Debunking Marriage Myths That Lead to Misery | Andy & Stacie Wood

Now, today we're wrapping up our message Now, today we're wrapping up our message series called The Road to Freedom. Stacy series called The Road to Freedom. Stacy series called The Road to Freedom. Stacy and I are going to join together for a and I are going to join together for a and I are going to join together for a conversation about marriage, and I want conversation about marriage, and I want conversation about marriage, and I want to invite her to come to the stage. Will to invite her to come to the stage. Will to invite her to come to the stage. Will you all welcome her as she comes up? All right, here we go. We're gonna up? All right, here we go. We're gonna talk about mailage. Mail witch. So, um, talk about mailage. Mail witch. So, um, talk about mailage. Mail witch. So, um, Stace, we've been married for 22 years, Stace, we've been married for 22 years, Stace, we've been married for 22 years, and this is a subject of increasing and this is a subject of increasing and this is a subject of increasing passion for us. Yes. Um, and so I want passion for us. Yes. Um, and so I want passion for us. Yes. Um, and so I want to start before we jump in and talk to start before we jump in and talk to start before we jump in and talk about why we're doing this at the end of about why we're doing this at the end of about why we're doing this at the end of a series on freedom. Yeah. Well, you a series on freedom. Yeah. Well, you a series on freedom. Yeah. Well, you know, statistically, so many people will know, statistically, so many people will know, statistically, so many people will get married over the course of their get married over the course of their get married over the course of their lifetime. O uh, globally over 70% of lifetime. O uh, globally over 70% of lifetime. O uh, globally over 70% of people will be married at some point people will be married at some point people will be married at some point during their lifetime. So, this message, during their lifetime. So, this message, during their lifetime. So, this message, it really has an impact on a lot of it really has an impact on a lot of it really has an impact on a lot of people. And so it's very needed in the people. And so it's very needed in the people. And so it's very needed in the world today. Yeah. In addition to that, world today. Yeah. In addition to that, world today. Yeah. In addition to that, um there's a lot of confusion on what um there's a lot of confusion on what um there's a lot of confusion on what leads to a thriving marriage. There a leads to a thriving marriage. There a leads to a thriving marriage. There a lot of definition is thrown at us of lot of definition is thrown at us of lot of definition is thrown at us of what marriage is all about. Uh how to what marriage is all about. Uh how to what marriage is all about. Uh how to have a marriage that's filled with joy have a marriage that's filled with joy have a marriage that's filled with joy and fulfillment. So that's another and fulfillment. So that's another and fulfillment. So that's another important thing. Anything else that you important thing. Anything else that you important thing. Anything else that you would add? Well, yeah, there I mean I would add? Well, yeah, there I mean I would add? Well, yeah, there I mean I just think there are so many marriages just think there are so many marriages just think there are so many marriages that are hurting in the world. So many that are hurting in the world. So many that are hurting in the world. So many people are struggling in their marriage people are struggling in their marriage people are struggling in their marriage and I don't maybe some of you are you and I don't maybe some of you are you and I don't maybe some of you are you came today and you're really struggling came today and you're really struggling came today and you're really struggling in your marriage and you know nobody in your marriage and you know nobody in your marriage and you know nobody sets out in marriage planning on getting sets out in marriage planning on getting sets out in marriage planning on getting divorced or having an awful marriage but divorced or having an awful marriage but divorced or having an awful marriage but that is the reality because you know that is the reality because you know that is the reality because you know life can be hard and marriage is tricky

life can be hard and marriage is tricky life can be hard and marriage is tricky and so I think today we're just wanting and so I think today we're just wanting and so I think today we're just wanting to provide a little bit of clarity about to provide a little bit of clarity about to provide a little bit of clarity about God's design for marriage and to give God's design for marriage and to give God's design for marriage and to give you some hope that things can maybe be you some hope that things can maybe be you some hope that things can maybe be better than they are right now. Yeah. better than they are right now. Yeah. better than they are right now. Yeah. It's it's good to know, too, like in our It's it's good to know, too, like in our It's it's good to know, too, like in our church, we have people at all different church, we have people at all different church, we have people at all different places spiritually. And when it comes to places spiritually. And when it comes to places spiritually. And when it comes to marriage, some that are single. Uh some marriage, some that are single. Uh some marriage, some that are single. Uh some of you are married, some of you have of you are married, some of you have of you are married, some of you have been married. Uh some of you hope to be been married. Uh some of you hope to be been married. Uh some of you hope to be married. Some of you are like, "No, I married. Some of you are like, "No, I married. Some of you are like, "No, I never want to be married." And there's never want to be married." And there's never want to be married." And there's there's like all over the place in our there's like all over the place in our there's like all over the place in our church. And so, we want you to hear from church. And so, we want you to hear from church. And so, we want you to hear from us on the front end. Um if you are us on the front end. Um if you are us on the front end. Um if you are single, we see you. Singleness is not a single, we see you. Singleness is not a single, we see you. Singleness is not a sin. Uh Jesus was single. The Apostle sin. Uh Jesus was single. The Apostle sin. Uh Jesus was single. The Apostle Paul was single. So there are a lot of Paul was single. So there are a lot of Paul was single. So there are a lot of people in the Bible that were single. So people in the Bible that were single. So people in the Bible that were single. So both singleness and marriage are a gift both singleness and marriage are a gift both singleness and marriage are a gift from God. And there's a verse here, 1 from God. And there's a verse here, 1 from God. And there's a verse here, 1 Corinthians 76 and 7. You were going to Corinthians 76 and 7. You were going to Corinthians 76 and 7. You were going to say something? Yeah. Before you read say something? Yeah. Before you read say something? Yeah. Before you read that verse, I was just going to say not that verse, I was just going to say not that verse, I was just going to say not only is singleness not a sin, it's also only is singleness not a sin, it's also only is singleness not a sin, it's also not a limitation. I think that sometimes not a limitation. I think that sometimes not a limitation. I think that sometimes pe people that are single feel like um pe people that are single feel like um pe people that are single feel like um that their life will really get started that their life will really get started that their life will really get started or God could really use them once they or God could really use them once they or God could really use them once they find their mate. But that's not true at find their mate. But that's not true at find their mate. But that's not true at all. you're not limited by your marital all. you're not limited by your marital all. you're not limited by your marital um position in life. That God wants to um position in life. That God wants to um position in life. That God wants to use you right where you are. And there use you right where you are. And there use you right where you are. And there are blessings and there are challenges are blessings and there are challenges are blessings and there are challenges with being single and there are with being single and there are with being single and there are blessings and there are challenges with blessings and there are challenges with blessings and there are challenges with being married. And so regardless of being married. And so regardless of being married. And so regardless of where you find yourself right now, God where you find yourself right now, God where you find yourself right now, God wants to use you in your present wants to use you in your present wants to use you in your present situation and he wants to bless you situation and he wants to bless you situation and he wants to bless you right where you are. It's good. 1 right where you are. It's good. 1 right where you are. It's good. 1 Corinthians 7 6 and 7 says, "I say this

Corinthians 7 6 and 7 says, "I say this Corinthians 7 6 and 7 says, "I say this as a concession." This is the Apostle as a concession." This is the Apostle as a concession." This is the Apostle Paul. Not as a command. I wish that all Paul. Not as a command. I wish that all Paul. Not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has of you were as I am. But each of you has of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God. One has this your own gift from God. One has this your own gift from God. One has this gift and another has that. So he's gift and another has that. So he's gift and another has that. So he's talking about singleness and marriage. talking about singleness and marriage. talking about singleness and marriage. And he says both of them are a gift from And he says both of them are a gift from And he says both of them are a gift from God to be received. Now today we are God to be received. Now today we are God to be received. Now today we are lifting up God's design for marriage. So lifting up God's design for marriage. So lifting up God's design for marriage. So we're not going to shrink shrink back we're not going to shrink shrink back we're not going to shrink shrink back from the truth. We're going to focus on from the truth. We're going to focus on from the truth. We're going to focus on four marriage myths that lead to misery. four marriage myths that lead to misery. four marriage myths that lead to misery. And we're going to talk about God's And we're going to talk about God's And we're going to talk about God's truth that debunks those myths. So, I truth that debunks those myths. So, I truth that debunks those myths. So, I want to invite you to go ahead and pull want to invite you to go ahead and pull want to invite you to go ahead and pull out your notes as we journey through. out your notes as we journey through. out your notes as we journey through. And Stacy's going to start us off with And Stacy's going to start us off with And Stacy's going to start us off with this first myth. But before she does, I this first myth. But before she does, I this first myth. But before she does, I got ahead read this verse from John 8. got ahead read this verse from John 8. got ahead read this verse from John 8. Right. So, we were just the the concept Right. So, we were just the the concept Right. So, we were just the the concept of myths. And the Bible talks about in of myths. And the Bible talks about in of myths. And the Bible talks about in John chapter 8 that you will know the John chapter 8 that you will know the John chapter 8 that you will know the truth and the truth will set you will truth and the truth will set you will truth and the truth will set you will set you free. That's Jesus speaking. And set you free. That's Jesus speaking. And set you free. That's Jesus speaking. And and it's not just truth that sets us and it's not just truth that sets us and it's not just truth that sets us free, but it's the truth that we know free, but it's the truth that we know free, but it's the truth that we know that sets us free. And so a lot of times that sets us free. And so a lot of times that sets us free. And so a lot of times without even realizing it, we are without even realizing it, we are without even realizing it, we are believing things that aren't true that believing things that aren't true that believing things that aren't true that maybe we've been raised to believe.

maybe we've been raised to believe. maybe we've been raised to believe. Maybe culture has influenced the way we Maybe culture has influenced the way we Maybe culture has influenced the way we believe. And so we're going to talk believe. And so we're going to talk believe. And so we're going to talk specifically about four of those things. specifically about four of those things. specifically about four of those things. And the first one is that marriage is a And the first one is that marriage is a And the first one is that marriage is a contract. Marriage is a contract, a contract. Marriage is a contract, a contract. Marriage is a contract, a legal contract. This week I had been legal contract. This week I had been legal contract. This week I had been reading a lot of articles about reading a lot of articles about reading a lot of articles about marriage, both from a Christian marriage, both from a Christian marriage, both from a Christian perspective and just a secular perspective and just a secular perspective and just a secular perspective. And so I read this one perspective. And so I read this one perspective. And so I read this one article by the name of a gal named Anna article by the name of a gal named Anna article by the name of a gal named Anna Harris and she says this. Marriage is Harris and she says this. Marriage is Harris and she says this. Marriage is defined as the legal union of defined as the legal union of defined as the legal union of individuals. There must be mutual individuals. There must be mutual individuals. There must be mutual consent of the parties and there must be consent of the parties and there must be consent of the parties and there must be a marriage contract as required by law. a marriage contract as required by law. a marriage contract as required by law. When I read that, in my mind, I was just When I read that, in my mind, I was just When I read that, in my mind, I was just like, I'm sorry, Anna, but I completely like, I'm sorry, Anna, but I completely like, I'm sorry, Anna, but I completely reject your definition of marriage reject your definition of marriage reject your definition of marriage because it is such a it's such a low because it is such a it's such a low because it is such a it's such a low bar. It's such an uninspiring vision of bar. It's such an uninspiring vision of bar. It's such an uninspiring vision of what God intends for marriage to be. And what God intends for marriage to be. And what God intends for marriage to be. And that's what happens when we allow the that's what happens when we allow the that's what happens when we allow the world to define something that God world to define something that God world to define something that God actually created. And when God created actually created. And when God created actually created. And when God created marriage, he gave us this beautiful high marriage, he gave us this beautiful high marriage, he gave us this beautiful high vision of what marriage is intended to vision of what marriage is intended to vision of what marriage is intended to be. And it's actually supposed to be a be. And it's actually supposed to be a be. And it's actually supposed to be a symbol of the way that God loves the symbol of the way that God loves the symbol of the way that God loves the church. All throughout the Bible, one of church. All throughout the Bible, one of church. All throughout the Bible, one of the metaphors that's used to describe the metaphors that's used to describe the metaphors that's used to describe the church is the b the bride of Christ.

