Intentional Parenting | Prepare for Launch: Elementary

Welcome back to Intentional Parenting at Welcome back to Intentional Parenting at Mariners Church. My name is Jared. I got Mariners Church. My name is Jared. I got Mariners Church. My name is Jared. I got my wife Kim with us again today. We are my wife Kim with us again today. We are my wife Kim with us again today. We are really excited about sitting down with really excited about sitting down with really excited about sitting down with Chaz and Heatherly as we talk about Chaz and Heatherly as we talk about Chaz and Heatherly as we talk about launching our kids well into the world. launching our kids well into the world. launching our kids well into the world. So Chaz and Heatherly, thank you guys so So Chaz and Heatherly, thank you guys so So Chaz and Heatherly, thank you guys so much for joining us. Thanks for being on much for joining us. Thanks for being on much for joining us. Thanks for being on the podcast. Um, let's as we just jump the podcast. Um, let's as we just jump the podcast. Um, let's as we just jump in, first of all, thank you for the ways in, first of all, thank you for the ways in, first of all, thank you for the ways you guys already serve our church in you guys already serve our church in you guys already serve our church in kids ministry as shephering elders, like kids ministry as shephering elders, like kids ministry as shephering elders, like really caring for so many people in such really caring for so many people in such really caring for so many people in such meaningful ways, and I'm really meaningful ways, and I'm really meaningful ways, and I'm really appreciative of it. Just before we appreciative of it. Just before we appreciative of it. Just before we started recording, you guys were talking started recording, you guys were talking started recording, you guys were talking about even just some of the COVID about even just some of the COVID about even just some of the COVID memories of getting to serve our church memories of getting to serve our church memories of getting to serve our church and kids ministry and things. And so, and kids ministry and things. And so, and kids ministry and things. And so, I'm I'm grateful for the longevity, for I'm I'm grateful for the longevity, for I'm I'm grateful for the longevity, for the investment as you're both the investment as you're both the investment as you're both >> having a you know, a great marriage and >> having a you know, a great marriage and >> having a you know, a great marriage and you're trying to raise kids. And here you're trying to raise kids. And here you're trying to raise kids. And here you are. Also, I'm sure you have jobs you are. Also, I'm sure you have jobs you are. Also, I'm sure you have jobs and all those other things, too. So, and all those other things, too. So, and all those other things, too. So, thank you for being here. thank you for being here. thank you for being here. >> Oh, it's our pleasure. >> Oh, it's our pleasure. >> Oh, it's our pleasure. >> Yeah. No, thanks for having us. We're >> Yeah. No, thanks for having us. We're >> Yeah. No, thanks for having us. We're we're excited to get the invite. we're excited to get the invite. we're excited to get the invite. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] >> I'm like, there a lot of people you >> I'm like, there a lot of people you >> I'm like, there a lot of people you could have invited, but you chose us. could have invited, but you chose us. could have invited, but you chose us. So, So, So, >> that's true. >> that's true. >> that's true. >> Highly recommended. Momco was a part of >> Highly recommended. Momco was a part of >> Highly recommended. Momco was a part of the recommendation as well.

the recommendation as well. the recommendation as well. >> Oh, yeah. I have a lot of history with >> Oh, yeah. I have a lot of history with >> Oh, yeah. I have a lot of history with that. that. that. >> There's a whole network of people that >> There's a whole network of people that >> There's a whole network of people that are are talking about you guys. So, are are talking about you guys. So, are are talking about you guys. So, >> Momco or Mops? I It was MOPS when I was >> Momco or Mops? I It was MOPS when I was >> Momco or Mops? I It was MOPS when I was now. I feel really old cuz someone now. I feel really old cuz someone now. I feel really old cuz someone started talking about MCO and I was started talking about MCO and I was started talking about MCO and I was like, what's Momco? like, what's Momco? like, what's Momco? >> Yeah. No, it's rough. It's rough to make >> Yeah. No, it's rough. It's rough to make >> Yeah. No, it's rough. It's rough to make that transition. It's like you age that transition. It's like you age that transition. It's like you age yourself immediately when you talk about yourself immediately when you talk about yourself immediately when you talk about mops and mops and mops and >> I do appreciate it though because >> I do appreciate it though because >> I do appreciate it though because acronyms I get lost all the time. acronyms I get lost all the time. acronyms I get lost all the time. Mothers of preschoolers is it was right. Mothers of preschoolers is it was right. Mothers of preschoolers is it was right. So you have to explain it and then I So you have to explain it and then I So you have to explain it and then I even said it with a big question mark at even said it with a big question mark at even said it with a big question mark at the end there. Momco, I kind of get it. the end there. Momco, I kind of get it. the end there. Momco, I kind of get it. >> Although I know what the CO is. >> Although I know what the CO is. >> Although I know what the CO is. >> Yeah. No, [laughter] >> Yeah. No, [laughter] >> Yeah. No, [laughter] >> almost like an MLM. I'm like, >> almost like an MLM. I'm like, >> almost like an MLM. I'm like, >> yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Either way, it >> yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Either way, it >> yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Either way, it sounds great. sounds great. sounds great. >> Great. [laughter] Yeah. No, it is great. >> Great. [laughter] Yeah. No, it is great. >> Great. [laughter] Yeah. No, it is great. It is great. Why don't you just give us It is great. Why don't you just give us It is great. Why don't you just give us a sense of your family, your home, and a sense of your family, your home, and a sense of your family, your home, and like what's something happening right like what's something happening right like what's something happening right now in your house that's just good for now in your house that's just good for now in your house that's just good for us to hear as parents? us to hear as parents? us to hear as parents? >> Yeah, I know. So, uh, family wise, so we >> Yeah, I know. So, uh, family wise, so we >> Yeah, I know. So, uh, family wise, so we have three children, uh, in various, uh, have three children, uh, in various, uh, have three children, uh, in various, uh, age groups, but right now we have, uh, age groups, but right now we have, uh, age groups, but right now we have, uh, two in elementary school, one in our two in elementary school, one in our two in elementary school, one in our middle school. So, we have two girls and middle school. So, we have two girls and middle school. So, we have two girls and a boy. They're our almost 13-year-old, a boy. They're our almost 13-year-old, a boy. They're our almost 13-year-old, our 10-year-old, and our seven-year-old our 10-year-old, and our seven-year-old our 10-year-old, and our seven-year-old who just turned seven today. So, happy who just turned seven today. So, happy who just turned seven today. So, happy birthday, Hawthorne.

birthday, Hawthorne. birthday, Hawthorne. >> Um, and it's a great time right now. Um, >> Um, and it's a great time right now. Um, >> Um, and it's a great time right now. Um, we love, you know, being together. We we love, you know, being together. We we love, you know, being together. We love being at church. Um, and we'll talk love being at church. Um, and we'll talk love being at church. Um, and we'll talk about little a little bit more about it about little a little bit more about it about little a little bit more about it later, right? Um, but we love to serve later, right? Um, but we love to serve later, right? Um, but we love to serve together. So, um, great. That's kind of together. So, um, great. That's kind of together. So, um, great. That's kind of how we we position ourselves and how we how we we position ourselves and how we how we we position ourselves and how we we just enjoy being a family. we just enjoy being a family. we just enjoy being a family. >> Yeah, we're in a really fun stage. I say >> Yeah, we're in a really fun stage. I say >> Yeah, we're in a really fun stage. I say that people kind of bury the lead on how that people kind of bury the lead on how that people kind of bury the lead on how fun parenting is when you hit this fun parenting is when you hit this fun parenting is when you hit this phase. I miss I miss them as baby and phase. I miss I miss them as baby and phase. I miss I miss them as baby and toddler, but I don't miss being in that toddler, but I don't miss being in that toddler, but I don't miss being in that phase myself. Like I would do anything phase myself. Like I would do anything phase myself. Like I would do anything to have him squishable again, but I to have him squishable again, but I to have him squishable again, but I don't want to live that time again. don't want to live that time again. don't want to live that time again. We're elementary and middle school. This We're elementary and middle school. This We're elementary and middle school. This is so much fun. And right now, what's is so much fun. And right now, what's is so much fun. And right now, what's happening in our house is we are doing a happening in our house is we are doing a happening in our house is we are doing a lot of sibling relationship um uh lot of sibling relationship um uh lot of sibling relationship um uh dynamics, dynamics, dynamics, >> which is that is fun and interesting. >> which is that is fun and interesting. >> which is that is fun and interesting. And our biggest conversation is trying And our biggest conversation is trying And our biggest conversation is trying to teach them that your siblings success to teach them that your siblings success to teach them that your siblings success is your success. And even as adults, um, is your success. And even as adults, um, is your success. And even as adults, um, you can move far away from your you can move far away from your you can move far away from your siblings, you can even stay super close siblings, you can even stay super close siblings, you can even stay super close to your siblings, but no matter what, if to your siblings, but no matter what, if to your siblings, but no matter what, if they're having a tough time, it affects they're having a tough time, it affects they're having a tough time, it affects everybody. So, we're trying to kind of everybody. So, we're trying to kind of everybody. So, we're trying to kind of instill in them that the dynamics you instill in them that the dynamics you instill in them that the dynamics you create here, the encouragement you give create here, the encouragement you give create here, the encouragement you give your siblings, the patterns, um, the your siblings, the patterns, um, the your siblings, the patterns, um, the different things that you can build up different things that you can build up different things that you can build up in them, like it's going to help you in in them, like it's going to help you in in them, like it's going to help you in the long run, not just them, but you, the long run, not just them, but you, the long run, not just them, but you, too. So, that's a big thing with us too. So, that's a big thing with us too. So, that's a big thing with us right now.

right now. right now. >> Yeah. Exactly. And part of that is >> Yeah. Exactly. And part of that is >> Yeah. Exactly. And part of that is giving them actual examples like whether giving them actual examples like whether giving them actual examples like whether it's my family or her family where we're it's my family or her family where we're it's my family or her family where we're engaging like hey you saw this thing engaging like hey you saw this thing engaging like hey you saw this thing happen last week you know and kind of happen last week you know and kind of happen last week you know and kind of walking them through it. I'm like to walking them through it. I'm like to walking them through it. I'm like to mom's point you know your sibling mom's point you know your sibling mom's point you know your sibling success is your success right and you success is your success right and you success is your success right and you see how that plays out. So giving that see how that plays out. So giving that see how that plays out. So giving that long view you want your siblings success long view you want your siblings success long view you want your siblings success right right now you might be angry and right right now you might be angry and right right now you might be angry and fighting with each other. I'm like, but fighting with each other. I'm like, but fighting with each other. I'm like, but in the long run, in the long run, in the long run, >> you want to build that relationship and >> you want to build that relationship and >> you want to build that relationship and that connection so you guys can all that connection so you guys can all that connection so you guys can all flourish together, right? Cuz eventually flourish together, right? Cuz eventually flourish together, right? Cuz eventually mom and dad will be here. It'll just be mom and dad will be here. It'll just be mom and dad will be here. It'll just be you three, you three, you three, >> right? So, >> right? So, >> right? So, >> yeah. A lot of trash talking in the >> yeah. A lot of trash talking in the >> yeah. A lot of trash talking in the minivan that we can't have. minivan that we can't have. minivan that we can't have. >> You know, it's trouble. You know how >> You know, it's trouble. You know how >> You know, it's trouble. You know how like you turn around in the minivan, like you turn around in the minivan, like you turn around in the minivan, like maybe not the minivan, SUV, like maybe not the minivan, SUV, like maybe not the minivan, SUV, whatever it is that you drive. Um, when whatever it is that you drive. Um, when whatever it is that you drive. Um, when I turn around and point, that's when I I turn around and point, that's when I I turn around and point, that's when I mean business. And I feel like I've been mean business. And I feel like I've been mean business. And I feel like I've been doing that a lot lately and encouraging doing that a lot lately and encouraging doing that a lot lately and encouraging how they speak to one another. Turn how they speak to one another. Turn how they speak to one another. Turn around and point like around and point like around and point like >> that one. So, >> that one. So, >> that one. So, >> I resonate a lot with that. I think um I >> I resonate a lot with that. I think um I >> I resonate a lot with that. I think um I I love the age of our kids now. I loved I love the age of our kids now. I loved I love the age of our kids now. I loved what they were prior to this. I look at what they were prior to this. I look at what they were prior to this. I look at photos of those early days and I miss photos of those early days and I miss photos of those early days and I miss it, but I don't want it.

it, but I don't want it. it, but I don't want it. >> Exactly. >> Exactly. >> Exactly. >> Does that feel right? >> Does that feel right? >> Does that feel right? >> Yeah. I know. Whenever people say they >> Yeah. I know. Whenever people say they >> Yeah. I know. Whenever people say they have like the the baby itcher and I'm have like the the baby itcher and I'm have like the the baby itcher and I'm like I never have that because I didn't like I never have that because I didn't like I never have that because I didn't like baby stage with our kids, but then like baby stage with our kids, but then like baby stage with our kids, but then when you see pictures you're like, "Oh when you see pictures you're like, "Oh when you see pictures you're like, "Oh my gosh, look at them here." But then my gosh, look at them here." But then my gosh, look at them here." But then I'm like, "No, but I don't want to go I'm like, "No, but I don't want to go I'm like, "No, but I don't want to go back there." back there." back there." >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's kind of nostalgic for what it was. >> It's kind of nostalgic for what it was. >> It's kind of nostalgic for what it was. And I I like it because we get to we get And I I like it because we get to we get And I I like it because we get to we get to live appreciative of what we got to to live appreciative of what we got to to live appreciative of what we got to experience with those ages and actually experience with those ages and actually experience with those ages and actually these children. And yet I think Heather, these children. And yet I think Heather, these children. And yet I think Heather, what you said is so right. what you said is so right. what you said is so right. >> It's so fun. >> It's so fun. >> It's so fun. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Being a parent is awesome and it can be >> Being a parent is awesome and it can be >> Being a parent is awesome and it can be the I mean like you know Asher, you the I mean like you know Asher, you the I mean like you know Asher, you know, is almost almost 15 years old. know, is almost almost 15 years old. know, is almost almost 15 years old. It's my excuse to go to a World Cup game It's my excuse to go to a World Cup game It's my excuse to go to a World Cup game next week. It's my excuse to go to next week. It's my excuse to go to next week. It's my excuse to go to baseball games throughout the year. Like baseball games throughout the year. Like baseball games throughout the year. Like you just find what your kids's excited you just find what your kids's excited you just find what your kids's excited about. about. about. >> And it's my excuse to take Ellie >> And it's my excuse to take Ellie >> And it's my excuse to take Ellie shopping, right? shopping, right? shopping, right? >> Oh, no. You know, that's% how that >> Oh, no. You know, that's% how that >> Oh, no. You know, that's% how that works. works. works. >> This is a right of passage. 100% mom and >> This is a right of passage. 100% mom and >> This is a right of passage. 100% mom and daughter. daughter. daughter. >> This is about me. [laughter] I know. >> This is about me. [laughter] I know. >> This is about me. [laughter] I know. >> There's there's this great line in one >> There's there's this great line in one >> There's there's this great line in one of the Indiana Jones films that we say a of the Indiana Jones films that we say a of the Indiana Jones films that we say a lot where um Sean Connory and Harrison lot where um Sean Connory and Harrison lot where um Sean Connory and Harrison Ford are talking and he says this line.

