just eyes and their hearts and you just declare with holy authority, "Not on my declare with holy authority, "Not on my declare with holy authority, "Not on my watch. Not in Not in my house. Not my my watch. Not in Not in my house. Not my my watch. Not in Not in my house. Not my my Not my children." Not my children." Not my children." And men, you were designed to be a And men, you were designed to be a And men, you were designed to be a prophet. prophet. prophet. Like not in the sense of predicting the Like not in the sense of predicting the Like not in the sense of predicting the future, but in the biblical sense of future, but in the biblical sense of future, but in the biblical sense of somebody who speaks the truth of God somebody who speaks the truth of God somebody who speaks the truth of God into the lives of people around him and into the lives of people around him and into the lives of people around him and your family needs this from you your family needs this from you your family needs this from you desperately.

desperately. desperately. Like your kids are being told a thousand Like your kids are being told a thousand Like your kids are being told a thousand things every day about who they are by things every day about who they are by things every day about who they are by their peers, by social media, by the their peers, by social media, by the their peers, by social media, by the culture, by their own insecurities. culture, by their own insecurities. culture, by their own insecurities. And most of what they're being told is a And most of what they're being told is a And most of what they're being told is a lie. lie. lie. And they need your voice speaking truth And they need your voice speaking truth And they need your voice speaking truth over them. over them. over them. You don't get to stay quiet and call it You don't get to stay quiet and call it You don't get to stay quiet and call it your personality. You don't get to stay your personality. You don't get to stay your personality. You don't get to stay passive and call it being a chill dad. passive and call it being a chill dad. passive and call it being a chill dad. Like somebody's going to tell your son Like somebody's going to tell your son Like somebody's going to tell your son who he is. Somebody's going to tell your who he is. Somebody's going to tell your who he is. Somebody's going to tell your daughter what she's worth. daughter what she's worth. daughter what she's worth. And that that is your job. That was And that that is your job. That was And that that is your job. That was never supposed to be outsourced. Like never supposed to be outsourced. Like never supposed to be outsourced. Like research consistently shows that a research consistently shows that a research consistently shows that a father's words, positive or negative, father's words, positive or negative, father's words, positive or negative, carry disproportionate weight in the carry disproportionate weight in the carry disproportionate weight in the identity formation of his children. Like identity formation of his children. Like identity formation of his children. Like more than peers, more than teachers, more than peers, more than teachers, more than peers, more than teachers, more than coaches, you are the prophet more than coaches, you are the prophet more than coaches, you are the prophet of your home. So get out of the pit and of your home. So get out of the pit and of your home. So get out of the pit and start prophesying God's truth over them. start prophesying God's truth over them. start prophesying God's truth over them. Tell them they are fearfully and Tell them they are fearfully and Tell them they are fearfully and wonderfully made, they are called by wonderfully made, they are called by wonderfully made, they are called by name, that they belong to Jesus. Speak name, that they belong to Jesus. Speak name, that they belong to Jesus. Speak that over their life. that over their life. that over their life. >> [applause] >> [applause] >> [applause] >> And men, >> And men, >> And men, you were designed to be a prayer.

you were designed to be a prayer. you were designed to be a prayer. On your knees for your family, your kids On your knees for your family, your kids On your knees for your family, your kids know that you're going to go to God for know that you're going to go to God for know that you're going to go to God for them. Your wife knows that when them. Your wife knows that when them. Your wife knows that when everything else feels uncertain, you've everything else feels uncertain, you've everything else feels uncertain, you've already gone to the Father. There is already gone to the Father. There is already gone to the Father. There is nothing more powerful than you can do nothing more powerful than you can do nothing more powerful than you can do for your family than to pray for them. for your family than to pray for them. for your family than to pray for them. And men, And men, And men, you were designed to be a pursuer. you were designed to be a pursuer. you were designed to be a pursuer. The one who goes first, the one who The one who goes first, the one who The one who goes first, the one who loves first, the one who forgives first, loves first, the one who forgives first, loves first, the one who forgives first, the one who sacrifices first, the one the one who sacrifices first, the one the one who sacrifices first, the one who humbles himself first. And pursuers who humbles himself first. And pursuers who humbles himself first. And pursuers are present, eyes up, phones down, fully are present, eyes up, phones down, fully are present, eyes up, phones down, fully there. there. there. So, provider, protector, prophet, So, provider, protector, prophet, So, provider, protector, prophet, prayer, and pursuer. prayer, and pursuer. prayer, and pursuer. That's what you were made for. That's what you were made for. That's what you were made for. But, here's what I want you to know But, here's what I want you to know But, here's what I want you to know about the God who's called you to that. about the God who's called you to that. about the God who's called you to that. He doesn't just ask this of you, he He doesn't just ask this of you, he He doesn't just ask this of you, he models it for you. Like as your heavenly models it for you. Like as your heavenly models it for you. Like as your heavenly father. Like maybe you never had a father. Like maybe you never had a father. Like maybe you never had a father do this for you. Like you don't father do this for you. Like you don't father do this for you. Like you don't know how to do it. It wasn't passed down know how to do it. It wasn't passed down know how to do it. It wasn't passed down to you. to you. to you. God is this kind of father for you. He God is this kind of father for you. He God is this kind of father for you. He is the ultimate provider. is the ultimate provider. is the ultimate provider. Gives you everything you need. The Bible Gives you everything you need. The Bible Gives you everything you need. The Bible says his grace is always enough.

