Love Languages I Beyond the Message I Pt 5

>> Welcome back to Beyond the Message where >> Welcome back to Beyond the Message where each week we take a deeper dive into the each week we take a deeper dive into the each week we take a deeper dive into the Sunday message and Bob, we're wrapping Sunday message and Bob, we're wrapping Sunday message and Bob, we're wrapping up love languages. I was so glad that up love languages. I was so glad that up love languages. I was so glad that our campus pastors got to deal with this our campus pastors got to deal with this our campus pastors got to deal with this one as we dealt with the love language one as we dealt with the love language one as we dealt with the love language of quality time. of quality time. of quality time. I like to think of this as you and I I like to think of this as you and I I like to think of this as you and I were thinking about uh this moment and were thinking about uh this moment and were thinking about uh this moment and we said that that really means love is we said that that really means love is we said that that really means love is present. And present. And present. And and so as you think about quality time, and so as you think about quality time, and so as you think about quality time, what comes to mind? what comes to mind? what comes to mind? >> You know, >> You know, >> You know, quality time literally communicates you quality time literally communicates you quality time literally communicates you matter to me. matter to me. matter to me. But my problem is this is probably out But my problem is this is probably out But my problem is this is probably out of one through five, this is probably of one through five, this is probably of one through five, this is probably number 12 for me. number 12 for me. number 12 for me. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> In giving and receiving. I don't >> In giving and receiving. I don't >> In giving and receiving. I don't >> I I It's it's I heard someone say, "Hey, >> I I It's it's I heard someone say, "Hey, >> I I It's it's I heard someone say, "Hey, I told you I loved you on our wedding I told you I loved you on our wedding I told you I loved you on our wedding day and I If it something changes, I'll day and I If it something changes, I'll day and I If it something changes, I'll let you know." let you know." let you know." >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> I'm not quite there. >> I'm not quite there. >> I'm not quite there. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Okay. >> But this is one I have to be very >> But this is one I have to be very >> But this is one I have to be very intentional on because it doesn't come intentional on because it doesn't come intentional on because it doesn't come to me and I know it's very important, to me and I know it's very important, to me and I know it's very important, you know, for people to know you know, for people to know you know, for people to know you matter to me. You have my attention.

you matter to me. You have my attention. you matter to me. You have my attention. I I do care for you and and I want to I I do care for you and and I want to I I do care for you and and I want to spend quality time with you. It doesn't spend quality time with you. It doesn't spend quality time with you. It doesn't matter if it's a one-on-one at work, if matter if it's a one-on-one at work, if matter if it's a one-on-one at work, if it's uh it's uh it's uh uh counseling someone that's going uh counseling someone that's going uh counseling someone that's going through a difficult time, spending time through a difficult time, spending time through a difficult time, spending time with my wife, my son, my family. So, for with my wife, my son, my family. So, for with my wife, my son, my family. So, for me it it is me it it is me it it is how do I communicate to people um when how do I communicate to people um when how do I communicate to people um when I'm with them? Is it that you matter to I'm with them? Is it that you matter to I'm with them? Is it that you matter to me or is it me or is it me or is it Hey, come on. I've I've got something Hey, come on. I've I've got something Hey, come on. I've I've got something else to do. Let's go. Let's wrap Let's else to do. Let's go. Let's wrap Let's else to do. Let's go. Let's wrap Let's wrap this up. wrap this up. wrap this up. >> Yes, especially when you think through >> Yes, especially when you think through >> Yes, especially when you think through the lens of I heard a a pastor once say, the lens of I heard a a pastor once say, the lens of I heard a a pastor once say, "God [snorts] so loved the world "God [snorts] so loved the world "God [snorts] so loved the world that he gave his son." And then he said, that he gave his son." And then he said, that he gave his son." And then he said, "Okay, spell love." "Okay, spell love." "Okay, spell love." And everyone went l o v and he goes And everyone went l o v and he goes And everyone went l o v and he goes wrong. wrong. wrong. t i m e t i m e t i m e >> Mhm, that's good. >> Mhm, that's good. >> Mhm, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> And that's where this comes full circle. >> And that's where this comes full circle. >> And that's where this comes full circle. >> Mhm. Yeah, well. So, each week we've >> Mhm. Yeah, well. So, each week we've >> Mhm. Yeah, well. So, each week we've talked about the importance of this talked about the importance of this talked about the importance of this being love all people, but we've started being love all people, but we've started being love all people, but we've started with since we're both married, we've with since we're both married, we've with since we're both married, we've started with our spouses. So, if your started with our spouses. So, if your started with our spouses. So, if your spouse is most loved through quality spouse is most loved through quality spouse is most loved through quality time, what are some of the practical time, what are some of the practical time, what are some of the practical ways that you can intentionally ways that you can intentionally ways that you can intentionally communicate that to them?

