The Most Misunderstood Love Language | Love Languages: Physical Touch | Pastor Ted Cunningham

Good morning church. Welcome to everyone Good morning church. Welcome to everyone here across all the campuses. GLAD here across all the campuses. GLAD here across all the campuses. GLAD YOU'RE HERE. I HOPE you have been enjoying the love I HOPE you have been enjoying the love languages series and learning a lot. languages series and learning a lot. languages series and learning a lot. Josiah and John did a phenomenal job Josiah and John did a phenomenal job Josiah and John did a phenomenal job with the first two love languages. And with the first two love languages. And with the first two love languages. And when they asked me, I think it was last when they asked me, I think it was last when they asked me, I think it was last year, they said, "Which one do you year, they said, "Which one do you year, they said, "Which one do you want?" I said, "Give me physical touch." want?" I said, "Give me physical touch." want?" I said, "Give me physical touch." And here's why. It is my foreign love And here's why. It is my foreign love And here's why. It is my foreign love language. It's my foreign love language. language. It's my foreign love language. language. It's my foreign love language. And in this series, we're learning not And in this series, we're learning not And in this series, we're learning not just to know how to receive love, but we just to know how to receive love, but we just to know how to receive love, but we want to give it as well. And so, let me want to give it as well. And so, let me want to give it as well. And so, let me start with my foreign love language. And start with my foreign love language. And start with my foreign love language. And by the way, it's my wife's foreign love by the way, it's my wife's foreign love by the way, it's my wife's foreign love language as well. My love language is language as well. My love language is language as well. My love language is words of affirmation. My wife has two words of affirmation. My wife has two words of affirmation. My wife has two primary love languages. Uh she has acts primary love languages. Uh she has acts primary love languages. Uh she has acts of service and quality time, which means of service and quality time, which means of service and quality time, which means I serve her for long periods of time. I serve her for long periods of time. I serve her for long periods of time. It's what these two coming together It's what these two coming together It's what these two coming together mean. My children, they have the mean. My children, they have the mean. My children, they have the primary, they both have a primary love primary, they both have a primary love primary, they both have a primary love language of receiving gifts. language of receiving gifts. language of receiving gifts. And the dialects have been so important. And the dialects have been so important. And the dialects have been so important. Last year in the summer, Dr. Chapman Last year in the summer, Dr. Chapman Last year in the summer, Dr. Chapman invited me to be a part of the Five Love invited me to be a part of the Five Love invited me to be a part of the Five Love Languages teaching team. He's almost 90 Languages teaching team. He's almost 90 Languages teaching team. He's almost 90 years old and he's trying to steward the years old and he's trying to steward the years old and he's trying to steward the message that God gave him 35 years ago.

message that God gave him 35 years ago. message that God gave him 35 years ago. Uh well, it's been Five Love Languages Uh well, it's been Five Love Languages Uh well, it's been Five Love Languages has been published in, you know, 60 has been published in, you know, 60 has been published in, you know, 60 different languages and it's published different languages and it's published different languages and it's published and and been sold over 20 million and and been sold over 20 million and and been sold over 20 million copies. And I dove into it, uh studying copies. And I dove into it, uh studying copies. And I dove into it, uh studying the love languages, knowing there were the love languages, knowing there were the love languages, knowing there were always five, but it was last summer that always five, but it was last summer that always five, but it was last summer that I learned of the 22 dialects underneath I learned of the 22 dialects underneath I learned of the 22 dialects underneath it. And my daughter, her love language it. And my daughter, her love language it. And my daughter, her love language is receiving gifts with a dialect of uh is receiving gifts with a dialect of uh is receiving gifts with a dialect of uh heartfelt, sentimental, and simple. And heartfelt, sentimental, and simple. And heartfelt, sentimental, and simple. And I wish I would have known this and more I wish I would have known this and more I wish I would have known this and more when she was young because I didn't know when she was young because I didn't know when she was young because I didn't know how important it was when I would return how important it was when I would return how important it was when I would return home from a trip and give her a magnet home from a trip and give her a magnet home from a trip and give her a magnet from the state I was just in. How much from the state I was just in. How much from the state I was just in. How much she held on to that. How many of you she held on to that. How many of you she held on to that. How many of you would say you're sentimental and simple would say you're sentimental and simple would say you're sentimental and simple in receiving gifts? Those are our in receiving gifts? Those are our in receiving gifts? Those are our hoarders. Look around at them right now. hoarders. Look around at them right now. hoarders. Look around at them right now. They're raising their hand, right? They They're raising their hand, right? They They're raising their hand, right? They don't let anything go. But my son is don't let anything go. But my son is don't let anything go. But my son is functional under receiving gifts and functional under receiving gifts and functional under receiving gifts and extravagant. And right now he's into extravagant. And right now he's into extravagant. And right now he's into watches. And I have told him to think watches. And I have told him to think watches. And I have told him to think Timex, not Rolex. That's where he's at Timex, not Rolex. That's where he's at Timex, not Rolex. That's where he's at in his young life. Those are our primary in his young life. Those are our primary in his young life. Those are our primary love languages. But physical touch. This love languages. But physical touch. This love languages. But physical touch. This is my foreign love language. And let me is my foreign love language. And let me is my foreign love language. And let me just see how many of you right now if I just see how many of you right now if I just see how many of you right now if I said everybody stand up and hug somebody said everybody stand up and hug somebody said everybody stand up and hug somebody you don't know. How many would love you don't know. How many would love you don't know. How many would love that? Raise your hand. Let me just see.

that? Raise your hand. Let me just see. that? Raise your hand. Let me just see. Look around. Avoid these people at all Look around. Avoid these people at all Look around. Avoid these people at all cost is what I say. How many of you cost is what I say. How many of you cost is what I say. How many of you would hate that? would hate that? would hate that? How many of you would rather be punched How many of you would rather be punched How many of you would rather be punched in the face? Would you just raise your in the face? Would you just raise your in the face? Would you just raise your hand? Okay, that's been true. It's about hand? Okay, that's been true. It's about hand? Okay, that's been true. It's about a third, a third, and a third. a third, a third, and a third. a third, a third, and a third. So, this is what we're going to do So, this is what we're going to do So, this is what we're going to do today. We're going to embrace the today. We're going to embrace the today. We're going to embrace the awkward. And I am so glad I get to be awkward. And I am so glad I get to be awkward. And I am so glad I get to be here at the end of July because I don't here at the end of July because I don't here at the end of July because I don't think I was in a good emotional place in think I was in a good emotional place in think I was in a good emotional place in June. Uh, I got to tell you, it's been June. Uh, I got to tell you, it's been June. Uh, I got to tell you, it's been an emotional summer for me. This is my an emotional summer for me. This is my an emotional summer for me. This is my family. My son graduated from Liberty family. My son graduated from Liberty family. My son graduated from Liberty University in May, my daughter and her University in May, my daughter and her University in May, my daughter and her husband graduated from Missouri State. husband graduated from Missouri State. husband graduated from Missouri State. And two weeks after my son graduated, he And two weeks after my son graduated, he And two weeks after my son graduated, he got married. And a few months before his got married. And a few months before his got married. And a few months before his wedding, I I bought a Bible with wedding, I I bought a Bible with wedding, I I bought a Bible with journals in the uh columns. and I wanted journals in the uh columns. and I wanted journals in the uh columns. and I wanted to sit down and spend a little time to sit down and spend a little time to sit down and spend a little time every day sharing with him everything every day sharing with him everything every day sharing with him everything I've learned, everything I've taught, I've learned, everything I've taught, I've learned, everything I've taught, everything I've ever studied on marriage everything I've ever studied on marriage everything I've ever studied on marriage and family. And I just wrote that and I and family. And I just wrote that and I and family. And I just wrote that and I gifted it to him in a Bible. And I had gifted it to him in a Bible. And I had gifted it to him in a Bible. And I had this blessing prepared for his rehearsal this blessing prepared for his rehearsal this blessing prepared for his rehearsal dinner. And I got to tell you, I just I dinner. And I got to tell you, I just I dinner. And I got to tell you, I just I just wasn't prepared for the emotions just wasn't prepared for the emotions just wasn't prepared for the emotions that were going to hit me. And my wife that were going to hit me. And my wife that were going to hit me. And my wife is not a communicator. If you were to is not a communicator. If you were to is not a communicator. If you were to ask her to stand on a stage or ask her ask her to stand on a stage or ask her ask her to stand on a stage or ask her to speak in any way, she would stop to speak in any way, she would stop to speak in any way, she would stop talking to you. She would never speak to talking to you. She would never speak to talking to you. She would never speak to you again. But she stood next to me at you again. But she stood next to me at you again. But she stood next to me at the rehearsal and I started to speak the rehearsal and I started to speak the rehearsal and I started to speak this blessing over my son. And I lost this blessing over my son. And I lost this blessing over my son. And I lost all emotion. I couldn't control myself.