the church is the b the bride of Christ. the church is the b the bride of Christ. And so God is giving us this example of And so God is giving us this example of And so God is giving us this example of how he as the perfect husband, he how he as the perfect husband, he how he as the perfect husband, he initiates with us, he loves us, he initiates with us, he loves us, he initiates with us, he loves us, he pursues us, he protects us. And and this pursues us, he protects us. And and this pursues us, he protects us. And and this is the image of a marriage of a husband is the image of a marriage of a husband is the image of a marriage of a husband pursuing his wife and then the the wife, pursuing his wife and then the the wife, pursuing his wife and then the the wife, the beloved and she's receiving that the beloved and she's receiving that the beloved and she's receiving that love. She's responding to that love. And love. She's responding to that love. And love. She's responding to that love. And so this is the beauty of the high so this is the beauty of the high so this is the beauty of the high calling of marriage and the way that God calling of marriage and the way that God calling of marriage and the way that God created it. And so we don't think of created it. And so we don't think of created it. And so we don't think of marriage as just a contract because a marriage as just a contract because a marriage as just a contract because a contract it has limitations to it. It contract it has limitations to it. It contract it has limitations to it. It has um it has terms of agreement. and if has um it has terms of agreement. and if has um it has terms of agreement. and if you don't hold up your end of the you don't hold up your end of the you don't hold up your end of the bargain, then I can get out of this bargain, then I can get out of this bargain, then I can get out of this thing. But what what the Bible teaches thing. But what what the Bible teaches thing. But what what the Bible teaches is that marriage is more than a is that marriage is more than a is that marriage is more than a contract. It's a sacred covenant. It's a contract. It's a sacred covenant. It's a contract. It's a sacred covenant. It's a sacred covenant. And so there's no sacred covenant. And so there's no sacred covenant. And so there's no escape clause. There's that this escape clause. There's that this escape clause. There's that this covenant is intended to be a permanent covenant is intended to be a permanent covenant is intended to be a permanent lifelong commitment. We see this in lifelong commitment. We see this in lifelong commitment. We see this in Matthew chapter 19 when Jesus is Matthew chapter 19 when Jesus is Matthew chapter 19 when Jesus is teaching about marriage. And he says teaching about marriage. And he says teaching about marriage. And he says this, "Haven't you read?" He replied this, "Haven't you read?" He replied this, "Haven't you read?" He replied that at the beginning the creator made that at the beginning the creator made that at the beginning the creator made them male and female and he said for them male and female and he said for them male and female and he said for this reason a man will leave his father this reason a man will leave his father this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and and mother and be united to his wife and and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. So the two will become one flesh. So the two will become one flesh. So they're no longer two but they're one they're no longer two but they're one they're no longer two but they're one flesh. Therefore what God has joined flesh. Therefore what God has joined flesh. Therefore what God has joined together. Let no one separate. So what together. Let no one separate. So what together. Let no one separate. So what Jesus is doing here is so important.

Jesus is doing here is so important. Jesus is doing here is so important. He's reaching all the way back to He's reaching all the way back to He's reaching all the way back to creation, to the way that God originally creation, to the way that God originally creation, to the way that God originally designed life to work. Before sin designed life to work. Before sin designed life to work. Before sin entered the world, he created male and entered the world, he created male and entered the world, he created male and female. He brought them together in this female. He brought them together in this female. He brought them together in this beautiful sacred union of marriage. And beautiful sacred union of marriage. And beautiful sacred union of marriage. And he says, what God has joined together, he says, what God has joined together, he says, what God has joined together, let no one separate. So, we're not the let no one separate. So, we're not the let no one separate. So, we're not the ones that came up with this social ones that came up with this social ones that came up with this social institution of marriage. It was God that institution of marriage. It was God that institution of marriage. It was God that designed it. and it's by his authority designed it. and it's by his authority designed it. and it's by his authority that it's held together. And so that's that it's held together. And so that's that it's held together. And so that's so important when we think about the so important when we think about the so important when we think about the nature of a sacred covenant. When I nature of a sacred covenant. When I nature of a sacred covenant. When I think about those words, the image that think about those words, the image that think about those words, the image that comes to my mind is just there's no back comes to my mind is just there's no back comes to my mind is just there's no back door in marriage. There there's no door in marriage. There there's no door in marriage. There there's no escape route. And that now there is escape route. And that now there is escape route. And that now there is biblical teaching around what to do when biblical teaching around what to do when biblical teaching around what to do when someone in the relationship breaks the someone in the relationship breaks the someone in the relationship breaks the covenant. and and we would love to help covenant. and and we would love to help covenant. and and we would love to help you if you find yourself in that you if you find yourself in that you if you find yourself in that situation. But the focus of of this of situation. But the focus of of this of situation. But the focus of of this of this message today is on the sacred this message today is on the sacred this message today is on the sacred covenant, this lifelong commitment that covenant, this lifelong commitment that covenant, this lifelong commitment that God intends for marriage. And I God intends for marriage. And I God intends for marriage. And I personally I'm just I'm really grateful personally I'm just I'm really grateful personally I'm just I'm really grateful that I grew up in a family that that I grew up in a family that that I grew up in a family that emphasized the sacred nature the sacred emphasized the sacred nature the sacred emphasized the sacred nature the sacred nature of covenant because marriage is nature of covenant because marriage is nature of covenant because marriage is not always easy. And when we were early not always easy. And when we were early not always easy. And when we were early on in our marriage, we were going on in our marriage, we were going on in our marriage, we were going through some really hard times. And that through some really hard times. And that through some really hard times. And that first five years of marriage, uh, we first five years of marriage, uh, we first five years of marriage, uh, we were in graduate school. Um, we started were in graduate school. Um, we started were in graduate school. Um, we started a church during that time. We had our

a church during that time. We had our a church during that time. We had our first child. We You got married at 21. first child. We You got married at 21. first child. We You got married at 21. Yeah. And we were so broke, you guys. Yeah. And we were so broke, you guys. Yeah. And we were so broke, you guys. Like no money at all. It was very Like no money at all. It was very Like no money at all. It was very stressful. And I think we both just had stressful. And I think we both just had stressful. And I think we both just had a lot of growing up to do. the way that a lot of growing up to do. the way that a lot of growing up to do. the way that we related to one another emotionally, we related to one another emotionally, we related to one another emotionally, relationally, and um I had a lot more relationally, and um I had a lot more relationally, and um I had a lot more growing up to do than so we had um we growing up to do than so we had um we growing up to do than so we had um we just had some rough moments. And I just had some rough moments. And I just had some rough moments. And I remember this one moment where we were remember this one moment where we were remember this one moment where we were fighting and I was in our bedroom and he fighting and I was in our bedroom and he fighting and I was in our bedroom and he was in the hallway and I was sitting on was in the hallway and I was sitting on was in the hallway and I was sitting on the bed and I was just like, "Oh my the bed and I was just like, "Oh my the bed and I was just like, "Oh my gosh, I feel so stuck right now. I feel gosh, I feel so stuck right now. I feel gosh, I feel so stuck right now. I feel trapped in this marriage because what trapped in this marriage because what trapped in this marriage because what have I done? I am I'm stuck. I can't get have I done? I am I'm stuck. I can't get have I done? I am I'm stuck. I can't get out." And the reason I felt like that out." And the reason I felt like that out." And the reason I felt like that was because I wasn't thinking about is was because I wasn't thinking about is was because I wasn't thinking about is there a back door? Is there an escape there a back door? Is there an escape there a back door? Is there an escape route that I could get out of this route that I could get out of this route that I could get out of this marriage because I I held to the sacred marriage because I I held to the sacred marriage because I I held to the sacred value of a covenant? And while in that value of a covenant? And while in that value of a covenant? And while in that moment that did not feel like freedom, moment that did not feel like freedom, moment that did not feel like freedom, that felt like I was trapped in in this that felt like I was trapped in in this that felt like I was trapped in in this marriage. But I'm so thankful for that marriage. But I'm so thankful for that marriage. But I'm so thankful for that because what it has produced over 22 because what it has produced over 22 because what it has produced over 22 years of going through ups and downs in years of going through ups and downs in years of going through ups and downs in marriage, it's produced a lot of marriage, it's produced a lot of marriage, it's produced a lot of freedom. It's produced so much trust freedom. It's produced so much trust freedom. It's produced so much trust between us because we said from the very between us because we said from the very between us because we said from the very beginning, we're not going to throw beginning, we're not going to throw beginning, we're not going to throw around the word divorce. That's not an around the word divorce. That's not an around the word divorce. That's not an option for us. And so, the only way out option for us. And so, the only way out option for us. And so, the only way out of this misery that I was experiencing, of this misery that I was experiencing, of this misery that I was experiencing, it wasn't out the back door. It was it wasn't out the back door. It was it wasn't out the back door. It was through the problem. And we were going through the problem. And we were going through the problem. And we were going to go through it together. And so, to go through it together. And so, to go through it together. And so, that's created so much trust. I know no that's created so much trust. I know no that's created so much trust. I know no matter how bad things get, we're he's

matter how bad things get, we're he's matter how bad things get, we're he's not leaving. Like, we're going through not leaving. Like, we're going through not leaving. Like, we're going through this together. And that's just created a this together. And that's just created a this together. And that's just created a lot of freedom and trust. Was was that lot of freedom and trust. Was was that lot of freedom and trust. Was was that different than the time that I was different than the time that I was different than the time that I was banging on the door saying, "We need to banging on the door saying, "We need to banging on the door saying, "We need to work this thing out." Yeah, that was a work this thing out." Yeah, that was a work this thing out." Yeah, that was a different fight. Okay. In that fight, I different fight. Okay. In that fight, I different fight. Okay. In that fight, I was actually looking at the window was actually looking at the window was actually looking at the window thinking, I wonder if I could jump out thinking, I wonder if I could jump out thinking, I wonder if I could jump out of this first floor window and get away. of this first floor window and get away. of this first floor window and get away. Yeah, we we've had some moments. We Yeah, we we've had some moments. We Yeah, we we've had some moments. We have. And I I love how you frame that have. And I I love how you frame that have. And I I love how you frame that that the marriage covenant brings us to that the marriage covenant brings us to that the marriage covenant brings us to a place that we we have to work through a place that we we have to work through a place that we we have to work through the problem. And many times if we the problem. And many times if we the problem. And many times if we believe that we can just jump out of it believe that we can just jump out of it believe that we can just jump out of it when it's difficult, it makes us so much when it's difficult, it makes us so much when it's difficult, it makes us so much more miserable over the course of our more miserable over the course of our more miserable over the course of our lives. This also ties into another myth lives. This also ties into another myth lives. This also ties into another myth that a lot of people believe and it's that a lot of people believe and it's that a lot of people believe and it's this. Marriage will mess up your life. this. Marriage will mess up your life. this. Marriage will mess up your life. If you get married, it will mess up your If you get married, it will mess up your If you get married, it will mess up your life. I remember uh when I was working life. I remember uh when I was working life. I remember uh when I was working for my dad right before Stacy and I got for my dad right before Stacy and I got for my dad right before Stacy and I got married. I was doing this daily married. I was doing this daily married. I was doing this daily countdown and I had like a 100 days, 99 countdown and I had like a 100 days, 99 countdown and I had like a 100 days, 99 days and I was out on a job with one of days and I was out on a job with one of days and I was out on a job with one of my dad's managers and we're talking my dad's managers and we're talking my dad's managers and we're talking about marriage and the fact that I'm about marriage and the fact that I'm about marriage and the fact that I'm going to get married very soon. And I going to get married very soon. And I going to get married very soon. And I remember this guy said to me, "Well, remember this guy said to me, "Well, remember this guy said to me, "Well, enjoy your last 99 days of enjoy your last 99 days of enjoy your last 99 days of freedom." And this guy was on like his freedom." And this guy was on like his freedom." And this guy was on like his third marriage. So apparently he felt third marriage. So apparently he felt third marriage. So apparently he felt stuck every marriage and just went on to stuck every marriage and just went on to stuck every marriage and just went on to a new one. And you know that mindset a new one. And you know that mindset a new one. And you know that mindset oftentimes is how people think about oftentimes is how people think about oftentimes is how people think about marriage. Many of you uh are familiar marriage. Many of you uh are familiar marriage. Many of you uh are familiar with the movie The Notebook. How many of with the movie The Notebook. How many of with the movie The Notebook. How many of you guys have seen the movie The you guys have seen the movie The you guys have seen the movie The Notebook? It's like it's like one of the Notebook? It's like it's like one of the Notebook? It's like it's like one of the most famous love stories. And the main