Ford are talking and he says this line. Ford are talking and he says this line. He said, "You moved out just when you He said, "You moved out just when you He said, "You moved out just when you were getting interesting." were getting interesting." were getting interesting." >> And I feel that like the kids are >> And I feel that like the kids are >> And I feel that like the kids are getting more interesting and more fun. getting more interesting and more fun. getting more interesting and more fun. And I'm like, "Don't go." But also like And I'm like, "Don't go." But also like And I'm like, "Don't go." But also like we want you to move to that next phase, we want you to move to that next phase, we want you to move to that next phase, but right now they're interesting and but right now they're interesting and but right now they're interesting and they're fun. they're fun. they're fun. >> That's a great quote. But I didn't >> That's a great quote. But I didn't >> That's a great quote. But I didn't expect an Indiana Jones quote today. expect an Indiana Jones quote today. expect an Indiana Jones quote today. That's good. That's good. That's good. >> Always. There's always somehow somewhere >> Always. There's always somehow somewhere >> Always. There's always somehow somewhere we can bring an Indiana Jones. we can bring an Indiana Jones. we can bring an Indiana Jones. >> That's so funny. Our our kind of main >> That's so funny. Our our kind of main >> That's so funny. Our our kind of main stays tend to be Christmas movies. Like stays tend to be Christmas movies. Like stays tend to be Christmas movies. Like we we will quote Home Alone and Elf and we we will quote Home Alone and Elf and we we will quote Home Alone and Elf and all these other things all the time, but all these other things all the time, but all these other things all the time, but that's a really that's a really good that's a really that's a really good that's a really that's a really good one. And I hear that they are one. And I hear that they are one. And I hear that they are >> they become people with great >> they become people with great >> they become people with great personalities and you get to learn new personalities and you get to learn new personalities and you get to learn new things about them and it's so fun. things about them and it's so fun. things about them and it's so fun. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Okay. So, as you guys are thinking about >> Okay. So, as you guys are thinking about >> Okay. So, as you guys are thinking about your kids, right? So 12, 10, and 7. your kids, right? So 12, 10, and 7. your kids, right? So 12, 10, and 7. >> There is a foundation being laid now. >> There is a foundation being laid now. >> There is a foundation being laid now. >> And this is the first of a series of of >> And this is the first of a series of of >> And this is the first of a series of of three conversations regarding elementary three conversations regarding elementary three conversations regarding elementary will be this one, and then there'll be a will be this one, and then there'll be a will be this one, and then there'll be a middle school and a high school um middle school and a high school um middle school and a high school um interview or whatever. This is a podcast interview or whatever. This is a podcast interview or whatever. This is a podcast episode. And the the design is to mirror episode. And the the design is to mirror episode. And the the design is to mirror what we talked about at our last what we talked about at our last what we talked about at our last in-person intentional parenting in-person intentional parenting in-person intentional parenting gathering. It's all about launch. It's gathering. It's all about launch. It's gathering. It's all about launch. It's all about knowing someday they're going all about knowing someday they're going all about knowing someday they're going to leave. they are going to go off into to leave. they are going to go off into to leave. they are going to go off into the world and we're hoping of course as the world and we're hoping of course as the world and we're hoping of course as every parent does for a successful every parent does for a successful every parent does for a successful launch where they know who they are, launch where they know who they are, launch where they know who they are, they are established in what they're they are established in what they're they are established in what they're going to do for their life. They have going to do for their life. They have going to do for their life. They have values and they know how to practice values and they know how to practice values and they know how to practice those things. Maybe even a desire for those things. Maybe even a desire for those things. Maybe even a desire for faith, right? Wouldn't all that be faith, right? Wouldn't all that be faith, right? Wouldn't all that be amazing? So, as we think about amazing? So, as we think about amazing? So, as we think about elementary, I think it's really elementary, I think it's really elementary, I think it's really important that parents realize that you

important that parents realize that you important that parents realize that you have to start this young. have to start this young. have to start this young. >> That doesn't mean, by the way, if your >> That doesn't mean, by the way, if your >> That doesn't mean, by the way, if your kids are older that it's not too late. kids are older that it's not too late. kids are older that it's not too late. You you probably have done more than you You you probably have done more than you You you probably have done more than you realize. And I think that's what I'd realize. And I think that's what I'd realize. And I think that's what I'd love to kind of draw out with you is love to kind of draw out with you is love to kind of draw out with you is just what are we building in the just what are we building in the just what are we building in the elementary years that become the elementary years that become the elementary years that become the foundation for what will be, Lord foundation for what will be, Lord foundation for what will be, Lord willing, a successful launch. So as you willing, a successful launch. So as you willing, a successful launch. So as you think about your three kids, maybe you think about your three kids, maybe you think about your three kids, maybe you have unique words for each of them, but have unique words for each of them, but have unique words for each of them, but what are some of those characteristics what are some of those characteristics what are some of those characteristics or attributes that you're like, "This is or attributes that you're like, "This is or attributes that you're like, "This is who I want my kids to be when they who I want my kids to be when they who I want my kids to be when they eventually leave our house." eventually leave our house." eventually leave our house." >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I would say a big component is uh >> Yeah. I would say a big component is uh >> Yeah. I would say a big component is uh their faith, right, in the context of their faith, right, in the context of their faith, right, in the context of their belief in Jesus Christ. So for us, their belief in Jesus Christ. So for us, their belief in Jesus Christ. So for us, we remind them daily like your faith and we remind them daily like your faith and we remind them daily like your faith and your walk is yours alone, right? You're your walk is yours alone, right? You're your walk is yours alone, right? You're not borrowing mom's faith or dad's not borrowing mom's faith or dad's not borrowing mom's faith or dad's faith. They look a little different, but faith. They look a little different, but faith. They look a little different, but we all have the same goal. So as they we all have the same goal. So as they we all have the same goal. So as they are growing, that reinforcement of I are growing, that reinforcement of I are growing, that reinforcement of I want you to be a person who believes, want you to be a person who believes, want you to be a person who believes, right? Are you walking the faith? Um if right? Are you walking the faith? Um if right? Are you walking the faith? Um if you're cornered alone and something you're cornered alone and something you're cornered alone and something comes, you know, that may be hard, are comes, you know, that may be hard, are comes, you know, that may be hard, are you processing it because you have this you processing it because you have this you processing it because you have this strong foundation? So I like above all strong foundation? So I like above all strong foundation? So I like above all above all else, we want them to have above all else, we want them to have above all else, we want them to have that core. this is my belief in Christ.

that core. this is my belief in Christ. that core. this is my belief in Christ. >> Yeah. And the words we kind of thought >> Yeah. And the words we kind of thought >> Yeah. And the words we kind of thought about was um wisdom, uh competency and about was um wisdom, uh competency and about was um wisdom, uh competency and courage. And the courage one is there's courage. And the courage one is there's courage. And the courage one is there's this great CS Lewis quote that talks this great CS Lewis quote that talks this great CS Lewis quote that talks about how every virtue at its testing about how every virtue at its testing about how every virtue at its testing point is courage. So we can give them point is courage. So we can give them point is courage. So we can give them all these great virtues, but if they all these great virtues, but if they all these great virtues, but if they don't have the courage to be able to don't have the courage to be able to don't have the courage to be able to push back against something, um then all push back against something, um then all push back against something, um then all these virtues are kind of for not. And these virtues are kind of for not. And these virtues are kind of for not. And so that's a big thing, especially so that's a big thing, especially so that's a big thing, especially building kids in this environment where building kids in this environment where building kids in this environment where in a time of dragons, you raise dragon in a time of dragons, you raise dragon in a time of dragons, you raise dragon slayers. Um that's a kind of a line slayers. Um that's a kind of a line slayers. Um that's a kind of a line that's been going around. And so we want that's been going around. And so we want that's been going around. And so we want them to have that courage. We want them them to have that courage. We want them them to have that courage. We want them to have more not so much competency, but to have more not so much competency, but to have more not so much competency, but you had a better word for it. It was you had a better word for it. It was you had a better word for it. It was capable. capable. capable. >> Capable because you're you said it was >> Capable because you're you said it was >> Capable because you're you said it was um why capable over competency? um why capable over competency? um why capable over competency? >> Capable is more of an action, right? >> Capable is more of an action, right? >> Capable is more of an action, right? You're always in the process of doing You're always in the process of doing You're always in the process of doing and learning versus competent feels like and learning versus competent feels like and learning versus competent feels like a more static phrase. Capable allows for a more static phrase. Capable allows for a more static phrase. Capable allows for growth and flexibility. growth and flexibility. growth and flexibility. >> Yeah. I to play with that a little bit. >> Yeah. I to play with that a little bit. >> Yeah. I to play with that a little bit. I think competency is the demonstration I think competency is the demonstration I think competency is the demonstration of some skills that you may have in of some skills that you may have in of some skills that you may have in order to do whatever the thing is. Yeah. order to do whatever the thing is. Yeah. order to do whatever the thing is. Yeah. capable feels like I can I can react and capable feels like I can I can react and capable feels like I can I can react and flow. I can I can um develop still, flow. I can I can um develop still, flow. I can I can um develop still, right? There's an action side to it. I right? There's an action side to it. I right? There's an action side to it. I think it's really think it's really think it's really >> that's good. Those are great words.

>> that's good. Those are great words. >> that's good. Those are great words. >> Yeah. A level of adaptability. And so we >> Yeah. A level of adaptability. And so we >> Yeah. A level of adaptability. And so we have the main ones that we really want have the main ones that we really want have the main ones that we really want for our kids. However, um Chaz and I we for our kids. However, um Chaz and I we for our kids. However, um Chaz and I we prayed for like an extra one. Like God, prayed for like an extra one. Like God, prayed for like an extra one. Like God, like if you give us these main ones, like if you give us these main ones, like if you give us these main ones, could you have this one just as could you have this one just as could you have this one just as frosting? We would like our kids to be frosting? We would like our kids to be frosting? We would like our kids to be funny. [laughter] funny. [laughter] funny. [laughter] >> And he did not and he did not >> And he did not and he did not >> And he did not and he did not disappoint. So disappoint. So disappoint. So >> yeah, sometimes it bites you. Um, but >> yeah, sometimes it bites you. Um, but >> yeah, sometimes it bites you. Um, but like we prayed like, "God, can they be like we prayed like, "God, can they be like we prayed like, "God, can they be funny? Can they at least entertain us at funny? Can they at least entertain us at funny? Can they at least entertain us at some point in time?" some point in time?" some point in time?" >> So awesome. >> So awesome. >> So awesome. >> It's It's a double-edged sword, though. >> It's It's a double-edged sword, though. >> It's It's a double-edged sword, though. >> That's great. Our daughter just signed >> That's great. Our daughter just signed >> That's great. Our daughter just signed up for an elective uh in middle school up for an elective uh in middle school up for an elective uh in middle school to do improv. to do improv. to do improv. >> All right, let's see how this goes. >> All right, let's see how this goes. >> All right, let's see how this goes. >> I love that. >> I love that. >> I love that. >> I'm not sure she knows what she's signed >> I'm not sure she knows what she's signed >> I'm not sure she knows what she's signed up [laughter] for, but I'm so here for up [laughter] for, but I'm so here for up [laughter] for, but I'm so here for it. it. it. >> I did I I was on an improv team for two >> I did I I was on an improv team for two >> I did I I was on an improv team for two years in college. years in college. years in college. >> No way. >> No way. >> No way. >> She's going into sixth grade. She's >> She's going into sixth grade. She's >> She's going into sixth grade. She's going to be hilarious if we can start going to be hilarious if we can start going to be hilarious if we can start this now. this now. this now. >> Oh yeah. Ground leans, here we come. >> Oh yeah. Ground leans, here we come. >> Oh yeah. Ground leans, here we come. >> Exactly. You got it. Those are great. >> Exactly. You got it. Those are great. >> Exactly. You got it. Those are great. Those are great words though. It sounds Those are great words though. It sounds Those are great words though. It sounds like these are words that you've had for like these are words that you've had for like these are words that you've had for a while or recently have been kind of a while or recently have been kind of a while or recently have been kind of honing in on them. honing in on them. honing in on them. >> No. So, it's been a while. So, uh >> No. So, it's been a while. So, uh >> No. So, it's been a while. So, uh essentially like even when we were essentially like even when we were essentially like even when we were dating actually, we got together and we dating actually, we got together and we dating actually, we got together and we discussed like what are the core of who discussed like what are the core of who discussed like what are the core of who we are, right? And who our family wants we are, right? And who our family wants we are, right? And who our family wants to be in the future.