all emotion. I couldn't control myself. all emotion. I couldn't control myself. I had my napkin up and my hand and I had my napkin up and my hand and I had my napkin up and my hand and napkin in my face. And I'm not napkin in my face. And I'm not napkin in my face. And I'm not exaggerating when I say I was sobbing. exaggerating when I say I was sobbing. exaggerating when I say I was sobbing. And my precious wife took over. And my precious wife took over. And my precious wife took over. She took over and finished the blessing She took over and finished the blessing She took over and finished the blessing and prayed and she is now the senior and prayed and she is now the senior and prayed and she is now the senior pastor of Woodland Hills Family Church. And so I I I've been learning about the And so I I I've been learning about the love languages and I've had my uh church love languages and I've had my uh church love languages and I've had my uh church even last year I asked them to take the even last year I asked them to take the even last year I asked them to take the love languages assessment and the one love languages assessment and the one love languages assessment and the one that dials in the dialects and we had that dials in the dialects and we had that dials in the dialects and we had over a thousand people take this and I over a thousand people take this and I over a thousand people take this and I asked him to bring I had a stack on my asked him to bring I had a stack on my asked him to bring I had a stack on my desk. I remember our student pastor desk. I remember our student pastor desk. I remember our student pastor brought me his and he goes, "I don't brought me his and he goes, "I don't brought me his and he goes, "I don't even want to give this to you." Because even want to give this to you." Because even want to give this to you." Because his primary love language is physical his primary love language is physical his primary love language is physical touch. And I was like, "Come here, touch. And I was like, "Come here, touch. And I was like, "Come here, buddy. It's okay." Right? And I gave him buddy. It's okay." Right? And I gave him buddy. It's okay." Right? And I gave him a a warm embrace. But it started to make a a warm embrace. But it started to make a a warm embrace. But it started to make sense for me. I always knew Amy's love sense for me. I always knew Amy's love sense for me. I always knew Amy's love language was acts of service, but I language was acts of service, but I language was acts of service, but I never knew her dialect. When I get home never knew her dialect. When I get home never knew her dialect. When I get home and and I see these boxes on our front and and I see these boxes on our front and and I see these boxes on our front porch, porch, porch, I used to think receiving gifts is her I used to think receiving gifts is her I used to think receiving gifts is her love language. That has to be part of love language. That has to be part of love language. That has to be part of it, right? Because but it isn't because it, right? Because but it isn't because it, right? Because but it isn't because we sit on the couch at night and Amy's we sit on the couch at night and Amy's we sit on the couch at night and Amy's on her phone and she'll look over at me on her phone and she'll look over at me on her phone and she'll look over at me and she'll say, "Thank you." And I'll and she'll say, "Thank you." And I'll and she'll say, "Thank you." And I'll go, "For what?" She goes, "You just got go, "For what?" She goes, "You just got go, "For what?" She goes, "You just got me something real nice me something real nice me something real nice in our marriage. We cut out the in our marriage. We cut out the in our marriage. We cut out the middleman." That's what we do. We cut middleman." That's what we do. We cut middleman." That's what we do. We cut out the middleman. And so I used to out the middleman. And so I used to out the middleman. And so I used to think, man, this is this must be her think, man, this is this must be her think, man, this is this must be her love language. See, she wants something love language. See, she wants something love language. See, she wants something every day. But until it wasn't until

every day. But until it wasn't until every day. But until it wasn't until last summer when I learned I know her last summer when I learned I know her last summer when I learned I know her love language is acts of service but her love language is acts of service but her love language is acts of service but her dialect is not convey care is not dialect is not convey care is not dialect is not convey care is not alleviate stress it's saving time alleviate stress it's saving time alleviate stress it's saving time anything she can do anything I can do anything she can do anything I can do anything she can do anything I can do anything her family and friends can do anything her family and friends can do anything her family and friends can do to save her time that fills her up and to save her time that fills her up and to save her time that fills her up and so we we've been working through this so we we've been working through this so we we've been working through this and people would ask okay so was I born and people would ask okay so was I born and people would ask okay so was I born with this is this something I developed with this is this something I developed with this is this something I developed over time. Is this part of my family of over time. Is this part of my family of over time. Is this part of my family of origin and the nurture side? Well, origin and the nurture side? Well, origin and the nurture side? Well, here's how we put it. Like your here's how we put it. Like your here's how we put it. Like your personality, your primary love language personality, your primary love language personality, your primary love language tends to stick with you for life. But tends to stick with you for life. But tends to stick with you for life. But there are circumstances and seasons of there are circumstances and seasons of there are circumstances and seasons of life that can draw out secondary or life that can draw out secondary or life that can draw out secondary or foreign love languages. So there may be foreign love languages. So there may be foreign love languages. So there may be a mom in here that your primary love a mom in here that your primary love a mom in here that your primary love language is physical touch, but you have language is physical touch, but you have language is physical touch, but you have a three, a five, and a seven-year-old. a three, a five, and a seven-year-old. a three, a five, and a seven-year-old. And half the time you're you're saying, And half the time you're you're saying, And half the time you're you're saying, "Get off of me." "Get off of me." "Get off of me." you're just in a different season or you're just in a different season or you're just in a different season or stage of life. A lot of times people stage of life. A lot of times people stage of life. A lot of times people will say to me, "My love language is will say to me, "My love language is will say to me, "My love language is leave me alone." Like, "Well, that's not leave me alone." Like, "Well, that's not leave me alone." Like, "Well, that's not a love language." Anytime somebody tells a love language." Anytime somebody tells a love language." Anytime somebody tells me that, I almost guarantee you their me that, I almost guarantee you their me that, I almost guarantee you their love language is acts of service. And love language is acts of service. And love language is acts of service. And anything a family member or friend can anything a family member or friend can anything a family member or friend can do to give them time by themselves is do to give them time by themselves is do to give them time by themselves is what fills them up. So yes, you may have what fills them up. So yes, you may have what fills them up. So yes, you may have a primary love language, but boy, there a primary love language, but boy, there a primary love language, but boy, there are seasons and stages of life that we are seasons and stages of life that we are seasons and stages of life that we go through that draw out the secondary go through that draw out the secondary go through that draw out the secondary or foreign love language. If you grew up or foreign love language. If you grew up or foreign love language. If you grew up in a loving home with all five love in a loving home with all five love in a loving home with all five love languages and love was just poured out

languages and love was just poured out languages and love was just poured out on you, you receive all of these as on you, you receive all of these as on you, you receive all of these as expressions of love. And so you just you expressions of love. And so you just you expressions of love. And so you just you take them all. And so when you take an take them all. And so when you take an take them all. And so when you take an assessment or we're talking about this assessment or we're talking about this assessment or we're talking about this over five weeks and you're like, I don't over five weeks and you're like, I don't over five weeks and you're like, I don't know. I I I want them all. That's okay know. I I I want them all. That's okay know. I I I want them all. That's okay cuz the goal here isn't just to dial in cuz the goal here isn't just to dial in cuz the goal here isn't just to dial in what your love language is. The goal is what your love language is. The goal is what your love language is. The goal is for us to become fluent in all five to for us to become fluent in all five to for us to become fluent in all five to better love one another. Now, the same better love one another. Now, the same better love one another. Now, the same is true if you if you grew up in an is true if you if you grew up in an is true if you if you grew up in an unloving home. Now, I have not found a unloving home. Now, I have not found a unloving home. Now, I have not found a better way to say this, so please take better way to say this, so please take better way to say this, so please take this from the heart of a pastor who this from the heart of a pastor who this from the heart of a pastor who loves you. If you grew up in an unloving loves you. If you grew up in an unloving loves you. If you grew up in an unloving home absent of the love languages, home absent of the love languages, home absent of the love languages, meaning there was no expression of love meaning there was no expression of love meaning there was no expression of love in any way, shape, or form in your home, in any way, shape, or form in your home, in any way, shape, or form in your home, you will take what you can get. you will take what you can get. you will take what you can get. you you you crave it and you will lean you you you crave it and you will lean you you you crave it and you will lean in for it. So, we've been in John 13:34 in for it. So, we've been in John 13:34 in for it. So, we've been in John 13:34 and35 and it's a real simple outline. and35 and it's a real simple outline. and35 and it's a real simple outline. Jesus commands it. He modeled it. And Jesus commands it. He modeled it. And Jesus commands it. He modeled it. And this is what points other people to this is what points other people to this is what points other people to Jesus. And a lot of times when we start Jesus. And a lot of times when we start Jesus. And a lot of times when we start with a new command I give you, love one with a new command I give you, love one with a new command I give you, love one another, we're focused on the love part another, we're focused on the love part another, we're focused on the love part and we forget about this part right and we forget about this part right and we forget about this part right here, the one another. Because thriving here, the one another. Because thriving here, the one another. Because thriving relationships relationships relationships uh exist because people are giving and uh exist because people are giving and uh exist because people are giving and receiving. Uh if you've ever been to a receiving. Uh if you've ever been to a receiving. Uh if you've ever been to a lunch uh that just drain the life out of lunch uh that just drain the life out of lunch uh that just drain the life out of you and you get back like why am I so you and you get back like why am I so you and you get back like why am I so tired? It's probably because you were tired? It's probably because you were tired? It's probably because you were giving and receiving nothing. The other giving and receiving nothing. The other giving and receiving nothing. The other person didn't bring anything to the person didn't bring anything to the person didn't bring anything to the conversation or the table. On Monday, I