most famous love stories. And the main most famous love stories. And the main character in the movie is Ryan Gosling. character in the movie is Ryan Gosling. character in the movie is Ryan Gosling. And Ryan Gosling has this quote that I And Ryan Gosling has this quote that I And Ryan Gosling has this quote that I want to read to you. He says this. I want to read to you. He says this. I want to read to you. He says this. I think the idea of marriage is very think the idea of marriage is very think the idea of marriage is very romantic. It's a beautiful idea and the romantic. It's a beautiful idea and the romantic. It's a beautiful idea and the practice of it can be a very beautiful practice of it can be a very beautiful practice of it can be a very beautiful thing. I just don't know if it's for me thing. I just don't know if it's for me thing. I just don't know if it's for me because I don't want to be caged. And because I don't want to be caged. And because I don't want to be caged. And that's the way many people think about that's the way many people think about that's the way many people think about marriage. Now, Ryan has since got marriage. Now, Ryan has since got marriage. Now, Ryan has since got married and has changed his his view. married and has changed his his view. married and has changed his his view. Um, but the truth is a lot of people Um, but the truth is a lot of people Um, but the truth is a lot of people look at marriage as though it's going to look at marriage as though it's going to look at marriage as though it's going to slow down your career. It's going to slow down your career. It's going to slow down your career. It's going to slow down your financial progress. It's slow down your financial progress. It's slow down your financial progress. It's going to make you miserable. And as a going to make you miserable. And as a going to make you miserable. And as a culture, as a whole, we're getting culture, as a whole, we're getting culture, as a whole, we're getting married. People are getting married married. People are getting married married. People are getting married later and later and later because of later and later and later because of later and later and later because of this belief. But this is not what the this belief. But this is not what the this belief. But this is not what the Bible teaches. one and this is not what Bible teaches. one and this is not what Bible teaches. one and this is not what research shows. Number two, in Genesis research shows. Number two, in Genesis research shows. Number two, in Genesis 1:27, listen to God's word. It says, "So 1:27, listen to God's word. It says, "So 1:27, listen to God's word. It says, "So God created mankind in his own image. In God created mankind in his own image. In God created mankind in his own image. In the image of God he created them, male the image of God he created them, male the image of God he created them, male and female he created them. God blessed and female he created them. God blessed and female he created them. God blessed them and said this, "Be fruitful and them and said this, "Be fruitful and them and said this, "Be fruitful and increase in number. Fill the earth and increase in number. Fill the earth and increase in number. Fill the earth and subdue it. Have babies. Spread your subdue it. Have babies. Spread your subdue it. Have babies. Spread your family across planet Earth. Subdue it.

family across planet Earth. Subdue it. family across planet Earth. Subdue it. rule over the fish in the sea and the rule over the fish in the sea and the rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living birds in the sky and over every living birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground. Now, creature that moves on the ground. Now, creature that moves on the ground. Now, I want you to underline the words that I want you to underline the words that I want you to underline the words that says, "God blessed them." God blessed says, "God blessed them." God blessed says, "God blessed them." God blessed the man and the woman. He put them the man and the woman. He put them the man and the woman. He put them together in this sacred covenant called together in this sacred covenant called together in this sacred covenant called marriage and he called it a blessing. So marriage and he called it a blessing. So marriage and he called it a blessing. So marriage is a sacred gift from God. It's marriage is a sacred gift from God. It's marriage is a sacred gift from God. It's not an obligation. It's not something not an obligation. It's not something not an obligation. It's not something that ruins or messes up your life. Now that ruins or messes up your life. Now that ruins or messes up your life. Now if you see something as an obligation, if you see something as an obligation, if you see something as an obligation, it's something you have to do. But if it's something you have to do. But if it's something you have to do. But if you see it as a gift, it's something you you see it as a gift, it's something you you see it as a gift, it's something you receive and something you get to do. receive and something you get to do. receive and something you get to do. It's something you get to receive. So It's something you get to receive. So It's something you get to receive. So the mindset of God's giving this sacred the mindset of God's giving this sacred the mindset of God's giving this sacred gift to us as humans is so very gift to us as humans is so very gift to us as humans is so very important to understand. It's a gift important to understand. It's a gift important to understand. It's a gift over our lives if you're married to be over our lives if you're married to be over our lives if you're married to be stewarded, to be received from God, and stewarded, to be received from God, and stewarded, to be received from God, and over time to understand it more and over time to understand it more and over time to understand it more and more. Now, culture is lying to us about more. Now, culture is lying to us about more. Now, culture is lying to us about the gift, saying it will mess up your the gift, saying it will mess up your the gift, saying it will mess up your life. But listen to some of these stats. life. But listen to some of these stats. life. But listen to some of these stats. Okay? So, this great book I read about a Okay? So, this great book I read about a Okay? So, this great book I read about a year ago called Get Married. Phenomenal year ago called Get Married. Phenomenal year ago called Get Married. Phenomenal book. Now, it's not written uh from a book. Now, it's not written uh from a book. Now, it's not written uh from a Christian perspective. It's written from Christian perspective. It's written from Christian perspective. It's written from a sociological perspective. And the a sociological perspective. And the a sociological perspective. And the author is making the point that many of author is making the point that many of author is making the point that many of the myths that we're taught in culture the myths that we're taught in culture the myths that we're taught in culture about marriage just don't hold up when about marriage just don't hold up when about marriage just don't hold up when it comes to research around career, it comes to research around career, it comes to research around career, around finances, around fulfillment. So around finances, around fulfillment. So around finances, around fulfillment. So listen to a couple of these statistics.

listen to a couple of these statistics. listen to a couple of these statistics. In 22, 75% of married mothers, now you In 22, 75% of married mothers, now you In 22, 75% of married mothers, now you think about many people who are young think about many people who are young think about many people who are young women, what culture will teach about women, what culture will teach about women, what culture will teach about marriage that if you get married, it's marriage that if you get married, it's marriage that if you get married, it's going to it's going to cage you. It's going to it's going to cage you. It's going to it's going to cage you. It's going to slow down your career. It's going to slow down your career. It's going to slow down your career. It's going to make you miserable. But it says going to make you miserable. But it says going to make you miserable. But it says this, that 75% of married mothers this, that 75% of married mothers this, that 75% of married mothers reported being completely or somewhat reported being completely or somewhat reported being completely or somewhat satisfied with their lives compared with satisfied with their lives compared with satisfied with their lives compared with 54% of single women without children. 54% of single women without children. 54% of single women without children. Now, if you're single and without Now, if you're single and without Now, if you're single and without children, uh this is not at all to knock children, uh this is not at all to knock children, uh this is not at all to knock you. This is just to highlight that God you. This is just to highlight that God you. This is just to highlight that God designed life to work in a way that he designed life to work in a way that he designed life to work in a way that he gives this sacred gift. And that sacred gives this sacred gift. And that sacred gives this sacred gift. And that sacred gift to those who receive it and live gift to those who receive it and live gift to those who receive it and live into it, there's a joy and fulfillment into it, there's a joy and fulfillment into it, there's a joy and fulfillment that comes. Married men about 40% um that comes. Married men about 40% um that comes. Married men about 40% um earn about 40% more household income earn about 40% more household income earn about 40% more household income than unmarried peers. Even after uh than unmarried peers. Even after uh than unmarried peers. Even after uh comparing household size, age, comparing household size, age, comparing household size, age, education, race, and ethnicity. So when education, race, and ethnicity. So when education, race, and ethnicity. So when a man gets married, he's motivated to a man gets married, he's motivated to a man gets married, he's motivated to provide for his family and it actually provide for his family and it actually provide for his family and it actually it makes his career progress at a faster it makes his career progress at a faster it makes his career progress at a faster rate than if he's single. So this lie rate than if he's single. So this lie rate than if he's single. So this lie about your career is going to be stunted about your career is going to be stunted about your career is going to be stunted if you get married just doesn't hold up if you get married just doesn't hold up if you get married just doesn't hold up with research. One more. Married men with research. One more. Married men with research. One more. Married men ages 18 to 55 are twice as likely to ages 18 to 55 are twice as likely to ages 18 to 55 are twice as likely to report being very happy compared to report being very happy compared to report being very happy compared to unmarried men. So there is a joy, there unmarried men. So there is a joy, there unmarried men. So there is a joy, there is a progress, there's fulfillment that is a progress, there's fulfillment that is a progress, there's fulfillment that God gives with this sacred gift. It's to God gives with this sacred gift. It's to God gives with this sacred gift. It's to be received as a sacred gift from God.

be received as a sacred gift from God. be received as a sacred gift from God. So myth number two says that marriage So myth number two says that marriage So myth number two says that marriage will mess up your life. The truth of God will mess up your life. The truth of God will mess up your life. The truth of God says it's a sacred gift. I think that's says it's a sacred gift. I think that's says it's a sacred gift. I think that's so beautiful like to see how the lies so beautiful like to see how the lies so beautiful like to see how the lies that we often believe, they're just it's that we often believe, they're just it's that we often believe, they're just it's not true. Even statistically, it's not not true. Even statistically, it's not not true. Even statistically, it's not true. So I love that. Okay. The the true. So I love that. Okay. The the true. So I love that. Okay. The the third myth that we're going to talk third myth that we're going to talk third myth that we're going to talk about today is that marriage roles and about today is that marriage roles and about today is that marriage roles and responsibilities are old-fashioned. responsibilities are old-fashioned. responsibilities are old-fashioned. They're old-fashioned. Maybe this is the They're old-fashioned. Maybe this is the They're old-fashioned. Maybe this is the one we'll get emails about, right? Yeah, one we'll get emails about, right? Yeah, one we'll get emails about, right? Yeah, probably. probably. probably. So, maybe you've heard um this mindset So, maybe you've heard um this mindset So, maybe you've heard um this mindset of of if you live like with a biblical of of if you live like with a biblical of of if you live like with a biblical framework for marriage, it's like framework for marriage, it's like framework for marriage, it's like patriarchal. It's oppressive. Like, what patriarchal. It's oppressive. Like, what patriarchal. It's oppressive. Like, what modern woman is going to want to live modern woman is going to want to live modern woman is going to want to live that way? Like Ephesians 5:22, wives that way? Like Ephesians 5:22, wives that way? Like Ephesians 5:22, wives submit to your husbands as unto the submit to your husbands as unto the submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. That's so outdated. And now that Lord. That's so outdated. And now that Lord. That's so outdated. And now that women can like make money and they've women can like make money and they've women can like make money and they've they're educated and we can provide for they're educated and we can provide for they're educated and we can provide for ourselves, we don't need to submit any ourselves, we don't need to submit any ourselves, we don't need to submit any longer to this ancient construct of longer to this ancient construct of longer to this ancient construct of marriage. And um I'm sure that many of marriage. And um I'm sure that many of marriage. And um I'm sure that many of you have heard something along those you have heard something along those you have heard something along those lines. And to that I just I would say lines. And to that I just I would say lines. And to that I just I would say three things. First of all, I would say three things. First of all, I would say three things. First of all, I would say there's a lot of misconceptions around there's a lot of misconceptions around there's a lot of misconceptions around what the Bible actually teaches in what the Bible actually teaches in what the Bible actually teaches in regards to men and women and husbands regards to men and women and husbands regards to men and women and husbands and wives. And so, we should clear up and wives. And so, we should clear up and wives. And so, we should clear up what does the Bible actually say. And what does the Bible actually say. And what does the Bible actually say. And then secondly, I would say that you then secondly, I would say that you then secondly, I would say that you either believe that the Bible has