to be in the future. to be in the future. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> And so this kind of just flowed out of >> And so this kind of just flowed out of >> And so this kind of just flowed out of it naturally. Um it naturally. Um it naturally. Um >> that's cool. So I think with us keeping >> that's cool. So I think with us keeping >> that's cool. So I think with us keeping that foundation and us reminding each that foundation and us reminding each that foundation and us reminding each other like oh yeah these were our core other like oh yeah these were our core other like oh yeah these were our core what we wanted to see out of them right what we wanted to see out of them right what we wanted to see out of them right >> that's great >> that's great >> that's great >> and again all all the kids are different >> and again all all the kids are different >> and again all all the kids are different right they are books not journals right right they are books not journals right right they are books not journals right so reading each one and having that kind so reading each one and having that kind so reading each one and having that kind of uh those words fit of uh those words fit of uh those words fit >> you know has kind of been you know the >> you know has kind of been you know the >> you know has kind of been you know the process of what we're doing right now process of what we're doing right now process of what we're doing right now >> yeah they're all different and I love >> yeah they're all different and I love >> yeah they're all different and I love that line books not journals I actually that line books not journals I actually that line books not journals I actually heard it when I was in mops/momco where heard it when I was in mops/momco where heard it when I was in mops/momco where they come a certain way like we want to they come a certain way like we want to they come a certain way like we want to kind of write sometimes who our children kind of write sometimes who our children kind of write sometimes who our children are and then God's like surprise I made are and then God's like surprise I made are and then God's like surprise I made them a certain way, come with certain them a certain way, come with certain them a certain way, come with certain characteristics, with certain desires, characteristics, with certain desires, characteristics, with certain desires, with certain traits, and we've kind of with certain traits, and we've kind of with certain traits, and we've kind of said it between ourselves, if we don't said it between ourselves, if we don't said it between ourselves, if we don't read this book, well, we have failed as read this book, well, we have failed as read this book, well, we have failed as parents. parents. parents. >> Um, because if we're raising them to be >> Um, because if we're raising them to be >> Um, because if we're raising them to be who we think they should be, then we're who we think they should be, then we're who we think they should be, then we're not raising them to be the best version not raising them to be the best version not raising them to be the best version of themselves, which is not just kind of of themselves, which is not just kind of of themselves, which is not just kind of in a like a like a hype like, oh, the in a like a like a hype like, oh, the in a like a like a hype like, oh, the best version of me, but in the sense of best version of me, but in the sense of best version of me, but in the sense of like, what did God create you to be as like, what did God create you to be as like, what did God create you to be as opposed to me? And so, even kind of opposed to me? And so, even kind of opposed to me? And so, even kind of helping them differentiate between what helping them differentiate between what helping them differentiate between what we do and what they do and our giftings we do and what they do and our giftings we do and what they do and our giftings and their giftings. And I think that's and their giftings. And I think that's and their giftings. And I think that's why I love being at this church and why I love being at this church and why I love being at this church and having them be in environments where having them be in environments where having them be in environments where they're around other adult Christians they're around other adult Christians they're around other adult Christians who are not like us but living out the who are not like us but living out the who are not like us but living out the same faith. And so they can find things same faith. And so they can find things same faith. And so they can find things similar in these other Christians that similar in these other Christians that similar in these other Christians that they won't find in us that may inform they won't find in us that may inform they won't find in us that may inform how they want to live. Even at this how they want to live. Even at this how they want to live. Even at this young age, they're watching people in young age, they're watching people in young age, they're watching people in the kids ministry. They're watching the kids ministry. They're watching the kids ministry. They're watching people as they volunteer. They're even people as they volunteer. They're even people as they volunteer. They're even watching their peers. And so having watching their peers. And so having watching their peers. And so having someone not us pour into them, we really

someone not us pour into them, we really someone not us pour into them, we really value that. Mhm. My gosh, that's so value that. Mhm. My gosh, that's so value that. Mhm. My gosh, that's so good. good. good. >> So, in this age group, one of the unique >> So, in this age group, one of the unique >> So, in this age group, one of the unique things about elementary is the amount of things about elementary is the amount of things about elementary is the amount of things that the kids are learning from things that the kids are learning from things that the kids are learning from us by just picking it up, us by just picking it up, us by just picking it up, >> right? We sort of become the models in >> right? We sort of become the models in >> right? We sort of become the models in which what we're hoping they learn. So, which what we're hoping they learn. So, which what we're hoping they learn. So, Heatherly, you're making a great Heatherly, you're making a great Heatherly, you're making a great distinction here where we're not trying distinction here where we're not trying distinction here where we're not trying to raise future versions of ourselves to raise future versions of ourselves to raise future versions of ourselves like we're they are not us. They are like we're they are not us. They are like we're they are not us. They are their own independent created by God. their own independent created by God. their own independent created by God. They are but they are sharing DNA with They are but they are sharing DNA with They are but they are sharing DNA with us. So there is some unique there's some us. So there is some unique there's some us. So there is some unique there's some like you know overlap there for sure like you know overlap there for sure like you know overlap there for sure >> but they are learning from us. They're >> but they are learning from us. They're >> but they are learning from us. They're watching they're seeing how we react. watching they're seeing how we react. watching they're seeing how we react. They're seeing what choices we make, They're seeing what choices we make, They're seeing what choices we make, what's important to us. So do you have what's important to us. So do you have what's important to us. So do you have any examples? What's some stories of any examples? What's some stories of any examples? What's some stories of just where the kids have learned just where the kids have learned just where the kids have learned something from you by watching you? something from you by watching you? something from you by watching you? Either good or bad. Bad's not the right Either good or bad. Bad's not the right Either good or bad. Bad's not the right word. You know what I mean? word. You know what I mean? word. You know what I mean? >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. [laughter] We'll say challenging. >> Yeah. [laughter] We'll say challenging. >> Yeah. [laughter] We'll say challenging. >> Something you'll have to undo later. >> Something you'll have to undo later. >> Something you'll have to undo later. >> Yeah. Um some of my housekeeping habits. >> Yeah. Um some of my housekeeping habits. >> Yeah. Um some of my housekeeping habits. um don't put it down, put it away. Okay. um don't put it down, put it away. Okay. um don't put it down, put it away. Okay. >> Um where they're like, "Oh, we see mom >> Um where they're like, "Oh, we see mom >> Um where they're like, "Oh, we see mom put it down, therefore we're going to put it down, therefore we're going to put it down, therefore we're going to put it down." And so feeling the put it down." And so feeling the put it down." And so feeling the consequences.

consequences. consequences. >> It's like if I trip over one more croc >> It's like if I trip over one more croc >> It's like if I trip over one more croc in the entryway and then I find out it's in the entryway and then I find out it's in the entryway and then I find out it's my croc. Um [laughter] my croc. Um [laughter] my croc. Um [laughter] I don't I can't even be mad at them when I don't I can't even be mad at them when I don't I can't even be mad at them when there's a whole row of them. So, and there's a whole row of them. So, and there's a whole row of them. So, and that's kind of more of a silly one. Um that's kind of more of a silly one. Um that's kind of more of a silly one. Um but also they pick up what we say and but also they pick up what we say and but also they pick up what we say and even our cadence um even our cadence um even our cadence um >> so clearly for better and for worse. Um, >> so clearly for better and for worse. Um, >> so clearly for better and for worse. Um, I had my seven-year-old open up a story I had my seven-year-old open up a story I had my seven-year-old open up a story with, "So, here's the thing." with, "So, here's the thing." with, "So, here's the thing." >> Yeah. [laughter] >> Yeah. [laughter] >> Yeah. [laughter] >> And that is very much an us kind of >> And that is very much an us kind of >> And that is very much an us kind of phrase. Um, but also some things that phrase. Um, but also some things that phrase. Um, but also some things that leave their mouth. I'm like, leave their mouth. I'm like, leave their mouth. I'm like, >> where I I would need to teach them to >> where I I would need to teach them to >> where I I would need to teach them to maybe mommy should complain a little maybe mommy should complain a little maybe mommy should complain a little less about some things. Um, so just kind less about some things. Um, so just kind less about some things. Um, so just kind of of of >> uh, you know, and like you said, it's >> uh, you know, and like you said, it's >> uh, you know, and like you said, it's it's caught not taught some of these. it's caught not taught some of these. it's caught not taught some of these. Um, however, some of the more positive Um, however, some of the more positive Um, however, some of the more positive traits um, they pick up from my better traits um, they pick up from my better traits um, they pick up from my better half, especially my son right now. half, especially my son right now. half, especially my son right now. >> That's [laughter] you. Oh, I was me. >> That's [laughter] you. Oh, I was me. >> That's [laughter] you. Oh, I was me. Yeah. No, it's it's it's funny, right? Yeah. No, it's it's it's funny, right? Yeah. No, it's it's it's funny, right? Because again, going back to the the Because again, going back to the the Because again, going back to the the words. So, I'm a product of the 90s, so words. So, I'm a product of the 90s, so words. So, I'm a product of the 90s, so all the words, right? So, I have to all the words, right? So, I have to all the words, right? So, I have to backpedal sometimes when my daddy said backpedal sometimes when my daddy said backpedal sometimes when my daddy said this, that was not my intention. Please this, that was not my intention. Please this, that was not my intention. Please ignore everything you just heard. Let's ignore everything you just heard. Let's ignore everything you just heard. Let's walk it back, right?

walk it back, right? walk it back, right? >> Um, >> Um, >> Um, >> nothing to too bad, but still enough >> nothing to too bad, but still enough >> nothing to too bad, but still enough where like, you know, that's a or where like, you know, that's a or where like, you know, that's a or >> Yeah. But as far as uh good traits, >> Yeah. But as far as uh good traits, >> Yeah. But as far as uh good traits, right? So, my son right now, he's in right? So, my son right now, he's in right? So, my son right now, he's in that age where I'm trying to model to that age where I'm trying to model to that age where I'm trying to model to him what it's like to be, you know, a him what it's like to be, you know, a him what it's like to be, you know, a man, right? and how do you treat, you man, right? and how do you treat, you man, right? and how do you treat, you know, your mom? So, know, your mom? So, know, your mom? So, >> I'll do, you know, the car door opening, >> I'll do, you know, the car door opening, >> I'll do, you know, the car door opening, you know, walking on the outside of the you know, walking on the outside of the you know, walking on the outside of the street and kind of walking with him street and kind of walking with him street and kind of walking with him saying, "Hey, these are the reasons why saying, "Hey, these are the reasons why saying, "Hey, these are the reasons why we are doing this." we are doing this." we are doing this." >> Um, and now he more does it on his own, >> Um, and now he more does it on his own, >> Um, and now he more does it on his own, which is, it's just funny to see because which is, it's just funny to see because which is, it's just funny to see because he'll go, he'll open her door, he'll he'll go, he'll open her door, he'll he'll go, he'll open her door, he'll give him his or his hand. give him his or his hand. give him his or his hand. >> Um, and he'll come to my door, mine, you >> Um, and he'll come to my door, mine, you >> Um, and he'll come to my door, mine, you know, also I'm like, "Well, well, thank know, also I'm like, "Well, well, thank know, also I'm like, "Well, well, thank you, Son. [laughter] you, Son. [laughter] you, Son. [laughter] We'll work on this." But yes. We'll work on this." But yes. We'll work on this." But yes. >> Yeah. It's very gallant. He even does >> Yeah. It's very gallant. He even does >> Yeah. It's very gallant. He even does the little hand thing where he lifts it the little hand thing where he lifts it the little hand thing where he lifts it up and like my lady like take my hand. up and like my lady like take my hand. up and like my lady like take my hand. >> I think we need to send Asher over >> I think we need to send Asher over >> I think we need to send Asher over there. I think so. there. I think so. there. I think so. >> Get Asher to give me a hug. >> Get Asher to give me a hug. >> Get Asher to give me a hug. >> I mean it's it's a shoulder. He's like >> I mean it's it's a shoulder. He's like >> I mean it's it's a shoulder. He's like the side [laughter] the side [laughter] the side [laughter] the reluctant. the reluctant. the reluctant. >> It's the age. They come back around >> It's the age. They come back around >> It's the age. They come back around actually. actually. actually. >> Um [clears throat] and one of the other >> Um [clears throat] and one of the other >> Um [clears throat] and one of the other really cool ones is uh we don't force really cool ones is uh we don't force really cool ones is uh we don't force our children to volunteer. However, it's our children to volunteer. However, it's our children to volunteer. However, it's great to see our kids want to choose to great to see our kids want to choose to great to see our kids want to choose to volunteer. So I volunteer in kids volunteer. So I volunteer in kids volunteer. So I volunteer in kids ministry. He volunteers on safety. And ministry. He volunteers on safety. And ministry. He volunteers on safety. And both my daughters um wanted to help out both my daughters um wanted to help out both my daughters um wanted to help out in kids ministry. And like I said, we in kids ministry. And like I said, we in kids ministry. And like I said, we didn't push it on them. They have to go didn't push it on them. They have to go didn't push it on them. They have to go to church with us, but they do not have to church with us, but they do not have to church with us, but they do not have to volunteer. But both my daughters got to volunteer. But both my daughters got to volunteer. But both my daughters got involved in kids ministry. And to see involved in kids ministry. And to see involved in kids ministry. And to see them do that is them do that is them do that is >> do it on their own. Now, what's the >> do it on their own. Now, what's the >> do it on their own. Now, what's the reasoning behind you not wanting to reasoning behind you not wanting to reasoning behind you not wanting to force them to volunteer in a certain force them to volunteer in a certain force them to volunteer in a certain area area area >> in the same reason how they're books not >> in the same reason how they're books not >> in the same reason how they're books not journals where I want to give them the journals where I want to give them the journals where I want to give them the opportunities, but I want them to kind opportunities, but I want them to kind opportunities, but I want them to kind of pick where and when and how. Um, so