conversation or the table. On Monday, I conversation or the table. On Monday, I got a call. A buddy of mine wanted to go got a call. A buddy of mine wanted to go got a call. A buddy of mine wanted to go golfing with me. I've known this guy for golfing with me. I've known this guy for golfing with me. I've known this guy for 25 years. He lives in Texas now. We 25 years. He lives in Texas now. We 25 years. He lives in Texas now. We don't get together that often. We don't don't get together that often. We don't don't get together that often. We don't see each other that often. And he called see each other that often. And he called see each other that often. And he called and said, "You want to golf?" And I had and said, "You want to golf?" And I had and said, "You want to golf?" And I had some things I needed to do. But as soon some things I needed to do. But as soon some things I needed to do. But as soon as my wife heard who it was, she said, as my wife heard who it was, she said, as my wife heard who it was, she said, "You drop everything and you go spend 5 "You drop everything and you go spend 5 "You drop everything and you go spend 5 hours on a golf cart with that guy." I hours on a golf cart with that guy." I hours on a golf cart with that guy." I said, "Yes, ma'am." And so I went said, "Yes, ma'am." And so I went said, "Yes, ma'am." And so I went golfing and it is he is the most golfing and it is he is the most golfing and it is he is the most lifegiving friend I have. He he and I I lifegiving friend I have. He he and I I lifegiving friend I have. He he and I I got back home and Amy goes, "Is that got back home and Amy goes, "Is that got back home and Amy goes, "Is that refreshing?" I go, "I can't even tell refreshing?" I go, "I can't even tell refreshing?" I go, "I can't even tell you." And we started to figure out what you." And we started to figure out what you." And we started to figure out what why am I so refreshed? And I love the why am I so refreshed? And I love the why am I so refreshed? And I love the term lifegiving. Why am I so refreshed term lifegiving. Why am I so refreshed term lifegiving. Why am I so refreshed every time I'm around him? He's every time I'm around him? He's every time I'm around him? He's lifegiving because number one, he asks a lifegiving because number one, he asks a lifegiving because number one, he asks a lot of questions. He's he's wanting to lot of questions. He's he's wanting to lot of questions. He's he's wanting to get to know you. And and instead of get to know you. And and instead of get to know you. And and instead of hijacking your question or your story hijacking your question or your story hijacking your question or your story with one of his own, he'll second thing with one of his own, he'll second thing with one of his own, he'll second thing he does is he asks follow-up questions. he does is he asks follow-up questions. he does is he asks follow-up questions. He wants to get to know you. And he He wants to get to know you. And he He wants to get to know you. And he doesn't want anything from me. He just doesn't want anything from me. He just doesn't want anything from me. He just wants to pour into me. And I hear this wants to pour into me. And I hear this wants to pour into me. And I hear this all the time with people in church all the time with people in church all the time with people in church especially. They're like, "I'm probably especially. They're like, "I'm probably especially. They're like, "I'm probably going to go to another church, or this going to go to another church, or this going to go to another church, or this church really isn't doing it for me church really isn't doing it for me church really isn't doing it for me anymore." I'm here to tell you that if anymore." I'm here to tell you that if anymore." I'm here to tell you that if all you ever do is attend a church to all you ever do is attend a church to all you ever do is attend a church to receive, you will never understand what receive, you will never understand what receive, you will never understand what it means to be life-giving.

it means to be life-giving. it means to be life-giving. Like, until you join a church, become Like, until you join a church, become Like, until you join a church, become part of a church where you are giving part of a church where you are giving part of a church where you are giving and receiving. This is true of the and receiving. This is true of the and receiving. This is true of the church. This is true of marriage. This church. This is true of marriage. This church. This is true of marriage. This is true of any life-giving relationship. is true of any life-giving relationship. is true of any life-giving relationship. It's the one another. We train our small It's the one another. We train our small It's the one another. We train our small group leaders with this because I said group leaders with this because I said group leaders with this because I said you got to be real careful because you you got to be real careful because you you got to be real careful because you can have one person that gets into the can have one person that gets into the can have one person that gets into the group and they hijack the group and group and they hijack the group and group and they hijack the group and everything is about them and their needs everything is about them and their needs everything is about them and their needs and pretty soon people start drifting and pretty soon people start drifting and pretty soon people start drifting away and you're down to just you and away and you're down to just you and away and you're down to just you and that person. that person. that person. What does it mean to love one another? What does it mean to love one another? What does it mean to love one another? The Bible's clear. We're to bear with The Bible's clear. We're to bear with The Bible's clear. We're to bear with one another. We're to pray for one one another. We're to pray for one one another. We're to pray for one another. We're to confess sins to one another. We're to confess sins to one another. We're to confess sins to one another. another. another. Forgiving one another. This is what Forgiving one another. This is what Forgiving one another. This is what Jesus commands. And by the way, it says, Jesus commands. And by the way, it says, Jesus commands. And by the way, it says, "As I have loved you, so you must love "As I have loved you, so you must love "As I have loved you, so you must love one another." Jesus showed us how to one another." Jesus showed us how to one another." Jesus showed us how to love each other. He showed us how to love each other. He showed us how to love each other. He showed us how to care for one another. And when you and I care for one another. And when you and I care for one another. And when you and I are doing this, well, guess what? It's are doing this, well, guess what? It's are doing this, well, guess what? It's evident at this church right now. How evident at this church right now. How evident at this church right now. How many people I saw in our first service, many people I saw in our first service, many people I saw in our first service, how many people are here right now? When how many people are here right now? When how many people are here right now? When you truly love one another, right? What you truly love one another, right? What you truly love one another, right? What does it say? People will know that you does it say? People will know that you does it say? People will know that you are my disciples. But here's a caution.

are my disciples. But here's a caution. are my disciples. But here's a caution. I have to give you this caution because I have to give you this caution because I have to give you this caution because when we talk about giving and receiving when we talk about giving and receiving when we talk about giving and receiving in relationships, the worst relationship in relationships, the worst relationship in relationships, the worst relationship on planet earth, the worst marriage on on planet earth, the worst marriage on on planet earth, the worst marriage on planet earth is a husband and wife planet earth is a husband and wife planet earth is a husband and wife connected to each other as the source of connected to each other as the source of connected to each other as the source of life or two people connected to each life or two people connected to each life or two people connected to each other as the source of life. The best other as the source of life. The best other as the source of life. The best relationship on the planet, a husband relationship on the planet, a husband relationship on the planet, a husband and wife or two individuals firing each and wife or two individuals firing each and wife or two individuals firing each other as the source of life, plugging other as the source of life, plugging other as the source of life, plugging into the true and only source of life, into the true and only source of life, into the true and only source of life, and spending their days giving each and spending their days giving each and spending their days giving each other the overflow. That's a great other the overflow. That's a great other the overflow. That's a great relationship. relationship. relationship. And that's why we get this caution as we And that's why we get this caution as we And that's why we get this caution as we and I know Dr. Chapman talks about the and I know Dr. Chapman talks about the and I know Dr. Chapman talks about the love tank and five love languages and love tank and five love languages and love tank and five love languages and that when you're in a relationship where that when you're in a relationship where that when you're in a relationship where someone is loving you according to your someone is loving you according to your someone is loving you according to your love language and your dialect it fills love language and your dialect it fills love language and your dialect it fills your love tank. You have to be careful your love tank. You have to be careful your love tank. You have to be careful even with that language that you don't even with that language that you don't even with that language that you don't mistake that for that person becoming mistake that for that person becoming mistake that for that person becoming your source. People, places, things not your source. People, places, things not your source. People, places, things not your source of life. Jesus is your your source of life. Jesus is your your source of life. Jesus is your source of life. And the Bible says it source of life. And the Bible says it source of life. And the Bible says it clear in 1 John 4:16. And so we know and clear in 1 John 4:16. And so we know and clear in 1 John 4:16. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. He is rely on the love God has for us. He is rely on the love God has for us. He is the source period in all of this. And he the source period in all of this. And he the source period in all of this. And he gives you everything you need to pour gives you everything you need to pour gives you everything you need to pour into others. He gives you everything you into others. He gives you everything you into others. He gives you everything you need to love others. He gives you need to love others. He gives you need to love others. He gives you everything you need. We read in everything you need. We read in everything you need. We read in Ephesians 4, right? To forgive others.