either believe that the Bible has either believe that the Bible has authority over your life or you don't. authority over your life or you don't. authority over your life or you don't. And there's no picking and choosing And there's no picking and choosing And there's no picking and choosing which passages have authority and which which passages have authority and which which passages have authority and which passages don't have authority. And so passages don't have authority. And so passages don't have authority. And so when we bump up against something in the when we bump up against something in the when we bump up against something in the word of God in the Bible that is hard to word of God in the Bible that is hard to word of God in the Bible that is hard to understand or if it steps on our toes, understand or if it steps on our toes, understand or if it steps on our toes, we have to decide for ourselves, does we have to decide for ourselves, does we have to decide for ourselves, does the Bible have authority over me or do I the Bible have authority over me or do I the Bible have authority over me or do I just get to just to cross out that just get to just to cross out that just get to just to cross out that section of it because I don't agree with section of it because I don't agree with section of it because I don't agree with it. And then the third thing I would say it. And then the third thing I would say it. And then the third thing I would say is when we bump up against those is when we bump up against those is when we bump up against those difficult things in the Bible, can we go difficult things in the Bible, can we go difficult things in the Bible, can we go back to what we know to be true about back to what we know to be true about back to what we know to be true about the character of God? That he is a the character of God? That he is a the character of God? That he is a loving father. That he desires to bless loving father. That he desires to bless loving father. That he desires to bless his children. That he created things his children. That he created things his children. That he created things with a design so that our lives can with a design so that our lives can with a design so that our lives can thrive and flourish and live under his thrive and flourish and live under his thrive and flourish and live under his blessing. And so all of those things blessing. And so all of those things blessing. And so all of those things contribute to helping us understand um contribute to helping us understand um contribute to helping us understand um his design for why he created marriage his design for why he created marriage his design for why he created marriage in the way that he created marriage. And in the way that he created marriage. And in the way that he created marriage. And so the truth is that we're going to talk so the truth is that we're going to talk so the truth is that we're going to talk about is that marriage actually works about is that marriage actually works about is that marriage actually works best when we embrace God's design.

best when we embrace God's design. best when we embrace God's design. Marriage works best when we embrace Marriage works best when we embrace Marriage works best when we embrace God's design. So I wonder if everyone God's design. So I wonder if everyone God's design. So I wonder if everyone would be willing to say something with would be willing to say something with would be willing to say something with me right now. Would you be willing to me right now. Would you be willing to me right now. Would you be willing to say there is a design? Okay. Okay, on say there is a design? Okay. Okay, on say there is a design? Okay. Okay, on the count of three, say that with me. the count of three, say that with me. the count of three, say that with me. There is a design and God created an There is a design and God created an There is a design and God created an order and a flow to the way that order and a flow to the way that order and a flow to the way that marriage works. It and going back to the marriage works. It and going back to the marriage works. It and going back to the beginning, it goes back to how he beginning, it goes back to how he beginning, it goes back to how he designed marriage to represent his love designed marriage to represent his love designed marriage to represent his love relationship with the bride of Christ relationship with the bride of Christ relationship with the bride of Christ with the church. And so as a husband, we with the church. And so as a husband, we with the church. And so as a husband, we h a husband has a role in marriage and h a husband has a role in marriage and h a husband has a role in marriage and wife the wife has a role in marriage. wife the wife has a role in marriage. wife the wife has a role in marriage. And so what the Bible teaches that the And so what the Bible teaches that the And so what the Bible teaches that the husband's role is one of leader. The the husband's role is one of leader. The the husband's role is one of leader. The the husband is the leader. And that comes husband is the leader. And that comes husband is the leader. And that comes directly out of Ephesians chapter 5 directly out of Ephesians chapter 5 directly out of Ephesians chapter 5 verse 23 where it says for the husband verse 23 where it says for the husband verse 23 where it says for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the is the head of the wife as Christ is the is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church his body of which he head of the church his body of which he head of the church his body of which he is the savior. So the reason that the he is the savior. So the reason that the he is the savior. So the reason that the he the husband is the head of the wife is the husband is the head of the wife is the husband is the head of the wife is because Christ is the head of the because Christ is the head of the because Christ is the head of the church. It's representing this um this church. It's representing this um this church. It's representing this um this beautiful image of God in the body of beautiful image of God in the body of beautiful image of God in the body of Christ. Now, a husband is is the leader Christ. Now, a husband is is the leader Christ. Now, a husband is is the leader of his home and and sometimes in modern of his home and and sometimes in modern of his home and and sometimes in modern day society and in culture that has just day society and in culture that has just day society and in culture that has just been like really frowned upon because of been like really frowned upon because of been like really frowned upon because of our views of what leadership looks like our views of what leadership looks like our views of what leadership looks like in the home. And so many times that that in the home. And so many times that that in the home. And so many times that that view of leadership in the home has been view of leadership in the home has been view of leadership in the home has been abused or or taken out of context or

abused or or taken out of context or abused or or taken out of context or made to mean things that God never made to mean things that God never made to mean things that God never intended. But as a wife, we get to call intended. But as a wife, we get to call intended. But as a wife, we get to call out the the leadership role in our out the the leadership role in our out the the leadership role in our husband and to affirm that in him and to husband and to affirm that in him and to husband and to affirm that in him and to make room for it. So as a wife, our make room for it. So as a wife, our make room for it. So as a wife, our response to our husband's role in response to our husband's role in response to our husband's role in leadership is to follow and to support leadership is to follow and to support leadership is to follow and to support our husband's leadership. Now, that our husband's leadership. Now, that our husband's leadership. Now, that doesn't mean that a wife never has an doesn't mean that a wife never has an doesn't mean that a wife never has an opinion. That doesn't mean that your opinion. That doesn't mean that your opinion. That doesn't mean that your voice is unimportant. We're going to voice is unimportant. We're going to voice is unimportant. We're going to talk about that in just a second. But as talk about that in just a second. But as talk about that in just a second. But as a wife, we get to make room to allow our a wife, we get to make room to allow our a wife, we get to make room to allow our husbands to step into leadership as the husbands to step into leadership as the husbands to step into leadership as the husband or as the father in our home. husband or as the father in our home. husband or as the father in our home. So, yeah, that there was another thing So, yeah, that there was another thing So, yeah, that there was another thing that you said yesterday about collective that you said yesterday about collective that you said yesterday about collective like the the confusion that a lot of like the the confusion that a lot of like the the confusion that a lot of people think, well, headship means this people think, well, headship means this people think, well, headship means this collective like every woman submits to collective like every woman submits to collective like every woman submits to every man. That's not what the Bible is every man. That's not what the Bible is every man. That's not what the Bible is teaching. No, that that this verse does teaching. No, that that this verse does teaching. No, that that this verse does not say women submit to men as unto the not say women submit to men as unto the not say women submit to men as unto the Lord. It says wives submit to husbands Lord. It says wives submit to husbands Lord. It says wives submit to husbands as unto the Lord. It's a very specific as unto the Lord. It's a very specific as unto the Lord. It's a very specific teaching. And it doesn't say that all teaching. And it doesn't say that all teaching. And it doesn't say that all men are the leaders of all women. That's men are the leaders of all women. That's men are the leaders of all women. That's a different tribe altogether. That's a a different tribe altogether. That's a a different tribe altogether. That's a different religion. This is different religion. This is different religion. This is Christianity. This is what the Bible Christianity. This is what the Bible Christianity. This is what the Bible teaches. It's it's a specific thing that teaches. It's it's a specific thing that teaches. It's it's a specific thing that wives and husbands, it's the way God wives and husbands, it's the way God wives and husbands, it's the way God designed marriage. Yeah. To flow. Yeah.

designed marriage. Yeah. To flow. Yeah. designed marriage. Yeah. To flow. Yeah. And the the other thing I I think is And the the other thing I I think is And the the other thing I I think is really important to consider with this really important to consider with this really important to consider with this is to understand leadership. So if you is to understand leadership. So if you is to understand leadership. So if you go to the Bible and you look at what go to the Bible and you look at what go to the Bible and you look at what Jesus taught about leadership, it's very Jesus taught about leadership, it's very Jesus taught about leadership, it's very different than the world's definition of different than the world's definition of different than the world's definition of leadership. So in Matthew 20 20-28, leadership. So in Matthew 20 20-28, leadership. So in Matthew 20 20-28, there's a moment where two of Jesus there's a moment where two of Jesus there's a moment where two of Jesus disciples, they come up and they want disciples, they come up and they want disciples, they come up and they want the right and left hand when Jesus the right and left hand when Jesus the right and left hand when Jesus enters into the fullness of his kingdom. enters into the fullness of his kingdom. enters into the fullness of his kingdom. Like they want the power positions for Like they want the power positions for Like they want the power positions for all eternity. And Jesus says, "You've all eternity. And Jesus says, "You've all eternity. And Jesus says, "You've you you've heard it and seen it in your you you've heard it and seen it in your you you've heard it and seen it in your culture that the Gentile leaders, they culture that the Gentile leaders, they culture that the Gentile leaders, they lord their authority over others." And lord their authority over others." And lord their authority over others." And he makes a statement. He says,"Not so he makes a statement. He says,"Not so he makes a statement. He says,"Not so with you. In my kingdom, whoever wants with you. In my kingdom, whoever wants with you. In my kingdom, whoever wants to be the greatest must become the to be the greatest must become the to be the greatest must become the least. Whoever wants to be the leader least. Whoever wants to be the leader least. Whoever wants to be the leader must become the servant." So the must become the servant." So the must become the servant." So the definition of leadership in God's definition of leadership in God's definition of leadership in God's kingdom is service first. It's to kingdom is service first. It's to kingdom is service first. It's to realize every bit of authority that God realize every bit of authority that God realize every bit of authority that God gives to me, that God gives to you. It's gives to me, that God gives to you. It's gives to me, that God gives to you. It's to be a blessing. It's to serve. It's to to be a blessing. It's to serve. It's to to be a blessing. It's to serve. It's to lift up others with the power and lift up others with the power and lift up others with the power and authority that God gives to us. So, it's authority that God gives to us. So, it's authority that God gives to us. So, it's a very different understanding of a very different understanding of a very different understanding of leadership that a man has a leadership that a man has a leadership that a man has a responsibility to go first, to initiate, responsibility to go first, to initiate, responsibility to go first, to initiate, and to love by sacrificing and serving and to love by sacrificing and serving and to love by sacrificing and serving his wife and his children. This is very his wife and his children. This is very his wife and his children. This is very important. Yeah. And you just think I important. Yeah. And you just think I important. Yeah. And you just think I mean if your if a husband's leading like mean if your if a husband's leading like mean if your if a husband's leading like that who would not want to follow that that who would not want to follow that that who would not want to follow that kind of leadership it's just it's a kind of leadership it's just it's a kind of leadership it's just it's a lifegiving source. Okay. So a wife the lifegiving source. Okay. So a wife the lifegiving source. Okay. So a wife the Bible gives us a role as well and it's Bible gives us a role as well and it's Bible gives us a role as well and it's called helper. Um in Genesis chapter 2 called helper. Um in Genesis chapter 2 called helper. Um in Genesis chapter 2 it says the Lord God said it's not good