communicate that to them? communicate that to them? >> We are a family of four. So, we've got >> We are a family of four. So, we've got >> We are a family of four. So, we've got Jamie and I and two kids, okay? So, we Jamie and I and two kids, okay? So, we Jamie and I and two kids, okay? So, we like to call it um man-to-man like to call it um man-to-man like to call it um man-to-man um defense. We're not zone, we're not um um defense. We're not zone, we're not um um defense. We're not zone, we're not um outnumbered. outnumbered. outnumbered. But, I I But, I I But, I I I've got a son who's able to drive. So, I've got a son who's able to drive. So, I've got a son who's able to drive. So, a couple things that we've learned. a couple things that we've learned. a couple things that we've learned. They're we've learned how to get both They're we've learned how to get both They're we've learned how to get both kids to soccer practice at different kids to soccer practice at different kids to soccer practice at different parts of the city at the same time, but parts of the city at the same time, but parts of the city at the same time, but now one can drive. So, there are times now one can drive. So, there are times now one can drive. So, there are times where I'll just show up. where I'll just show up. where I'll just show up. She's taking Jenna to soccer or I am, She's taking Jenna to soccer or I am, She's taking Jenna to soccer or I am, but it's this "Hey, I'll just go and but it's this "Hey, I'll just go and but it's this "Hey, I'll just go and spend time." She's like, "Why are you spend time." She's like, "Why are you spend time." She's like, "Why are you here?" here?" here?" It's because I'm just I'm going to spend It's because I'm just I'm going to spend It's because I'm just I'm going to spend some time. some time. some time. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> She's like, [snorts] "You don't have to. >> She's like, [snorts] "You don't have to. >> She's like, [snorts] "You don't have to. There's other things you could do." There's other things you could do." There's other things you could do." That's right. I'm choosing to spend time That's right. I'm choosing to spend time That's right. I'm choosing to spend time with you just because. with you just because. with you just because. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> We're able to talk about our day. We're >> We're able to talk about our day. We're >> We're able to talk about our day. We're able to talk about different things. able to talk about different things. able to talk about different things. Maybe the one who I saw this lived out Maybe the one who I saw this lived out Maybe the one who I saw this lived out the best the best the best um was my uncle. So, my uncle became um was my uncle. So, my uncle became um was my uncle. So, my uncle became very aware that his wife, this was her very aware that his wife, this was her very aware that his wife, this was her primary love language of receiving.