Ephesians 4, right? To forgive others. Ephesians 4, right? To forgive others. He is the source. God is love. Whoever He is the source. God is love. Whoever He is the source. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in lives in love lives in God and God in lives in love lives in God and God in them. them. them. So, a little bit more about the love So, a little bit more about the love So, a little bit more about the love language. If you don't like what you're language. If you don't like what you're language. If you don't like what you're getting out of a relationship right now, getting out of a relationship right now, getting out of a relationship right now, maybe this church, maybe work, a maybe this church, maybe work, a maybe this church, maybe work, a marriage, with a parent, or with a a marriage, with a parent, or with a a marriage, with a parent, or with a a child, I'm going to encourage you to child, I'm going to encourage you to child, I'm going to encourage you to take the first step and change what you take the first step and change what you take the first step and change what you put into it. Change your serve and how put into it. Change your serve and how put into it. Change your serve and how you show up, not the other person. So, you show up, not the other person. So, you show up, not the other person. So, here's a question that you can ask, and here's a question that you can ask, and here's a question that you can ask, and I hope you ask it of one another when I hope you ask it of one another when I hope you ask it of one another when you leave here today. What are some new you leave here today. What are some new you leave here today. What are some new ways I can show up for you? ways I can show up for you? ways I can show up for you? I see young people in here with parents. I see young people in here with parents. I see young people in here with parents. I I think it'd be fantastic if you I I think it'd be fantastic if you I I think it'd be fantastic if you walked into the kitchen this afternoon walked into the kitchen this afternoon walked into the kitchen this afternoon and said, "Mom, what are some new ways I and said, "Mom, what are some new ways I and said, "Mom, what are some new ways I could show up around here for you?" And could show up around here for you?" And could show up around here for you?" And then as you pick your mother up off the then as you pick your mother up off the then as you pick your mother up off the floor and stand her back up, ask your spouse, "What's some new ways I ask your spouse, "What's some new ways I can show up for you?" Because that's can show up for you?" Because that's can show up for you?" Because that's what you're learning in this fiveweek what you're learning in this fiveweek what you're learning in this fiveweek series. These 22 dialects, they're going series. These 22 dialects, they're going series. These 22 dialects, they're going to be things for you to grab hold of.

to be things for you to grab hold of. to be things for you to grab hold of. I've memorized them. I've taken them I've memorized them. I've taken them I've memorized them. I've taken them into my life because when I learn about into my life because when I learn about into my life because when I learn about someone, I want to pour in. And these someone, I want to pour in. And these someone, I want to pour in. And these are all new expressions for me and I are all new expressions for me and I are all new expressions for me and I know for you as well of loving one know for you as well of loving one know for you as well of loving one another, loving people better. So, what another, loving people better. So, what another, loving people better. So, what are some new ways that I can show up? are some new ways that I can show up? are some new ways that I can show up? It's not about trying harder. It's about It's not about trying harder. It's about It's not about trying harder. It's about how love lands. I work with couples. I how love lands. I work with couples. I how love lands. I work with couples. I do a lot of counseling and coaching and do a lot of counseling and coaching and do a lot of counseling and coaching and and they'll sit there and things are not and they'll sit there and things are not and they'll sit there and things are not working in the marriage and and he'll be working in the marriage and and he'll be working in the marriage and and he'll be like, "I do so much. I try so hard. I've like, "I do so much. I try so hard. I've like, "I do so much. I try so hard. I've done this, this, this, this, and this." done this, this, this, this, and this." done this, this, this, this, and this." And she responds with, "Yeah, but you And she responds with, "Yeah, but you And she responds with, "Yeah, but you know what I don't get?" And he's like, know what I don't get?" And he's like, know what I don't get?" And he's like, "I just need credit. I need credit for "I just need credit. I need credit for "I just need credit. I need credit for this. I can't believe Let me give you an this. I can't believe Let me give you an this. I can't believe Let me give you an example. A guy says goodbye to his wife example. A guy says goodbye to his wife example. A guy says goodbye to his wife in the morning, kisses her goodbye. in the morning, kisses her goodbye. in the morning, kisses her goodbye. Knows that she has a day full of Knows that she has a day full of Knows that she has a day full of meetings. She's not just going to be in meetings. She's not just going to be in meetings. She's not just going to be in meetings. She's leading the meetings. meetings. She's leading the meetings. meetings. She's leading the meetings. She's leading the meeting. She's going She's leading the meeting. She's going She's leading the meeting. She's going to be talking all day." So he gets home to be talking all day." So he gets home to be talking all day." So he gets home before her and he he knows acts of before her and he he knows acts of before her and he he knows acts of service is her love language. So he service is her love language. So he service is her love language. So he prepares a beautiful gourmet meal. He prepares a beautiful gourmet meal. He prepares a beautiful gourmet meal. He puts a white tablecloth on the dining puts a white tablecloth on the dining puts a white tablecloth on the dining room table. He lights candles. She walks room table. He lights candles. She walks room table. He lights candles. She walks in the door with her her bag and and in the door with her her bag and and in the door with her her bag and and looks at the table and he's basically looks at the table and he's basically looks at the table and he's basically like, "Voila."

like, "Voila." like, "Voila." And she stands at the door like this. And she stands at the door like this. And she stands at the door like this. Cuz you know what she doesn't want in Cuz you know what she doesn't want in Cuz you know what she doesn't want in that moment is to sit down and have that moment is to sit down and have that moment is to sit down and have lengthy conversation over dinner. She's lengthy conversation over dinner. She's lengthy conversation over dinner. She's looking at those candles going, "You looking at those candles going, "You looking at those candles going, "You should have put those around the tub." should have put those around the tub." should have put those around the tub." Because he was conveying care, which is Because he was conveying care, which is Because he was conveying care, which is a dialect of acts of service, but she a dialect of acts of service, but she a dialect of acts of service, but she was looking to alleviate stress. was looking to alleviate stress. was looking to alleviate stress. And so, yeah, the efforts put in, but And so, yeah, the efforts put in, but And so, yeah, the efforts put in, but boy, when we understand the love boy, when we understand the love boy, when we understand the love languages and the dialects, it's truly languages and the dialects, it's truly languages and the dialects, it's truly how love lands that matters and really how love lands that matters and really how love lands that matters and really begins to change relationships. So, our begins to change relationships. So, our begins to change relationships. So, our deep, deepest emotional need is to feel deep, deepest emotional need is to feel deep, deepest emotional need is to feel loved. What does it mean to feel loved? loved. What does it mean to feel loved? loved. What does it mean to feel loved? You feel seen. You feel heard. You feel You feel seen. You feel heard. You feel You feel seen. You feel heard. You feel cared for. Not only does this person cared for. Not only does this person cared for. Not only does this person think of me, this person knows me. But think of me, this person knows me. But think of me, this person knows me. But why we're learning this and why this is why we're learning this and why this is why we're learning this and why this is so challenging and in a room this big so challenging and in a room this big so challenging and in a room this big and the relationships represented in and the relationships represented in and the relationships represented in this room, we all feel loved in this room, we all feel loved in this room, we all feel loved in different ways. different ways. different ways. The five love languages as our example.

The five love languages as our example. The five love languages as our example. So my primary love language, words of So my primary love language, words of So my primary love language, words of affirmation for Amy, acts of service and affirmation for Amy, acts of service and affirmation for Amy, acts of service and quality time is how I best receive and quality time is how I best receive and quality time is how I best receive and feel loved. But I want to become fluent feel loved. But I want to become fluent feel loved. But I want to become fluent in all five love languages to better in all five love languages to better in all five love languages to better love others. And that's why Dr. Chapman love others. And that's why Dr. Chapman love others. And that's why Dr. Chapman says his biggest regret with the book is says his biggest regret with the book is says his biggest regret with the book is that people read it to learn their own that people read it to learn their own that people read it to learn their own love language rather than become fluent love language rather than become fluent love language rather than become fluent in all five. So we want to become fluent in all five. So we want to become fluent in all five. So we want to become fluent in all five. Jesus was fluent in all in all five. Jesus was fluent in all in all five. Jesus was fluent in all five. And I hope at the end of this five. And I hope at the end of this five. And I hope at the end of this series as you read the gospels, you series as you read the gospels, you series as you read the gospels, you start to point it out and go, "Oh, look start to point it out and go, "Oh, look start to point it out and go, "Oh, look at that. Yeah, he's acts of service as at that. Yeah, he's acts of service as at that. Yeah, he's acts of service as we looked at it. Washing the feet of the we looked at it. Washing the feet of the we looked at it. Washing the feet of the disciples, that's acts of service. And disciples, that's acts of service. And disciples, that's acts of service. And you can even call it physical touch, you can even call it physical touch, you can even call it physical touch, right? He's he's engaged in this. right? He's he's engaged in this. right? He's he's engaged in this. Receiving love through your primary love Receiving love through your primary love Receiving love through your primary love language is a feeling. Feeling seen, language is a feeling. Feeling seen, language is a feeling. Feeling seen, heard, cared for, loved. But giving love heard, cared for, loved. But giving love heard, cared for, loved. But giving love through your foreign love language is a through your foreign love language is a through your foreign love language is a decision. decision. decision. And we have to embrace the awkward when And we have to embrace the awkward when And we have to embrace the awkward when it's not our love language, but we know it's not our love language, but we know it's not our love language, but we know it's the other person's love language to it's the other person's love language to it's the other person's love language to give this expression of it. I have give this expression of it. I have give this expression of it. I have already at Battle Creek today been already at Battle Creek today been already at Battle Creek today been hugged way more than I need.