it says the Lord God said it's not good it says the Lord God said it's not good for man to be alone. I will make a for man to be alone. I will make a for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. And now I know helper suitable for him. And now I know helper suitable for him. And now I know that a lot of women when you hear that that a lot of women when you hear that that a lot of women when you hear that word helper there's like an immediate word helper there's like an immediate word helper there's like an immediate wall that goes up because in our minds wall that goes up because in our minds wall that goes up because in our minds that word helper means like like a that word helper means like like a that word helper means like like a domestic servant. And oh great you get domestic servant. And oh great you get domestic servant. And oh great you get to be the leader and I get to do the to be the leader and I get to do the to be the leader and I get to do the laundry and that's a horrible laundry and that's a horrible laundry and that's a horrible arrangement for me. And so like I don't arrangement for me. And so like I don't arrangement for me. And so like I don't get to have a brain. I just get to make get to have a brain. I just get to make get to have a brain. I just get to make meals and be barefoot and and pregnant meals and be barefoot and and pregnant meals and be barefoot and and pregnant and like that. That's not my dream in and like that. That's not my dream in and like that. That's not my dream in life to be your helper and schedule your life to be your helper and schedule your life to be your helper and schedule your doctor's appointments. Like I want I doctor's appointments. Like I want I doctor's appointments. Like I want I want to give you a different view of want to give you a different view of want to give you a different view of what it can mean to be a helper. What what it can mean to be a helper. What what it can mean to be a helper. What God's actually teaching in the Bible God's actually teaching in the Bible God's actually teaching in the Bible when he calls women to this high calling when he calls women to this high calling when he calls women to this high calling of helper. This word in the Hebrew means of helper. This word in the Hebrew means of helper. This word in the Hebrew means something that's so strong and powerful. something that's so strong and powerful. something that's so strong and powerful. I want to read you a quote. This one's I want to read you a quote. This one's I want to read you a quote. This one's by Pastor Buddy, our very own Pastor by Pastor Buddy, our very own Pastor by Pastor Buddy, our very own Pastor Buddy. The Hebrew word for helper is Buddy. The Hebrew word for helper is Buddy. The Hebrew word for helper is Azer. Azer appears 20 times in the Old Azer. Azer appears 20 times in the Old Azer. Azer appears 20 times in the Old Testament. In the first two, it refers Testament. In the first two, it refers Testament. In the first two, it refers it refers to Eve. But in the remaining it refers to Eve. But in the remaining it refers to Eve. But in the remaining 18 of those instances, it refers to a 18 of those instances, it refers to a 18 of those instances, it refers to a military helper who comes to the rescue military helper who comes to the rescue military helper who comes to the rescue and brings deliverance when the case was and brings deliverance when the case was and brings deliverance when the case was hopeless and therefore without whose hopeless and therefore without whose hopeless and therefore without whose help the battle would be lost. In 14 of help the battle would be lost. In 14 of help the battle would be lost. In 14 of those 18 instances, check this out. The those 18 instances, check this out. The those 18 instances, check this out. The military helper is God himself bringing military helper is God himself bringing military helper is God himself bringing divine assistance materially,

divine assistance materially, divine assistance materially, militarily, and spiritually. So think militarily, and spiritually. So think militarily, and spiritually. So think about that, girls, that God compares about that, girls, that God compares about that, girls, that God compares you. He gives you the same name that he you. He gives you the same name that he you. He gives you the same name that he calls himself. Yeah. That he is our calls himself. Yeah. That he is our calls himself. Yeah. That he is our helper in times of trouble. So this is helper in times of trouble. So this is helper in times of trouble. So this is an image of you and your husband going an image of you and your husband going an image of you and your husband going into battle together. you're on the into battle together. you're on the into battle together. you're on the front lines hand in hand fighting front lines hand in hand fighting front lines hand in hand fighting together. You're you're back to back together. You're you're back to back together. You're you're back to back fighting off the enemy together. That fighting off the enemy together. That fighting off the enemy together. That you are a necessary ally for your you are a necessary ally for your you are a necessary ally for your husband in this war that we enter into husband in this war that we enter into husband in this war that we enter into on a daily basis. And so this your role on a daily basis. And so this your role on a daily basis. And so this your role in your husband's life is so significant in your husband's life is so significant in your husband's life is so significant and he needs your wisdom and he needs and he needs your wisdom and he needs and he needs your wisdom and he needs your support. And so a husband's your support. And so a husband's your support. And so a husband's response to his wife's role as helper is response to his wife's role as helper is response to his wife's role as helper is just to receive and to make space for just to receive and to make space for just to receive and to make space for your wife's help that she has something your wife's help that she has something your wife's help that she has something valuable to contribute. And I just see valuable to contribute. And I just see valuable to contribute. And I just see this so much in Andy and the way that this so much in Andy and the way that this so much in Andy and the way that you have made room for me and you've you have made room for me and you've you have made room for me and you've made space. There was no elbowing out made space. There was no elbowing out made space. There was no elbowing out space that I had to create for myself space that I had to create for myself space that I had to create for myself that he is he comes to me and he asks that he is he comes to me and he asks that he is he comes to me and he asks for my feedback and he doesn't make for my feedback and he doesn't make for my feedback and he doesn't make decisions alone. It's not like he's the decisions alone. It's not like he's the decisions alone. It's not like he's the authoritarian head of the family and I authoritarian head of the family and I authoritarian head of the family and I and I just have to silently follow his and I just have to silently follow his and I just have to silently follow his leadership. It's very much a partnership leadership. It's very much a partnership leadership. It's very much a partnership where he he wants my help along the way.

where he he wants my help along the way. where he he wants my help along the way. And it's a beautiful thing. Yeah. And I And it's a beautiful thing. Yeah. And I And it's a beautiful thing. Yeah. And I just a word to husbands on this. You just a word to husbands on this. You just a word to husbands on this. You know, God God gives a man a wife. A a know, God God gives a man a wife. A a know, God God gives a man a wife. A a woman sees things that a man does not woman sees things that a man does not woman sees things that a man does not see. And she has eyes and understanding see. And she has eyes and understanding see. And she has eyes and understanding that a man doesn't have. Vice versa, that a man doesn't have. Vice versa, that a man doesn't have. Vice versa, same is true. But there are so many same is true. But there are so many same is true. But there are so many stupid things my wife has saved me from stupid things my wife has saved me from stupid things my wife has saved me from over 22 years of marriage. And I'm so over 22 years of marriage. And I'm so over 22 years of marriage. And I'm so thankful like that that happens being thankful like that that happens being thankful like that that happens being side by side with one another. And I I side by side with one another. And I I side by side with one another. And I I want her in every room I'm in, in the want her in every room I'm in, in the want her in every room I'm in, in the meetings I'm in, in conversations. I'm meetings I'm in, in conversations. I'm meetings I'm in, in conversations. I'm better when she's there. And the Bible better when she's there. And the Bible better when she's there. And the Bible says that a a good wife is like a crown says that a a good wife is like a crown says that a a good wife is like a crown on a a man's head. And this is this is a on a a man's head. And this is this is a on a a man's head. And this is this is a beautiful image that when a man loves beautiful image that when a man loves beautiful image that when a man loves his wife and makes space for her, it his wife and makes space for her, it his wife and makes space for her, it increases credibility, it increases increases credibility, it increases increases credibility, it increases leadership. It increases your character leadership. It increases your character leadership. It increases your character when you make space for for a woman to when you make space for for a woman to when you make space for for a woman to come alongside and and really help you come alongside and and really help you come alongside and and really help you become a better man to carry out the become a better man to carry out the become a better man to carry out the call that God's placed on your life as call that God's placed on your life as call that God's placed on your life as you're you're you're loving her in the you're you're you're loving her in the you're you're you're loving her in the midst of God's call that he's giving to midst of God's call that he's giving to midst of God's call that he's giving to her as well. Yeah. I was just going to her as well. Yeah. I was just going to her as well. Yeah. I was just going to hit a couple things really quickly hit a couple things really quickly hit a couple things really quickly before we move on to the next point. The before we move on to the next point. The before we move on to the next point. The fir the God's given us specifically some fir the God's given us specifically some fir the God's given us specifically some heart postures in marriage. So husbands, heart postures in marriage. So husbands, heart postures in marriage. So husbands, the heart posture that God asks of you the heart posture that God asks of you the heart posture that God asks of you is one of sacrificial love. Husbands is one of sacrificial love. Husbands is one of sacrificial love. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the love your wives as Christ loved the love your wives as Christ loved the church. And then for women, the hot church. And then for women, the hot church. And then for women, the hot heart posture that God asks of you is heart posture that God asks of you is heart posture that God asks of you is respect. That wives should respect their respect. That wives should respect their respect. That wives should respect their husbands. And it's so interesting to husbands. And it's so interesting to husbands. And it's so interesting to think about the unique nature of a

think about the unique nature of a think about the unique nature of a husband's loving his wife and a wife husband's loving his wife and a wife husband's loving his wife and a wife respecting her husband. Because although respecting her husband. Because although respecting her husband. Because although a wife wants to also feel respected, a a wife wants to also feel respected, a a wife wants to also feel respected, a wife's greatest need is to feel loved, wife's greatest need is to feel loved, wife's greatest need is to feel loved, to feel cherished, to feel like I'm the to feel cherished, to feel like I'm the to feel cherished, to feel like I'm the one that you desire. I'm the I'm the one that you desire. I'm the I'm the one that you desire. I'm the I'm the there's no one else. I'm the apple of there's no one else. I'm the apple of there's no one else. I'm the apple of your eye. And for a husband, he also your eye. And for a husband, he also your eye. And for a husband, he also wants to feel loved. But man, a wants to feel loved. But man, a wants to feel loved. But man, a husband's greatest need is to feel husband's greatest need is to feel husband's greatest need is to feel respected, to to know that his wife respected, to to know that his wife respected, to to know that his wife thinks that he's doing a great job, that thinks that he's doing a great job, that thinks that he's doing a great job, that you think I have what it takes, that you think I have what it takes, that you think I have what it takes, that you're affirming the ways I'm leading you're affirming the ways I'm leading you're affirming the ways I'm leading our home. He he wants to feel respected. our home. He he wants to feel respected. our home. He he wants to feel respected. And so, it's like this beautiful And so, it's like this beautiful And so, it's like this beautiful perpetuating cycle of I show love and or perpetuating cycle of I show love and or perpetuating cycle of I show love and or I show respect and he shows love and I show respect and he shows love and I show respect and he shows love and then I show respect and he shows love. then I show respect and he shows love. then I show respect and he shows love. It it propels itself forward in this It it propels itself forward in this It it propels itself forward in this beautiful cycle. But sin often gets in beautiful cycle. But sin often gets in beautiful cycle. But sin often gets in the way, right? And it it it just the way, right? And it it it just the way, right? And it it it just destroys the culture of the home that destroys the culture of the home that destroys the culture of the home that we're trying to build. And there are we're trying to build. And there are we're trying to build. And there are some common pitfalls that both men and some common pitfalls that both men and some common pitfalls that both men and women fall into. And for men, a lot of women fall into. And for men, a lot of women fall into. And for men, a lot of times what I see is two extremes of times what I see is two extremes of times what I see is two extremes of leadership um in the home. God's given leadership um in the home. God's given leadership um in the home. God's given you the role of headship, of leadership.