primary love language of receiving. primary love language of receiving. And [snorts] so, he put it on both of And [snorts] so, he put it on both of And [snorts] so, he put it on both of their calendars a 9:30 their calendars a 9:30 their calendars a 9:30 appointment on their back porch appointment on their back porch appointment on their back porch every day of the week. Now, it's allowed every day of the week. Now, it's allowed every day of the week. Now, it's allowed to be canceled if they've got plans or to be canceled if they've got plans or to be canceled if they've got plans or if they're going to if they're going to if they're going to Ohio State football game or or anywhere Ohio State football game or or anywhere Ohio State football game or or anywhere else, but anytime they're home, else, but anytime they're home, else, but anytime they're home, no matter what's going on, no matter what's going on, no matter what's going on, they pause, and he meets her out on the they pause, and he meets her out on the they pause, and he meets her out on the back porch, and it is just to spend 20 back porch, and it is just to spend 20 back porch, and it is just to spend 20 minutes. Sometimes they talk, minutes. Sometimes they talk, minutes. Sometimes they talk, >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> sometimes they sit. >> sometimes they sit. >> sometimes they sit. They don't have to fill every moment, They don't have to fill every moment, They don't have to fill every moment, but it's just that intentionality of A, but it's just that intentionality of A, but it's just that intentionality of A, I know that for you, space proximity is I know that for you, space proximity is I know that for you, space proximity is going to be a matter in just being going to be a matter in just being going to be a matter in just being together, so I'm going to make sure you together, so I'm going to make sure you together, so I'm going to make sure you know know know I know you receive this, and this is how I know you receive this, and this is how I know you receive this, and this is how you will understand my love, so I will you will understand my love, so I will you will understand my love, so I will make this the priority. Yeah. I thought make this the priority. Yeah. I thought make this the priority. Yeah. I thought that was really well done. that was really well done. that was really well done. >> Yeah, that's really good. I I I love >> Yeah, that's really good. I I I love >> Yeah, that's really good. I I I love that. I I tell people they have to do that. I I tell people they have to do that. I I tell people they have to do that in their quiet time with God. Make that in their quiet time with God. Make that in their quiet time with God. Make an appointment. I'm going to meet you an appointment. I'm going to meet you an appointment. I'm going to meet you every morning in this recliner, cuz God every morning in this recliner, cuz God every morning in this recliner, cuz God will never stand you up. But I I love will never stand you up. But I I love will never stand you up. But I I love that. You know, it is that. You know, it is that. You know, it is it it's being intentional.

it it's being intentional. it it's being intentional. >> It is. So, when you think of someone >> It is. So, when you think of someone >> It is. So, when you think of someone outside of your spouse, outside of your spouse, outside of your spouse, >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> so the friend, the family, the >> so the friend, the family, the >> so the friend, the family, the co-worker, co-worker, co-worker, um how is it that you can um how is it that you can um how is it that you can show and extend this love language in show and extend this love language in show and extend this love language in right ways? right ways? right ways? >> You know, with at work, when we would >> You know, with at work, when we would >> You know, with at work, when we would have I'm not able to do it every time, have I'm not able to do it every time, have I'm not able to do it every time, but we would have someone new come on, but we would have someone new come on, but we would have someone new come on, uh especially on the central team, and uh especially on the central team, and uh especially on the central team, and uh I would I would send them a text and uh I would I would send them a text and uh I would I would send them a text and say, "Hey, let's let's go to lunch say, "Hey, let's let's go to lunch say, "Hey, let's let's go to lunch sometime." Well, a lot of people say, sometime." Well, a lot of people say, sometime." Well, a lot of people say, "Let's go to lunch." So, I'd give them a "Let's go to lunch." So, I'd give them a "Let's go to lunch." So, I'd give them a couple of weeks to get settled in. I'd couple of weeks to get settled in. I'd couple of weeks to get settled in. I'd say, "Hey, let me take you and buy you say, "Hey, let me take you and buy you say, "Hey, let me take you and buy you lunch. I want to hear your story." And lunch. I want to hear your story." And lunch. I want to hear your story." And and I go to lunch with them with no and I go to lunch with them with no and I go to lunch with them with no purpose other than I want to get to know purpose other than I want to get to know purpose other than I want to get to know them. And every question I ask is about them. And every question I ask is about them. And every question I ask is about them. And I try to hold back the side of them. And I try to hold back the side of them. And I try to hold back the side of me that, "Oh, you shared this story. I me that, "Oh, you shared this story. I me that, "Oh, you shared this story. I want to share the same story about me." want to share the same story about me." want to share the same story about me." Cuz so we're learning No, I'll wait for Cuz so we're learning No, I'll wait for Cuz so we're learning No, I'll wait for you to ask about me. you to ask about me. you to ask about me. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Cuz I'm here. I invited you to lunch. I >> Cuz I'm here. I invited you to lunch. I >> Cuz I'm here. I invited you to lunch. I want to hear about you. And so, as a new want to hear about you. And so, as a new want to hear about you. And so, as a new staff member, letting them know, you've staff member, letting them know, you've staff member, letting them know, you've got one person who definitely wants to got one person who definitely wants to got one person who definitely wants to spend time with you. And really, most spend time with you. And really, most spend time with you. And really, most our staff, we do this. You know how many our staff, we do this. You know how many our staff, we do this. You know how many people we go out to lunch with. But it's people we go out to lunch with. But it's people we go out to lunch with. But it's I think it's said it's saying, "Hey, I think it's said it's saying, "Hey, I think it's said it's saying, "Hey, uh there's someone in my life I want to uh there's someone in my life I want to uh there's someone in my life I want to spend time with. I I've got a good spend time with. I I've got a good spend time with. I I've got a good friend that we we've been best friends friend that we we've been best friends friend that we we've been best friends since 1977.

since 1977. since 1977. >> A while. >> A while. >> A while. >> A while. Yeah, we're next year will be >> A while. Yeah, we're next year will be >> A while. Yeah, we're next year will be 50 years being friends. He's like the 50 years being friends. He's like the 50 years being friends. He's like the big brother I never had. And uh he he big brother I never had. And uh he he big brother I never had. And uh he he was 4 years older than me and when I was was 4 years older than me and when I was was 4 years older than me and when I was at a impressionable age at 14, 15, 16 at a impressionable age at 14, 15, 16 at a impressionable age at 14, 15, 16 years old, he like adopted me and took years old, he like adopted me and took years old, he like adopted me and took time to spend time with me. He time to spend time with me. He time to spend time with me. He introduced me to Keith Green and introduced me to Keith Green and introduced me to Keith Green and Christian music and Petra. And you know, Christian music and Petra. And you know, Christian music and Petra. And you know, he introduced me all this stuff at in a he introduced me all this stuff at in a he introduced me all this stuff at in a time when teenagers venture off and do time when teenagers venture off and do time when teenagers venture off and do their own thing, he was drawing me their own thing, he was drawing me their own thing, he was drawing me closer and closer to Christ by spending closer and closer to Christ by spending closer and closer to Christ by spending quality time. He would come and pick me quality time. He would come and pick me quality time. He would come and pick me up and and take me to Collinsville Park up and and take me to Collinsville Park up and and take me to Collinsville Park cuz we both love soccer. And we would cuz we both love soccer. And we would cuz we both love soccer. And we would work on crossing and heading and bicycle work on crossing and heading and bicycle work on crossing and heading and bicycle kicks and he would take me to the Tulsa kicks and he would take me to the Tulsa kicks and he would take me to the Tulsa Roughnecks games and and stuff like that Roughnecks games and and stuff like that Roughnecks games and and stuff like that and and and I learned from him that that's how you I learned from him that that's how you I learned from him that that's how you really get into people's lives is really get into people's lives is really get into people's lives is finding things that you have in common finding things that you have in common finding things that you have in common with them. And then some people you just with them. And then some people you just with them. And then some people you just don't have things in common. So, it may don't have things in common. So, it may don't have things in common. So, it may be that you meet someone for coffee just be that you meet someone for coffee just be that you meet someone for coffee just to talk. to talk. to talk. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> You you you take him to lunch. Maybe >> You you you take him to lunch. Maybe >> You you you take him to lunch. Maybe maybe when you're meeting with someone maybe when you're meeting with someone maybe when you're meeting with someone and this is a big one for me that I have and this is a big one for me that I have and this is a big one for me that I have to work on is to work on is to work on is not just turning my phone upside down, not just turning my phone upside down, not just turning my phone upside down, but putting my my watch on silent, my but putting my my watch on silent, my but putting my my watch on silent, my phone on silent, and putting it in my phone on silent, and putting it in my phone on silent, and putting it in my pocket or in a drawer and saying, "Hey pocket or in a drawer and saying, "Hey pocket or in a drawer and saying, "Hey John, we were we were going to talk John, we were we were going to talk John, we were we were going to talk about this. You have my full attention."