hugged way more than I need. hugged way more than I need. had two women over the age of 70, I have had two women over the age of 70, I have had two women over the age of 70, I have to really make that clear, already kiss to really make that clear, already kiss to really make that clear, already kiss me on the cheek. So, I have reached my me on the cheek. So, I have reached my me on the cheek. So, I have reached my quota. The rest of this morning is for quota. The rest of this morning is for quota. The rest of this morning is for you people. All right? You go out and do you people. All right? You go out and do you people. All right? You go out and do this because loving someone with your this because loving someone with your this because loving someone with your foreign love language is truly the foreign love language is truly the foreign love language is truly the greater expression of love, right? It greater expression of love, right? It greater expression of love, right? It it's easy to love easy to love people it's easy to love easy to love people it's easy to love easy to love people and it's easy to love people with the and it's easy to love people with the and it's easy to love people with the way we like to be loved. But we're way we like to be loved. But we're way we like to be loved. But we're talking about stretching ourselves, talking about stretching ourselves, talking about stretching ourselves, taking the awkward moments and embracing taking the awkward moments and embracing taking the awkward moments and embracing them. And that's why when I think about them. And that's why when I think about them. And that's why when I think about our marriage for Amy and I, not foreign our marriage for Amy and I, not foreign our marriage for Amy and I, not foreign love language for both of us, but we love language for both of us, but we love language for both of us, but we watch movies where couples cuddle. And watch movies where couples cuddle. And watch movies where couples cuddle. And I'm here to tell you, we ain't cuddlers. I'm here to tell you, we ain't cuddlers. I'm here to tell you, we ain't cuddlers. We don't cuddle. But every now and then, We don't cuddle. But every now and then, We don't cuddle. But every now and then, I'm like, we should probably do this. I'm like, we should probably do this. I'm like, we should probably do this. It's what loving couples do. Should get It's what loving couples do. Should get It's what loving couples do. Should get after it. She's like, get over here, after it. She's like, get over here, after it. She's like, get over here, buddy. Let's give it a shot. And I'll buddy. Let's give it a shot. And I'll buddy. Let's give it a shot. And I'll get on the couch and and we'll try to get on the couch and and we'll try to get on the couch and and we'll try to snuggle. But both of us after like 30 snuggle. But both of us after like 30 snuggle. But both of us after like 30 SECONDS ARE LIKE, "GET OFF of me. I'm SECONDS ARE LIKE, "GET OFF of me. I'm SECONDS ARE LIKE, "GET OFF of me. I'm hot. This is not comfortable at all. My hot. This is not comfortable at all. My hot. This is not comfortable at all. My arms asleep, right? So, arms asleep, right? So, arms asleep, right? So, some of this is only in the movies. You some of this is only in the movies. You some of this is only in the movies. You know that, right? You understand that know that, right? You understand that know that, right? You understand that it's only in the movies and on TV. And it's only in the movies and on TV. And it's only in the movies and on TV. And so, uh I I love the Song of Solomon so, uh I I love the Song of Solomon so, uh I I love the Song of Solomon because Song of Songs gives us so uh because Song of Songs gives us so uh because Song of Songs gives us so uh many expressions of physical touch, but many expressions of physical touch, but many expressions of physical touch, but this is one of my favorite from chapter this is one of my favorite from chapter this is one of my favorite from chapter 2. It's the duet between Solomon and the 2. It's the duet between Solomon and the 2. It's the duet between Solomon and the Shulamite woman. Solomon and the Shulamite woman. Solomon and the Shulamite woman. Solomon and the Shulamite woman. They're they're dating Shulamite woman. They're they're dating Shulamite woman. They're they're dating or courting in chapters 1 and two. They or courting in chapters 1 and two. They or courting in chapters 1 and two. They get married in chapter 3. They go on the

get married in chapter 3. They go on the get married in chapter 3. They go on the honeymoon in chapter 4. There's a lot of honeymoon in chapter 4. There's a lot of honeymoon in chapter 4. There's a lot of physical touch in this book. But I love physical touch in this book. But I love physical touch in this book. But I love this description right here. His left this description right here. His left this description right here. His left arm is under my head and his right arm arm is under my head and his right arm arm is under my head and his right arm embraces me. I love to go into the embraces me. I love to go into the embraces me. I love to go into the kitchen when Amy least expects it. I kitchen when Amy least expects it. I kitchen when Amy least expects it. I just take my hand and pop it right up just take my hand and pop it right up just take my hand and pop it right up there behind her head. I bring her down there behind her head. I bring her down there behind her head. I bring her down to here. I wrap my right arm around her. to here. I wrap my right arm around her. to here. I wrap my right arm around her. And that's exactly what the Bible And that's exactly what the Bible And that's exactly what the Bible teaches us right there. teaches us right there. teaches us right there. That's the word picture. That's the That's the word picture. That's the That's the word picture. That's the physical touch that we're looking for. physical touch that we're looking for. physical touch that we're looking for. So, let's really dive into it. This is So, let's really dive into it. This is So, let's really dive into it. This is the definition of physical touch. the definition of physical touch. the definition of physical touch. Receiving love through meaningful touch Receiving love through meaningful touch Receiving love through meaningful touch when words fail. And the reason the when words fail. And the reason the when words fail. And the reason the dialects are so important, if you're dialects are so important, if you're dialects are so important, if you're unfamiliar with dialects, I was with a unfamiliar with dialects, I was with a unfamiliar with dialects, I was with a church yesterday from Louisiana. They church yesterday from Louisiana. They church yesterday from Louisiana. They got a dialect. Okay? I go to a church in got a dialect. Okay? I go to a church in got a dialect. Okay? I go to a church in Minnesota. Very different dialect. I was Minnesota. Very different dialect. I was Minnesota. Very different dialect. I was in England a couple years ago with my in England a couple years ago with my in England a couple years ago with my family and I walked up to a cashier and family and I walked up to a cashier and family and I walked up to a cashier and I asked, "Hey, where's your nearest I asked, "Hey, where's your nearest I asked, "Hey, where's your nearest restroom?" And she asked me, "What do restroom?" And she asked me, "What do restroom?" And she asked me, "What do you prefer?" you prefer?" you prefer?" I said, "Male.

I said, "Male. I said, "Male. I would like a male restroom." And we I would like a male restroom." And we I would like a male restroom." And we both stood there in awkward silence. both stood there in awkward silence. both stood there in awkward silence. Things were getting lost in translation. Things were getting lost in translation. Things were getting lost in translation. And if things are getting lost in And if things are getting lost in And if things are getting lost in translation in your most important translation in your most important translation in your most important relationships right now, I can almost relationships right now, I can almost relationships right now, I can almost guarantee you it's because of the guarantee you it's because of the guarantee you it's because of the dialects. dialects. dialects. What she thought I asked was where's What she thought I asked was where's What she thought I asked was where's your nearest restaurant. Okay. But or or she heard restroom, but Okay. But or or she heard restroom, but I asked restaurant. So we we were I I asked restaurant. So we we were I I asked restaurant. So we we were I don't know if you know this about don't know if you know this about don't know if you know this about England. We were both speaking English, England. We were both speaking English, England. We were both speaking English, but I I needed a restroom, she heard but I I needed a restroom, she heard but I I needed a restroom, she heard restaurant. And so you may be real restaurant. And so you may be real restaurant. And so you may be real dialed in and real close, but for me, dialed in and real close, but for me, dialed in and real close, but for me, for Amy, with acts of service, like if I for Amy, with acts of service, like if I for Amy, with acts of service, like if I bring Amy breakfast in bed, she would bring Amy breakfast in bed, she would bring Amy breakfast in bed, she would hate that. Even though that's an act of hate that. Even though that's an act of hate that. Even though that's an act of service, conveying care dialect, she she service, conveying care dialect, she she service, conveying care dialect, she she needs something to save her time. And needs something to save her time. And needs something to save her time. And guess what? Breakfast in bed is taking guess what? Breakfast in bed is taking guess what? Breakfast in bed is taking her time. She's got stuff to do when her time. She's got stuff to do when her time. She's got stuff to do when words fail. I always love to start the words fail. I always love to start the words fail. I always love to start the dialects with the one dialect that we dialects with the one dialect that we dialects with the one dialect that we all Christians need to learn better. And all Christians need to learn better. And all Christians need to learn better. And I think about a funeral for this first I think about a funeral for this first I think about a funeral for this first one. The first dialect of comforting, one. The first dialect of comforting, one. The first dialect of comforting, reassurance, and presence. If you've reassurance, and presence. If you've reassurance, and presence. If you've ever been to a funeral and you just ever been to a funeral and you just ever been to a funeral and you just didn't know what to say, physical touch didn't know what to say, physical touch didn't know what to say, physical touch and this dialect are perfect. You don't and this dialect are perfect. You don't and this dialect are perfect. You don't need to say anything. Just go stand next need to say anything. Just go stand next need to say anything. Just go stand next to the person. Put your arm around the to the person. Put your arm around the to the person. Put your arm around the person. Give a hug to the person who is person. Give a hug to the person who is person. Give a hug to the person who is grieving. That is the dialect of grieving. That is the dialect of grieving. That is the dialect of comforting. Affectionate dialect. This comforting. Affectionate dialect. This comforting. Affectionate dialect. This is warmth and fondness. Gary Smallley, is warmth and fondness. Gary Smallley, is warmth and fondness. Gary Smallley, my mentor, taught that this is one of