says his grace is always enough. says his grace is always enough. He's the ultimate protector. He's the ultimate protector. He's the ultimate protector. He doesn't slumber, nor does he sleep. He doesn't slumber, nor does he sleep. He doesn't slumber, nor does he sleep. He's always with you. He never leaves He's always with you. He never leaves He's always with you. He never leaves you. He never forsakes you. you. He never forsakes you. you. He never forsakes you. He is the ultimate prophet. He has He is the ultimate prophet. He has He is the ultimate prophet. He has spoken your name. He has called you his spoken your name. He has called you his spoken your name. He has called you his own. He tells you the truth about you own. He tells you the truth about you own. He tells you the truth about you and about life. and about life. and about life. He is the ultimate pursuer. He is He is the ultimate pursuer. He is He is the ultimate pursuer. He is Emmanuel, the God with us who came from Emmanuel, the God with us who came from Emmanuel, the God with us who came from heaven to earth. heaven to earth. heaven to earth. And he, through the Holy Spirit, is the And he, through the Holy Spirit, is the And he, through the Holy Spirit, is the ultimate prayer. ultimate prayer. ultimate prayer. Romans 8:34 says that he sits at the Romans 8:34 says that he sits at the Romans 8:34 says that he sits at the right hand of the throne in heaven right hand of the throne in heaven right hand of the throne in heaven interceding for you. interceding for you. interceding for you. >> [sighs] >> [sighs] >> [sighs] >> There's one phrase that appears again >> There's one phrase that appears again >> There's one phrase that appears again and again in this story. and again in this story. and again in this story. It's kind of like a drumbeat underneath It's kind of like a drumbeat underneath It's kind of like a drumbeat underneath all the chaos, all the pain, and the all the chaos, all the pain, and the all the chaos, all the pain, and the setbacks. Like every time there's a rude setbacks. Like every time there's a rude setbacks. Like every time there's a rude awakening, every time the bottom falls awakening, every time the bottom falls awakening, every time the bottom falls out, like every time the dream looks out, like every time the dream looks out, like every time the dream looks dead, we see this phrase showing up. dead, we see this phrase showing up. dead, we see this phrase showing up. Like four different times we read it. Like four different times we read it. Like four different times we read it. And I want you to hear this, not just as And I want you to hear this, not just as And I want you to hear this, not just as a uh historical observation about this a uh historical observation about this a uh historical observation about this boy in Egypt. I want you to hear it as a boy in Egypt. I want you to hear it as a boy in Egypt. I want you to hear it as a promise for your life. Here it is.

promise for your life. Here it is. promise for your life. Here it is. The Lord was with Joseph. The Lord was with Joseph. The Lord was with Joseph. The Lord was with Joseph. Not um the Lord appeared to Joseph in Not um the Lord appeared to Joseph in the pit and explained everything. the pit and explained everything. the pit and explained everything. Not the Lord gave Joseph a map and a Not the Lord gave Joseph a map and a Not the Lord gave Joseph a map and a timeline and said, "Here's how it's all timeline and said, "Here's how it's all timeline and said, "Here's how it's all going to work out in the end." going to work out in the end." going to work out in the end." Not the Lord waited until Joseph climbed Not the Lord waited until Joseph climbed Not the Lord waited until Joseph climbed out of the pit on his own and then he out of the pit on his own and then he out of the pit on his own and then he helped him. No, the Lord was with helped him. No, the Lord was with helped him. No, the Lord was with Joseph. Joseph. Joseph. And this is what marks the fatherhood of And this is what marks the fatherhood of And this is what marks the fatherhood of God. It is presence. It's presence. God. It is presence. It's presence. God. It is presence. It's presence. That means, men, you don't have to do That means, men, you don't have to do That means, men, you don't have to do this alone. Like Joseph didn't get out this alone. Like Joseph didn't get out this alone. Like Joseph didn't get out of the pit on his own. The Lord was with of the pit on his own. The Lord was with of the pit on his own. The Lord was with him. And so the same is true for you. him. And so the same is true for you. him. And so the same is true for you. The message here today isn't, "Hey, pull The message here today isn't, "Hey, pull The message here today isn't, "Hey, pull yourself out of the pit. You can do it. yourself out of the pit. You can do it. yourself out of the pit. You can do it. Be a man." Be a man." Be a man." No, the message is, No, the message is, No, the message is, you're going to find yourself in a pit, you're going to find yourself in a pit, you're going to find yourself in a pit, but the Lord is with you, but the Lord is with you, but the Lord is with you, and he has the power to pull you out of and he has the power to pull you out of and he has the power to pull you out of that pit. that pit. that pit. And so the invitation And so the invitation And so the invitation is to start right where you're at. I is to start right where you're at. I is to start right where you're at. I know that some of you have listened to know that some of you have listened to know that some of you have listened to this message, this message, this message, and and and instead of it being encouraging to you, instead of it being encouraging to you, instead of it being encouraging to you, instead of it speaking courage over you, instead of it speaking courage over you, instead of it speaking courage over you, it's felt discouraging.