about this. You have my full attention." about this. You have my full attention." >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You know, cuz it it doesn't speak well >> You know, cuz it it doesn't speak well >> You know, cuz it it doesn't speak well when you're talking to me and I'm when you're talking to me and I'm when you're talking to me and I'm Yes, I'm sorry. Can you repeat that? Yes, I'm sorry. Can you repeat that? Yes, I'm sorry. Can you repeat that? That that doesn't show that you you that That that doesn't show that you you that That that doesn't show that you you that that I value you, that you mean that I value you, that you mean that I value you, that you mean something to me. something to me. something to me. And so, I think for me it it's giving And so, I think for me it it's giving And so, I think for me it it's giving you my full attention. I'm here for you you my full attention. I'm here for you you my full attention. I'm here for you today. today. today. >> I think that's great. Uh I think about >> I think that's great. Uh I think about >> I think that's great. Uh I think about it even terms of our digital fast. Uh it even terms of our digital fast. Uh it even terms of our digital fast. Uh let's go back all the way to January. It let's go back all the way to January. It let's go back all the way to January. It feels like forever ago. feels like forever ago. feels like forever ago. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> But one of the things that I became very >> But one of the things that I became very >> But one of the things that I became very aware of is how much I turn to the phone aware of is how much I turn to the phone aware of is how much I turn to the phone and and and I think of the challenge for I think of the challenge for I think of the challenge for Bob, you, and uh me. I think it's true Bob, you, and uh me. I think it's true Bob, you, and uh me. I think it's true for all parents is, hey, we have for all parents is, hey, we have for all parents is, hey, we have these are one where the days really feel these are one where the days really feel these are one where the days really feel long, but the years are short. Yes. And long, but the years are short. Yes. And long, but the years are short. Yes. And so with our kids, I think it's really so with our kids, I think it's really so with our kids, I think it's really important that we do give them that time important that we do give them that time important that we do give them that time that they so richly are craving for. that they so richly are craving for. that they so richly are craving for. >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> [snorts] >> And and love them well by just giving >> And and love them well by just giving >> And and love them well by just giving them time. And let's not interpret time them time. And let's not interpret time them time. And let's not interpret time as purchasing something.