of pick where and when and how. Um, so of pick where and when and how. Um, so there's not a level of I'm doing this there's not a level of I'm doing this there's not a level of I'm doing this because my mom forced me, not because I because my mom forced me, not because I because my mom forced me, not because I felt God calling me to it. We're even felt God calling me to it. We're even felt God calling me to it. We're even saying pray about this and trying to saying pray about this and trying to saying pray about this and trying to teach them to listen to God, nudging teach them to listen to God, nudging teach them to listen to God, nudging them towards certain things. And it's them towards certain things. And it's them towards certain things. And it's harder for the 10-year-old and the harder for the 10-year-old and the harder for the 10-year-old and the seven-year-old to listen to God's voice. seven-year-old to listen to God's voice. seven-year-old to listen to God's voice. Um, but we explain, hey, what it talks Um, but we explain, hey, what it talks Um, but we explain, hey, what it talks about in the Bible, um, that's God's about in the Bible, um, that's God's about in the Bible, um, that's God's voice explicitly. You can hear right voice explicitly. You can hear right voice explicitly. You can hear right away. And we have a line in our house away. And we have a line in our house away. And we have a line in our house where whenever they come to something uh where whenever they come to something uh where whenever they come to something uh they come to us with a disagreement or they come to us with a disagreement or they come to us with a disagreement or something happens, I turn to them and something happens, I turn to them and something happens, I turn to them and because I'm kind of lazy, I really because I'm kind of lazy, I really because I'm kind of lazy, I really boiled it down. I said, "Are you loving boiled it down. I said, "Are you loving boiled it down. I said, "Are you loving God and are you loving others right God and are you loving others right God and are you loving others right now?" now?" now?" >> But I also want to be careful that I >> But I also want to be careful that I >> But I also want to be careful that I don't want to use the Bible and don't want to use the Bible and don't want to use the Bible and scripture as like a tool to beat them scripture as like a tool to beat them scripture as like a tool to beat them with, if that makes sense. Like like hit with, if that makes sense. Like like hit with, if that makes sense. Like like hit them over the head with the scripture, them over the head with the scripture, them over the head with the scripture, but I want them to kind of understand but I want them to kind of understand but I want them to kind of understand and internalize it. So short question, and internalize it. So short question, and internalize it. So short question, long answer. long answer. long answer. >> That's good. >> That's good. >> That's good. >> And if a kid just said, "I don't want to >> And if a kid just said, "I don't want to >> And if a kid just said, "I don't want to serve." serve." serve." >> That's good. >> That's good. >> That's good. >> Yeah, that's a good question. Um I think >> Yeah, that's a good question. Um I think >> Yeah, that's a good question. Um I think at that point right we ask you know well at that point right we ask you know well at that point right we ask you know well why right and what's the the heart why right and what's the the heart why right and what's the the heart behind it is do you are you just lazy behind it is do you are you just lazy behind it is do you are you just lazy you're tired right and we walked through you're tired right and we walked through you're tired right and we walked through that time that time that time >> um but I think the constant reminder of >> um but I think the constant reminder of >> um but I think the constant reminder of like again this is your own faith like again this is your own faith like again this is your own faith >> I mean you don't have to do it >> I mean you don't have to do it >> I mean you don't have to do it >> right >> right >> right >> but it's you know it's encouraged and >> but it's you know it's encouraged and >> but it's you know it's encouraged and and and and nightly right we'll we'll we'll pray nightly right we'll we'll we'll pray nightly right we'll we'll we'll pray with the kids with the kids with the kids >> and our prayers always you know help us >> and our prayers always you know help us >> and our prayers always you know help us to find your purpose and help us to to find your purpose and help us to to find your purpose and help us to cultivate that purpose with you guys cultivate that purpose with you guys cultivate that purpose with you guys together um so I I think them hearing together um so I I think them hearing together um so I I think them hearing that is like, "Oh, okay. Maybe I am made that is like, "Oh, okay. Maybe I am made that is like, "Oh, okay. Maybe I am made for something a little more, right?"

for something a little more, right?" for something a little more, right?" Even if I don't know what it is now. Even if I don't know what it is now. Even if I don't know what it is now. >> Yeah. You know, that's great. >> Yeah. You know, that's great. >> Yeah. You know, that's great. >> That prayer to wash over them. >> That prayer to wash over them. >> That prayer to wash over them. >> Yeah. And we use a line, you don't go to >> Yeah. And we use a line, you don't go to >> Yeah. And we use a line, you don't go to church, you belong to church. church, you belong to church. church, you belong to church. >> And so, just kind of emphasizing to them >> And so, just kind of emphasizing to them >> And so, just kind of emphasizing to them that it's not just something that you that it's not just something that you that it's not just something that you attend, it's something you're part of. attend, it's something you're part of. attend, it's something you're part of. >> You guys got a lot of good lines and >> You guys got a lot of good lines and >> You guys got a lot of good lines and quotes. quotes. quotes. >> A couple, you know, bone knots. Um, uh, >> A couple, you know, bone knots. Um, uh, >> A couple, you know, bone knots. Um, uh, this is good. this is good. this is good. >> No, it's excellent. I I think I think >> No, it's excellent. I I think I think >> No, it's excellent. I I think I think that there there's a lot of beauty in that there there's a lot of beauty in that there there's a lot of beauty in what you're sharing. And even if your what you're sharing. And even if your what you're sharing. And even if your one of your kids just said, "I don't one of your kids just said, "I don't one of your kids just said, "I don't want to serve." Like, "I don't want to want to serve." Like, "I don't want to want to serve." Like, "I don't want to do that." What you're modeling for them do that." What you're modeling for them do that." What you're modeling for them is that it is important to you. It's is that it is important to you. It's is that it is important to you. It's clearly a value for your family. clearly a value for your family. clearly a value for your family. >> And I think what we have to mirror that >> And I think what we have to mirror that >> And I think what we have to mirror that with is that serving shouldn't feel like with is that serving shouldn't feel like with is that serving shouldn't feel like a chore. It shouldn't feel like a chore. It shouldn't feel like a chore. It shouldn't feel like something like, "Well, you guys don't something like, "Well, you guys don't something like, "Well, you guys don't even like it. even like it. even like it. >> You you feel like you have to go do it." >> You you feel like you have to go do it." >> You you feel like you have to go do it." Or even just attending attending church Or even just attending attending church Or even just attending attending church shouldn't feel like this thing that is a shouldn't feel like this thing that is a shouldn't feel like this thing that is a nuisance to the weekend. Yeah. nuisance to the weekend. Yeah. nuisance to the weekend. Yeah. >> No, it's like this is the place of >> No, it's like this is the place of >> No, it's like this is the place of worship for us. This is where we go as a worship for us. This is where we go as a worship for us. This is where we go as a family and it fills us up for whatever family and it fills us up for whatever family and it fills us up for whatever God wants to do for the rest of the God wants to do for the rest of the God wants to do for the rest of the week. So, I think sometimes as people week. So, I think sometimes as people week. So, I think sometimes as people even listening, we feel as though, well, even listening, we feel as though, well, even listening, we feel as though, well, my kid just isn't into that.

my kid just isn't into that. my kid just isn't into that. >> And I felt like that a little bit with >> And I felt like that a little bit with >> And I felt like that a little bit with with Asher for a minute there where I with Asher for a minute there where I with Asher for a minute there where I just went, man, he's not really finding just went, man, he's not really finding just went, man, he's not really finding his team. You know, he tried the his team. You know, he tried the his team. You know, he tried the production team for a little bit. He production team for a little bit. He production team for a little bit. He tried music for a little bit and it he tried music for a little bit and it he tried music for a little bit and it he never felt like he had to. like it never felt like he had to. like it never felt like he had to. like it wasn't like this forced thing, but wasn't like this forced thing, but wasn't like this forced thing, but nothing seemed to really really fit. And nothing seemed to really really fit. And nothing seemed to really really fit. And then you know what's so fascinating is then you know what's so fascinating is then you know what's so fascinating is then in middle school then in middle school then in middle school >> he chose the elective to be a a peer >> he chose the elective to be a a peer >> he chose the elective to be a a peer assistance leader. So he was a big buddy assistance leader. So he was a big buddy assistance leader. So he was a big buddy at school and all of a sudden you're at school and all of a sudden you're at school and all of a sudden you're like dude you're really good at that. like dude you're really good at that. like dude you're really good at that. Like he he enjoys it. He has so much fun Like he he enjoys it. He has so much fun Like he he enjoys it. He has so much fun with these kids. In fact two of the kids with these kids. In fact two of the kids with these kids. In fact two of the kids go to church here which is so funny. So go to church here which is so funny. So go to church here which is so funny. So he sees them every now and then and then he sees them every now and then and then he sees them every now and then and then next week he's going to be a guide for next week he's going to be a guide for next week he's going to be a guide for VBS. So that's awesome. VBS. So that's awesome. VBS. So that's awesome. >> You know he it's like they find their >> You know he it's like they find their >> You know he it's like they find their way. You don't have to give up on them. way. You don't have to give up on them. way. You don't have to give up on them. You probably shouldn't give up on them. You probably shouldn't give up on them. You probably shouldn't give up on them. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] >> Yeah. But they find their way. And I >> Yeah. But they find their way. And I >> Yeah. But they find their way. And I think it's because they eventually see, think it's because they eventually see, think it's because they eventually see, oh, this is what we do as a family, oh, this is what we do as a family, oh, this is what we do as a family, right? This is a value set for us. right? This is a value set for us. right? This is a value set for us. >> Exactly. And it's great that you're >> Exactly. And it's great that you're >> Exactly. And it's great that you're giving him that freedom to choose giving him that freedom to choose giving him that freedom to choose something because once again, we have something because once again, we have something because once again, we have ideas about what we think is best, but ideas about what we think is best, but ideas about what we think is best, but God has the ultimate idea about what's God has the ultimate idea about what's God has the ultimate idea about what's best for our kids and it's outside best for our kids and it's outside best for our kids and it's outside sometimes what we're thinking about and sometimes what we're thinking about and sometimes what we're thinking about and to kind of allow for that breath of to kind of allow for that breath of to kind of allow for that breath of opportunity. And like you said, we don't opportunity. And like you said, we don't opportunity. And like you said, we don't want it to feel like a chore or a want it to feel like a chore or a want it to feel like a chore or a burden, but we do want to teach them burden, but we do want to teach them burden, but we do want to teach them priorities. And that's something that we priorities. And that's something that we priorities. And that's something that we talk a lot about um priorities where talk a lot about um priorities where talk a lot about um priorities where church on the weekends if there's church on the weekends if there's church on the weekends if there's something that keeps you from something that keeps you from something that keeps you from consistently going to church on the consistently going to church on the consistently going to church on the weekend that something needs to stop.

weekend that something needs to stop. weekend that something needs to stop. >> And again these are things too they may >> And again these are things too they may >> And again these are things too they may be good things right but they become be good things right but they become be good things right but they become ultimate things. And so for us always ultimate things. And so for us always ultimate things. And so for us always modeling right consistently attending modeling right consistently attending modeling right consistently attending and being part of the body and enjoying and being part of the body and enjoying and being part of the body and enjoying like you said um because there is joy in like you said um because there is joy in like you said um because there is joy in being with the body. So when they see being with the body. So when they see being with the body. So when they see dad, mom serve and with our peers, dad, mom serve and with our peers, dad, mom serve and with our peers, right, and we're having a good time and right, and we're having a good time and right, and we're having a good time and we're we're praying for each other, you we're we're praying for each other, you we're we're praying for each other, you know, at least they're getting that, know, at least they're getting that, know, at least they're getting that, they're seeing that and hopefully they're seeing that and hopefully they're seeing that and hopefully internalizing that. internalizing that. internalizing that. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. I I have found um we have found >> Yeah. I I have found um we have found >> Yeah. I I have found um we have found the weekend's not quite as hard as the weekend's not quite as hard as the weekend's not quite as hard as Wednesday night is. Wednesday night is. Wednesday night is. >> As the kids get into middle school and >> As the kids get into middle school and >> As the kids get into middle school and high school, that's where I feel like high school, that's where I feel like high school, that's where I feel like there's more conflicts. There's more there's more conflicts. There's more there's more conflicts. There's more things. Yeah. things. Yeah. things. Yeah. >> The the pressure of everything to do >> The the pressure of everything to do >> The the pressure of everything to do everything, that's where the everything, that's where the everything, that's where the battleground really happens. Are we battleground really happens. Are we battleground really happens. Are we going to make Wednesday night a a going to make Wednesday night a a going to make Wednesday night a a requirement, a thing that is just like a requirement, a thing that is just like a requirement, a thing that is just like a an obvious this is what we do? It's an obvious this is what we do? It's an obvious this is what we do? It's tough. It's it's a thing that tough. It's it's a thing that tough. It's it's a thing that unfortunately I think for a lot of unfortunately I think for a lot of unfortunately I think for a lot of parents, church is a nice to have parents, church is a nice to have parents, church is a nice to have >> and their youth group or youth, you >> and their youth group or youth, you >> and their youth group or youth, you know, life group or whatever um they know, life group or whatever um they know, life group or whatever um they could do without for a couple weeks.

could do without for a couple weeks. could do without for a couple weeks. It's okay. But they can't they can't not It's okay. But they can't they can't not It's okay. But they can't they can't not study for that AP test, you know. study for that AP test, you know. study for that AP test, you know. >> Yeah, >> Yeah, >> Yeah, >> it's tough. >> it's tough. >> it's tough. >> No, it is. And we um utilize something >> No, it is. And we um utilize something >> No, it is. And we um utilize something called the deathbed test. Sounds morbid, called the deathbed test. Sounds morbid, called the deathbed test. Sounds morbid, but it works for us. Chess, how about but it works for us. Chess, how about but it works for us. Chess, how about you explain what the death bed test is? you explain what the death bed test is? you explain what the death bed test is? You make it sound less morbid. You make it sound less morbid. You make it sound less morbid. >> Yeah. Yeah. So, the death bed test. Um, >> Yeah. Yeah. So, the death bed test. Um, >> Yeah. Yeah. So, the death bed test. Um, so we tell the kids, um, when you're on so we tell the kids, um, when you're on so we tell the kids, um, when you're on your deathbed at the end of your life, your deathbed at the end of your life, your deathbed at the end of your life, [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] >> are you going to be >> are you going to be >> are you going to be >> a real chipper? >> a real chipper? >> a real chipper? >> Are are you going to be sitting there or >> Are are you going to be sitting there or >> Are are you going to be sitting there or laying there? Um, asking yourself, "Oh, laying there? Um, asking yourself, "Oh, laying there? Um, asking yourself, "Oh, I wish I would have had, you know, more I wish I would have had, you know, more I wish I would have had, you know, more money. I wish I would have gone on more money. I wish I would have gone on more money. I wish I would have gone on more vacations. I wish I'd have accomplished vacations. I wish I'd have accomplished vacations. I wish I'd have accomplished more or had more go or accolades." I'm more or had more go or accolades." I'm more or had more go or accolades." I'm like, "No, you're going to be looking like, "No, you're going to be looking like, "No, you're going to be looking around like, who's here?" You know, like around like, who's here?" You know, like around like, who's here?" You know, like here are my grandkids, my children. That here are my grandkids, my children. That here are my grandkids, my children. That is what matters. And you know, uh what is what matters. And you know, uh what is what matters. And you know, uh what was it? Uh the black rhino, right? was it? Uh the black rhino, right? was it? Uh the black rhino, right? People are the wealth. People are the wealth. People are the wealth. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> For me, that informs a lot of how I >> For me, that informs a lot of how I >> For me, that informs a lot of how I interact with my kids and just those interact with my kids and just those interact with my kids and just those outside of me, right? People, outside of me, right? People, outside of me, right? People, >> you can't replace people, right? You're >> you can't replace people, right? You're >> you can't replace people, right? You're dealing with eternal beings. dealing with eternal beings. dealing with eternal beings. >> So investing in them is of the utmost >> So investing in them is of the utmost >> So investing in them is of the utmost importance, right? So importance, right? So importance, right? So >> yeah, you're not going to be on your >> yeah, you're not going to be on your >> yeah, you're not going to be on your deathbed going, "Oh, I wish I had, you deathbed going, "Oh, I wish I had, you deathbed going, "Oh, I wish I had, you know, one more purse, one more soccer know, one more purse, one more soccer know, one more purse, one more soccer match, one more billable hour." you're match, one more billable hour." you're match, one more billable hour." you're going to be wishing that like, hey, going to be wishing that like, hey, going to be wishing that like, hey, between me and God, I hope I've between me and God, I hope I've between me and God, I hope I've cultivated a relationship that'll just cultivated a relationship that'll just cultivated a relationship that'll just continue in a beautiful fashion.

