Should You Marry Her Anyway?

[music] [music] >> For your part, you did things right. Not >> For your part, you did things right. Not >> For your part, you did things right. Not perfectly, but right. perfectly, but right. perfectly, but right. You waited. You saved yourself for You waited. You saved yourself for You waited. You saved yourself for marriage. You made purity pledges. You marriage. You made purity pledges. You marriage. You made purity pledges. You kept boundaries. You committed your kept boundaries. You committed your kept boundaries. You committed your sexuality to God early. sexuality to God early. sexuality to God early. And then you meet someone great. She And then you meet someone great. She And then you meet someone great. She loves Christ and you have a lot in loves Christ and you have a lot in loves Christ and you have a lot in common. You can see your future with her common. You can see your future with her common. You can see your future with her and then she drops a bombshell and then she drops a bombshell and then she drops a bombshell revelation on you. revelation on you. revelation on you. She She She didn't didn't didn't wait. wait. wait. And suddenly all the clarity you thought And suddenly all the clarity you thought And suddenly all the clarity you thought you had becomes a fog and a fear. you had becomes a fog and a fear. you had becomes a fog and a fear. Did her past ruin your future? Did her past ruin your future? Did her past ruin your future? Too difficult question. Today on Ask Too difficult question. Today on Ask Too difficult question. Today on Ask Pastor John, should you marry her Pastor John, should you marry her Pastor John, should you marry her anyway? anyway? anyway? The question is from a confused young The question is from a confused young The question is from a confused young man named Luke. Pastor John, I want to man named Luke. Pastor John, I want to man named Luke. Pastor John, I want to thank the Lord first of all for your thank the Lord first of all for your thank the Lord first of all for your devotion to him and to us all in devotion to him and to us all in devotion to him and to us all in providing so many thoughtful biblical providing so many thoughtful biblical providing so many thoughtful biblical answers to tough questions over the answers to tough questions over the answers to tough questions over the years. years. years. Many of those answers have helped me at Many of those answers have helped me at Many of those answers have helped me at just the right time in life when I just the right time in life when I just the right time in life when I needed it. needed it. needed it. And I wanted to ask you about dating And I wanted to ask you about dating And I wanted to ask you about dating relationships and virginity and ask your relationships and virginity and ask your relationships and virginity and ask your advice. I'm a single 25-year-old man, a advice. I'm a single 25-year-old man, a advice. I'm a single 25-year-old man, a virgin. I've striven to live a sexually virgin. I've striven to live a sexually virgin. I've striven to live a sexually pure life for God and for my future pure life for God and for my future pure life for God and for my future wife.

wife. wife. Recently, I met a girl who is a loving Recently, I met a girl who is a loving Recently, I met a girl who is a loving Christian woman. I like and share a lot Christian woman. I like and share a lot Christian woman. I like and share a lot in common with her except for this. in common with her except for this. in common with her except for this. She is not a virgin. She is not a virgin. She is not a virgin. This came as a shock to me. To be This came as a shock to me. To be This came as a shock to me. To be honest, the clarity I once had is gone. honest, the clarity I once had is gone. honest, the clarity I once had is gone. I don't know what to do. She has I don't know what to do. She has I don't know what to do. She has repented and asked Jesus for repented and asked Jesus for repented and asked Jesus for forgiveness, but I'm also painfully forgiveness, but I'm also painfully forgiveness, but I'm also painfully aware that sins have ongoing aware that sins have ongoing aware that sins have ongoing consequences that I'm going to have to consequences that I'm going to have to consequences that I'm going to have to carry this memory for the rest of my carry this memory for the rest of my carry this memory for the rest of my life. Should I marry her? life. Should I marry her? life. Should I marry her? I'm worried I'm going to have a I'm worried I'm going to have a I'm worried I'm going to have a second-rate marriage. second-rate marriage. second-rate marriage. I know ultimate happiness isn't found in I know ultimate happiness isn't found in I know ultimate happiness isn't found in marriage or in this life, but in Jesus marriage or in this life, but in Jesus marriage or in this life, but in Jesus alone. However, I'm in a position where alone. However, I'm in a position where alone. However, I'm in a position where I could end this relationship and find I could end this relationship and find I could end this relationship and find another Christian woman who is a virgin. another Christian woman who is a virgin. another Christian woman who is a virgin. I guess what I'm asking is this. What I guess what I'm asking is this. What I guess what I'm asking is this. What Bible truth can you offer as I make this Bible truth can you offer as I make this Bible truth can you offer as I make this decision? decision? decision? >> Well, let's start >> Well, let's start >> Well, let's start with this. Proverbs 31:10. with this. Proverbs 31:10. with this. Proverbs 31:10. An excellent wife, who can find? An excellent wife, who can find? An excellent wife, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. She is far more precious than jewels. She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her.