my mentor, taught that this is one of my mentor, taught that this is one of the best ways to determine whether the best ways to determine whether the best ways to determine whether someone has truly forgiven you or not. someone has truly forgiven you or not. someone has truly forgiven you or not. Three of the hardest things you'll ever Three of the hardest things you'll ever Three of the hardest things you'll ever say in life. I'm sorry, I was wrong, and say in life. I'm sorry, I was wrong, and say in life. I'm sorry, I was wrong, and worst to sure. Those three things are worst to sure. Those three things are worst to sure. Those three things are very challenging to say, very challenging to say, very challenging to say, but in this whole idea of one another, but in this whole idea of one another, but in this whole idea of one another, forgiving one another as part of it, we forgiving one another as part of it, we forgiving one another as part of it, we we need to get good at saying, "I'm we need to get good at saying, "I'm we need to get good at saying, "I'm sorry." But we we tend to drop it right sorry." But we we tend to drop it right sorry." But we we tend to drop it right there and we don't draw the net. How do there and we don't draw the net. How do there and we don't draw the net. How do you draw the net on apology? After you you draw the net on apology? After you you draw the net on apology? After you say, "I'm sorry," ask the other person, say, "I'm sorry," ask the other person, say, "I'm sorry," ask the other person, "Will you forgive me?" Okay? Always ask "Will you forgive me?" Okay? Always ask "Will you forgive me?" Okay? Always ask for forgiveness. Never demand it. And for forgiveness. Never demand it. And for forgiveness. Never demand it. And physical touch, affectionate touch is physical touch, affectionate touch is physical touch, affectionate touch is one of the fastest ways to know if one of the fastest ways to know if one of the fastest ways to know if someone truly has forgiven you. And someone truly has forgiven you. And someone truly has forgiven you. And you've probably walked into the kitchen you've probably walked into the kitchen you've probably walked into the kitchen and maybe with a child or with a spouse and maybe with a child or with a spouse and maybe with a child or with a spouse that you put a hand on the shoulder. And that you put a hand on the shoulder. And that you put a hand on the shoulder. And if you get kind of one of these, you if you get kind of one of these, you if you get kind of one of these, you know they're not there yet know they're not there yet know they're not there yet and they need more time. Playful touch. and they need more time. Playful touch. and they need more time. Playful touch. There are some of you in here. I'm not There are some of you in here. I'm not There are some of you in here. I'm not going to ask you to raise your hand, but going to ask you to raise your hand, but going to ask you to raise your hand, but you like to be tickled. you like to be tickled. you like to be tickled. Okay, I've told Amy, when you tickle me, Okay, I've told Amy, when you tickle me, Okay, I've told Amy, when you tickle me, that's hate, not love.

that's hate, not love. that's hate, not love. She's being mean. She's being mean. She's being mean. But some of you right now, you're like, But some of you right now, you're like, But some of you right now, you're like, I want a pillow fight, right? I want I want a pillow fight, right? I want I want a pillow fight, right? I want that playful touch and the tapping each that playful touch and the tapping each that playful touch and the tapping each other as we walk through the kitchen. other as we walk through the kitchen. other as we walk through the kitchen. There's romantic touch. And this dialect There's romantic touch. And this dialect There's romantic touch. And this dialect is what most people think of when they is what most people think of when they is what most people think of when they think physical touch. But physical touch think physical touch. But physical touch think physical touch. But physical touch is far more than sex, and you know that. is far more than sex, and you know that. is far more than sex, and you know that. But this can be nonsexual touching, But this can be nonsexual touching, But this can be nonsexual touching, sexual touching, desire and intimacy. I sexual touching, desire and intimacy. I sexual touching, desire and intimacy. I want to be with you. And when we are want to be with you. And when we are want to be with you. And when we are open to one another, it's when I feel open to one another, it's when I feel open to one another, it's when I feel the closest to you. There's protective the closest to you. There's protective the closest to you. There's protective touch. This is care and sacrifice. This touch. This is care and sacrifice. This touch. This is care and sacrifice. This is walking on the street side of the is walking on the street side of the is walking on the street side of the sidewalk while you keep your family over sidewalk while you keep your family over sidewalk while you keep your family over there. It's taking your child by the there. It's taking your child by the there. It's taking your child by the hand and guiding them through a crowd. hand and guiding them through a crowd. hand and guiding them through a crowd. Last year, I was in the lobby talking to Last year, I was in the lobby talking to Last year, I was in the lobby talking to a lady from our church and we were a lady from our church and we were a lady from our church and we were having a conversation and I noticed a having a conversation and I noticed a having a conversation and I noticed a spider crawling through her hair. spider crawling through her hair. spider crawling through her hair. Okay, what would you do? I need to do a Okay, what would you do? I need to do a Okay, what would you do? I need to do a TV. What would you do? I started to TV. What would you do? I started to TV. What would you do? I started to think. I've been studying all this. It think. I've been studying all this. It think. I've been studying all this. It was right in the middle of all this. I'm was right in the middle of all this. I'm was right in the middle of all this. I'm like, I got to do I'm not going to tell like, I got to do I'm not going to tell like, I got to do I'm not going to tell her, don't be alarmed, her, don't be alarmed, her, don't be alarmed, but there's a spider in your hair. I but there's a spider in your hair. I but there's a spider in your hair. I said, I'm going to take care of said, I'm going to take care of said, I'm going to take care of business. Protective touch right here.

business. Protective touch right here. business. Protective touch right here. So, I'm just going to swat it away So, I'm just going to swat it away So, I'm just going to swat it away enough enough enough to get it to the ground and then I'll to get it to the ground and then I'll to get it to the ground and then I'll stomp it. That was what was going on in stomp it. That was what was going on in stomp it. That was what was going on in my head. And I'm right-handed. So, this my head. And I'm right-handed. So, this my head. And I'm right-handed. So, this is what made it awkward. So, this is all is what made it awkward. So, this is all is what made it awkward. So, this is all anybody sees in the lobby. Me going anybody sees in the lobby. Me going anybody sees in the lobby. Me going whack whacking and it hits and she go whack whacking and it hits and she go whack whacking and it hits and she go she goes back a couple feet holding her she goes back a couple feet holding her she goes back a couple feet holding her head. She goes, "What are you doing?" I head. She goes, "What are you doing?" I head. She goes, "What are you doing?" I said, "There was a spider in your hair." said, "There was a spider in your hair." said, "There was a spider in your hair." And she goes, "Ted, that is the clip And she goes, "Ted, that is the clip And she goes, "Ted, that is the clip that holds on my hair extension. So, I didn't touch people for a while So, I didn't touch people for a while after that. If you got a spider crawling after that. If you got a spider crawling after that. If you got a spider crawling through your hair, deal with it. All through your hair, deal with it. All through your hair, deal with it. All right. How many of you would have right. How many of you would have right. How many of you would have swatted the spider? Can I see your swatted the spider? Can I see your swatted the spider? Can I see your hands? Okay. Thank you. All right. hands? Okay. Thank you. All right. hands? Okay. Thank you. All right. That's protective touch. Expressive That's protective touch. Expressive That's protective touch. Expressive touch. I'm so glad I learned this about touch. I'm so glad I learned this about touch. I'm so glad I learned this about our student pastor cuz that that's his our student pastor cuz that that's his our student pastor cuz that that's his dialect right there. A high five after dialect right there. A high five after dialect right there. A high five after an event that he puts on screams love to an event that he puts on screams love to an event that he puts on screams love to him. Walking into a staff meeting and him. Walking into a staff meeting and him. Walking into a staff meeting and seeing him sitting there and just taking seeing him sitting there and just taking seeing him sitting there and just taking my fist and kind of tapping him on the my fist and kind of tapping him on the my fist and kind of tapping him on the shoulder as I walk by says I'm seen. He shoulder as I walk by says I'm seen. He shoulder as I walk by says I'm seen. He knows I'm here. It It says care. And knows I'm here. It It says care. And knows I'm here. It It says care. And then there's restorative touch. How many then there's restorative touch. How many then there's restorative touch. How many of you like massages?

of you like massages? of you like massages? Oh, I hate them. Absolutely hate them. A Oh, I hate them. Absolutely hate them. A Oh, I hate them. Absolutely hate them. A foot massage. I'd rather be stabbed in foot massage. I'd rather be stabbed in foot massage. I'd rather be stabbed in the neck with a fork. the neck with a fork. the neck with a fork. Don't do it. The very I have only had Don't do it. The very I have only had Don't do it. The very I have only had one massage in my life. It was in one massage in my life. It was in one massage in my life. It was in California, which was probably part of California, which was probably part of California, which was probably part of the problem. Uh, the problem. Uh, the problem. Uh, but we were at a church and they gave us but we were at a church and they gave us but we were at a church and they gave us a couple's massage at this resort we a couple's massage at this resort we a couple's massage at this resort we were at. And I immediately told Amy, were at. And I immediately told Amy, were at. And I immediately told Amy, I've done this a lot over 30 years. I I've done this a lot over 30 years. I I've done this a lot over 30 years. I go, "Oh, call down to the spa and have go, "Oh, call down to the spa and have go, "Oh, call down to the spa and have this traded in for two treatments for this traded in for two treatments for this traded in for two treatments for yourself." And she goes, "No, you need yourself." And she goes, "No, you need yourself." And she goes, "No, you need to do this for me." And I'm like, "I to do this for me." And I'm like, "I to do this for me." And I'm like, "I don't listen. I I had no knots going don't listen. I I had no knots going don't listen. I I had no knots going into that massage. into that massage. into that massage. I've never been more tense in my life I've never been more tense in my life I've never been more tense in my life than what I felt leaving that massage. I than what I felt leaving that massage. I than what I felt leaving that massage. I remember when the massage was over, we remember when the massage was over, we remember when the massage was over, we had two beds next to each other. We were had two beds next to each other. We were had two beds next to each other. We were getting worked on by two people and and getting worked on by two people and and getting worked on by two people and and I I was just kind of sitting there in my I I was just kind of sitting there in my I I was just kind of sitting there in my robe in the fetal position feeling all robe in the fetal position feeling all robe in the fetal position feeling all sorts of violated. [laughter] Amy comes sorts of violated. [laughter] Amy comes sorts of violated. [laughter] Amy comes over and puts her arm around me like over and puts her arm around me like over and puts her arm around me like just give me a second. just give me a second. just give me a second. I don't want it. I don't want it. But I don't want it. I don't want it. But I don't want it. I don't want it. But this this right here has been one of the this this right here has been one of the this this right here has been one of the best tools that your church created this best tools that your church created this best tools that your church created this and I've sent it on to the five love and I've sent it on to the five love and I've sent it on to the five love languages team. I can't wait to see all languages team. I can't wait to see all languages team. I can't wait to see all five love languages built out on this five love languages built out on this five love languages built out on this because when you and I are walking in because when you and I are walking in because when you and I are walking in the spirit, uh these expressions of love the spirit, uh these expressions of love the spirit, uh these expressions of love given and received mean something given and received mean something given and received mean something completely different than when we are completely different than when we are completely different than when we are acting with selfish ambition, vain acting with selfish ambition, vain acting with selfish ambition, vain conceit when we're walking in the flesh.