you the role of headship, of leadership. you the role of headship, of leadership. And one extreme is this like hostile And one extreme is this like hostile And one extreme is this like hostile domination like I'm the leader. You're domination like I'm the leader. You're domination like I'm the leader. You're going to submit to what I say. It's my going to submit to what I say. It's my going to submit to what I say. It's my way or the highway. You don't have a way or the highway. You don't have a way or the highway. You don't have a voice. We we've seen abuses in that way. voice. We we've seen abuses in that way. voice. We we've seen abuses in that way. And the other role or the other um And the other role or the other um And the other role or the other um extreme that men can sometimes go to is extreme that men can sometimes go to is extreme that men can sometimes go to is just this lazy abdication of leadership just this lazy abdication of leadership just this lazy abdication of leadership and like, okay, that's fine. You're and like, okay, that's fine. You're and like, okay, that's fine. You're going to step up here. I'll just I'll going to step up here. I'll just I'll going to step up here. I'll just I'll step back. I'll sit on the couch and step back. I'll sit on the couch and step back. I'll sit on the couch and watch football. I'll let you lead. I'll watch football. I'll let you lead. I'll watch football. I'll let you lead. I'll I'll watch football. I'll work more I'll watch football. I'll work more I'll watch football. I'll work more hours. You You want to take charge with hours. You You want to take charge with hours. You You want to take charge with the kids. You want to be the spiritual the kids. You want to be the spiritual the kids. You want to be the spiritual leader in the home. That's fine. I'll leader in the home. That's fine. I'll leader in the home. That's fine. I'll just abdicate that responsibility that just abdicate that responsibility that just abdicate that responsibility that God's called me to and let you lead. And God's called me to and let you lead. And God's called me to and let you lead. And that's it's just not God's be beautiful that's it's just not God's be beautiful that's it's just not God's be beautiful design for our home. And a lot of times design for our home. And a lot of times design for our home. And a lot of times the women's pitfalls, they play into the women's pitfalls, they play into the women's pitfalls, they play into that as well. Because one of the women's that as well. Because one of the women's that as well. Because one of the women's pitfalls is that we will manipulative we pitfalls is that we will manipulative we pitfalls is that we will manipulative we will manipulate and grasp for the will manipulate and grasp for the will manipulate and grasp for the leadership in our home. And maybe you've leadership in our home. And maybe you've leadership in our home. And maybe you've watched that movie um My Big Fat Greek watched that movie um My Big Fat Greek watched that movie um My Big Fat Greek Wedding where it talks about how the man Wedding where it talks about how the man Wedding where it talks about how the man is the head of the home, but the wife is is the head of the home, but the wife is is the head of the home, but the wife is the neck and she turns the head. And the neck and she turns the head. And the neck and she turns the head. And that it's a funny phrase, but it it's that it's a funny phrase, but it it's that it's a funny phrase, but it it's manipulative in nature. Like I'm I'm the manipulative in nature. Like I'm I'm the manipulative in nature. Like I'm I'm the one that actually is controlling my one that actually is controlling my one that actually is controlling my husband by my manipulation. And girls, husband by my manipulation. And girls, husband by my manipulation. And girls, you don't have to manipulate in order to you don't have to manipulate in order to you don't have to manipulate in order to have influence in your home. Like your have influence in your home. Like your have influence in your home. Like your husband can value and respect your husband can value and respect your husband can value and respect your wisdom when you bring it to him in a way wisdom when you bring it to him in a way wisdom when you bring it to him in a way that's not manipulative. And the other that's not manipulative. And the other that's not manipulative. And the other thing that women can sometimes do is

thing that women can sometimes do is thing that women can sometimes do is just this brazen insubordination like just this brazen insubordination like just this brazen insubordination like I'm not going to submit to you. I'm a I'm not going to submit to you. I'm a I'm not going to submit to you. I'm a modern woman. I can I can lead my own modern woman. I can I can lead my own modern woman. I can I can lead my own life. I don't need your influence or life. I don't need your influence or life. I don't need your influence or your leadership in my life. And that your leadership in my life. And that your leadership in my life. And that it's it's not only is that just like it's it's not only is that just like it's it's not only is that just like it's displeasing, but it it just creates it's displeasing, but it it just creates it's displeasing, but it it just creates this culture in the home that man, it this culture in the home that man, it this culture in the home that man, it it's not where life thrives. It's not it's not where life thrives. It's not it's not where life thrives. It's not where love thrives. And so God has where love thrives. And so God has where love thrives. And so God has created this beautiful design that when created this beautiful design that when created this beautiful design that when we do it in God's way, it really is a we do it in God's way, it really is a we do it in God's way, it really is a lifegiving source in the home. And I'll lifegiving source in the home. And I'll lifegiving source in the home. And I'll just say as a woman, my point of view, just say as a woman, my point of view, just say as a woman, my point of view, I've been married for 22 years, and Andy I've been married for 22 years, and Andy I've been married for 22 years, and Andy and I have tried over these 22 years to and I have tried over these 22 years to and I have tried over these 22 years to increasingly follow this model of God's increasingly follow this model of God's increasingly follow this model of God's design for marriage. I do not feel design for marriage. I do not feel design for marriage. I do not feel oppressed. I do not feel limited in my oppressed. I do not feel limited in my oppressed. I do not feel limited in my ability to express my gifts or my ability to express my gifts or my ability to express my gifts or my ability to be all that God's created me ability to be all that God's created me ability to be all that God's created me to be, for my ability to have space in to be, for my ability to have space in to be, for my ability to have space in our marriage to allow my personality to our marriage to allow my personality to our marriage to allow my personality to shine. Like, there is room for all of shine. Like, there is room for all of shine. Like, there is room for all of that in the way that God has designed that in the way that God has designed that in the way that God has designed marriage to work and flow. What I've marriage to work and flow. What I've marriage to work and flow. What I've found to be true in living according to found to be true in living according to found to be true in living according to God's design is that there's a lot of God's design is that there's a lot of God's design is that there's a lot of joy and there's a lot of life and it joy and there's a lot of life and it joy and there's a lot of life and it just feels like the way God wanted it to just feels like the way God wanted it to just feels like the way God wanted it to work. And so I'm really thankful for for work. And so I'm really thankful for for work. And so I'm really thankful for for this model that God gives us. Oh, I I am this model that God gives us. Oh, I I am this model that God gives us. Oh, I I am too. And I think about even just for a too. And I think about even just for a too. And I think about even just for a man, the the words that a wife speaks to man, the the words that a wife speaks to man, the the words that a wife speaks to a husband are some of the most potent a husband are some of the most potent a husband are some of the most potent and powerful words in a man's life. So

and powerful words in a man's life. So and powerful words in a man's life. So when I step off the stage and deliver a when I step off the stage and deliver a when I step off the stage and deliver a message, I care way more about what message, I care way more about what message, I care way more about what Stacy says than anybody else. Like y'all Stacy says than anybody else. Like y'all Stacy says than anybody else. Like y'all could think it was a horrible message, could think it was a horrible message, could think it was a horrible message, but if she says it was good, I'm like, but if she says it was good, I'm like, but if she says it was good, I'm like, "Oh, thank you. It was a good message." "Oh, thank you. It was a good message." "Oh, thank you. It was a good message." And there there's something about those And there there's something about those And there there's something about those words that that you if you're a wife, words that that you if you're a wife, words that that you if you're a wife, you have the ability to call that out of you have the ability to call that out of you have the ability to call that out of your husband. So I want to say a couple your husband. So I want to say a couple your husband. So I want to say a couple things that on this one. Uh for those things that on this one. Uh for those things that on this one. Uh for those who are single, I want to speak a word who are single, I want to speak a word who are single, I want to speak a word to those who are single today that to those who are single today that to those who are single today that believe God's desire is for them to believe God's desire is for them to believe God's desire is for them to eventually get married. So, if there's eventually get married. So, if there's eventually get married. So, if there's this longing in your heart for marriage, this longing in your heart for marriage, this longing in your heart for marriage, I will say if you're a woman, I want to I will say if you're a woman, I want to I will say if you're a woman, I want to encourage you to look back at those encourage you to look back at those encourage you to look back at those words that Stacy just gave, uh, the words that Stacy just gave, uh, the words that Stacy just gave, uh, the abdication, the the hostile domination, abdication, the the hostile domination, abdication, the the hostile domination, and that will show up before a man gets and that will show up before a man gets and that will show up before a man gets married. Like, you you see those things married. Like, you you see those things married. Like, you you see those things in singleness. If you're a young adult, in singleness. If you're a young adult, in singleness. If you're a young adult, you want to pay attention to the way a you want to pay attention to the way a you want to pay attention to the way a man treats his mom. This is really man treats his mom. This is really man treats his mom. This is really important. The way he treats his mom is important. The way he treats his mom is important. The way he treats his mom is the way he'll eventually treat you. And the way he'll eventually treat you. And the way he'll eventually treat you. And you want to look at the way he pursues you want to look at the way he pursues you want to look at the way he pursues work. So, how does he handle work? Is he work. So, how does he handle work? Is he work. So, how does he handle work? Is he disciplined? Does he take disciplined? Does he take disciplined? Does he take responsibility? Does he initiate? And responsibility? Does he initiate? And responsibility? Does he initiate? And those character traits show up. The the those character traits show up. The the those character traits show up. The the same is true with a woman. You start to same is true with a woman. You start to same is true with a woman. You start to see these character traits that Stacy see these character traits that Stacy see these character traits that Stacy emphasized before marriage. So, if emphasized before marriage. So, if emphasized before marriage. So, if you're a young man, look at the way that you're a young man, look at the way that you're a young man, look at the way that a woman relates to her family. Look at a woman relates to her family. Look at a woman relates to her family. Look at the way that she interacts with siblings the way that she interacts with siblings the way that she interacts with siblings and her dad and her mom. And you get a and her dad and her mom. And you get a and her dad and her mom. And you get a sense of, okay, who is this person? That sense of, okay, who is this person? That sense of, okay, who is this person? That character comes with the person in character comes with the person in character comes with the person in marriage. So try to find it beforehand marriage. So try to find it beforehand marriage. So try to find it beforehand so that you don't have to get into so that you don't have to get into so that you don't have to get into marriage and realize, oh, I I'm actually marriage and realize, oh, I I'm actually marriage and realize, oh, I I'm actually married to somebody that I thought was

married to somebody that I thought was married to somebody that I thought was something that they're not. Now, I also something that they're not. Now, I also something that they're not. Now, I also want to ask Stacy if if you would say um want to ask Stacy if if you would say um want to ask Stacy if if you would say um what what would you give as what what would you give as what what would you give as encouragement to somebody like they look encouragement to somebody like they look encouragement to somebody like they look at this the list, they want to do it at this the list, they want to do it at this the list, they want to do it this way, but it's like, man, I'm I'm in this way, but it's like, man, I'm I'm in this way, but it's like, man, I'm I'm in a really bad marriage right now. Where a really bad marriage right now. Where a really bad marriage right now. Where do they start? Yeah. do they start? Yeah. do they start? Yeah. Well, I think one thing that's really Well, I think one thing that's really Well, I think one thing that's really important is to focus on the person that important is to focus on the person that important is to focus on the person that God's creating you to become and that God's creating you to become and that God's creating you to become and that there you can't control another person's there you can't control another person's there you can't control another person's behavior or the way that they're even behavior or the way that they're even behavior or the way that they're even treating you, but you can there are some treating you, but you can there are some treating you, but you can there are some things that you can control about things that you can control about things that you can control about yourself and there are some ways that yourself and there are some ways that yourself and there are some ways that you can respond that can make um you can respond that can make um you can respond that can make um different a difference in your home. And different a difference in your home. And different a difference in your home. And so as God's forming you into the image so as God's forming you into the image so as God's forming you into the image that of of Christ, like you can bring to that of of Christ, like you can bring to that of of Christ, like you can bring to your marriage this beautiful image of a your marriage this beautiful image of a your marriage this beautiful image of a person that's filled with the fruit of person that's filled with the fruit of person that's filled with the fruit of the spirit. And by your own example to the spirit. And by your own example to the spirit. And by your own example to your spouse even more than the words your spouse even more than the words your spouse even more than the words that you say, by your own example, it that you say, by your own example, it that you say, by your own example, it can draw your spouse to yourself and can draw your spouse to yourself and can draw your spouse to yourself and maybe even to God that God that they maybe even to God that God that they maybe even to God that God that they would be like, "Man, that's so that I would be like, "Man, that's so that I would be like, "Man, that's so that I can see the difference in you." and it can see the difference in you." and it can see the difference in you." and it will draw them to you and and to God.