The heart of her husband trusts in her. The heart of her husband trusts in her. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> There are no perfect women, >> There are no perfect women, >> There are no perfect women, but there are excellent women. but there are excellent women. but there are excellent women. There are trustworthy women. There are trustworthy women. There are trustworthy women. And what you want in a woman is a And what you want in a woman is a And what you want in a woman is a morally and spiritually excellent morally and spiritually excellent morally and spiritually excellent trustworthy, lifelong partner. If she trustworthy, lifelong partner. If she trustworthy, lifelong partner. If she can be pretty, that's a bonus, but can be pretty, that's a bonus, but can be pretty, that's a bonus, but that's not the focus. that's not the focus. that's not the focus. Where Where does such a wife come from? Where Where does such a wife come from? Where Where does such a wife come from? Proverbs 19:14 Proverbs 19:14 Proverbs 19:14 answers. answers. answers. House and wealth House and wealth House and wealth are inherited from fathers, are inherited from fathers, are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. but a prudent wife is from the Lord. but a prudent wife is from the Lord. I I don't have any doubt that my wife of I I don't have any doubt that my wife of I I don't have any doubt that my wife of 57 years was and is from the Lord. 57 years was and is from the Lord. 57 years was and is from the Lord. [snorts] [snorts] [snorts] The circumstances surrounding our The circumstances surrounding our The circumstances surrounding our meeting, meeting, meeting, our first talking, our first talking, our first talking, our falling in love were not designed by our falling in love were not designed by our falling in love were not designed by us. us. us. And may it be so with you. And may it be so with you. And may it be so with you. So, So, So, how shall you think about the woman in how shall you think about the woman in how shall you think about the woman in your life your life your life as God's gift to you and you to her?

as God's gift to you and you to her? as God's gift to you and you to her? How does her previous sexual immorality, How does her previous sexual immorality, How does her previous sexual immorality, that's the phrase from the from the New that's the phrase from the from the New that's the phrase from the from the New Testament. The old The old phrase is Testament. The old The old phrase is Testament. The old The old phrase is fornication. fornication. fornication. How does that figure into this? How does that figure into this? How does that figure into this? Here five things to consider from the Here five things to consider from the Here five things to consider from the Bible. Bible. Bible. Number one, is her repentance sincere? Number one, is her repentance sincere? Number one, is her repentance sincere? Are there evidences, Are there evidences, Are there evidences, as you know her now, as you know her now, as you know her now, that her past sin is a sign that her past sin is a sign that her past sin is a sign of an ongoing of an ongoing of an ongoing flaw flaw flaw that would suggest she is untrustworthy. that would suggest she is untrustworthy. that would suggest she is untrustworthy. That's your key question. That's your key question. That's your key question. There's no formula here. There's no formula here. There's no formula here. This is what courting This is what courting This is what courting or dating or engagement is for. A time or dating or engagement is for. A time or dating or engagement is for. A time [clears throat] [clears throat] [clears throat] for both of you to discern each other's for both of you to discern each other's for both of you to discern each other's character. And you need to pray that God character. And you need to pray that God character. And you need to pray that God give you discernment. Pray earnestly. give you discernment. Pray earnestly. give you discernment. Pray earnestly. The Lord will show you and her your true The Lord will show you and her your true The Lord will show you and her your true selves. That's what you want. Genuine selves. That's what you want. Genuine selves. That's what you want. Genuine repentance is reflected in new character repentance is reflected in new character repentance is reflected in new character strengths.