conceit when we're walking in the flesh. conceit when we're walking in the flesh. And so, how does it how does it pertain And so, how does it how does it pertain And so, how does it how does it pertain to physical touch? Well, receiving it in to physical touch? Well, receiving it in to physical touch? Well, receiving it in the spirit, you are grateful the other the spirit, you are grateful the other the spirit, you are grateful the other person knows you and makes the effort. person knows you and makes the effort. person knows you and makes the effort. You acknowledge that. I just want to You acknowledge that. I just want to You acknowledge that. I just want to encourage you. I I'm not here to tell encourage you. I I'm not here to tell encourage you. I I'm not here to tell you to give points for trying, but get you to give points for trying, but get you to give points for trying, but get good at receiving something when you good at receiving something when you good at receiving something when you know the other person is stretching. know the other person is stretching. know the other person is stretching. When you know the other person feels When you know the other person feels When you know the other person feels awkward, but they're trying. They're awkward, but they're trying. They're awkward, but they're trying. They're making the effort to to make sure love making the effort to to make sure love making the effort to to make sure love lands well. But in the flesh, we'll lands well. But in the flesh, we'll lands well. But in the flesh, we'll reject it when it feels unnatural coming reject it when it feels unnatural coming reject it when it feels unnatural coming from the other person. from the other person. from the other person. We have to get good at receiving it. We have to get good at receiving it. We have to get good at receiving it. When we give it, so this is me. I When we give it, so this is me. I When we give it, so this is me. I overcome awkward moments to care for the overcome awkward moments to care for the overcome awkward moments to care for the other person. other person. other person. I I can't tell you and I I've been with I I can't tell you and I I've been with I I can't tell you and I I've been with grieving people who head in and shoulder grieving people who head in and shoulder grieving people who head in and shoulder for minutes sobbing for minutes sobbing for minutes sobbing and and some of you like you could stay and and some of you like you could stay and and some of you like you could stay there for a long time. For me, this is a there for a long time. For me, this is a there for a long time. For me, this is a decision right now. decision right now. decision right now. This is all this is also but you have to This is all this is also but you have to This is all this is also but you have to overcome that realizing it's not about overcome that realizing it's not about overcome that realizing it's not about you.

you. you. And on the same side coming from the And on the same side coming from the And on the same side coming from the rejection often we can withhold it or rejection often we can withhold it or rejection often we can withhold it or limit it to express hurt and limit it to express hurt and limit it to express hurt and frustration. I'm not receiving this from frustration. I'm not receiving this from frustration. I'm not receiving this from you until you learn your lesson or until you until you learn your lesson or until you until you learn your lesson or until you change your behavior, until you say, you change your behavior, until you say, you change your behavior, until you say, "I'm sorry again." "I'm sorry again." "I'm sorry again." So, I I go back to all of this. I go So, I I go back to all of this. I go So, I I go back to all of this. I go back 30 years to my uh ordination back 30 years to my uh ordination back 30 years to my uh ordination service. I was ordained in South service. I was ordained in South service. I was ordained in South Georgia. And again, when they told me, Georgia. And again, when they told me, Georgia. And again, when they told me, "You're going to go through the process. "You're going to go through the process. "You're going to go through the process. Then we have a service for you before Then we have a service for you before Then we have a service for you before the church. And then the elders and the the church. And then the elders and the the church. And then the elders and the ordination council is going to gather ordination council is going to gather ordination council is going to gather around you to lay hands on you." and around you to lay hands on you." and around you to lay hands on you." and they all lay hands on you at once. So, they all lay hands on you at once. So, they all lay hands on you at once. So, it's a crowded thing and and you're just it's a crowded thing and and you're just it's a crowded thing and and you're just sitting there going, "Okay, here we go. sitting there going, "Okay, here we go. sitting there going, "Okay, here we go. Let's do this." And when Paul says to Let's do this." And when Paul says to Let's do this." And when Paul says to Timothy, "Do not neglect your gift which Timothy, "Do not neglect your gift which Timothy, "Do not neglect your gift which was given you through prophecy when the was given you through prophecy when the was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you." body of elders laid their hands on you." body of elders laid their hands on you." I always come back to this text and I go I always come back to this text and I go I always come back to this text and I go back 30 years to my ordination because back 30 years to my ordination because back 30 years to my ordination because even though it's not my primary love even though it's not my primary love even though it's not my primary love language, those hands on me from Brother language, those hands on me from Brother language, those hands on me from Brother Bud, from Brother Doug, from Austin, Bud, from Brother Doug, from Austin, Bud, from Brother Doug, from Austin, from Chris, I can still this three from Chris, I can still this three from Chris, I can still this three decades later remember every single word decades later remember every single word decades later remember every single word they said to me. I can remember every they said to me. I can remember every they said to me. I can remember every prayer they prayed for me. The power of prayer they prayed for me. The power of prayer they prayed for me. The power of touch. Yes, it's meaningful touch when touch. Yes, it's meaningful touch when touch. Yes, it's meaningful touch when words fail. But when you combine this words fail. But when you combine this words fail. But when you combine this with now I have words of affirmation and with now I have words of affirmation and with now I have words of affirmation and this touch. That was a moment for me.

this touch. That was a moment for me. this touch. That was a moment for me. And I don't want us to leave this series And I don't want us to leave this series And I don't want us to leave this series unchanged by this thinking, well I I now unchanged by this thinking, well I I now unchanged by this thinking, well I I now I know who I am more. No, no. I I want I know who I am more. No, no. I I want I know who I am more. No, no. I I want to learn about the people in my life, to learn about the people in my life, to learn about the people in my life, the people in my church, what they need the people in my church, what they need the people in my church, what they need and how they feel loved so I can better and how they feel loved so I can better and how they feel loved so I can better love them. Going back to John 13, but love them. Going back to John 13, but love them. Going back to John 13, but Jesus modeled it for he showed us how Jesus modeled it for he showed us how Jesus modeled it for he showed us how meaningful touch loves and blesses meaningful touch loves and blesses meaningful touch loves and blesses others. others. others. Remember when the the disciples rebuked Remember when the the disciples rebuked Remember when the the disciples rebuked the children who were coming to Jesus the children who were coming to Jesus the children who were coming to Jesus and the Bible says that Jesus grew and the Bible says that Jesus grew and the Bible says that Jesus grew indignant and the word indignant there indignant and the word indignant there indignant and the word indignant there means uh just very angry and we read in means uh just very angry and we read in means uh just very angry and we read in that account that Jesus uses physical that account that Jesus uses physical that account that Jesus uses physical touch. He took the children in his arms touch. He took the children in his arms touch. He took the children in his arms placed his hands on their heads and he placed his hands on their heads and he placed his hands on their heads and he blessed them. blessed them. blessed them. Bless them. I maybe you've been in a Bless them. I maybe you've been in a Bless them. I maybe you've been in a Christian bookstore where you see a Christian bookstore where you see a Christian bookstore where you see a picture of Jesus sitting on a rock with picture of Jesus sitting on a rock with picture of Jesus sitting on a rock with children like this. children like this. children like this. I think a better version of that would I think a better version of that would I think a better version of that would be him sitting there with the children be him sitting there with the children be him sitting there with the children looking over at the disciples over his looking over at the disciples over his looking over at the disciples over his shoulder. [laughter] shoulder. [laughter] shoulder. [laughter] Why? Because in that day, childhood was Why? Because in that day, childhood was Why? Because in that day, childhood was an insignificant season of life, an insignificant season of life, an insignificant season of life, right? Jesus came to break barriers and right? Jesus came to break barriers and right? Jesus came to break barriers and to break down walls. And he's saying, to break down walls. And he's saying, to break down walls. And he's saying, "You you guys better pay attention and "You you guys better pay attention and "You you guys better pay attention and learn." And by placing his he was making learn." And by placing his he was making learn." And by placing his he was making a big statement when he placed his hands a big statement when he placed his hands a big statement when he placed his hands on them and bless them.