will draw them to you and and to God. will draw them to you and and to God. And the other thing I would say just And the other thing I would say just And the other thing I would say just very practically is to find something very practically is to find something very practically is to find something that your spouse is doing well. And they that your spouse is doing well. And they that your spouse is doing well. And they might not be doing much well. Like there might not be doing much well. Like there might not be doing much well. Like there may be so much tension in your home that may be so much tension in your home that may be so much tension in your home that it's like really hard to find that one it's like really hard to find that one it's like really hard to find that one thing. But but like the example I gave thing. But but like the example I gave thing. But but like the example I gave yesterday was like your husband, he just yesterday was like your husband, he just yesterday was like your husband, he just he takes out the trash every week and he takes out the trash every week and he takes out the trash every week and you're like that's all I got right now. you're like that's all I got right now. you're like that's all I got right now. But you could praise that. Like you But you could praise that. Like you But you could praise that. Like you could start there and you just ring that could start there and you just ring that could start there and you just ring that bell every single week they he takes out bell every single week they he takes out bell every single week they he takes out the trash and you're like, "I noticed the trash and you're like, "I noticed the trash and you're like, "I noticed that. I notice how every week you take that. I notice how every week you take that. I notice how every week you take out the trash. You do such a great job out the trash. You do such a great job out the trash. You do such a great job at taking out the trash. I'm so thankful at taking out the trash. I'm so thankful at taking out the trash. I'm so thankful I don't have to take out the trash." And I don't have to take out the trash." And I don't have to take out the trash." And you just ring that bell. Whatever it is you just ring that bell. Whatever it is you just ring that bell. Whatever it is that you see your spouse doing well and that you see your spouse doing well and that you see your spouse doing well and what you praise and what you repeat, what you praise and what you repeat, what you praise and what you repeat, that's what's going to rise up in your that's what's going to rise up in your that's what's going to rise up in your marriage. Whatever you focus on, that's marriage. Whatever you focus on, that's marriage. Whatever you focus on, that's what's going to grow. And so focus on what's going to grow. And so focus on what's going to grow. And so focus on what is good and and give space for that what is good and and give space for that what is good and and give space for that to grow. Yeah. I want to say in addition to grow. Yeah. I want to say in addition to grow. Yeah. I want to say in addition to that, a word to the men. So if you to that, a word to the men. So if you to that, a word to the men. So if you are a man and you find yourself in a are a man and you find yourself in a are a man and you find yourself in a marriage where perhaps you're like, I marriage where perhaps you're like, I marriage where perhaps you're like, I have been taking out the trash for 15 have been taking out the trash for 15 have been taking out the trash for 15 years and she never noticed it. And by years and she never noticed it. And by years and she never noticed it. And by the way, thanks for thanking me for the way, thanks for thanking me for the way, thanks for thanking me for taking out the trash. Um, but if you're taking out the trash. Um, but if you're taking out the trash. Um, but if you're in that situation and you're like, she in that situation and you're like, she in that situation and you're like, she doesn't notice and I feel beat down and doesn't notice and I feel beat down and doesn't notice and I feel beat down and she's sarcastic with me. I want to she's sarcastic with me. I want to she's sarcastic with me. I want to encourage you with two things. One, I encourage you with two things. One, I encourage you with two things. One, I want to encourage you to pursue her the want to encourage you to pursue her the want to encourage you to pursue her the way that you did at first. So, go back way that you did at first. So, go back way that you did at first. So, go back to the beginning and that love, that to the beginning and that love, that to the beginning and that love, that sacrifice, that pursuit of her heart sacrifice, that pursuit of her heart sacrifice, that pursuit of her heart that you displayed to initiate, to lift

that you displayed to initiate, to lift that you displayed to initiate, to lift her up, to encourage her, to protect her up, to encourage her, to protect her up, to encourage her, to protect her, to provide for her, all of those her, to provide for her, all of those her, to provide for her, all of those things, go back to where you were at the things, go back to where you were at the things, go back to where you were at the beginning. I'll also say to the men who beginning. I'll also say to the men who beginning. I'll also say to the men who are listening to my voice right now who are listening to my voice right now who are listening to my voice right now who have watched countless movies and TV have watched countless movies and TV have watched countless movies and TV shows, have you noticed that in most of shows, have you noticed that in most of shows, have you noticed that in most of the movies and in TV shows now, the man the movies and in TV shows now, the man the movies and in TV shows now, the man is always the idiot? Like the man is the is always the idiot? Like the man is the is always the idiot? Like the man is the one that everybody is making fun of and one that everybody is making fun of and one that everybody is making fun of and mocking and that that is a that is a mocking and that that is a that is a mocking and that that is a that is a tactic of the enemy to tear apart God's tactic of the enemy to tear apart God's tactic of the enemy to tear apart God's design for manhood. And there is design for manhood. And there is design for manhood. And there is something so beautiful and powerful something so beautiful and powerful something so beautiful and powerful about a dad, about a husband who is about a dad, about a husband who is about a dad, about a husband who is present and engaged with his family that present and engaged with his family that present and engaged with his family that spiritually he's praying. He's pursuing spiritually he's praying. He's pursuing spiritually he's praying. He's pursuing the heart of God. Your role as a husband the heart of God. Your role as a husband the heart of God. Your role as a husband and a father is among the most important and a father is among the most important and a father is among the most important roles in all of society. Your role as a roles in all of society. Your role as a roles in all of society. Your role as a husband and a father is husband and a father is husband and a father is more is more important than the role of more is more important than the role of more is more important than the role of the government. It's more important than the government. It's more important than the government. It's more important than the role of the president. It is the the role of the president. It is the the role of the president. It is the most important role in terms of shaping most important role in terms of shaping most important role in terms of shaping your children, shaping your home and your children, shaping your home and your children, shaping your home and future generations. So don't let the future generations. So don't let the future generations. So don't let the lies of the enemy beat you down. Receive lies of the enemy beat you down. Receive lies of the enemy beat you down. Receive from God that identity that he has a from God that identity that he has a from God that identity that he has a plan for you to influence future plan for you to influence future plan for you to influence future generations and rise into his identity generations and rise into his identity generations and rise into his identity that he has for you. Yes. Amen. I'll that he has for you. Yes. Amen. I'll that he has for you. Yes. Amen. I'll amen myself on I got to I got to add to amen myself on I got to I got to add to amen myself on I got to I got to add to that because I think that it's such a that because I think that it's such a that because I think that it's such a heartbreaking thing to see men being heartbreaking thing to see men being heartbreaking thing to see men being beaten down and to to not living into

beaten down and to to not living into beaten down and to to not living into the full potential that God created them the full potential that God created them the full potential that God created them to live into. When Andy and I got to live into. When Andy and I got to live into. When Andy and I got married, my dad was the one that did the married, my dad was the one that did the married, my dad was the one that did the wedding ceremony. And one thing he said wedding ceremony. And one thing he said wedding ceremony. And one thing he said to me, he said, "Stacy, it's gonna make to me, he said, "Stacy, it's gonna make to me, he said, "Stacy, it's gonna make me cry." He said, "Stacy, there there is me cry." He said, "Stacy, there there is me cry." He said, "Stacy, there there is a there's a lion inside of Andy. There's a there's a lion inside of Andy. There's a there's a lion inside of Andy. There's a lion inside of Andy. And it's your job a lion inside of Andy. And it's your job a lion inside of Andy. And it's your job as his wife to bring that lion out. And as his wife to bring that lion out. And as his wife to bring that lion out. And girls, I just want to say to you, your girls, I just want to say to you, your girls, I just want to say to you, your words have more weight to your husband words have more weight to your husband words have more weight to your husband than you realize. And your job is to than you realize. And your job is to than you realize. And your job is to bring out the lion in him. You want your bring out the lion in him. You want your bring out the lion in him. You want your husband to lead with strength and with husband to lead with strength and with husband to lead with strength and with dignity. But your words are having an dignity. But your words are having an dignity. But your words are having an effect on him. And you may not even effect on him. And you may not even effect on him. And you may not even realize it. You may think your sarcasm realize it. You may think your sarcasm realize it. You may think your sarcasm is funny and it gets a laugh. But can I is funny and it gets a laugh. But can I is funny and it gets a laugh. But can I tell you, it is misplaced. It is tell you, it is misplaced. It is tell you, it is misplaced. It is misplaced. And you need to keep all of misplaced. And you need to keep all of misplaced. And you need to keep all of those funny, sarcastic comments about those funny, sarcastic comments about those funny, sarcastic comments about your husband to yourself. And you need your husband to yourself. And you need your husband to yourself. And you need to use your words to speak life over to use your words to speak life over to use your words to speak life over your husband, not death. Because your your husband, not death. Because your your husband, not death. Because your husband, he can rise up to be this husband, he can rise up to be this husband, he can rise up to be this amazing man of God. And you have amazing man of God. And you have amazing man of God. And you have powerful influence over that. So speak powerful influence over that. So speak powerful influence over that. So speak life over your husband, not death. So life over your husband, not death. So life over your husband, not death. So good. All right. One more thing, just a good. All right. One more thing, just a good. All right. One more thing, just a little off script. I got one more thing little off script. I got one more thing little off script. I got one more thing on this. Uh, I think it's so important on this. Uh, I think it's so important on this. Uh, I think it's so important whether you are in a tough marriage or a whether you are in a tough marriage or a whether you are in a tough marriage or a great marriage, the words that you speak great marriage, the words that you speak great marriage, the words that you speak beyond your marriage about your marriage beyond your marriage about your marriage beyond your marriage about your marriage are crucial. So, at work, not not are crucial. So, at work, not not are crucial. So, at work, not not gossiping about your wife and how hard