strengths. strengths. Otherwise, it's not repentance. Otherwise, it's not repentance. Otherwise, it's not repentance. Repentance means change. Whatever Repentance means change. Whatever Repentance means change. Whatever sinfulness or weakness caused her to sinfulness or weakness caused her to sinfulness or weakness caused her to have sexual relations outside God's will have sexual relations outside God's will have sexual relations outside God's will should be deeply regretted, deeply should be deeply regretted, deeply should be deeply regretted, deeply changed. And God will help you see what changed. And God will help you see what changed. And God will help you see what he's done in her life. he's done in her life. he's done in her life. Second, don't treat the transforming Second, don't treat the transforming Second, don't treat the transforming grace of God as less powerful grace of God as less powerful grace of God as less powerful than the corrupting power of sin. than the corrupting power of sin. than the corrupting power of sin. That would dishonor Christ, dishonor the That would dishonor Christ, dishonor the That would dishonor Christ, dishonor the Holy Spirit. Believe 1 Corinthians Holy Spirit. Believe 1 Corinthians Holy Spirit. Believe 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. 6:9-11. 6:9-11. Do not be deceived: neither sexually Do not be deceived: neither sexually Do not be deceived: neither sexually immoral (that's her action) immoral (that's her action) immoral (that's her action) nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor slanderers will inherit the kingdom nor slanderers will inherit the kingdom nor slanderers will inherit the kingdom of God. They won't. of God. They won't. of God. They won't. But such were some of you. But such were some of you. But such were some of you. What a statement about the church.

What a statement about the church. What a statement about the church. But you were you were washed. You were But you were you were washed. You were But you were you were washed. You were sanctified. You were justified in the sanctified. You were justified in the sanctified. You were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the spirit name of the Lord Jesus and by the spirit name of the Lord Jesus and by the spirit of God. Don't treat that miracle as less of God. Don't treat that miracle as less of God. Don't treat that miracle as less glorious than the ugliness of her sin. glorious than the ugliness of her sin. glorious than the ugliness of her sin. Where sin abounded, grace did much more Where sin abounded, grace did much more Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound. abound. abound. Number three, keep in mind the marriage Number three, keep in mind the marriage Number three, keep in mind the marriage of God to Israel and the marriage of of God to Israel and the marriage of of God to Israel and the marriage of Christ to his church. Neither neither Christ to his church. Neither neither Christ to his church. Neither neither God nor Christ found a pure bride. God nor Christ found a pure bride. God nor Christ found a pure bride. They made a pure bride. They made a pure bride. They made a pure bride. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Listen to God's engagement and marriage >> Listen to God's engagement and marriage >> Listen to God's engagement and marriage to Israel in Ezekiel 16:5-7. to Israel in Ezekiel 16:5-7. to Israel in Ezekiel 16:5-7. It's an It's an incredible chapter. It's an It's an incredible chapter. It's an It's an incredible chapter. No, I pitied you, talking God talking to No, I pitied you, talking God talking to No, I pitied you, talking God talking to his his bride that he found. No, I his his bride that he found. No, I his his bride that he found. No, I pitied you. You were cast out on the pitied you. You were cast out on the pitied you. You were cast out on the open field. open field. open field. You were abhorred on the day you were You were abhorred on the day you were You were abhorred on the day you were born. born. born. And when I passed by you and saw you And when I passed by you and saw you And when I passed by you and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you wallowing in your blood, I said to you wallowing in your blood, I said to you in your blood, in your blood, in your blood, "Live.