it's felt discouraging. it's felt discouraging. Because you can't go back 10 years. Because you can't go back 10 years. Because you can't go back 10 years. You can't hit rewind. You can't hit rewind. You can't hit rewind. But this is the beautiful thing about But this is the beautiful thing about But this is the beautiful thing about God's redemptive will is it will meet God's redemptive will is it will meet God's redemptive will is it will meet you right where you're at. And just as you right where you're at. And just as you right where you're at. And just as we've seen in story after story in the we've seen in story after story in the we've seen in story after story in the Old Testament, God specializes in taking Old Testament, God specializes in taking Old Testament, God specializes in taking situations that are broken and busted situations that are broken and busted situations that are broken and busted and doing something beautiful. and doing something beautiful. and doing something beautiful. And it's not too late for you to And it's not too late for you to And it's not too late for you to experience that in your life. I I know experience that in your life. I I know experience that in your life. I I know I'm talking to some men here, some I'm talking to some men here, some I'm talking to some men here, some fathers, fathers, fathers, that feel like I I missed my chance to that feel like I I missed my chance to that feel like I I missed my chance to be the prophet. I missed my chance to be be the prophet. I missed my chance to be be the prophet. I missed my chance to be the prayer. the prayer. the prayer. Like I missed my chance to be the Like I missed my chance to be the Like I missed my chance to be the pursuer. pursuer. pursuer. No, you haven't. No, you haven't. No, you haven't. You haven't. Like you can still do that. You haven't. Like you can still do that. You haven't. Like you can still do that. In fact, there's something really In fact, there's something really In fact, there's something really beautiful about a man in a different beautiful about a man in a different beautiful about a man in a different season of life humbling himself and season of life humbling himself and season of life humbling himself and saying to his kids, saying to his kids, saying to his kids, "I'm sorry for not doing it this way, "I'm sorry for not doing it this way, "I'm sorry for not doing it this way, but going forward, but going forward, but going forward, I I'd like to do this. Going going I I'd like to do this. Going going I I'd like to do this. Going going forward, I I want to be more forward, I I want to be more forward, I I want to be more intentional. Like I hope you'll trust my intentional. Like I hope you'll trust my intentional. Like I hope you'll trust my good intentions. I I meant well, but I good intentions. I I meant well, but I good intentions. I I meant well, but I wasn't as intentional as I could have wasn't as intentional as I could have wasn't as intentional as I could have been or should have been. Going forward, been or should have been. Going forward, been or should have been. Going forward, I I want to be this. I can promise you I I want to be this. I can promise you I I want to be this. I can promise you like that feels like weakness to you.

like that feels like weakness to you. like that feels like weakness to you. It's not. I I promise you your wife, It's not. I I promise you your wife, It's not. I I promise you your wife, your kids, your adult children will your kids, your adult children will your kids, your adult children will respect that humility. They will see it respect that humility. They will see it respect that humility. They will see it as courage. as courage. as courage. So, So, So, if you're in the pit, if you're in the pit, if you're in the pit, don't stay there. don't stay there. don't stay there. And don't convince yourself that it's And don't convince yourself that it's And don't convince yourself that it's your job to get yourself out. your job to get yourself out. your job to get yourself out. Um this is my tendency as a man if I Um this is my tendency as a man if I Um this is my tendency as a man if I find myself in a pit to be like, "Okay, find myself in a pit to be like, "Okay, find myself in a pit to be like, "Okay, I don't want anybody to know I'm in a I don't want anybody to know I'm in a I don't want anybody to know I'm in a pit. pit. pit. So, I'm going to get myself out then So, I'm going to get myself out then So, I'm going to get myself out then I'll talk about it, you know, in I'll talk about it, you know, in I'll talk about it, you know, in hindsight. I'll be like, "Oh, I remember hindsight. I'll be like, "Oh, I remember hindsight. I'll be like, "Oh, I remember when I was in a pit." I just want to challenge you I just want to challenge you to humble yourself, ask for God's help, to humble yourself, ask for God's help, to humble yourself, ask for God's help, ask for the help of some people around ask for the help of some people around ask for the help of some people around you, you, you, but don't stay in the pit.