as purchasing something. as purchasing something. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Time is time. >> Time is time. >> Time is time. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> It could be a walk. It could be walking >> It could be a walk. It could be walking >> It could be a walk. It could be walking the dog together, inviting them on the the dog together, inviting them on the the dog together, inviting them on the journey. journey. journey. One of the things that I I'm so grateful One of the things that I I'm so grateful One of the things that I I'm so grateful that like my dad did was there were that like my dad did was there were that like my dad did was there were times times times in pastoring that he would just say, in pastoring that he would just say, in pastoring that he would just say, "Hey, you want to ride with me?" "Hey, you want to ride with me?" "Hey, you want to ride with me?" I I wasn't going to get anything out of I I wasn't going to get anything out of I I wasn't going to get anything out of it except the time. it except the time. it except the time. >> Right. >> Right. >> Right. >> There were other times where like with >> There were other times where like with >> There were other times where like with my dad, my dad, my dad, he we each had a day of the week where he we each had a day of the week where he we each had a day of the week where he took us to breakfast. he took us to breakfast. he took us to breakfast. We got to choose the place. I always We got to choose the place. I always We got to choose the place. I always wanted donuts, by the way. wanted donuts, by the way. wanted donuts, by the way. Still do. [laughter] Still do. [laughter] Still do. [laughter] But But But >> It's mana from heaven. >> It's mana from heaven. >> It's mana from heaven. >> it it was just a matter of this was >> it it was just a matter of this was >> it it was just a matter of this was intentional time that he got to spend intentional time that he got to spend intentional time that he got to spend with each of us. And then he'd take us with each of us. And then he'd take us with each of us. And then he'd take us to school, drop us off, and we'd go on to school, drop us off, and we'd go on to school, drop us off, and we'd go on with the day. with the day. with the day. It was allowed to be moved. There were It was allowed to be moved. There were It was allowed to be moved. There were things that that sometimes it didn't things that that sometimes it didn't things that that sometimes it didn't work out, but those were intentional work out, but those were intentional work out, but those were intentional times, and that would be the challenge. times, and that would be the challenge. times, and that would be the challenge. Hey, can we just raise our Hey, can we just raise our Hey, can we just raise our intentionality intentionality intentionality to be very mindful of the time that we to be very mindful of the time that we to be very mindful of the time that we have to love people well.

have to love people well. have to love people well. >> Yeah, that's really good. And so I I >> Yeah, that's really good. And so I I >> Yeah, that's really good. And so I I think that's for you. Maybe that's the think that's for you. Maybe that's the think that's for you. Maybe that's the challenge. How do you communicate to the challenge. How do you communicate to the challenge. How do you communicate to the people in your life, be it family, people in your life, be it family, people in your life, be it family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, whomever friends, co-workers, neighbors, whomever friends, co-workers, neighbors, whomever it is, how do you communicate to them, it is, how do you communicate to them, it is, how do you communicate to them, you matter to me? And and let them have you matter to me? And and let them have you matter to me? And and let them have your full attention when you're there. your full attention when you're there. your full attention when you're there. Again, as John just said, it's not a Again, as John just said, it's not a Again, as John just said, it's not a matter of what you're doing, it's the matter of what you're doing, it's the matter of what you're doing, it's the the time together. It's going for the the time together. It's going for the the time together. It's going for the ride, the walk. It's, "Hey, tell me, I ride, the walk. It's, "Hey, tell me, I ride, the walk. It's, "Hey, tell me, I can tell you're stressed out. Talk to me can tell you're stressed out. Talk to me can tell you're stressed out. Talk to me about what's stressing you out. Don't about what's stressing you out. Don't about what's stressing you out. Don't Don't try and give advice. Listen to Don't try and give advice. Listen to Don't try and give advice. Listen to what they're saying and be there to just what they're saying and be there to just what they're saying and be there to just say, "Hey, I want to help carry this say, "Hey, I want to help carry this say, "Hey, I want to help carry this load." Again, sometimes I think, John, load." Again, sometimes I think, John, load." Again, sometimes I think, John, the the voices the the voices the the voices the love languages, they overlap and the love languages, they overlap and the love languages, they overlap and they look together. So, figure out how they look together. So, figure out how they look together. So, figure out how you can do that for someone. Again, on you can do that for someone. Again, on you can do that for someone. Again, on the love challenges, there's three of the love challenges, there's three of the love challenges, there's three of them down there. Don't feel like you them down there. Don't feel like you them down there. Don't feel like you have to do all three. Find one and do it have to do all three. Find one and do it have to do all three. Find one and do it well, then move on to the next one. But, well, then move on to the next one. But, well, then move on to the next one. But, find someone that this week you can say, find someone that this week you can say, find someone that this week you can say, "You matter to me." without saying it. "You matter to me." without saying it. "You matter to me." without saying it. Let your actions speak louder than your Let your actions speak louder than your Let your actions speak louder than your words. And I know that God's going to words. And I know that God's going to words. And I know that God's going to bless you greatly.