continue in a beautiful fashion. continue in a beautiful fashion. >> Yeah, that's great. My gosh. Um, okay. >> Yeah, that's great. My gosh. Um, okay. >> Yeah, that's great. My gosh. Um, okay. So, not to try to unpack all the science So, not to try to unpack all the science So, not to try to unpack all the science behind this idea of these these brains behind this idea of these these brains behind this idea of these these brains that are being formed in our children. that are being formed in our children. that are being formed in our children. But you know this this picture of But you know this this picture of But you know this this picture of elongated adolescence. I remember when I elongated adolescence. I remember when I elongated adolescence. I remember when I was doing youth ministry which was at was doing youth ministry which was at was doing youth ministry which was at this point a long time ago now. They this point a long time ago now. They this point a long time ago now. They talked about how you know the prefrontal talked about how you know the prefrontal talked about how you know the prefrontal cortex is not really completely cemented cortex is not really completely cemented cortex is not really completely cemented until 25 or so. But about 15 years ago until 25 or so. But about 15 years ago until 25 or so. But about 15 years ago all these studies were starting to come all these studies were starting to come all these studies were starting to come out that adolescence was actually out that adolescence was actually out that adolescence was actually extending into the late 20s. extending into the late 20s. extending into the late 20s. >> And now it's past 30. >> And now it's past 30. >> And now it's past 30. >> Oh my god. >> Oh my god. >> Oh my god. >> Isn't this crazy? So now when you start >> Isn't this crazy? So now when you start >> Isn't this crazy? So now when you start to think about what does it mean to be to think about what does it mean to be to think about what does it mean to be an adult? It's not really happening for an adult? It's not really happening for an adult? It's not really happening for a lot of people generationally until a lot of people generationally until a lot of people generationally until they get into the 29 to 32 range. Wow. they get into the 29 to 32 range. Wow. they get into the 29 to 32 range. Wow. >> Which is really a crazy crazy thing when >> Which is really a crazy crazy thing when >> Which is really a crazy crazy thing when you can run for president I think at you can run for president I think at you can run for president I think at >> Oh goodness. >> Oh goodness. >> Oh goodness. >> Right. So it's just kind of it's kind of >> Right. So it's just kind of it's kind of >> Right. So it's just kind of it's kind of a wild idea. But for our kids, there was a wild idea. But for our kids, there was a wild idea. But for our kids, there was in in some of the reading that I did, in in some of the reading that I did, in in some of the reading that I did, they used this framework of the the home they used this framework of the the home they used this framework of the the home is the construction site that allows us is the construction site that allows us is the construction site that allows us to help construct and build what will be to help construct and build what will be to help construct and build what will be both the hard skills and the soft skills both the hard skills and the soft skills both the hard skills and the soft skills of our children. And so I I'm I'm really of our children. And so I I'm I'm really of our children. And so I I'm I'm really curious. You've already said a few curious. You've already said a few curious. You've already said a few already here today, but what are some of already here today, but what are some of already here today, but what are some of those hard skills and soft skills? The those hard skills and soft skills? The those hard skills and soft skills? The hard skills are the things that they do, hard skills are the things that they do, hard skills are the things that they do, the things they're responsible for, the the things they're responsible for, the the things they're responsible for, the things that you go, this is your job things that you go, this is your job things that you go, this is your job now. And the soft skills are helping now. And the soft skills are helping now. And the soft skills are helping them sibling sibling relationships, like them sibling sibling relationships, like them sibling sibling relationships, like those are soft skills. Learning how to

those are soft skills. Learning how to those are soft skills. Learning how to um manage conflict, repair if there's um manage conflict, repair if there's um manage conflict, repair if there's damage, you know, emotional regulation, damage, you know, emotional regulation, damage, you know, emotional regulation, those those types of things. So, go those those types of things. So, go those those types of things. So, go wherever you'd like, but I'm just wherever you'd like, but I'm just wherever you'd like, but I'm just curious, how's the construction site curious, how's the construction site curious, how's the construction site going in your home? going in your home? going in your home? >> Yeah. No, it's going well, actually. Um >> Yeah. No, it's going well, actually. Um >> Yeah. No, it's going well, actually. Um >> I mean, let's not get let's not let's >> I mean, let's not get let's not let's >> I mean, let's not get let's not let's well enough. well enough. well enough. >> Thank you. Let's let's lower some >> Thank you. Let's let's lower some >> Thank you. Let's let's lower some expectations about two inches. expectations about two inches. expectations about two inches. >> There we go. There we Otherwise, my kids >> There we go. There we Otherwise, my kids >> There we go. There we Otherwise, my kids are moving to your house. are moving to your house. are moving to your house. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Perfect. Uh so one example of the hard >> Perfect. Uh so one example of the hard >> Perfect. Uh so one example of the hard skills. So when my eldest when she was skills. So when my eldest when she was skills. So when my eldest when she was young, uh I taught her to make coffee in young, uh I taught her to make coffee in young, uh I taught her to make coffee in the curig. So every morning she can make the curig. So every morning she can make the curig. So every morning she can make daddy coffee. daddy coffee. daddy coffee. >> And then each subsequent kid learned to >> And then each subsequent kid learned to >> And then each subsequent kid learned to make coffee. And so now our 10-year-old make coffee. And so now our 10-year-old make coffee. And so now our 10-year-old will come in on a Saturday morning. Hey will come in on a Saturday morning. Hey will come in on a Saturday morning. Hey mommy and daddy, I made you coffee and mommy and daddy, I made you coffee and mommy and daddy, I made you coffee and toast and egg. And so toast and egg. And so toast and egg. And so >> Okay, there you go. >> Okay, there you go. >> Okay, there you go. >> Crazy. >> Crazy. >> Crazy. >> No, we've also graduated to lattes and >> No, we've also graduated to lattes and >> No, we've also graduated to lattes and the milk frother. the milk frother. the milk frother. >> Yeah. Get our kids to make their own >> Yeah. Get our kids to make their own >> Yeah. Get our kids to make their own breakfast. What are you talking about, breakfast. What are you talking about, breakfast. What are you talking about, you guys? Well, you I was saying earlier you guys? Well, you I was saying earlier you guys? Well, you I was saying earlier that to be honest, some of my laziness that to be honest, some of my laziness that to be honest, some of my laziness like actually pays off in my kids like actually pays off in my kids like actually pays off in my kids developing hard skills. You reach a day developing hard skills. You reach a day developing hard skills. You reach a day where you're like, I don't want to pack where you're like, I don't want to pack where you're like, I don't want to pack another lunch. I would love someone to another lunch. I would love someone to another lunch. I would love someone to bring me coffee in bed. I don't want to bring me coffee in bed. I don't want to bring me coffee in bed. I don't want to trip over another shoe. And like I said, trip over another shoe. And like I said, trip over another shoe. And like I said, I don't know if I'm lazier or I'm smart, I don't know if I'm lazier or I'm smart, I don't know if I'm lazier or I'm smart, but there comes a point where like I've but there comes a point where like I've but there comes a point where like I've had enough. You can figure this out. And had enough. You can figure this out. And had enough. You can figure this out. And so some of those hard skills were the so some of those hard skills were the so some of those hard skills were the ability to where our middle child, ability to where our middle child, ability to where our middle child, she'll make breakfast. She also burns she'll make breakfast. She also burns she'll make breakfast. She also burns breakfast, but she makes breakfast and breakfast, but she makes breakfast and breakfast, but she makes breakfast and she makes a pretty good matcha latte.

she makes a pretty good matcha latte. she makes a pretty good matcha latte. I'm not going to lie. Um, and where for I'm not going to lie. Um, and where for I'm not going to lie. Um, and where for our son, we got him one of those things our son, we got him one of those things our son, we got him one of those things that teach a kid how to fold laundry. It that teach a kid how to fold laundry. It that teach a kid how to fold laundry. It felt like a felt like a little bit of felt like a felt like a little bit of felt like a felt like a little bit of one of those silly Amazon purchases, but one of those silly Amazon purchases, but one of those silly Amazon purchases, but it has paid back in spades. it has paid back in spades. it has paid back in spades. >> Oh, it's like one of those boards. Yeah. >> Oh, it's like one of those boards. Yeah. >> Oh, it's like one of those boards. Yeah. When you lay the t-shirt down and the When you lay the t-shirt down and the When you lay the t-shirt down and the sleeves Yeah. I mean, not lazy people sleeves Yeah. I mean, not lazy people sleeves Yeah. I mean, not lazy people make them out of cardboard. I bought one make them out of cardboard. I bought one make them out of cardboard. I bought one and had it shipped to my house and gave and had it shipped to my house and gave and had it shipped to my house and gave it to my son. So things like that, we're it to my son. So things like that, we're it to my son. So things like that, we're like folding the laundry, then making like folding the laundry, then making like folding the laundry, then making the food, and we do something called a the food, and we do something called a the food, and we do something called a reset every day. reset every day. reset every day. >> Yeah. And part of the reset is all >> Yeah. And part of the reset is all >> Yeah. And part of the reset is all right, anything that's yours, put it right, anything that's yours, put it right, anything that's yours, put it away, put in the laundry where it needs away, put in the laundry where it needs away, put in the laundry where it needs to go. Um, make the living space livable to go. Um, make the living space livable to go. Um, make the living space livable for all of us. And so around the house. for all of us. And so around the house. for all of us. And so around the house. Yep. Yep. Yep. >> It's good. >> It's good. >> It's good. >> Yeah. It's your room and the shared >> Yeah. It's your room and the shared >> Yeah. It's your room and the shared space. Pick up all your stuff. And we space. Pick up all your stuff. And we space. Pick up all your stuff. And we say, "It's time to do the reset." And say, "It's time to do the reset." And say, "It's time to do the reset." And then we have an additional chore. And then we have an additional chore. And then we have an additional chore. And the one thing is we're not super the one thing is we're not super the one thing is we're not super consistent on a child doing the same consistent on a child doing the same consistent on a child doing the same chore over and over again. because to be chore over and over again. because to be chore over and over again. because to be honest, it's what I want done that day. honest, it's what I want done that day. honest, it's what I want done that day. I'm like, "These dishes need to be put I'm like, "These dishes need to be put I'm like, "These dishes need to be put away. This laundry needs to be folded." away. This laundry needs to be folded." away. This laundry needs to be folded." So, it's I think that this is my pro So, it's I think that this is my pro So, it's I think that this is my pro tip. Um, choose things that help you tip. Um, choose things that help you tip. Um, choose things that help you because then you'll be more consistent.