on them and bless them. on them and bless them. I you know, we have lunch and dinner and I you know, we have lunch and dinner and I you know, we have lunch and dinner and stuff with our kids. I still when I pray stuff with our kids. I still when I pray stuff with our kids. I still when I pray with my kids in their 20s now and with my kids in their 20s now and with my kids in their 20s now and married and out of the house, there's married and out of the house, there's married and out of the house, there's just something about going and putting just something about going and putting just something about going and putting my hand on their head when I see them my hand on their head when I see them my hand on their head when I see them and when I pray over them or I'll put my and when I pray over them or I'll put my and when I pray over them or I'll put my hand on their cheek as I hug him goodbye hand on their cheek as I hug him goodbye hand on their cheek as I hug him goodbye and I say, "Hey, have a great week." and I say, "Hey, have a great week." and I say, "Hey, have a great week." There's just something about those There's just something about those There's just something about those moments. moments. moments. Jesus was others centered and Jesus was others centered and Jesus was others centered and missionfocused. No one could take Jesus missionfocused. No one could take Jesus missionfocused. No one could take Jesus off of his mission. And Jesus went after off of his mission. And Jesus went after off of his mission. And Jesus went after and spent time with. We haven't gotten and spent time with. We haven't gotten and spent time with. We haven't gotten to quality time yet and we'll get there to quality time yet and we'll get there to quality time yet and we'll get there and see how how he spent his time. But and see how how he spent his time. But and see how how he spent his time. But Jesus Jesus gave himself to the Jesus Jesus gave himself to the Jesus Jesus gave himself to the marginalized, to the outcast, to the marginalized, to the outcast, to the marginalized, to the outcast, to the people. Many of us would would would people. Many of us would would would people. Many of us would would would step away from Jesus went toward and step away from Jesus went toward and step away from Jesus went toward and physical touch. You read this throughout physical touch. You read this throughout physical touch. You read this throughout the all the gospels, but here's one the all the gospels, but here's one the all the gospels, but here's one example. A man with leprosy came and example. A man with leprosy came and example. A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." are willing, you can make me clean." are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out his hand and he Jesus reached out his hand and he Jesus reached out his hand and he touched the man.

touched the man. touched the man. I am willing, he said. Be clean. I am willing, he said. Be clean. I am willing, he said. Be clean. Immediately he was cleansed of his Immediately he was cleansed of his Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy. leprosy. leprosy. We have this conversation about the love We have this conversation about the love We have this conversation about the love languages. We can't move on from the languages. We can't move on from the languages. We can't move on from the idea and the question we do get asked idea and the question we do get asked idea and the question we do get asked often is uh what what is God's love often is uh what what is God's love often is uh what what is God's love language? What is God's love language? language? What is God's love language? language? What is God's love language? And I think it's it's just so simple to And I think it's it's just so simple to And I think it's it's just so simple to sum up in the name of Jesus. Jesus is sum up in the name of Jesus. Jesus is sum up in the name of Jesus. Jesus is God's love language. Jesus is how God God's love language. Jesus is how God God's love language. Jesus is how God gives and receives love. For God so gives and receives love. For God so gives and receives love. For God so loved the world that he gave his only loved the world that he gave his only loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believes in begotten son that whoever believes in begotten son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have him shall not perish but have him shall not perish but have everlasting life. You know how God everlasting life. You know how God everlasting life. You know how God receives love? He receives love through receives love? He receives love through receives love? He receives love through his son. And if you're new to the church his son. And if you're new to the church his son. And if you're new to the church or if you're a new believer and you or if you're a new believer and you or if you're a new believer and you think, well, I have placed faith alone think, well, I have placed faith alone think, well, I have placed faith alone in Christ alone. I've been born again. in Christ alone. I've been born again. in Christ alone. I've been born again. I'm a new creation in Christ Jesus. And I'm a new creation in Christ Jesus. And I'm a new creation in Christ Jesus. And you might still think because of you might still think because of you might still think because of religion and all of that that that now religion and all of that that that now religion and all of that that that now it's a bunch of rules you have to follow it's a bunch of rules you have to follow it's a bunch of rules you have to follow and it's just going to be a bunch, you and it's just going to be a bunch, you and it's just going to be a bunch, you know, God's a cosmic killjoy in some know, God's a cosmic killjoy in some know, God's a cosmic killjoy in some areas. No, no, no. When you truly follow areas. No, no, no. When you truly follow areas. No, no, no. When you truly follow the Lord, his law, his word, his the Lord, his law, his word, his the Lord, his law, his word, his precepts, they become joy to you.

precepts, they become joy to you. precepts, they become joy to you. >> They're delight. When when a believer >> They're delight. When when a believer >> They're delight. When when a believer reads the word of God and is convicted, reads the word of God and is convicted, reads the word of God and is convicted, that that wells up in delight for us. that that wells up in delight for us. that that wells up in delight for us. Why? Because he loves us. He's forgiven Why? Because he loves us. He's forgiven Why? Because he loves us. He's forgiven us. He cares for us. Jesus said it this us. He cares for us. Jesus said it this us. He cares for us. Jesus said it this way. Whoever has my commands and keeps way. Whoever has my commands and keeps way. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. So if them is the one who loves me. So if them is the one who loves me. So if you're wondering how do I show Jesus you're wondering how do I show Jesus you're wondering how do I show Jesus that I love him? How you say you say that I love him? How you say you say that I love him? How you say you say you're a follower of Jesus? Follow his you're a follower of Jesus? Follow his you're a follower of Jesus? Follow his commands. commands. commands. Do what Jesus said. You may have the Do what Jesus said. You may have the Do what Jesus said. You may have the bracelet that says what would Jesus do? bracelet that says what would Jesus do? bracelet that says what would Jesus do? But I want to get tell you get another But I want to get tell you get another But I want to get tell you get another one that just says do what Jesus did. Do one that just says do what Jesus did. Do one that just says do what Jesus did. Do what Jesus said. Follow him. And guess what Jesus said. Follow him. And guess what Jesus said. Follow him. And guess what? You're expressing love to him. And what? You're expressing love to him. And what? You're expressing love to him. And watch what he continues to say. The one watch what he continues to say. The one watch what he continues to say. The one who loves me will be loved by my father. who loves me will be loved by my father. who loves me will be loved by my father. This is how it works. Giving and This is how it works. Giving and This is how it works. Giving and receiving. Giving and receiving here. receiving. Giving and receiving here. receiving. Giving and receiving here. Giving and receiving here. And I too Giving and receiving here. And I too Giving and receiving here. And I too will love them and show myself to them. will love them and show myself to them. will love them and show myself to them. And for some of you, uh, this idea of a And for some of you, uh, this idea of a And for some of you, uh, this idea of a lifegiving relationship, uh, today's the lifegiving relationship, uh, today's the lifegiving relationship, uh, today's the first time maybe you've ever, uh, first time maybe you've ever, uh, first time maybe you've ever, uh, thought it through this way, or maybe thought it through this way, or maybe thought it through this way, or maybe it's your first time in church in a long it's your first time in church in a long it's your first time in church in a long time, that I pray that today would be time, that I pray that today would be time, that I pray that today would be the day you would receive the gift, the the day you would receive the gift, the the day you would receive the gift, the free gift of salvation. For the wages of free gift of salvation. For the wages of free gift of salvation. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is sin is death, but the gift of God is sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our eternal life through Christ Jesus our eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. That today you would repent of Lord. That today you would repent of Lord. That today you would repent of your sins, confess with your mouth Jesus your sins, confess with your mouth Jesus your sins, confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that is Lord, and believe in your heart that is Lord, and believe in your heart that he's been raised from the dead. that you he's been raised from the dead. that you he's been raised from the dead. that you would be saved. Would you pray with me?

Father, your word Father, your word brings joy to us. brings joy to us. brings joy to us. What Jesus taught and how he lived is What Jesus taught and how he lived is What Jesus taught and how he lived is how we choose to live. We we embrace it how we choose to live. We we embrace it how we choose to live. We we embrace it as we express our love to you. I pray as we express our love to you. I pray as we express our love to you. I pray for the one who's never placed faith in for the one who's never placed faith in for the one who's never placed faith in Jesus that today would be the day of Jesus that today would be the day of Jesus that today would be the day of their salvation. That they would confess their salvation. That they would confess their salvation. That they would confess with their mouth Jesus is Lord. believe with their mouth Jesus is Lord. believe with their mouth Jesus is Lord. believe in their heart he's been raised from the in their heart he's been raised from the in their heart he's been raised from the dead that they would be born again. dead that they would be born again. dead that they would be born again. [music] [music] [music] That that would be the day and today and That that would be the day and today and That that would be the day and today and the moment is now. Thank you for what the moment is now. Thank you for what the moment is now. Thank you for what you're doing through Battle Creek as we you're doing through Battle Creek as we you're doing through Battle Creek as we learn to love one another better. As we learn to love one another better. As we learn to love one another better. As we learn to bear with one another and pray learn to bear with one another and pray learn to bear with one another and pray for one another and forgive one another for one another and forgive one another for one another and forgive one another and confess our sins to one another that and confess our sins to one another that and confess our sins to one another that this this church and this community as I this this church and this community as I this this church and this community as I know it's known this way across the know it's known this way across the know it's known this way across the country is known as a lifegiving church. country is known as a lifegiving church. country is known as a lifegiving church. Let that be true. and let that be lived Let that be true. and let that be lived Let that be true. and let that be lived out in each member. And we pray all of out in each member. And we pray all of out in each member. And we pray all of this in the authority of the name of this in the authority of the name of this in the authority of the name of Jesus. Amen.