"Live. "Live. I made you flourish like a plant of the I made you flourish like a plant of the I made you flourish like a plant of the field, and you grew up and became tall field, and you grew up and became tall field, and you grew up and became tall and arrived at full adornment. Your and arrived at full adornment. Your and arrived at full adornment. Your breasts were formed and your hair had breasts were formed and your hair had breasts were formed and your hair had grown. grown. grown. Yet, Yet, Yet, you were naked and bare." you were naked and bare." you were naked and bare." God did not find her beautiful. He made God did not find her beautiful. He made God did not find her beautiful. He made her beautiful. her beautiful. her beautiful. And here's the marriage of Jesus with And here's the marriage of Jesus with And here's the marriage of Jesus with his church in Ephesians 5. "Husbands, his church in Ephesians 5. "Husbands, his church in Ephesians 5. "Husbands, love your wives. love your wives. love your wives. Christ loved the church. Love her as Christ loved the church. Love her as Christ loved the church. Love her as Christ loved the church and gave himself Christ loved the church and gave himself Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her, up for her that he might sanctify her, up for her that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of having cleansed her by the washing of having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might water with the word, so that he might water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in present the church to himself in present the church to himself in splendor, splendor, splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such without spot or wrinkle or any such without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without thing that she might be holy and without thing that she might be holy and without blemish." blemish." blemish." Now, Now, Now, this doesn't mean we go looking for the this doesn't mean we go looking for the this doesn't mean we go looking for the most impure woman we can find to marry. most impure woman we can find to marry. most impure woman we can find to marry. We're not God, We're not God, We're not God, and we don't have his ability to and we don't have his ability to and we don't have his ability to sanctify. sanctify. sanctify. But, the picture is telling, isn't it?

But, the picture is telling, isn't it? But, the picture is telling, isn't it? Marriage does not begin with a sinless Marriage does not begin with a sinless Marriage does not begin with a sinless bride. bride. bride. It begins with love It begins with love It begins with love and faith and faith and faith and progresses with growing holiness. and progresses with growing holiness. and progresses with growing holiness. Four, Four, Four, ask yourself whether you are concerned ask yourself whether you are concerned ask yourself whether you are concerned that she has had sex that she has had sex that she has had sex or whether you are concerned that she or whether you are concerned that she or whether you are concerned that she has had sinful sex. has had sinful sex. has had sinful sex. If you are primarily concerned that it If you are primarily concerned that it If you are primarily concerned that it was sinful, that's good. was sinful, that's good. was sinful, that's good. And you know what the answer that is, And you know what the answer that is, And you know what the answer that is, repentance from her, forgiveness repentance from her, forgiveness repentance from her, forgiveness from you. But, if you are concerned from you. But, if you are concerned from you. But, if you are concerned about the sheer fact of her previous about the sheer fact of her previous about the sheer fact of her previous sexual intercourse and whether it will sexual intercourse and whether it will sexual intercourse and whether it will be in your minds when you lie together be in your minds when you lie together be in your minds when you lie together and whether it will fill your thoughts and whether it will fill your thoughts and whether it will fill your thoughts and ruin the purity of the ecstasy, and ruin the purity of the ecstasy, and ruin the purity of the ecstasy, remember this, remember this, remember this, the Bible teaches that it is good for the Bible teaches that it is good for the Bible teaches that it is good for young widows to remarry.

young widows to remarry. young widows to remarry. 1 Timothy 5:14, 1 Timothy 5:14, 1 Timothy 5:14, which means it is possible for a man to which means it is possible for a man to which means it is possible for a man to have a beautiful sexual relationship have a beautiful sexual relationship have a beautiful sexual relationship with a wife who in a previous marriage with a wife who in a previous marriage with a wife who in a previous marriage has had sex with another man hundreds of has had sex with another man hundreds of has had sex with another man hundreds of times. That doesn't mean That doesn't mean that both of you may not be tempted to that both of you may not be tempted to that both of you may not be tempted to go there in your mind, go there in your mind, go there in your mind, but it does mean you don't have to but it does mean you don't have to but it does mean you don't have to and the Lord will give you great grace and the Lord will give you great grace and the Lord will give you great grace to enjoy each other for who you are now to enjoy each other for who you are now to enjoy each other for who you are now in the moment. in the moment. in the moment. Finally, number five. Finally, number five. Finally, number five. When all these things have taken their When all these things have taken their When all these things have taken their proper place, proper place, proper place, all those four things that I've all those four things that I've all those four things that I've suggested, suggested, suggested, the decisive question, Luke, the decisive question, Luke, the decisive question, Luke, is going to be is going to be is going to be do you love this woman do you love this woman do you love this woman with the kind of love that consumes like with the kind of love that consumes like with the kind of love that consumes like a fire a fire a fire every obstacle standing in the way of every obstacle standing in the way of every obstacle standing in the way of your enjoyment of her presence your enjoyment of her presence your enjoyment of her presence and her commitment.