because then you'll be more consistent. because then you'll be more consistent. Um, or what's that chore you really Um, or what's that chore you really Um, or what's that chore you really hate? Turns out it's time for your hate? Turns out it's time for your hate? Turns out it's time for your elementary student to learn how to do elementary student to learn how to do elementary student to learn how to do it. it. it. >> Oh, I like this. >> Oh, I like this. >> Oh, I like this. >> I mean, nothing like cleaning the >> I mean, nothing like cleaning the >> I mean, nothing like cleaning the gutters like fall. gutters like fall. gutters like fall. >> Our [laughter] goal, we did say our goal >> Our [laughter] goal, we did say our goal >> Our [laughter] goal, we did say our goal this summer was they need to learn how this summer was they need to learn how this summer was they need to learn how to load the dishwasher. to load the dishwasher. to load the dishwasher. >> Oh, yeah. Yeah, our daughter's good with >> Oh, yeah. Yeah, our daughter's good with >> Oh, yeah. Yeah, our daughter's good with laundry, but our son is not, which is laundry, but our son is not, which is laundry, but our son is not, which is funny cuz he's the older one. And I I funny cuz he's the older one. And I I funny cuz he's the older one. And I I literally told Jared, I was like, I like literally told Jared, I was like, I like literally told Jared, I was like, I like I'll put the basket in his room and I I'll put the basket in his room and I I'll put the basket in his room and I guarantee he won't put it away. It's guarantee he won't put it away. It's guarantee he won't put it away. It's just going to sit there and then he's just going to sit there and then he's just going to sit there and then he's just going to pick stuff out and he's just going to pick stuff out and he's just going to pick stuff out and he's ready to wear. ready to wear. ready to wear. >> Yeah. He's like, "Thanks, mom." >> Yeah. He's like, "Thanks, mom." >> Yeah. He's like, "Thanks, mom." >> Yeah, it's clean. >> Yeah, it's clean. >> Yeah, it's clean. >> How clean are your kids' rooms? >> How clean are your kids' rooms? >> How clean are your kids' rooms? >> Like, how much of a strickler? Because I >> Like, how much of a strickler? Because I >> Like, how much of a strickler? Because I like the livable space thing. Let's make like the livable space thing. Let's make like the livable space thing. Let's make it livable for all of us. What about it livable for all of us. What about it livable for all of us. What about their space? their space? their space? >> So, unfortunately, they're all in or >> So, unfortunately, they're all in or >> So, unfortunately, they're all in or fortunately they're all in one room. So fortunately they're all in one room. So fortunately they're all in one room. So it's they have to make sure and it's a it's they have to make sure and it's a it's they have to make sure and it's a it's a smallish space. I'm like so it it's a smallish space. I'm like so it it's a smallish space. I'm like so it can't be messy, right? Otherwise you're can't be messy, right? Otherwise you're can't be messy, right? Otherwise you're tripping over things. tripping over things. tripping over things. >> So >> So >> So >> the livable space becomes their own >> the livable space becomes their own >> the livable space becomes their own little ecosystem of they they don't have little ecosystem of they they don't have little ecosystem of they they don't have full domain control, right? full domain control, right? full domain control, right? >> Yeah. You suffer the consequences if you >> Yeah. You suffer the consequences if you >> Yeah. You suffer the consequences if you leave something there because there's leave something there because there's leave something there because there's not a lot of space. And not only that, not a lot of space. And not only that, not a lot of space. And not only that, your siblings kind of keep you your siblings kind of keep you your siblings kind of keep you accountable accountable accountable >> where it's like having a roommate um >> where it's like having a roommate um >> where it's like having a roommate um where you're all in there together. So where you're all in there together. So where you're all in there together. So if you leave something out, it affects if you leave something out, it affects if you leave something out, it affects everybody. And so there's a little bit everybody. And so there's a little bit everybody. And so there's a little bit of kind of regulation between them. Um, of kind of regulation between them. Um, of kind of regulation between them. Um, however, um, I don't want my kids to however, um, I don't want my kids to however, um, I don't want my kids to always feel a sense of nervous always feel a sense of nervous always feel a sense of nervous nervousness like I'm going to bust the nervousness like I'm going to bust the nervousness like I'm going to bust the door open and say, "What are you doing?

door open and say, "What are you doing? door open and say, "What are you doing? Is your room clean?" I want them to be Is your room clean?" I want them to be Is your room clean?" I want them to be able to relax and have that sense of able to relax and have that sense of able to relax and have that sense of like there's good and good enough. like there's good and good enough. like there's good and good enough. >> Um, but also we share a space. >> Um, but also we share a space. >> Um, but also we share a space. >> Do you guys give allowances? >> Do you guys give allowances? >> Do you guys give allowances? >> No, >> No, >> No, [laughter] we're we do not do that. Um [laughter] we're we do not do that. Um [laughter] we're we do not do that. Um uh we had like moments in the hot hot uh we had like moments in the hot hot uh we had like moments in the hot hot sun where we tried different tactics and sun where we tried different tactics and sun where we tried different tactics and we had you know you have the sticker we had you know you have the sticker we had you know you have the sticker charts, you have like kid Ramsay um like charts, you have like kid Ramsay um like charts, you have like kid Ramsay um like all the different things to try all the different things to try all the different things to try [laughter] to go through [laughter] to go through [laughter] to go through >> and then um at the end of the day when >> and then um at the end of the day when >> and then um at the end of the day when they receive money gifts we kind of let they receive money gifts we kind of let they receive money gifts we kind of let them manage that. Okay. them manage that. Okay. them manage that. Okay. >> And um I have to watch my middle child >> And um I have to watch my middle child >> And um I have to watch my middle child make some very foolish spending things make some very foolish spending things make some very foolish spending things and that's the one that hurts. and that's the one that hurts. and that's the one that hurts. >> Totally. Oh yeah, we've seen that. We >> Totally. Oh yeah, we've seen that. We >> Totally. Oh yeah, we've seen that. We we've watched our kids spend so much we've watched our kids spend so much we've watched our kids spend so much money on Pokemon cards and then all of a money on Pokemon cards and then all of a money on Pokemon cards and then all of a sudden one of them's worth something and sudden one of them's worth something and sudden one of them's worth something and then he sells it and he makes 10 times then he sells it and he makes 10 times then he sells it and he makes 10 times what he put into it. I'm like, "No, what he put into it. I'm like, "No, what he put into it. I'm like, "No, that's not helpful." that's not helpful." that's not helpful." >> No. Oh, no. That's dangerous. They're >> No. Oh, no. That's dangerous. They're >> No. Oh, no. That's dangerous. They're like, "Wait a minute." like, "Wait a minute." like, "Wait a minute." >> Yes. Yeah. It starts to feel like an >> Yes. Yeah. It starts to feel like an >> Yes. Yeah. It starts to feel like an investment. I'm like, "All right, how do investment. I'm like, "All right, how do investment. I'm like, "All right, how do I use this?" I use this?" I use this?" >> Yeah. It's like elementary Bitcoin. I'm >> Yeah. It's like elementary Bitcoin. I'm >> Yeah. It's like elementary Bitcoin. I'm like, "I don't understand it, but it like, "I don't understand it, but it like, "I don't understand it, but it somehow works." somehow works." somehow works." >> Exactly. [laughter] >> Exactly. [laughter] >> Exactly. [laughter] Exactly. What's the on the hard skill Exactly. What's the on the hard skill Exactly. What's the on the hard skill side of things, what's the biggest side of things, what's the biggest side of things, what's the biggest domain area that you've given away to domain area that you've given away to domain area that you've given away to your kids? So, they're they're making your kids? So, they're they're making your kids? So, they're they're making meals. What's the biggest thing?

meals. What's the biggest thing? meals. What's the biggest thing? >> Well, there's the biggest and then >> Well, there's the biggest and then >> Well, there's the biggest and then there's the most difficult. there's the most difficult. there's the most difficult. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> And the most difficult it's going to be >> And the most difficult it's going to be >> And the most difficult it's going to be a little bit of um shocker. Um uh so a little bit of um shocker. Um uh so a little bit of um shocker. Um uh so Chaz, the we were talking about that Chaz, the we were talking about that Chaz, the we were talking about that one. It's the uh one. It's the uh one. It's the uh >> Yeah, it's uh letting them wash their >> Yeah, it's uh letting them wash their >> Yeah, it's uh letting them wash their own hair. So, we come from a long-haired own hair. So, we come from a long-haired own hair. So, we come from a long-haired family. Okay. family. Okay. family. Okay. >> And so, our son is well and like there >> And so, our son is well and like there >> And so, our son is well and like there comes a point like you have to wash your comes a point like you have to wash your comes a point like you have to wash your own hair and wash it well. So that was own hair and wash it well. So that was own hair and wash it well. So that was always a fight for us. We're like, I always a fight for us. We're like, I always a fight for us. We're like, I don't want to do this. It's always like don't want to do this. It's always like don't want to do this. It's always like going into into battle. Um so when they going into into battle. Um so when they going into into battle. Um so when they were like, "This is enough. You're old were like, "This is enough. You're old were like, "This is enough. You're old enough. You can wash your hair." Yeah. enough. You can wash your hair." Yeah. enough. You can wash your hair." Yeah. >> Um and so we released them. >> Um and so we released them. >> Um and so we released them. >> Little things like grooming like that, >> Little things like grooming like that, >> Little things like grooming like that, like you you can So in the realm of like you you can So in the realm of like you you can So in the realm of grooming where, like I said, that's grooming where, like I said, that's grooming where, like I said, that's probably not one for most people, but we probably not one for most people, but we probably not one for most people, but we were just tired. We were just tired of were just tired. We were just tired of were just tired. We were just tired of going in there and feeling like we're going in there and feeling like we're going in there and feeling like we're like using a hose and everybody was like using a hose and everybody was like using a hose and everybody was unhappy. It was just it was rough. Once unhappy. It was just it was rough. Once unhappy. It was just it was rough. Once again, our laziness paid off. So there's again, our laziness paid off. So there's again, our laziness paid off. So there's that. And then also being consistent in that. And then also being consistent in that. And then also being consistent in some of the things with the hard skills. some of the things with the hard skills. some of the things with the hard skills. So that is an area for us having a level So that is an area for us having a level So that is an area for us having a level of consistency where you know every of consistency where you know every of consistency where you know every single day what you're supposed to do. I single day what you're supposed to do. I single day what you're supposed to do. I make them stand at the threshold of the make them stand at the threshold of the make them stand at the threshold of the door. I point to them all um because door. I point to them all um because door. I point to them all um because this is usually after a long day and I this is usually after a long day and I this is usually after a long day and I say everyone tell me exactly what we're say everyone tell me exactly what we're say everyone tell me exactly what we're supposed to do when we get into the supposed to do when we get into the supposed to do when we get into the house.

house. house. >> So consistency and then that hair >> So consistency and then that hair >> So consistency and then that hair washing part. Those are the hard skills. washing part. Those are the hard skills. washing part. Those are the hard skills. >> Yeah. Oh my gosh, these are great you >> Yeah. Oh my gosh, these are great you >> Yeah. Oh my gosh, these are great you guys. They're so practical. they are guys. They're so practical. they are guys. They're so practical. they are challenging maybe a little bit to the challenging maybe a little bit to the challenging maybe a little bit to the Kirkwood side of the table over here Kirkwood side of the table over here Kirkwood side of the table over here because there's some great stuff that because there's some great stuff that because there's some great stuff that you're saying. And I also think though you're saying. And I also think though you're saying. And I also think though that you're not talking about the that you're not talking about the that you're not talking about the laziness thing you said several times, laziness thing you said several times, laziness thing you said several times, Heatherly. And and I know what you mean. Heatherly. And and I know what you mean. Heatherly. And and I know what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. But and and I know you're Yeah. Yeah. But and and I know you're Yeah. Yeah. But and and I know you're not intending to actually characterize not intending to actually characterize not intending to actually characterize yourself as a lazy person. Little tongue yourself as a lazy person. Little tongue yourself as a lazy person. Little tongue and cheek. and cheek. and cheek. >> Yeah. Clearly true. Little tongue and >> Yeah. Clearly true. Little tongue and >> Yeah. Clearly true. Little tongue and cheek. cheek. cheek. >> Yeah. You're you're clearly not >> Yeah. You're you're clearly not >> Yeah. You're you're clearly not referring to yourself as actually being referring to yourself as actually being referring to yourself as actually being as actually being lazy. But there is a as actually being lazy. But there is a as actually being lazy. But there is a framework that's out there. I cannot framework that's out there. I cannot framework that's out there. I cannot remember what it is actually called, but remember what it is actually called, but remember what it is actually called, but it talks about how the most effective it talks about how the most effective it talks about how the most effective people in the world are the ones who are people in the world are the ones who are people in the world are the ones who are very smart and a little lazy very smart and a little lazy very smart and a little lazy >> because you just don't want to do all >> because you just don't want to do all >> because you just don't want to do all the things. Yeah, the things. Yeah, the things. Yeah, >> you could, but you're just dangerous >> you could, but you're just dangerous >> you could, but you're just dangerous enough that you can delegate to the enough that you can delegate to the enough that you can delegate to the right people to get all the kinds of right people to get all the kinds of right people to get all the kinds of stuff done. So, stuff done. So, stuff done. So, >> work smarter, not harder. >> work smarter, not harder. >> work smarter, not harder. >> You're in the camp. Okay. What about >> You're in the camp. Okay. What about >> You're in the camp. Okay. What about soft skills? What are those those things soft skills? What are those those things soft skills? What are those those things beneath the surface that you're helping beneath the surface that you're helping beneath the surface that you're helping your children with right now?

your children with right now? your children with right now? >> And this is a good one. So, uh, for our >> And this is a good one. So, uh, for our >> And this is a good one. So, uh, for our son, so he's just turned seven, right? son, so he's just turned seven, right? son, so he's just turned seven, right? And for him, um, he's got a lot of And for him, um, he's got a lot of And for him, um, he's got a lot of emotions. So, for example, uh, our emotions. So, for example, uh, our emotions. So, for example, uh, our middle one may poke and prod at him and middle one may poke and prod at him and middle one may poke and prod at him and he won't like it and he'll get he won't like it and he'll get he won't like it and he'll get frustrated really fast. frustrated really fast. frustrated really fast. So, in those moments, uh, we're trying So, in those moments, uh, we're trying So, in those moments, uh, we're trying to teach him to, you know, to verbalize to teach him to, you know, to verbalize to teach him to, you know, to verbalize those emotions like, "What are you those emotions like, "What are you those emotions like, "What are you feeling?" feeling?" feeling?" >> And then not only just verbalize them, >> And then not only just verbalize them, >> And then not only just verbalize them, you can say them to your sister. Hey, you can say them to your sister. Hey, you can say them to your sister. Hey, sister, I didn't like that you said sister, I didn't like that you said sister, I didn't like that you said that. it made me feel this way. that. it made me feel this way. that. it made me feel this way. >> And so we're still walking through that >> And so we're still walking through that >> And so we're still walking through that process, but I see he's getting better process, but I see he's getting better process, but I see he's getting better at it. Uh the other day, at it. Uh the other day, at it. Uh the other day, >> we're in the van again and his sister >> we're in the van again and his sister >> we're in the van again and his sister poking and ping for no reason like she poking and ping for no reason like she poking and ping for no reason like she likes to do sometimes. likes to do sometimes. likes to do sometimes. >> Um >> Um >> Um >> and he just started like, I don't like >> and he just started like, I don't like >> and he just started like, I don't like this. It makes me feel this way. And I'm this. It makes me feel this way. And I'm this. It makes me feel this way. And I'm like, okay, good. like, okay, good. like, okay, good. >> Right. >> Right. >> Right. >> I'm like, and we again we uh not >> I'm like, and we again we uh not >> I'm like, and we again we uh not applauded him like, I'm glad you let her applauded him like, I'm glad you let her applauded him like, I'm glad you let her know how you feel because this is know how you feel because this is know how you feel because this is important. If you can do this now, it important. If you can do this now, it important. If you can do this now, it gets easier later on. So, I know some gets easier later on. So, I know some gets easier later on. So, I know some adults who have a hard time verbalizing adults who have a hard time verbalizing adults who have a hard time verbalizing what they feel. For sure.