gossiping about your wife and how hard gossiping about your wife and how hard it is and making fun of the difficulty it is and making fun of the difficulty it is and making fun of the difficulty in your marriage. All all of us have in your marriage. All all of us have in your marriage. All all of us have power with our words, like Stacy said, power with our words, like Stacy said, power with our words, like Stacy said, to bring life or to bring death. And the to bring life or to bring death. And the to bring life or to bring death. And the encouragement is to watch our words, to encouragement is to watch our words, to encouragement is to watch our words, to use those words to bring life wherever use those words to bring life wherever use those words to bring life wherever we go. Now, I have one more myth and we we go. Now, I have one more myth and we we go. Now, I have one more myth and we could wrap it up right now. This has could wrap it up right now. This has could wrap it up right now. This has been a lot, but I want to give you that been a lot, but I want to give you that been a lot, but I want to give you that myth so that you don't walk out of here myth so that you don't walk out of here myth so that you don't walk out of here without your notes filled in. So, um, without your notes filled in. So, um, without your notes filled in. So, um, the last one is the belief that marriage the last one is the belief that marriage the last one is the belief that marriage should make me happy. And a lot of should make me happy. And a lot of should make me happy. And a lot of people live with the belief that once people live with the belief that once people live with the belief that once they get married, all of a sudden they get married, all of a sudden they get married, all of a sudden they're going to be happy. And I want to they're going to be happy. And I want to they're going to be happy. And I want to finish with just this one verse from finish with just this one verse from finish with just this one verse from James 1:16. And this verse says, it says James 1:16. And this verse says, it says James 1:16. And this verse says, it says this, "Every good and perfect gift is this, "Every good and perfect gift is this, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father from above, coming down from the father from above, coming down from the father of heavenly lights, who does not change of heavenly lights, who does not change of heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows." Now, I want like the shifting shadows." Now, I want like the shifting shadows." Now, I want you to notice two words in there. Every you to notice two words in there. Every you to notice two words in there. Every good and perfect gift. So, God gives good and perfect gift. So, God gives good and perfect gift. So, God gives good gifts and God gives perfect gifts. good gifts and God gives perfect gifts. good gifts and God gives perfect gifts. Perfect gifts are gifts like salvation. Perfect gifts are gifts like salvation. Perfect gifts are gifts like salvation. A gift that you can't earn but only A gift that you can't earn but only A gift that you can't earn but only receive. the forgiveness that comes, the receive. the forgiveness that comes, the receive. the forgiveness that comes, the promise of eternal life, perfect gift of promise of eternal life, perfect gift of promise of eternal life, perfect gift of the Holy Spirit that comes and lives the Holy Spirit that comes and lives the Holy Spirit that comes and lives inside of those who believe in Jesus. A inside of those who believe in Jesus. A inside of those who believe in Jesus. A good gift is marriage. A good gift is good gift is marriage. A good gift is good gift is marriage. A good gift is parenting. Your children are a good parenting. Your children are a good parenting. Your children are a good blessing from the Lord, but they're not blessing from the Lord, but they're not blessing from the Lord, but they're not perfect blessings. And oftentimes we can perfect blessings. And oftentimes we can perfect blessings. And oftentimes we can put on a marriage or on children the put on a marriage or on children the put on a marriage or on children the weight of expectation that they were not weight of expectation that they were not weight of expectation that they were not designed to carry. So if you get married designed to carry. So if you get married designed to carry. So if you get married thinking that all of a sudden marriage thinking that all of a sudden marriage thinking that all of a sudden marriage is going to be the thing that fulfills

is going to be the thing that fulfills is going to be the thing that fulfills you and makes you happy, you're going to you and makes you happy, you're going to you and makes you happy, you're going to be miserable. You have to find your be miserable. You have to find your be miserable. You have to find your completement. You have to find your completement. You have to find your completement. You have to find your completion and your fulfillment in God completion and your fulfillment in God completion and your fulfillment in God first. So holiness is the goal. first. So holiness is the goal. first. So holiness is the goal. Happiness is a byproduct. Holiness is Happiness is a byproduct. Holiness is Happiness is a byproduct. Holiness is the goal. Happiness is a byproduct. So the goal. Happiness is a byproduct. So the goal. Happiness is a byproduct. So if I pursue happiness as the primary if I pursue happiness as the primary if I pursue happiness as the primary goal of my marriage, I'm miserable. But goal of my marriage, I'm miserable. But goal of my marriage, I'm miserable. But if I pursue holiness, I experience if I pursue holiness, I experience if I pursue holiness, I experience happiness. I experience joy. So God uses happiness. I experience joy. So God uses happiness. I experience joy. So God uses marriage and family to shape and form marriage and family to shape and form marriage and family to shape and form character. And this perspective gives us character. And this perspective gives us character. And this perspective gives us the ability to endure. Now, as you look the ability to endure. Now, as you look the ability to endure. Now, as you look at that list, I'm I'm sure for all of at that list, I'm I'm sure for all of at that list, I'm I'm sure for all of us, there's one myth and one truth that us, there's one myth and one truth that us, there's one myth and one truth that sticks out more than the other. And I sticks out more than the other. And I sticks out more than the other. And I want to encourage you perhaps in your want to encourage you perhaps in your want to encourage you perhaps in your small group or in conversation if you're small group or in conversation if you're small group or in conversation if you're married with your spouse to receive that married with your spouse to receive that married with your spouse to receive that truth that is most important to say, truth that is most important to say, truth that is most important to say, "This is the one that really stuck out "This is the one that really stuck out "This is the one that really stuck out to me today." But as we wrap up our time to me today." But as we wrap up our time to me today." But as we wrap up our time together, in just a moment, we're going together, in just a moment, we're going together, in just a moment, we're going to go into a time of prayer. I'm going to go into a time of prayer. I'm going to go into a time of prayer. I'm going to invite the band to come and we're to invite the band to come and we're to invite the band to come and we're going to respond in worship with going to respond in worship with going to respond in worship with gratitude to God for the situation he gratitude to God for the situation he gratitude to God for the situation he has us in. Uh for those who are married, has us in. Uh for those who are married, has us in. Uh for those who are married, for the gift of marriage, for those who for the gift of marriage, for those who for the gift of marriage, for those who are single, the gift of singleness. But are single, the gift of singleness. But are single, the gift of singleness. But I want to just speak a word of I want to just speak a word of I want to just speak a word of encouragement. Whatever circumstance you encouragement. Whatever circumstance you encouragement. Whatever circumstance you find yourself in today, there are two find yourself in today, there are two find yourself in today, there are two very important things that I want you to very important things that I want you to very important things that I want you to hear. First of all, I want you to hear hear. First of all, I want you to hear hear. First of all, I want you to hear it's very important that we don't give it's very important that we don't give it's very important that we don't give up. that we don't give up, that we don't up. that we don't give up, that we don't up. that we don't give up, that we don't give up in difficulty, that we don't give up in difficulty, that we don't give up in difficulty, that we don't give up in the waiting, that we don't give up in the waiting, that we don't give up in the waiting, that we don't give up in moments where we're torn down give up in moments where we're torn down give up in moments where we're torn down by other people, that we don't give up, by other people, that we don't give up, by other people, that we don't give up, but we persevere. And I believe God

but we persevere. And I believe God but we persevere. And I believe God wants you to hear that today. If you're wants you to hear that today. If you're wants you to hear that today. If you're in a difficult situation, there is help in a difficult situation, there is help in a difficult situation, there is help from God that he wants to give to you. from God that he wants to give to you. from God that he wants to give to you. And that leads me to the second And that leads me to the second And that leads me to the second important statement. Don't be afraid to important statement. Don't be afraid to important statement. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes we feel like we ask for help. Sometimes we feel like we ask for help. Sometimes we feel like we have to have it all together. But have to have it all together. But have to have it all together. But Saddleback is a church where it's okay Saddleback is a church where it's okay Saddleback is a church where it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to be in the to not be okay. It's okay to be in the to not be okay. It's okay to be in the midst of difficulty. And many people are midst of difficulty. And many people are midst of difficulty. And many people are here at church because they're walking here at church because they're walking here at church because they're walking through difficulty. And we're here through difficulty. And we're here through difficulty. And we're here because we want to help you. We want to because we want to help you. We want to because we want to help you. We want to help you along that journey. Whatever it help you along that journey. Whatever it help you along that journey. Whatever it is that you need. Some of you single, is that you need. Some of you single, is that you need. Some of you single, you need help with singleness. Others of you need help with singleness. Others of you need help with singleness. Others of you pre-marriage or getting married, you you pre-marriage or getting married, you you pre-marriage or getting married, you need help with that. Maybe some of you need help with that. Maybe some of you need help with that. Maybe some of you are in a difficult marriage. Or others are in a difficult marriage. Or others are in a difficult marriage. Or others of you, you're postmarriage. Well, we of you, you're postmarriage. Well, we of you, you're postmarriage. Well, we have all of that. We have support have all of that. We have support have all of that. We have support groups. We have counselors that are groups. We have counselors that are groups. We have counselors that are trained that would love to come trained that would love to come trained that would love to come alongside of you. And this week, you alongside of you. And this week, you alongside of you. And this week, you could be in a counseling appointment. could be in a counseling appointment. could be in a counseling appointment. You could be at a support group with You could be at a support group with You could be at a support group with people from our church that want to come people from our church that want to come people from our church that want to come alongside you and help you. So, if you alongside you and help you. So, if you alongside you and help you. So, if you go to go to go to saddleback.com/cares, all of that's saddleback.com/cares, all of that's saddleback.com/cares, all of that's there. support groups, counseling. It's there. support groups, counseling. It's there. support groups, counseling. It's there as a resource to help you along there as a resource to help you along there as a resource to help you along the journey and to really help those the journey and to really help those the journey and to really help those relationships be facilitated so that you relationships be facilitated so that you relationships be facilitated so that you can get people in your life to help you.

can get people in your life to help you. can get people in your life to help you. Stacy and I have had moments where we've Stacy and I have had moments where we've Stacy and I have had moments where we've had people come alongside in our had people come alongside in our had people come alongside in our difficult seasons. And I thank God for difficult seasons. And I thank God for difficult seasons. And I thank God for that. So, my encouragement, don't give that. So, my encouragement, don't give that. So, my encouragement, don't give up and don't be afraid to ask for help. up and don't be afraid to ask for help. up and don't be afraid to ask for help. Now, I want to pray over you and I want Now, I want to pray over you and I want Now, I want to pray over you and I want to invite you, if you will, just to bow to invite you, if you will, just to bow to invite you, if you will, just to bow your heads with me and a posture of your heads with me and a posture of your heads with me and a posture of receiving before the Lord. And I want to receiving before the Lord. And I want to receiving before the Lord. And I want to speak a prayer of blessing over you in speak a prayer of blessing over you in speak a prayer of blessing over you in this moment. God, I thank you today that this moment. God, I thank you today that this moment. God, I thank you today that you are here in our midst and you're you are here in our midst and you're you are here in our midst and you're wanting to strengthen. You're wanting to wanting to strengthen. You're wanting to wanting to strengthen. You're wanting to bless, you're wanting to encourage. bless, you're wanting to encourage. bless, you're wanting to encourage. Thank you that you're for us and not Thank you that you're for us and not Thank you that you're for us and not against us. And I pray that today in against us. And I pray that today in against us. And I pray that today in every situation, in every circumstance, every situation, in every circumstance, every situation, in every circumstance, that you, the helper, would come that you, the helper, would come that you, the helper, would come alongside and lift up with hope, lift up alongside and lift up with hope, lift up alongside and lift up with hope, lift up with help, lift up with courage, lift up with help, lift up with courage, lift up with help, lift up with courage, lift up with confidence in difficult marriages, with confidence in difficult marriages, with confidence in difficult marriages, those who are single and waiting, those those who are single and waiting, those those who are single and waiting, those who who have embraced the call of who who have embraced the call of who who have embraced the call of singleness, but sometimes there's still singleness, but sometimes there's still singleness, but sometimes there's still grief. others who are on the other side grief. others who are on the other side grief. others who are on the other side of a difficult marriage, God, that you of a difficult marriage, God, that you of a difficult marriage, God, that you would give the hope that comes because would give the hope that comes because would give the hope that comes because of the gospel message that you took our of the gospel message that you took our of the gospel message that you took our sins and nailed them to a cross, that sins and nailed them to a cross, that sins and nailed them to a cross, that you conquered the grave and are alive you conquered the grave and are alive you conquered the grave and are alive today. Thank you, God, that you are for today. Thank you, God, that you are for today. Thank you, God, that you are for us and not against us. Thank you, God, us and not against us. Thank you, God, us and not against us. Thank you, God, that you've blessed us over and over that you've blessed us over and over that you've blessed us over and over again, that you treat us better than our again, that you treat us better than our again, that you treat us better than our sins deserve. and from our hearts to you sins deserve. and from our hearts to you sins deserve. and from our hearts to you today. We worship you as the God, the today. We worship you as the God, the today. We worship you as the God, the father of every good and perfect gift in

father of every good and perfect gift in father of every good and perfect gift in our lives. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. our lives. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. our lives. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. Amen.