and her commitment. and her commitment. Test yourself. This is the Song of Test yourself. This is the Song of Test yourself. This is the Song of Solomon. Solomon. Solomon. Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is as seal upon your arm, for love is as seal upon your arm, for love is as strong as death. Jealousy is fierce as strong as death. Jealousy is fierce as strong as death. Jealousy is fierce as the grave. It flashes the grave. It flashes the grave. It flashes like fire. like fire. like fire. The very flame of the Lord. Many waters The very flame of the Lord. Many waters The very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods cannot quench love, neither can floods cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all drown it. If a man offered for love all drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be the wealth of his house, he would be the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised. utterly despised. utterly despised. That's Song of Solomon 8:6 and 7. Do you That's Song of Solomon 8:6 and 7. Do you That's Song of Solomon 8:6 and 7. Do you love her like this? love her like this? love her like this? If so, then you will find in Jesus If so, then you will find in Jesus If so, then you will find in Jesus all the resources necessary for all the resources necessary for all the resources necessary for forgiveness and faithfulness forgiveness and faithfulness forgiveness and faithfulness and joy. and joy. and joy. >> Yeah. Marriage does not begin with a >> Yeah. Marriage does not begin with a >> Yeah. Marriage does not begin with a sinless bride. sinless bride. sinless bride. No. No. No. We all come to the altar broken. Bride We all come to the altar broken. Bride We all come to the altar broken. Bride Ingram, uh the mistake is thinking that Ingram, uh the mistake is thinking that Ingram, uh the mistake is thinking that past sin is stronger than God's past sin is stronger than God's past sin is stronger than God's forgiveness.

forgiveness. forgiveness. Don't treat the transforming grace of Don't treat the transforming grace of Don't treat the transforming grace of God as less powerful than the corrupting God as less powerful than the corrupting God as less powerful than the corrupting power of sin. power of sin. power of sin. Yeah, that's good. If her repentance is Yeah, that's good. If her repentance is Yeah, that's good. If her repentance is real, the grace is real. real, the grace is real. real, the grace is real. Yeah, Christ-centered love grounded in Yeah, Christ-centered love grounded in Yeah, Christ-centered love grounded in faith can build into a holy, joyful faith can build into a holy, joyful faith can build into a holy, joyful marriage. Thank you, Pastor John, for marriage. Thank you, Pastor John, for marriage. Thank you, Pastor John, for for this. We have covered so many topics for this. We have covered so many topics for this. We have covered so many topics on dating, romance idols, fornication. on dating, romance idols, fornication. on dating, romance idols, fornication. Um and you can see a summary of all Um and you can see a summary of all Um and you can see a summary of all those episodes in the Ask Pastor John those episodes in the Ask Pastor John those episodes in the Ask Pastor John book beginning on page 141 if you want book beginning on page 141 if you want book beginning on page 141 if you want more. It's a lot to cover because of the more. It's a lot to cover because of the more. It's a lot to cover because of the complexity of this season of life of complexity of this season of life of complexity of this season of life of finding a spouse. finding a spouse. finding a spouse. It has so many questions that come along It has so many questions that come along It has so many questions that come along with it. Today we spoke of a failing with it. Today we spoke of a failing with it. Today we spoke of a failing woman. woman. woman. Uh next time, failing men. Why do good Uh next time, failing men. Why do good Uh next time, failing men. Why do good men fail God? I'm Tony Reinke. Pastor men fail God? I'm Tony Reinke. Pastor men fail God? I'm Tony Reinke. Pastor John and I will see you back here on John and I will see you back here on John and I will see you back here on Thursday.