what they feel. For sure. what they feel. For sure. >> Yeah. Another one that um we talk about >> Yeah. Another one that um we talk about >> Yeah. Another one that um we talk about a lot is forgiveness. And so, yes, it's a lot is forgiveness. And so, yes, it's a lot is forgiveness. And so, yes, it's hard. It's hard for adults to forgive, hard. It's hard for adults to forgive, hard. It's hard for adults to forgive, but even for them to understand the but even for them to understand the but even for them to understand the transaction of forgiveness. So, we kind transaction of forgiveness. So, we kind transaction of forgiveness. So, we kind of teach them the language. When you of teach them the language. When you of teach them the language. When you come to your sibling and you say, "I'm come to your sibling and you say, "I'm come to your sibling and you say, "I'm sorry." If one of our kids says, "It's sorry." If one of our kids says, "It's sorry." If one of our kids says, "It's okay." I kind of stop them and say, "If okay." I kind of stop them and say, "If okay." I kind of stop them and say, "If it was okay," you wouldn't have to it was okay," you wouldn't have to it was okay," you wouldn't have to apologize to begin with. And you're not apologize to begin with. And you're not apologize to begin with. And you're not really giving that transaction of really giving that transaction of really giving that transaction of forgiveness. you ask for forgiveness and forgiveness. you ask for forgiveness and forgiveness. you ask for forgiveness and the other person says, "I forgive you." the other person says, "I forgive you." the other person says, "I forgive you." So, even coming in and not trying to So, even coming in and not trying to So, even coming in and not trying to make light of that moment and teaching make light of that moment and teaching make light of that moment and teaching them the right verbiage for that. Um, them the right verbiage for that. Um, them the right verbiage for that. Um, that's something that we're trying to that's something that we're trying to that's something that we're trying to walk them through and what it looks like walk them through and what it looks like walk them through and what it looks like to make an apology. And then at the end, to make an apology. And then at the end, to make an apology. And then at the end, this one's tricky. Um, because it's hard this one's tricky. Um, because it's hard this one's tricky. Um, because it's hard to sometimes even conceptualize this. We to sometimes even conceptualize this. We to sometimes even conceptualize this. We say, "Now, you need to make it right." say, "Now, you need to make it right." say, "Now, you need to make it right." And then you need to ask your sibling, And then you need to ask your sibling, And then you need to ask your sibling, "How can I make this right?" Now, "How can I make this right?" Now, "How can I make this right?" Now, sometimes the sibling gives some sometimes the sibling gives some sometimes the sibling gives some unreasonable demands on how they can unreasonable demands on how they can unreasonable demands on how they can make it right. So, we may have to come make it right. So, we may have to come make it right. So, we may have to come in and measure that a little bit. But in and measure that a little bit. But in and measure that a little bit. But once again, the right words for it. How once again, the right words for it. How once again, the right words for it. How can you make it right? Cuz we're all in can you make it right? Cuz we're all in can you make it right? Cuz we're all in this together. We're all on the same this together. We're all on the same this together. We're all on the same ship. Their success is your success. ship. Their success is your success. ship. Their success is your success. We're all in this space together. And if We're all in this space together. And if We're all in this space together. And if we can't maintain this, like everybody's we can't maintain this, like everybody's we can't maintain this, like everybody's going to feel it, going to feel it, going to feel it, >> right? And then that's good skills, too, >> right? And then that's good skills, too, >> right? And then that's good skills, too, for friendships, you know, not just for friendships, you know, not just for friendships, you know, not just their siblings, but how they're going to their siblings, but how they're going to their siblings, but how they're going to handle friendships as well.

handle friendships as well. handle friendships as well. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> For sure. >> For sure. >> For sure. >> Yeah. There's a there's a vocabulary to >> Yeah. There's a there's a vocabulary to >> Yeah. There's a there's a vocabulary to to emotions, right? learning how to help to emotions, right? learning how to help to emotions, right? learning how to help a child understand what they're feeling. a child understand what they're feeling. a child understand what they're feeling. You know, there's times where I can You know, there's times where I can You know, there's times where I can remember sitting down with either of my remember sitting down with either of my remember sitting down with either of my kids and trying to go, "How do you think kids and trying to go, "How do you think kids and trying to go, "How do you think you made your sister feel or your you made your sister feel or your you made your sister feel or your brother feel brother feel brother feel >> and they struggle with the language?" >> and they struggle with the language?" >> and they struggle with the language?" Because you got to go, "How do you feel Because you got to go, "How do you feel Because you got to go, "How do you feel first?" Like, can you are can you first?" Like, can you are can you first?" Like, can you are can you pinpoint your own feeling? Because if pinpoint your own feeling? Because if pinpoint your own feeling? Because if you if you can't identify your own you if you can't identify your own you if you can't identify your own feeling, you're going to be a little bit feeling, you're going to be a little bit feeling, you're going to be a little bit of a lost cause trying to figure out of a lost cause trying to figure out of a lost cause trying to figure out what you think somebody else might be what you think somebody else might be what you think somebody else might be able to feel. And that's transferable able to feel. And that's transferable able to feel. And that's transferable into so many parts of life. into so many parts of life. into so many parts of life. >> 100%. And even part of that sometimes is >> 100%. And even part of that sometimes is >> 100%. And even part of that sometimes is an exposure to stories or even like good an exposure to stories or even like good an exposure to stories or even like good books where they can see how a character books where they can see how a character books where they can see how a character behaves and what they say and what are behaves and what they say and what are behaves and what they say and what are the words they even use for that. the words they even use for that. the words they even use for that. >> So giving them kind of some of that >> So giving them kind of some of that >> So giving them kind of some of that language even not just necessarily from language even not just necessarily from language even not just necessarily from us but exposure to other things. And so us but exposure to other things. And so us but exposure to other things. And so that's one of the forgiveness is one of that's one of the forgiveness is one of that's one of the forgiveness is one of the hard skills and also um for our the hard skills and also um for our the hard skills and also um for our middle child who is amazing and so brave middle child who is amazing and so brave middle child who is amazing and so brave and so courageous but sometimes a little and so courageous but sometimes a little and so courageous but sometimes a little too brave. We're trying to teach her to too brave. We're trying to teach her to too brave. We're trying to teach her to read the room.

read the room. read the room. >> And that's a big one where and her >> And that's a big one where and her >> And that's a big one where and her siblings are also trying to teach her to siblings are also trying to teach her to siblings are also trying to teach her to read the room. read the room. read the room. >> How funny. >> How funny. >> How funny. >> Um, so just kind of walking her through >> Um, so just kind of walking her through >> Um, so just kind of walking her through that to be aware of everybody else that to be aware of everybody else that to be aware of everybody else there. Not in the sense that you're there. Not in the sense that you're there. Not in the sense that you're afraid, but I'm not the only person in afraid, but I'm not the only person in afraid, but I'm not the only person in existence in this room. And so that's a existence in this room. And so that's a existence in this room. And so that's a [clears throat] soft skill we're trying [clears throat] soft skill we're trying [clears throat] soft skill we're trying to teach. So look around, see what the to teach. So look around, see what the to teach. So look around, see what the atmosphere is like, listen a little bit, atmosphere is like, listen a little bit, atmosphere is like, listen a little bit, try to kind of check it on people. try to kind of check it on people. try to kind of check it on people. You're not responsible for their You're not responsible for their You're not responsible for their emotions, but you are responsible for emotions, but you are responsible for emotions, but you are responsible for how you behave in these rooms and the how you behave in these rooms and the how you behave in these rooms and the words you say. words you say. words you say. I think that's a that's a great example I think that's a that's a great example I think that's a that's a great example learning how to pay attention to what a learning how to pay attention to what a learning how to pay attention to what a dynamic is in a room like what is the dynamic is in a room like what is the dynamic is in a room like what is the circumstance that's leading to whatever circumstance that's leading to whatever circumstance that's leading to whatever is going on inter relationally with is going on inter relationally with is going on inter relationally with people to get a sense of that and then people to get a sense of that and then people to get a sense of that and then to be able to put yourself in the right to be able to put yourself in the right to be able to put yourself in the right role role role >> what is my job here because you're not >> what is my job here because you're not >> what is my job here because you're not always responsible it's not unless you always responsible it's not unless you always responsible it's not unless you caused it right but it's kind of like caused it right but it's kind of like caused it right but it's kind of like hey how do I how do I fit in the midst hey how do I how do I fit in the midst hey how do I how do I fit in the midst of it man that is a really that's a of it man that is a really that's a of it man that is a really that's a that's a complex we're talking an that's a complex we're talking an that's a complex we're talking an advanced level type stuff. Being able to advanced level type stuff. Being able to advanced level type stuff. Being able to help a child learn and grow that stuff.

help a child learn and grow that stuff. help a child learn and grow that stuff. >> Yeah, it is great. Um and also when it >> Yeah, it is great. Um and also when it >> Yeah, it is great. Um and also when it goes wrong, it goes real wrong. goes wrong, it goes real wrong. goes wrong, it goes real wrong. >> And so you learn as a parent like, "Wow, >> And so you learn as a parent like, "Wow, >> And so you learn as a parent like, "Wow, wow, wow. I should probably work on wow, wow. I should probably work on wow, wow. I should probably work on this." There's been a moment where um this." There's been a moment where um this." There's been a moment where um one of the kids got really injured and one of the kids got really injured and one of the kids got really injured and everyone like my eldest was crying, my everyone like my eldest was crying, my everyone like my eldest was crying, my youngest was crying. I was almost like I youngest was crying. I was almost like I youngest was crying. I was almost like I was in a very kind of emotional like, was in a very kind of emotional like, was in a very kind of emotional like, "All right, let's bring this all "All right, let's bring this all "All right, let's bring this all together." And then the child that we're together." And then the child that we're together." And then the child that we're trying to teach, she walked up. She's trying to teach, she walked up. She's trying to teach, she walked up. She's like, "Hey, can I go to the playground like, "Hey, can I go to the playground like, "Hey, can I go to the playground now?" And I'm like, "Everybody's melting now?" And I'm like, "Everybody's melting now?" And I'm like, "Everybody's melting down." And she's like, "Well, down." And she's like, "Well, down." And she's like, "Well, everybody's fine, so we're just kind of everybody's fine, so we're just kind of everybody's fine, so we're just kind of >> I've assessed the situation. No one is >> I've assessed the situation. No one is >> I've assessed the situation. No one is dead. Yeah, dead. Yeah, dead. Yeah, >> we're good. There's a playground down >> we're good. There's a playground down >> we're good. There's a playground down there." there." there." >> No. And and part of it is she's >> No. And and part of it is she's >> No. And and part of it is she's amazingly resilient. So, we don't want amazingly resilient. So, we don't want amazingly resilient. So, we don't want to completely take this from her cuz she to completely take this from her cuz she to completely take this from her cuz she bounces back so fast. She forgives so bounces back so fast. She forgives so bounces back so fast. She forgives so fast. fast. fast. >> But we need to kind of process stuff a >> But we need to kind of process stuff a >> But we need to kind of process stuff a little bit. little bit. little bit. >> Yeah, that's a great way to find the >> Yeah, that's a great way to find the >> Yeah, that's a great way to find the positive in that. She's really positive in that. She's really positive in that. She's really resilient. It's amazing. And that is resilient. It's amazing. And that is resilient. It's amazing. And that is that's something affirmable and very that's something affirmable and very that's something affirmable and very it's worth celebrating. But also the it's worth celebrating. But also the it's worth celebrating. But also the speed to the speed to resilience made speed to the speed to resilience made speed to the speed to resilience made leave some people behind.

leave some people behind. leave some people behind. >> Exactly. >> Exactly. >> Exactly. >> That is so good. Um as you're thinking >> That is so good. Um as you're thinking >> That is so good. Um as you're thinking about the next age group that your kids about the next age group that your kids about the next age group that your kids are heading into, what is something that are heading into, what is something that are heading into, what is something that you're really looking forward to and how you're really looking forward to and how you're really looking forward to and how are you preparing or planning for that? are you preparing or planning for that? are you preparing or planning for that? >> So high school's not far around the >> So high school's not far around the >> So high school's not far around the corner. Yeah. Right. A soon to be corner. Yeah. Right. A soon to be corner. Yeah. Right. A soon to be 13-year-old. 13-year-old. 13-year-old. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Okay. So, is that seventh grade or going >> Okay. So, is that seventh grade or going >> Okay. So, is that seventh grade or going into eighth grade? into eighth grade? into eighth grade? >> She is going into seventh grade. >> She is going into seventh grade. >> She is going into seventh grade. >> Going into seventh. Okay. Okay. How are >> Going into seventh. Okay. Okay. How are >> Going into seventh. Okay. Okay. How are you thinking about even planning? Let's you thinking about even planning? Let's you thinking about even planning? Let's just take her for example as you're just take her for example as you're just take her for example as you're thinking about high school is not far thinking about high school is not far thinking about high school is not far from now. from now. from now. >> Oh, man. >> Oh, man. >> Oh, man. >> Don't say that. Take it back. >> Don't say that. Take it back. >> Don't say that. Take it back. >> I want to take you there. >> I want to take you there. >> I want to take you there. >> Take it back. >> Take it back. >> Take it back. >> Let's go. Look, for us, it's like, okay, >> Let's go. Look, for us, it's like, okay, >> Let's go. Look, for us, it's like, okay, in theory, our son could get a driver's in theory, our son could get a driver's in theory, our son could get a driver's license next summer. And so, we have license next summer. And so, we have license next summer. And so, we have people in our life that are like, are people in our life that are like, are people in our life that are like, are you ready for that? And we're like, it's you ready for that? And we're like, it's you ready for that? And we're like, it's so far away from now. so far away from now. so far away from now. >> Yeah. Seriously, except we all know how >> Yeah. Seriously, except we all know how >> Yeah. Seriously, except we all know how fast every year fast every year fast every year >> every year. Are you ready for it? >> every year. Are you ready for it? >> every year. Are you ready for it? >> I mean, it's gonna be here before we >> I mean, it's gonna be here before we >> I mean, it's gonna be here before we know it. I'm not I'm not complaining know it. I'm not I'm not complaining know it. I'm not I'm not complaining that it's like too far away. that it's like too far away. that it's like too far away. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Are you the primary driver? >> Are you the primary driver? >> Are you the primary driver? >> I think the >> I think the >> I think the >> She is the primary driver.

>> She is the primary driver. >> She is the primary driver. >> Thinking about licenses and permits >> Thinking about licenses and permits >> Thinking about licenses and permits even. It's like it's a control thing for even. It's like it's a control thing for even. It's like it's a control thing for me. Like I'm learning how to let go, you me. Like I'm learning how to let go, you me. Like I'm learning how to let go, you know, because this is this is life. Like know, because this is this is life. Like know, because this is this is life. Like this is going to happen. It's not not this is going to happen. It's not not this is going to happen. It's not not going to happen. And so I've got to going to happen. And so I've got to going to happen. And so I've got to learn to like, okay, Lord, they're in learn to like, okay, Lord, they're in learn to like, okay, Lord, they're in your hands. [laughter] your hands. [laughter] your hands. [laughter] Just, you know, because there's so many Just, you know, because there's so many Just, you know, because there's so many scary bits to it, but scary bits to it, but scary bits to it, but >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Which that's a soft skill for >> Yeah. Which that's a soft skill for >> Yeah. Which that's a soft skill for parents to learn how to let go, right? parents to learn how to let go, right? parents to learn how to let go, right? And then there's the hard skills of And then there's the hard skills of And then there's the hard skills of actually learning how to be adequate in actually learning how to be adequate in actually learning how to be adequate in the car. So, lots of stuff to learn. But the car. So, lots of stuff to learn. But the car. So, lots of stuff to learn. But as you guys are thinking about the as you guys are thinking about the as you guys are thinking about the future, what are you doing now to kind future, what are you doing now to kind future, what are you doing now to kind of prepare for it? of prepare for it? of prepare for it? >> Yeah. I think so with our oldest, right? >> Yeah. I think so with our oldest, right? >> Yeah. I think so with our oldest, right? uh just this past week or this this week uh just this past week or this this week uh just this past week or this this week uh we gave her a little more uh we gave her a little more uh we gave her a little more flexibility. So she has a a smartwatch, flexibility. So she has a a smartwatch, flexibility. So she has a a smartwatch, right? And so she wanted to go to the right? And so she wanted to go to the right? And so she wanted to go to the the fashion spectrum. Yeah. Spectrum the fashion spectrum. Yeah. Spectrum the fashion spectrum. Yeah. Spectrum with her friend. And so this is the with her friend. And so this is the with her friend. And so this is the first time with her first time with her first time with her >> by herself >> by herself >> by herself >> and kind of letting her see what she >> and kind of letting her see what she >> and kind of letting her see what she does, right? And so um it went as well does, right? And so um it went as well does, right? And so um it went as well as you can imagine it went. So her watch as you can imagine it went. So her watch as you can imagine it went. So her watch died. She didn't contact us. We were in died. She didn't contact us. We were in died. She didn't contact us. We were in a black hole.

a black hole. a black hole. >> Fantastic. >> Fantastic. >> Fantastic. >> We couldn't get a hold of anyone. So we >> We couldn't get a hold of anyone. So we >> We couldn't get a hold of anyone. So we >> loved it. both had to drive down there >> loved it. both had to drive down there >> loved it. both had to drive down there and uh find her. So and uh find her. So and uh find her. So >> the '9s happened again. Exactly. >> the '9s happened again. Exactly. >> the '9s happened again. Exactly. [laughter] And I was like, [laughter] And I was like, [laughter] And I was like, >> "Where's a pay phone?" >> "Where's a pay phone?" >> "Where's a pay phone?" >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> The 1800 like like, "Mom, come pick me >> The 1800 like like, "Mom, come pick me >> The 1800 like like, "Mom, come pick me up." And up." And up." And >> Yeah. And then not knowing what your >> Yeah. And then not knowing what your >> Yeah. And then not knowing what your phone numbers are, right? I mean, it's phone numbers are, right? I mean, it's phone numbers are, right? I mean, it's like it's a real stuff. [laughter] like it's a real stuff. [laughter] like it's a real stuff. [laughter] >> That was that the other day we dropped >> That was that the other day we dropped >> That was that the other day we dropped our son off at an Angel's game and with our son off at an Angel's game and with our son off at an Angel's game and with his friends and so they got to just go his friends and so they got to just go his friends and so they got to just go by themselves. And I kept looking on by themselves. And I kept looking on by themselves. And I kept looking on Life 360 that his battery was dying on Life 360 that his battery was dying on Life 360 that his battery was dying on his phone and I was like, "Oh gosh, his phone and I was like, "Oh gosh, his phone and I was like, "Oh gosh, [laughter] and his phone dies and we [laughter] and his phone dies and we [laughter] and his phone dies and we can't find him afterwards." can't find him afterwards." can't find him afterwards." >> Um, but but then you think back to like >> Um, but but then you think back to like >> Um, but but then you think back to like when when they didn't have we didn't when when they didn't have we didn't when when they didn't have we didn't have cell phones when we were his age, have cell phones when we were his age, have cell phones when we were his age, you know, like you know, like you know, like >> Yeah. You had 35 cents or once again you >> Yeah. You had 35 cents or once again you >> Yeah. You had 35 cents or once again you called collect and try to fill called collect and try to fill called collect and try to fill everything you needed them to know and everything you needed them to know and everything you needed them to know and that little bleep right there. that little bleep right there. that little bleep right there. >> How much we depend on technology. >> How much we depend on technology. >> How much we depend on technology. >> Yeah. And so we when we eventually found >> Yeah. And so we when we eventually found >> Yeah. And so we when we eventually found her, it kind of taught us where we had a her, it kind of taught us where we had a her, it kind of taught us where we had a gap in what we were training her for. gap in what we were training her for. gap in what we were training her for. >> We uh when we found her, we I was very >> We uh when we found her, we I was very >> We uh when we found her, we I was very proud of us. I'm not going to lie. Um we proud of us. I'm not going to lie. Um we proud of us. I'm not going to lie. Um we didn't blow up. We kind of took her didn't blow up. We kind of took her didn't blow up. We kind of took her aside and we showed her, hey, turns out aside and we showed her, hey, turns out aside and we showed her, hey, turns out you can charge your things at the Apple you can charge your things at the Apple you can charge your things at the Apple store. Um if you're ever in a bind, pro store. Um if you're ever in a bind, pro store. Um if you're ever in a bind, pro tip, everybody tip, everybody tip, everybody think about that.

think about that. think about that. >> Yeah. No, just go in and they'll help >> Yeah. No, just go in and they'll help >> Yeah. No, just go in and they'll help you out. But just kind of like this is you out. But just kind of like this is you out. But just kind of like this is what we want you to do when you're here. what we want you to do when you're here. what we want you to do when you're here. We want to have a check-in this amount We want to have a check-in this amount We want to have a check-in this amount of times. if this doesn't happen, um, of times. if this doesn't happen, um, of times. if this doesn't happen, um, utilize your friends. And also even utilize your friends. And also even utilize your friends. And also even telling her like, I'm a grown woman and telling her like, I'm a grown woman and telling her like, I'm a grown woman and if my phone's about to die, I text my if my phone's about to die, I text my if my phone's about to die, I text my husband. This isn't something that we're husband. This isn't something that we're husband. This isn't something that we're just doing this because we're trying to just doing this because we're trying to just doing this because we're trying to baby you. This is like a long-term skill baby you. This is like a long-term skill baby you. This is like a long-term skill for people knowing for people knowing for people knowing >> where you are and what you're doing and >> where you are and what you're doing and >> where you are and what you're doing and even being aware of, hey, I can't even being aware of, hey, I can't even being aware of, hey, I can't contact you in this way, so I'm going to contact you in this way, so I'm going to contact you in this way, so I'm going to do that. So, we are trying to prepare do that. So, we are trying to prepare do that. So, we are trying to prepare her to be able to be in situations where her to be able to be in situations where her to be able to be in situations where she can kind of think critically about she can kind of think critically about she can kind of think critically about how do I get a hold of people? being how do I get a hold of people? being how do I get a hold of people? being able to manage the schedule of you pick able to manage the schedule of you pick able to manage the schedule of you pick me up here, you drop me off here, I'm me up here, you drop me off here, I'm me up here, you drop me off here, I'm with this person, here's their numbers. with this person, here's their numbers. with this person, here's their numbers. So, giving her a greater level of So, giving her a greater level of So, giving her a greater level of autonomy, but also we have to be mindful autonomy, but also we have to be mindful autonomy, but also we have to be mindful that we're giving her um kind of a that we're giving her um kind of a that we're giving her um kind of a better leadup at times to her where better leadup at times to her where better leadup at times to her where things kind of happen that you don't things kind of happen that you don't things kind of happen that you don't expect and we have to adapt in there. expect and we have to adapt in there. expect and we have to adapt in there. So, we're trying to do that with her to So, we're trying to do that with her to So, we're trying to do that with her to give her that greater sense of freedom. give her that greater sense of freedom. give her that greater sense of freedom. And another thing for her is teaching And another thing for her is teaching And another thing for her is teaching her how to be assertive um assertive her how to be assertive um assertive her how to be assertive um assertive without being aggressive. um in without being aggressive. um in without being aggressive. um in conversations that she has with teachers conversations that she has with teachers conversations that she has with teachers and with other adults. And a line we use and with other adults. And a line we use and with other adults. And a line we use in our house is learning how to get your in our house is learning how to get your in our house is learning how to get your needs met.

needs met. needs met. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> You can tell people what you want. They >> You can tell people what you want. They >> You can tell people what you want. They won't necessarily always give it to you, won't necessarily always give it to you, won't necessarily always give it to you, but you need to tell them what you want. but you need to tell them what you want. but you need to tell them what you want. Otherwise, they're not going to know Otherwise, they're not going to know Otherwise, they're not going to know what to do. And that goes for any what to do. And that goes for any what to do. And that goes for any relationship, for marriage, for relationship, for marriage, for relationship, for marriage, for friendship, for academics. So, trying to friendship, for academics. So, trying to friendship, for academics. So, trying to kind of train her and we'll do a little kind of train her and we'll do a little kind of train her and we'll do a little bit of like cheesy like roleplay, like, bit of like cheesy like roleplay, like, bit of like cheesy like roleplay, like, okay, pretend I'm that kid next to you okay, pretend I'm that kid next to you okay, pretend I'm that kid next to you who's giving you a hard time. Here's who's giving you a hard time. Here's who's giving you a hard time. Here's your script. What are you going to say? your script. What are you going to say? your script. What are you going to say? or what do you think would be the best or what do you think would be the best or what do you think would be the best thing to say? And so just kind of thing to say? And so just kind of thing to say? And so just kind of training her for those conversations and training her for those conversations and training her for those conversations and also um not following her on everything also um not following her on everything also um not following her on everything when it comes to her academics. We gave when it comes to her academics. We gave when it comes to her academics. We gave them all paper calendars which is them all paper calendars which is them all paper calendars which is unheard of. unheard of. unheard of. >> Um and so they all had paper calendars >> Um and so they all had paper calendars >> Um and so they all had paper calendars and they're saying, "Okay, this is the and they're saying, "Okay, this is the and they're saying, "Okay, this is the day I have this and have that." And so day I have this and have that." And so day I have this and have that." And so trying to help them manage their time a trying to help them manage their time a trying to help them manage their time a little bit better. little bit better. little bit better. >> That's good. Good job. Good job, honey. >> That's good. Good job. Good job, honey. >> That's good. Good job. Good job, honey. >> I mean, I wouldn't go that far, but >> I mean, I wouldn't go that far, but >> I mean, I wouldn't go that far, but we're trying. we're trying. we're trying. >> No, you guys are doing a fantastic job. >> No, you guys are doing a fantastic job. >> No, you guys are doing a fantastic job. You really are. I'm I'm so appreciative You really are. I'm I'm so appreciative You really are. I'm I'm so appreciative of you taking some time to really of you taking some time to really of you taking some time to really encourage the parents of our church as encourage the parents of our church as encourage the parents of our church as you do in so many other ways, but just you do in so many other ways, but just you do in so many other ways, but just for joining us here today. You are you for joining us here today. You are you for joining us here today. You are you guys are very intentional. You're guys are very intentional. You're guys are very intentional. You're creating a great home. You guys are creating a great home. You guys are creating a great home. You guys are doing so many of the right things. I doing so many of the right things. I doing so many of the right things. I know it's not all perfect. I know know it's not all perfect. I know know it's not all perfect. I know there's a lot of other horror stories as there's a lot of other horror stories as there's a lot of other horror stories as well, and that's okay. You know, that well, and that's okay. You know, that well, and that's okay. You know, that that's exactly right. So, it's it's just that's exactly right. So, it's it's just that's exactly right. So, it's it's just so it's so encouraging and thanks for so it's so encouraging and thanks for so it's so encouraging and thanks for raising kids who are going to love Jesus raising kids who are going to love Jesus raising kids who are going to love Jesus and and be great contributors to the and and be great contributors to the and and be great contributors to the world and world and world and >> advance the kingdom. So, thank you guys >> advance the kingdom. So, thank you guys >> advance the kingdom. So, thank you guys so much for being with us.

so much for being with us. so much for being with us. >> I know. Thanks so much for having us. >> I know. Thanks so much for having us. >> I know. Thanks so much for having us. All right, team day in [laughter] All right, team day in [laughter] All right, team day in [laughter] >> Well, thank Let me say bye. Oh, we're >> Well, thank Let me say bye. Oh, we're >> Well, thank Let me say bye. Oh, we're looking I'm looking at that camera and looking I'm looking at that camera and looking I'm looking at that camera and say [laughter] say [laughter] say [laughter] thank you so much for joining us uh on thank you so much for joining us uh on thank you so much for joining us uh on this latest episode. We'll be back as we this latest episode. We'll be back as we this latest episode. We'll be back as we talk middle school uh in our next talk middle school uh in our next talk middle school uh in our next episode. I can't wait. We have so much episode. I can't wait. We have so much episode. I can't wait. We have so much to learn. So exciting. Thank you so to learn. So exciting. Thank you so to learn. So exciting. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time.